473geo Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Just now, GoodieAfterDark said: I do not think this girl has any feelings for him. She might have feelings for his bank account. If I was him I would just walk away. He seems to be in a very vicious cycle of giving her money. He is basic buying her companion, her friendship. Seems her and her family are working to set up a future, the durian plantation is a good idea, then they get married build a house children and live happily ever after Either the op can follow this path if he can afford to, and if he is inclined, or he can bail out making a feeble excuse - because a little investment now will pay dividend in the future if they have one Personally I think he's bottled it and looking for a way out - anybody who reads this forum on a regular basis knows exactly what advice the majority will impart on the topic of money and Thai women 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
473geo Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 10 minutes ago, GoodieAfterDark said: I do not think this girl has any feelings for him. She might have feelings for his bank account. If I was him I would just walk away. He seems to be in a very vicious cycle of giving her money. He is basic buying her companion, her friendship. How can that possibly be, we are led to believe only old men marrying young girls end up in this situation, young guys remind the older ones that they don't even pay for sex.........this guy and his girl are both in their 30s he has confounded the myth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post MrMilk Posted April 25, 2020 Author Popular Post Share Posted April 25, 2020 Okay, thanks for all the advise guys. Feel good to get it out in the open and let off some steam. I have no doubt that she loves me. I know she does and I know her intentions about us are good too. She`s been very loyal to me since the beginning and never any big issues other that money-related. In the beginning it was fun and interesting, but now my stomach twist every time I think about it. Seriously, who in their right mind can have this kind of work? I didn't come to Thailand to wake up at 5 AM 6 days a week to do physical labor in 35 degrees for long hours. I didn`t come here to have the choice between sitting at home alone all day or sweat my ass off working on someones land. What I do want however is a girl that finds time to have a relationship. A girl that makes me dinner every second day and keep the house tidy. She can work, sure no problem, but should have time for the house and me too. I get nothing from this relationship anymore. Its only about work work work. Maybe she makes dinner once a week. Dishes, cleaning, housework is all for me. Seriously, she done like nothing at home for 6 months. What is that? Can not help around the house because you are so tired you say? Have to end in a fight every time I bring up that house needs to be taken care of too? Are you selfish or what?! I had a hope she change for the better, but at this point is clear it only change for the worse. If its like this now then it should be possible to predict how the future will be like, right. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonray Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 16 hours ago, Martin Spence said: At your age there is many girls about with no baggage. Ha ha ha Ha.....in Thailand they all have baggage, just depends on how much and when it comes around. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UbonThani Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 2 minutes ago, tonray said: Ha ha ha Ha.....in Thailand they all have baggage, just depends on how much and when it comes around. Westerners dont 555 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BritManToo Posted April 25, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 25, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, GoodieAfterDark said: He is basic buying her companion, her friendship. Nothing wrong with that ..... it's the price he's balking at. Edited April 26, 2020 by BritManToo typo 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post thaibeachlovers Posted April 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2020 17 hours ago, MrMilk said: How can I end up with no obligations related to her work and still keep my girlfriend? I think you know it's doomed, and just want us to validate that so you feel better about terminating the relationship. I don't blame you, as it's a big step, the end of the dream etc 17 hours ago, MrMilk said: Everytime I bring it up it ends with a big nasty fight instead. If she wants to have it all for herself she isn't your girlfriend. She is just someone that you have sex with. People in real relationships care about the other person. 17 hours ago, MrMilk said: Me and my girlfriend been together now for around 1.5 year. I was with my ex wife for 5 years before she put the screws on about getting my money. Sometimes it really is a long con. Take it from one that's been there done that got the T shirt, it's not going to get better, the fighting will just get worse, and she's not the person you started the relationship with. You can stay and hope, like I did, or get out now. Up to you 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BritManToo Posted April 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2020 (edited) 38 minutes ago, MrMilk said: I get nothing from this relationship anymore. Its only about work work work. What, no sex? For 30k/month I be expecting twice a day. 38 minutes ago, MrMilk said: I didn't come to Thailand to wake up at 5 AM 6 days a week to do physical labor in 35 degrees for long hours. Did you mention this before? Doesn't sound much fun to me. Edited April 26, 2020 by BritManToo 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BeltAndRoad Posted April 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2020 See if she can walk the walk.. Tell her you want to move in to her Mum's house, sleep rough if you have to, to save money. Insist you and her do more of the work on the land. If she passes this test then, get some skin in the game i.e. knock her up, Thai families are communist "one in all in", it took me years to realize this and now i wouldn't have it any other way. Just remember Old westerners die alone in nursing homes and old Thais die at home surrounded by family. If she is materialistic walk away now. must have new phone dump her now. always wears make up and never gets her hands dirty dump her now. never tells you "no don't buy that for me i don't need it, save your money" dump her now. 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UbonThani Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 4 minutes ago, BritManToo said: What, no sex? For 30k/month I be expecting twice a day. Did you mention this before? Doesn't sound much fun to me. you have enee rgy for that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJRS1301 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 I have not read every post on this, and I may have missed it, what is your Visa and do you have a work permit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMilk Posted April 26, 2020 Author Share Posted April 26, 2020 9 minutes ago, BeltAndRoad said: See if she can walk the walk.. Tell her you want to move in to her Mum's house, sleep rough if you have to, to save money. Insist you and her do more of the work on the land. If she passes this test then, get some skin in the game i.e. knock her up, Thai families are communist "one in all in", it took me years to realize this and now i wouldn't have it any other way. Just remember Old westerners die alone in nursing homes and old Thais die at home surrounded by family. If she is materialistic walk away now. must have new phone dump her now. always wears make up and never gets her hands dirty dump her now. never tells you "no don't buy that for me i don't need it, save your money" dump her now. I would be the loser if I suggested moving into Mom`s house. She would love to be surrounded by her family while I would hate the living situation. She never ask for a single baht to buy anything. Never complain about I want this and that. Never. She works a lot already. 6-7 days a week. Sweat and dirty from morning to evening. This is not a issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pravda Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, MrMilk said: Okay, thanks for all the advise guys. Feel good to get it out in the open and let off some steam. I have no doubt that she loves me. I know she does and I know her intentions about us are good too. She`s been very loyal to me since the beginning and never any big issues other that money-related. In the beginning it was fun and interesting, but now my stomach twist every time I think about it. Seriously, who in their right mind can have this kind of work? I didn't come to Thailand to wake up at 5 AM 6 days a week to do physical labor in 35 degrees for long hours. I didn`t come here to have the choice between sitting at home alone all day or sweat my ass off working on someones land. What I do want however is a girl that finds time to have a relationship. A girl that makes me dinner every second day and keep the house tidy. She can work, sure no problem, but should have time for the house and me too. I get nothing from this relationship anymore. Its only about work work work. Maybe she makes dinner once a week. Dishes, cleaning, housework is all for me. Seriously, she done like nothing at home for 6 months. What is that? Can not help around the house because you are so tired you say? Have to end in a fight every time I bring up that house needs to be taken care of too? Are you selfish or what?! I had a hope she change for the better, but at this point is clear it only change for the worse. If its like this now then it should be possible to predict how the future will be like, right. You got stuck with a woman with a village mentality where she indeed may love you, but it's just that she loves her parents and Soi dogs a little more. Stick with Bangkok girls who have good careers. In 6 years it worked for me really well. I was never asked for a single baht during 2 marriages and many tinder girlfriends in between. Edited April 26, 2020 by Pravda 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMilk Posted April 26, 2020 Author Share Posted April 26, 2020 18 minutes ago, BritManToo said: Did you mention this before? Doesn't sound much fun to me. Waking up at dusk every day. Every single day. I dont mind that to much though. I worked a lot with her before, but less and less as time went by. Now I go once or twice a week if she really need my help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skallywag Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 11 hours ago, ben2talk said: When I give my wife money I get it back, usually in a week - sometimes at the end of the month... just sayin' Then you are not "giving" her the money, you are "loaning" her the money 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpy John Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 "How can I end up with no obligations related to her work and still keep my girlfriend?" Other posters have pretty much covered the answer to that! Sometimes you just have to cut your loses and walk away. 600 baht/day for diesel for a water pump...I sure hope it's a 9L Cummins running a 15" pump. Cos 600 baht a day is a lot of diesel. What we had/still have when we did rice and corn is a 9.5Hp single banger Kubota on a 5" pump that ran for 8 or 9 hours a day and used less than 10L of diesel. 3 years back that's 240 baht a day. You need to check where your money is going! 5000 a month on fert.....Yiks! OK if your using a Haifa product that maybe loaded with trace elements....maybe 3 or 4 times a year but monthly.....not wearing that man! You need to check where your money is going! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry2109 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Tell her that a) you are more than tired with this farming project, and therefore will no longer contribute to it, neither by physical work nor by giving any more money, b) you love her and want to marry her, and therefore you want to sell her the land/project, and to use the proceeds for the wedding. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMilk Posted April 26, 2020 Author Share Posted April 26, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Grumpy John said: "How can I end up with no obligations related to her work and still keep my girlfriend?" Other posters have pretty much covered the answer to that! Sometimes you just have to cut your loses and walk away. 600 baht/day for diesel for a water pump...I sure hope it's a 9L Cummins running a 15" pump. Cos 600 baht a day is a lot of diesel. What we had/still have when we did rice and corn is a 9.5Hp single banger Kubota on a 5" pump that ran for 8 or 9 hours a day and used less than 10L of diesel. 3 years back that's 240 baht a day. You need to check where your money is going! 5000 a month on fert.....Yiks! OK if your using a Haifa product that maybe loaded with trace elements....maybe 3 or 4 times a year but monthly.....not wearing that man! You need to check where your money is going! My bad, the 5000 is not only in fertilizer but also include chemicals etc. 600 a day in diesel is correct. She water 500-550 minutes in total every time and the machine use closer to 25 litre during this time. Edited April 26, 2020 by MrMilk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UncleMhee Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 (edited) 58 minutes ago, RJRS1301 said: I have not read every post on this, and I may have missed it, what is your Visa and do you have a work permit? Maybe young man will see Smart BMW in the near future. This is the question he does not want to acknowledge here on more than one occasion. Edited April 26, 2020 by UncleMhee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tagged Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 2 hours ago, MrMilk said: Maybe she makes dinner once a week. Dishes, cleaning, housework is all for me. Seriously, she done like nothing at home for 6 months. What is that? Can not help around the house because you are so tired you say? Have to end in a fight every time I bring up that house needs to be taken care of too? Are you selfish or what?! I had a hope she change for the better, but at this point is clear it only change for the worse. If its like this now then it should be possible to predict how the future will be like, right. You have to high hope to get your maid to quick to soon! When you have lived here long enough you will understand their way of love, their way of taking care, and their way of cleaning! Make new experiences and leave her for your own good, and her, while she still have time to find what she wants, and one who can fullfie your needs. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonray Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Telll her you'll continue to be party to her scheme but she must convert all land to Cannabis production. At least make a profit if you're going to pur money into it. Otherwise...if she is planning on rice....you'll have plenty of it to eat and not much else Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravip Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 19 hours ago, MrMilk said: I can confirm 100% no money is being pocketing. The reason I can do that is because I have the "pleasure" of going with her weekly to help her too! The expenses are real. You said "Expected to start earning money income from harvest after 4-5 years" So, what exactly are you expecting in return right now? What has the land been cultivated with? Anyways, cultivation and agriculture projects will not bring in quick results. You know best the situation - evaluate, speak together and try to come to some agreement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Dante99 Posted April 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2020 Mr. Milk got himself into a situation paying a lot more than he can afford, got into business without being at all busiesslike(no agreements or contracts, just hand out money) does not understand where the money is going, has a lady who will not help with housework so he is her maid, gets yelled at, gets no sex but keeps paying.... So what is the financial nut? High end 35,000 baht per month for 5 years is 2,100,000 Baht. Actually a fairly small amount to start a business or buy a house or invest in a marriage. Please get out Mr. Milk, you do not have the money or the understanding to be in the game. There seems to be nobody here that thinks you are not getting taken. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritManToo Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 (edited) Just now, Dante99 said: does not understand where the money is going, has a lady who will not help with housework so he is her maid, gets yelled at, gets no sex but keeps paying.... Not bothered about housework, wouldn't have paid so much, wouldn't have worked in her fields. BUT, I would have left the first time she said 'NO'. Edited April 26, 2020 by BritManToo 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steven100 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 OP ... you have to ask yourself, do you want to continue with her and build a future together ? if the answer is yes, then you have to sit down with her and explain that you cannot afford to pay for the land operational costs .... explain you can help a little but you already provide for rent, food and house expenses. Try to come to a mutual understanding, see if mama will loan her some until harvest comes. It's a tricky situation to be in, however you have to be fair and supportive ... without being taken for a ride. Milk, at the end of the day it's a decision ... stay or go. If you think you can work together through this then stay, if not .. go. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanemax Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Neither of you thought this through from the beginning (financially ) You are now left with two choices . Either pay what is required to get the business up and running and being profitable Which is likely to be 30 000 Baht per month for four years , about a million Baht (Chomper, no need to point the discrepancy out ) and then reap the rewards of 60 000 Baht a month and then live happily ever after . Or walk away now . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roaming2019 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 18 hours ago, CanadaSam said: Milk, please IGNORE all that has been said here, look upon your 20k monthly expense as a gift to your girlfriend, you are paying only slightly more than the rest of us, but she must be worth it, (to you). I am saying the above because (1) the land was donated by her parents (2) she already invested a large amount of her own money in the business before asking you for help (3) it seems both her and her parents want you two to get married by you are postponing it and (4) love is not easy to find these days (if you love her) so when you leave, you may be trading sex & love for only sex. it is better to have only sex rather an relationship which is built on money unless you make easy money . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
473geo Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 City boy meets beautiful country girl Seems to me she is putting in a lot of hard work and effort, no surprise there The OP on the other hand has faded, as his efforts decrease, all he has left to contribute is doing the housework while his wife is out grafting all day, and providing a little financial support - both appear to leave him disgruntled Consequently he is left trying to justify his reluctance to participate (backed up by similar short sighted posters on Tvisa) as his posts are currently highlighting he is a young man well out of his comfort zone 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanemax Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 9 minutes ago, roaming2019 said: it is better to have only sex rather an relationship which is built on money unless you make easy money . Its Sunday morning, could we have a discussion without talking about sex ? This thread is about growing Durirams and a posters investment 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoshowJones Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 22 hours ago, steven100 said: so let me get this straight ..... you want a gf who will be with you and sleep with you and have a future with you but you don't want to support her with the running costs and anything to do with the land. hmmm ..... i think I've got it right .... sounds like you want a gf that won't cost you anything. imo My wife doesn't cost me, and I don't cost her, we both have our own money, and it has been successful for 14 years now. We both do give each other things from time to time though. I bought the house, land, and truck etc, etc when she was my GF, we married five years later when I only had a few thousand GBPs left. It was very obvious that she did not marry me for my money. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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