Advice needed on registering a child

[Notsosmart]

I've ended up in a situation here and want to do what is right but I'm struggling with some of the facts.

 

I went with a thai girl from a bar a couple of time (yes I know),  and after returning home to the UK she told me a few weeks later she was pregnant and it was mine.  I am not 100% certain that it is but in the absence of proof decided I would help and started sending money every month until I lost my job due to Covid.  I explained the situation to her and that I would be back on my feet asap but she has reacted badly and says she wants nothing to do with me and I can't be a good father but have to still send money to take care of the baby.

 

She has asked for my passport for the child's birth certificate.  She has also told me I have no say over anything and she will choose someone better.

 

Before losing my job she was sweet,  wanted to get married for the sake of the baby etc.  Her reaction since leads me to believe the baby is possibly not mine.  I'm stuck knowing whether I should send my passport or not.  If it is my baby then 100% I will take care of her.  But if not I don't want someone else's child registered as mine.  Clearly we cannot do a DNA test until after the child is born,  but if this proves to be negative can I get me name removed.

 

I'm not someone who will do a runner btw,   I have offered to either relocate to thailand or bring them to the UK.  I really don't want someone else to bring up the child if it is mine.

 

 

[richard_smith237]

Oh no.... You've potentially fallen for one of the oldest scams in the book.....

 

A number of years ago this happened to a friend of mine. He'd moved back to the UK after living in Thailand for a couple of years. After his move back his bar-girl ex girlfriend contacted him and told him he was having twins !!!!...  my friend figured it was a scam and ignored her. It turns out she was pregnant with a 100% Thai child (not twins).

 

Thus: be very careful about what you do. IF you really believe this could be your child you may find your best move to travel back to Thailand at some point in the near future (once Covid-19 restrictions a relaxed) to take a paternity test.

[DE Land]

Right now, how many months pregnant is she?

It's very suspicious that she asked for your passport.. There is a chance that she is manipulating or scamming you. Have you been in a video call with her after she claimed being pregnant and you've seen some real undeniable evidence that she's pregnant..?

 

Be very careful.. I'm not an expert in this area at all. I think someone else can give you better advice... To me it sounds like there's a very good chance she is not being completely honest with you.

[BritManToo]

Wordy 'trouble with Thai women' troll back again with a new account.

If this were real why would you even communicate with such a woman.

PS. Health care is free for Thai citizens, having a baby = zero cost to the lady.

Edited June 1, 2020 by BritManToo

[DE Land]

I just read it again and I missed the part that you said there's no proof. Don't send your passport, because there's really no use of that before the child is born. I mean only after a child is born then the parents can register, and the registration must take place within 30 days after the birth, which means.. there's plenty of time to do it after the baby's born.

[Notsosmart]

It's due at the end of August.  When she did a test originally at the beginning of the year,  she bought abortion pills on the black market.  These were clearly not safe and we both had a pro life view.  I told her to throw the pills away and not risk her or the baby's life.  I want to do the right thing.  She's cut me off from all decisions and choices about the baby, just wants money.  

[Notsosmart]

10 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Wordy 'trouble with Thai women' troll back again with a new account.

If this were real why would you even communicate with such a woman.

PS. Health care is free for Thai citizens, having a baby = zero cost to the lady.

Hi,  this is my first ever post and I am not here to troll.  I'm really in need of advice.  I've been told childbirth will cost around 100k baht.  That was from a friend of mine who is English with a Thai wife and has lived in thailand for 6 years now.  

[Notsosmart]

11 minutes ago, DE Land said:

I just read it again and I missed the part that you said there's no proof. Don't send your passport, because there's really no use of that before the child is born. I mean only after a child is born then the parents can register, and the registration must take place within 30 days after the birth, which means.. there's plenty of time to do it after the baby's born.

Thank you.  That's something I was unaware of.

 

[Aussiepeter]

Mate - get a grip on yourself. You have absolutely no proof at all that this girl is even pregnant at all ! Sorry, but you sound very young and totally inexperienced in the scheming, nasty, liar ways of a greater majority of Thai bar girls.

I knew one bar girl in Chiang Mai in the early 1990's who was engaged to eight different guys at the same time and was being sent money by all of them, plus about half a dozen more, every month ! We locals called her "Miss International" at the time. I was in C Mai last year and ran into her - now nearly fifty, but still running a bar and still 'playing the game' of business as usual. That's just the way they are my friend. In her case, Miss "I" made sure to never date any two blokes from the same country. Of course, she eventually got found out - her geography failed her as it were. (Two nearby Scandinavians who were mates). Firstly, they ALL play emotional blackmail and you fell for it. I know I certainly did thirty years ago - that is how you learn. She is a hooker - it is her job to lie. Do NOT look for love in a bar in Asia, 'cos it sure ain't there, 99% of the time. You owe her nothing. If and when you can get back to Thailand and if she will even see you (chances are high that she is probably not pregnant at all) then you can get a DNA test on the child, if, that is, she has one (a 'new' one that is) at all. You and thousands of others have lost their jobs due to Covid-19. You were 'an easy mark' and a meal ticket - now the money has stopped she is showing her real tigers' teeth. By my calculations you will be about the one millionth bod to have even believed this scam, by the way. Of course, she may just be in the other 1% - but as someone heavily involved in horse racing - "the odds are weighted against you". Move on. You had a bonk or two, nothing else. (Hope I did not waste 30 minutes on a troll) ...

[Aussiepeter]

Just read that bit by another poster who said that childbirth in LOS costs about 100,000 baht. Utter rubbish. My lovely half-Thai daughter was born in a government hospital in Chiang Mai and even with me paying the salaried doctor to see us as a private patient, the cost was well under twenty thousand baht, including five nights in there in a shared room. I just asked the missus - she said 'doubt it would be over 4OK baht even with a private room'. Hmm. Of course, I do speak Thai and was a local then, but still ...

[BritManToo]

19 minutes ago, Notsosmart said:

Hi,  this is my first ever post and I am not here to troll.  I'm really in need of advice.  I've been told childbirth will cost around 100k baht.  That was from a friend of mine who is English with a Thai wife and has lived in thailand for 6 years now.  

No it's totally free for Thai citizens.

I've had kids here with a Thai lady in the government hospital, very good prenatal and postnatal care all at no charge.

Telling foreigners they need money for hospital is a common scam.

Doubt she's even pregnant.

Edited June 1, 2020 by BritManToo

[Notsosmart]

I admit I've been naive.  She clearly has sources of income from somewhere but also doesn't work.  I've no doubt she is pregnant.  I've been send scans and hospital receipts however these could of course be false documents.

[seajae]

its simple, tell her you want a paternity test to show that it is yours, if she spits the dummy and refuses then you will know it is not yours, if she says yes then have the test to make sure. Do not send her any more money, that is purely scamming you for what she can get, dont be a sucker, she is playing you and has the hooks in, time to back away and to remind her it is free to have the baby in a hospital in Thailand and costs her nothing, also having sex with a sex worker in Thailand is pretty stupid, you never know what you will catch, if you have to bonk at least use a rubber

 

Edited June 1, 2020 by seajae

[Notsosmart]

36 minutes ago, Aussiepeter said:

Mate - get a grip on yourself. You have absolutely no proof at all that this girl is even pregnant at all ! Sorry, but you sound very young and totally inexperienced in the scheming, nasty, liar ways of a greater majority of Thai bar girls.

I knew one bar girl in Chiang Mai in the early 1990's who was engaged to eight different guys at the same time and was being sent money by all of them, plus about half a dozen more, every month ! We locals called her "Miss International" at the time. I was in C Mai last year and ran into her - now nearly fifty, but still running a bar and still 'playing the game' of business as usual. That's just the way they are my friend. In her case, Miss "I" made sure to never date any two blokes from the same country. Of course, she eventually got found out - her geography failed her as it were. (Two nearby Scandinavians who were mates). Firstly, they ALL play emotional blackmail and you fell for it. I know I certainly did thirty years ago - that is how you learn. She is a hooker - it is her job to lie. Do NOT look for love in a bar in Asia, 'cos it sure ain't there, 99% of the time. You owe her nothing. If and when you can get back to Thailand and if she will even see you (chances are high that she is probably not pregnant at all) then you can get a DNA test on the child, if, that is, she has one (a 'new' one that is) at all. You and thousands of others have lost their jobs due to Covid-19. You were 'an easy mark' and a meal ticket - now the money has stopped she is showing her real tigers' teeth. By my calculations you will be about the one millionth bod to have even believed this scam, by the way. Of course, she may just be in the other 1% - but as someone heavily involved in horse racing - "the odds are weighted against you". Move on. You had a bonk or two, nothing else. (Hope I did not waste 30 minutes on a troll) ...

I'm embarrassed to say I am in my early 50's and should know better.  I'm aware of the scams but this seemed to be genuine until the money stopped.  Again probably totally naive on my part.  I really appreciate your response and you've not wasted time writing that. It's helping me see sense.

[BritManToo]

13 minutes ago, Notsosmart said:

I'm embarrassed to say I am in my early 50's and should know better.  I'm aware of the scams but this seemed to be genuine until the money stopped.  Again probably totally naive on my part.  I really appreciate your response and you've not wasted time writing that. It's helping me see sense.

Never send girls money.

Pay them when they're with you, and only then.

[4MyEgo]

2 hours ago, Notsosmart said:

I went with a thai girl from a bar a couple of time (yes I know),

Good for you, you paid for the "service", I am sure you that you both didn't agreed to have a child at the time of your service, and both of you should have taken precautions, you a condom, her the pill, s-h-i-t happens if you both didn't take precautions, she knows the drill, to get rid of it as cruel as it sounds, i.e. if she is in fact pregnant, e.g. my sister-in-law had an abortion twice, she was a bargirl as was my wife of 13 years.

 

2 hours ago, Notsosmart said:

and after returning home to the UK she told me a few weeks later she was pregnant and it was mine.

How convenient for you, a couple of weeks later, wow, she got you while you were still warm.

 

2 hours ago, Notsosmart said:

I am not 100% certain that it is but in the absence of proof decided I would help and started sending money every month until I lost my job due to Covid.  

That was your biggest mistake, perhaps Covid-19 was a blessing in disquise, STOP sending money, if you haven't !

 

2 hours ago, Notsosmart said:

I explained the situation to her and that I would be back on my feet asap but she has reacted badly and says she wants nothing to do with me and I can't be a good father but have to still send money to take care of the baby.

Wow, listen to the little Princes, she reacted badly, sending you on a guilt trip, doesn't want anything thing to do with you because you "not send her money", boo-hoo, "you not good father", but you still have to send money, what a power tripper, SHUT HER DOWN, quicksmart !

 

2 hours ago, Notsosmart said:

She has asked for my passport for the child's birth certificate.  She has also told me I have no say over anything and she will choose someone better.

Run Forest run, wants your passport for the birth certificate....lol, and you have no say, well there it is in the fine print, your future wife from hell, go for it, if you want it and you are a p-u-s-s-y.

 

2 hours ago, Notsosmart said:

Before losing my job she was sweet,  wanted to get married for the sake of the baby etc.

So you went with her for a couple of times, and before you lost your job she was sweet and "she" wanted to get married, oh I'm sorry, I feel like I am going to vomit. What did you want to do ?

 

2 hours ago, Notsosmart said:

I'm stuck knowing whether I should send my passport or not.

While your at it, send her your credit card with the pin number to look after all of the BS costs she has stated for the free hospital delivery or 30,000 baht private hospital cesarean delivery my other sister-in-law had, compliments of her ex farang partner, sucker born every minute, he even built her a house for the baby that he never sees.

 

2 hours ago, Notsosmart said:

If it is my baby then 100% I will take care of her.  But if not I don't want someone else's child registered as mine.

Let me ask you something, did you ever discuss having a baby with this bar girl that you went with a couple of times, if not, wake up, Mr knight in shining armour before she will pierce your soft spot, ooops, sounds like she has already.

 

2 hours ago, Notsosmart said:

Clearly we cannot do a DNA test until after the child is born,  but if this proves to be negative can I get me name removed.

Why bother, there is no baby, if there is, she won't get a DNA because it's 99.99% probably not yours, probably her Thai husbands or boyfriends and you have been paying for it until you stopped sending her money.

 

2 hours ago, Notsosmart said:

I'm not someone who will do a runner btw,   I have offered to either relocate to thailand or bring them to the UK.  I really don't want someone else to bring up the child if it is mine.

Jesus man, get a life, relocate, or bring this wench to the UK, sorry, the sweet girl who turned when you stopped sending her money because you lost your job, oh, you are going to have a happy life with this one.

 

Ask me what I would do if it were me, number blocked, why, because she can do what she would normally do, but she has worked out how weak you are, because you sent her money, she has thrown the guilt trip on you, like putting bait on a hook, wait for the fish to bite, I have your baby Tiruk, my kid, OMG, and you went weak at the knee's, money, money, money, send, send, send, I love you long time.

 

So you think I am being a little hard on you, maybe for your own good because if this black widow gets you any further into her web as others have done, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

 

There are good bar girls, I met my wife of 13 years in a bar, no sweat, but oi, a woman is a woman is a woman, and if your not man enough to know how to handle a woman, then she will turn on you, enough said, maybe your better off being single until you find miss right, but this little Princes, is not right for you, trust me and the others here on TVF, we don't wear our hearts on our sleeves, because maybe some of us have been where you are coming from, or experienced woman in other ways to know better.....giddy up....moving along !

Edited June 1, 2020 by 4MyEgo

[Notsosmart]

1 hour ago, 4MyEgo said:

Good for you, you paid for the "service", I am sure you that you both didn't agreed to have a child at the time of your service, and both of you should have taken precautions, you a condom, her the pill, s-h-i-t happens if you both didn't take precautions, she knows the drill, to get rid of it as cruel as it sounds, i.e. if she is in fact pregnant, e.g. my sister-in-law had an abortion twice, she was a bargirl as was my wife of 13 years.

 

How convenient for you, a couple of weeks later, wow, she got you while you were still warm.

 

That was your biggest mistake, perhaps Covid-19 was a blessing in disquise, STOP sending money, if you haven't !

 

Wow, listen to the little Princes, she reacted badly, sending you on a guilt trip, doesn't want anything thing to do with you because you "not send her money", boo-hoo, "you not good father", but you still have to send money, what a power tripper, SHUT HER DOWN, quicksmart !

 

Run Forest run, wants your passport for the birth certificate....lol, and you have no say, well there it is in the fine print, your future wife from hell, go for it, if you want it and you are a p-u-s-s-y.

 

So you went with her for a couple of times, and before you lost your job she was sweet and "she" wanted to get married, oh I'm sorry, I feel like I am going to vomit. What did you want to do ?

 

While your at it, send her your credit card with the pin number to look after all of the BS costs she has stated for the free hospital delivery or 30,000 baht private hospital cesarean delivery my other sister-in-law had, compliments of her ex farang partner, sucker born every minute, he even built her a house for the baby that he never sees.

 

Let me ask you something, did you ever discuss having a baby with this bar girl that you went with a couple of times, if not, wake up, Mr knight in shining armour before she will pierce your soft spot, ooops, sounds like she has already.

 

Why bother, there is no baby, if there is, she won't get a DNA because it's 99.99% probably not yours, probably her Thai husbands or boyfriends and you have been paying for it until you stopped sending her money.

 

Jesus man, get a life, relocate, or bring this wench to the UK, sorry, the sweet girl who turned when you stopped sending her money because you lost your job, oh, you are going to have a happy life with this one.

 

Ask me what I would do if it were me, number blocked, why, because she can do what she would normally do, but she has worked out how weak you are, because you sent her money, she has thrown the guilt trip on you, like putting bait on a hook, wait for the fish to bite, I have your baby Tiruk, my kid, OMG, and you went weak at the knee's, money, money, money, send, send, send, I love you long time.

 

So you think I am being a little hard on you, maybe for your own good because if this black widow gets you any further into her web as others have done, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

 

There are good bar girls, I met my wife of 13 years in a bar, no sweat, but oi, a woman is a woman is a woman, and if your not man enough to know how to handle a woman, then she will turn on you, enough said, maybe your better off being single until you find miss right, but this little Princes, is not right for you, trust me and the others here on TVF, we don't wear our hearts on our sleeves, because maybe some of us have been where you are coming from, or experienced woman in other ways to know better.....giddy up....moving along !

You don't mince your words but you're right in what you're saying and it's the reality that I needed to hear.  I thought she was different,  but I guess I was kidding myself.  She wasn't actually working at the bar but was well known to all the staff who had a lot of respect for her and she had a lot of contacts.  I never paid her,  nor did she ask for anything at the time and always seemed to have plenty of cash.  More fool me.

 

Thanks for replying bud.

[northsouthdevide]

DO NOT SEND YOUR PASSPORT. 

 

IF she is really pregnant, and you're worried that the baby is yours, then you will need a Thai lawyer to get a dna test, then you can go from there. 

It would be a good idea to back up or copy all conversations you've had and keep any transfare proof. 

[4MyEgo]

11 hours ago, Notsosmart said:

You don't mince your words but you're right in what you're saying and it's the reality that I needed to hear.  I thought she was different,  but I guess I was kidding myself.  She wasn't actually working at the bar but was well known to all the staff who had a lot of respect for her and she had a lot of contacts.  I never paid her,  nor did she ask for anything at the time and always seemed to have plenty of cash.  More fool me.

 

Thanks for replying bud.

As you say, I don't mince my words, and it is the reality that you needed to hear, which I am pleased that that you have listened with open ears, some others probably wouldn't be so open to hear what I am saying because they would probably be blinded by their emotions, saying; "love is blind" if you want to be blind.

 

I have always call a spade a spade and those who know me, know that I don't allow for the grey in between and respect me for my undiplomatic truths, as blunt and hurtful as the truth can be.

 

The fact that you didn't pay her for her services because she wasn't working there, with everyone knowing her and having "respect" for her tells me that she is a freelancer that used to work at the bar, and now has a few other farangs on a leash sending her money, the clincher was the BS she fed you to lure you in, suffice to say Thai's stick together, "it's us against them" and will tell you what you want to hear while putting you down and laughing behind your back, she played you well, however I am pleased to see that you are not stupid and have a chance of dusting yourself off from the horse that through you off, never to get back on that one.

 

Let me give you a couple of examples how the p-u-s-s-y can blind the males who are so thinking woman are these little innocent creatures that need to be taken care of, that want to love you, suffice to say if you didn't have money, you would be nothing to them, love comes with a price, it's called security for them, however your little Princes is a scammer, you know that now.

 

When ever I have had mates come to Thailand, I have flown down to Phuket and entertained them, but not before giving them my tips on what to look for, the majority of them have listened, others not and have been burnt hence the old saying; "you can lead them to water, but cannot force them to drink it".

 

First mate, meets a girl the disco, spends time with her over a few nights going out here and there as she "works as a hairdresser during the day", and she cannot come out with us during the day because she has to work, long of the short, he says over breakfast that she is different, and that he likes her because she has only been here for 3 months, needing to work to send money back to her family in Krabi.

 

One night we went to a restaurant, she came with us, ordered rice with pork, big spender as my was paying for her, so she showed him what he wanted to see, she ordered low key so a plus for him, the next night he told her he wasn't feeling well and was going to stay in, she said the same, and of course where did I see her that night partying hard with some other farangs, Hollywood disco, so I took a couple of snaps to show my mate over breakfast, but decided to wait for him to ask her if she is feeling any better after her rest staying in last night like him which he did upon my request as I had something for him, she confirmed it and I showed him the snaps, he was p-i-s-s-e-d off with her being out and lying to him, until I explained to him that they all need to work and make money, and perhaps put hook a farang to milk for there future, short or long term. He was guttered, but appreciative of the fact that he was gullible for that moment.

 

The other mate was a lost cause, he picked up a girl at a bar, she too didn't work there, as she was doing part time modeling and studying law at university, although went with him for 5,000 baht and although she didn't work at the bar, he had to pay a 2,000 baht bar fine as the girls working there were losing out to her....lol, he just didn't listen, and at the ed said who cares, 10,000 baht including drinks to get into her was worth it for the night, each to their own, I have never paid more than 2,000 baht for top shelf and no more than 300 for a bar fine, and a couple of drinks each, I mean why would I want to be drinking all night and paying stupid prices to get drunk to take a girl back and keep her for the night, in and out, thanks for coming.

 

I wouldn't say your a fool, because you have learnt and got off lightly.

 

Stay safe, woman are a dim a dozen, believe nothing they say, enjoy them and keep your finances TOTALLY separate, you are not their saviour and only invest as much as your prepared to lose.

[86Tiger]

"...The fact that you didn't pay her for her services because she wasn't working there, with everyone knowing her and having "respect" for her tells me that she is a freelancer that used to work at the bar, and now has a few other farangs on a leash sending her money...."

 

 

Came here to say just this.  The only reason the other girls "respect" her is she has grabbed the brass ring they aspire to have, sponsors back in farang land send them money every month. 

 

Others have confirmed free health care for Thais and I can attest best private hospitals will only charge 50,000BHT for private room baby delivery/stay.

 

Don't do anything, or send another dime, until you confirm without a doubt your dna is running through the baby's veins.  The princess will probably disappear soon as you say this is how it is and that will be your answer.

 

If there is any doubt, there is no doubt. (not mine, but nothing truer has ever been spoken concerning ladies of old Siam)