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10 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

I have to say I agree with most of what he said....Its a matter of respect. Some one lives with you their mother is attached to you, I take it he treats her well , plus pays the child's  school fees, gives her an allowance, and she wont even speak to him !  I wouldn't allow that sort of disrespect from my own 3 Australian daughters. They treat my Thai wife with upmost respect when we visit there---and she gives them nothing.

To be honest, I was only speaking direct to the comment in question and did not Tie the post to previous posts as being same, so yeah, I also agree with you 100 percent.

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I had a similar situation with a ex’s niece , my answer was I want see the bills and I want a say in the education for example I will give some homework to see if she is improving and if she doesn’t want this find the money alone . I was being asked for more than half for fees and room and food . I was told she will take the money but up to her what she wants to learn .   Idiot got nothing

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You might find this interesting: A long time ago when I was in the village of my gf one of the family girls was just about to start a new school year. The parents were talking about the price of the new school uniform. I don't remember how much it was. I told them don't worry, I will pay for the uniform. And that is what I did.

Fast forward another year (or was it half a year, not sure) my girlfriend told me that now the parents of the girl told her it's time that I pay the new uniform for that year. I was a little surprised by that. It was not a big deal but how could they demand that I pay for that uniform. The answer is that they (pretend they) understood my initial comment in a way that from that day on I will pay for every school uniform she will ever need. And they made sure I was reminded about my obligation.

 

What I learned from that is: Be careful what you promise. Back to your situation: If you want to help the girl and you can afford it then help her. It will make both of you happy.

But I suggest don't make promises like you will pay x% of her education (forever). I suggest you make it clear you help her if i.e.:

- someone else pays also x% of the cost

- she has to be good at school

- she does not take drugs, etc.

- and you will do this if you can afford it. If your conditions change you should be able to just tell them: I won't pay anymore because I can't afford it or I need the money for something else, etc.

Don't put yourself into the trap that you have to pay no matter what for a long time. And if you don't pay then everybody will be against you because you didn't follow your promise...

 

 

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50 minutes ago, Liverpoolfan said:

Give me the money instead.

im running low on booze.

Convincing evidence alcohol kills brain cells.

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I've had a lot of good advice on this thread. My thanks to the posters who have made positive contributions. I'll take it as it comes, and have made it clear to my GF continued support is contingent on the granddaughter staying on the rails.

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Troll posts and replies removed.  Stay on topic.   It's a rather simple question.

 

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Lacessit said:

I've never considered money given to my GF or her family as a loan. My approach is I expect the father and mother to be responsible for contributing to the support of their children. If they think

this farang is an easy source of funds, they are sadly mistaken.

Your saying does resonate with me, because I tried to do the right thing by a former defacto in Australia. That experience, and her greed,  has made me far less trusting.

I think you have a pretty good grasp of how things work here.  I guess my main point in my post ( which was sure to be poo pood by some).... was that generosity and the desire to help very often lead to

arguments, disagreements down the line.  especially since farangs tend to want to oversee and instruct on how things should be done.  This is where cultures clash,  and i think in only a very few special cases

do things work out as planned.   As Ken says,  sometimes it works and sometimes not.  I admit that i

would probably expect too much   ....... a recipe for disaster .   its just not the thai way  🙂

 

Edited by rumak
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42 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

You might find this interesting: A long time ago when I was in the village of my gf one of the family girls was just about to start a new school year. The parents were talking about the price of the new school uniform. I don't remember how much it was. I told them don't worry, I will pay for the uniform. And that is what I did.

Fast forward another year (or was it half a year, not sure) my girlfriend told me that now the parents of the girl told her it's time that I pay the new uniform for that year. I was a little surprised by that. It was not a big deal but how could they demand that I pay for that uniform. The answer is that they (pretend they) understood my initial comment in a way that from that day on I will pay for every school uniform she will ever need. And they made sure I was reminded about my obligation.

 

What I learned from that is: Be careful what you promise. Back to your situation: If you want to help the girl and you can afford it then help her. It will make both of you happy.

But I suggest don't make promises like you will pay x% of her education (forever). I suggest you make it clear you help her if i.e.:

- someone else pays also x% of the cost

- she has to be good at school

- she does not take drugs, etc.

- and you will do this if you can afford it. If your conditions change you should be able to just tell them: I won't pay anymore because I can't afford it or I need the money for something else, etc.

Don't put yourself into the trap that you have to pay no matter what for a long time. And if you don't pay then everybody will be against you because you didn't follow your promise...

 

 

Sorry to copy the whole post ..... but this is what i was warning !.......  And, BTW,  there is no such thing as making it perfectly clear   LOL     .      OMF  should know that .    We as well meaning farangs think that if we are nice all will go well.    And then ye shall reap the consequences.   Hey John,  they're here for this years tuition !  oh,  and now she takes special courses too .   Just a little extra

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Posted (edited)
58 minutes ago, rumak said:

especially since farangs tend to want to oversee and instruct on how things should be done. 

I certainly want to oversee everything I finance, especially if it's happening in my home.

As far as I can tell it's the same for Thais.

Edited by BritManToo

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The parents have been absent, and try to get the falang to pay.sad! 

The thai way, have a kid, and give it to grandma. Walk away. 

Yes of course, pay everything, and in as well.

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Who is paying the other half of the fees? If it is your girlfriend it hardly seems fair that the two of you take sole financial responsibility. Assuming that the other half is coming from another family member, and that the fees are reasonable (no more than 20,000 Baht per term), then maybe you can contribute.

 

As others have implied, it is a slippery slope and there may be other family members you will be asked to help down the track. You will just have to deal with that down the track.

 

You don't have to be involved in tracking her education and accounting for every Baht. You are helping the family out with your gift and there does not need to be strings attached. Your girlfriend can do whatever checking is needed.

 

My Thai wife has three grown children and I've helped two of them go to Australia on study visas. But they are on their own now and it is up to them if they want to seize the opportunity.

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I pay for my granddaughter. She is super smart so I am getting my monies worth. No problem.

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My wife’s 2 nephews and 1 niece stay at our house during weekdays.

Ages 14,11,8.... I never see them studying or any report cards.. we live 

in a village..

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My niece who lives next door is incredibly lazy. She manged to get zeroes in all of her subjects. She refused offers of help with her English from me.

 

Despite all this and the fact that her family is massively in debt her father decided to get himself even deeper in debt by sending her to a university in Bangkok. I told them I'd contribute something towards it if she took on a part time job, safe in the knowledge that she wouldn't. She didn't so I didn't.

 

She did sod all at uni and quit after three months. That was three or four years ago, she's back at home, the family are always skint yet they are happy for her not to work. I occasionally give them small, short term loans on the condition that I know exactly when they'll repay me but I'm not prepared to subsidise a b-i-l who has no business sense, a lazy non-working wife and a lazy non-working daughter.

 

BTW I had to take on part time work when I was at school. Her cousins who went through uni also took on work to pay their way through it and now have decent jobs and their own homes.

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As been proven, somethings given free are not appreciated..EARN IT.

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