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Uncertain relation


cei98

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Hello everybody.
 

This is a story about me and a thai woman (40) that I met in Finland about two years ago, and I would like you to give some advice what to do next.
 

She worked as a masseuse, on a tourist visa as I later found out and I kind of liked her from the start. Very kind and caring and could also cook very well. She moved into my house after a short while and kept on working as she thought it would be too boring to just stay at home. That was fine by me as I trusted her of course.
 

One of the first odd things I noticed was when she asked me to help her to wire some money to Thailand. The amount was about 60,000 baht, so she gave me the money and I sent it from my account and didn´t think any more about it. This happened every three months or so and the money always came from her.
 

Earlier this year I also found out that she has been working in Korea, India and Shanghai as well as being a single mom with a 15 year old kid in high school.
 

December 2019 she had to go back to Thailand because of a family situation and that was when she had some problems at the departure as she now was on overstay, but she managed to go anyway.
 

And now because of Covid-19 she is stuck there and I also guess she is blacklisted for a new Schengen visa, which she last week found out as well. For how long I don´t know.
 

In the beginning of the pandemic I felt sorry for her and sent her approximately 10,000 baht every month but this time I felt that the situation is so uncertain for us, so I hesitated the last week. Without a word she just removed me from FB, so I asked why. First she said no, then she don´t know and then confessed that she indeed had done it. She didn´t tell why.
 

So am I being fooled and is she only a golddigger, like my friends told me she is and what do you think about all this?

 

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1 minute ago, Matzzon said:

How can she be a gold digger? You wrote that the money she sent to Thailand always came from her. 

What have you been given her, more than a place to stay?

I never said that by myself, just some friends. And like I already wrote in the first post, I helped her with some monthly payments when she got back to Thailand.

Just to add is that she always told me that she would like to move over here to stay with me and asked if I could help her with the visa and so.

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2 minutes ago, holy cow cm said:

All those places for where she worked = Wow! Removing you from FB? She may not want other prospective men givers to see you and thus removed you because of that. Since she is blacklisted she may be looking to brighter horizons of support. 

That was succinctly put and it did came into my mind too, but you formulated it better. But I hope this is not the case, or if it is I hope she tells me so.

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3 minutes ago, Grumpy one said:

Its time for you to move on and find a new trust worthy woman from the Philippines :ermm:

Thanks for the advice but no way. I have to figure out this situation first.

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8 minutes ago, johnray said:

Sounds like you used her as a maid and now she has moved on.  Two humans that are so detached from each other should probably not be together.

Maid? The only thing was that she would gladly cook for both of us as she never liked farang food, and me neither ???? All of the other things in the household was on me. Economically it was all on me, which was the least I could do as I quite like her.

 

As for detached, I am not sure of what you mean.

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35 minutes ago, cei98 said:

Thanks for the advice but no way. I have to figure out this situation first.

She removed you from facebook.

I am no fb expert but that tells me two things:

a) She wants to hide something from you. What would you see if you could still see her page?

b) You can't trust her. If there would be a good reason to remove you then she should have told you that reason before she removed you.

c) Your communication with her is bad or at least not as good as it should be.

 

If you really want to know what is going on with her in Thailand then hire a private investigator. But be prepared that you hear something which you don't want to hear.

 

Summary: Why should you try to continue a relation with a woman who is not interested in you anymore?

Are you willing to pay money so that she tells you she loves you and misses you? No? Then forget her!

 

And about the money transfer: Legally she was not allowed to work. It makes a lot of sense that she used you for that transfer. Depending on how long she did this already you were probably not the first person who "helped" her.

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Sorry to say, but after working in all those places, she is bound to have met a few guys along the way.

And there's a good chance the other guys might also be sending this "help" money, when she spins her story.

The more the merrier is how they look at it. 

Its just what they do.

 

I guess the good thing is she will never cut you off the list..while you are paying.

You just have to come to grips with it and work out if its worth what you are paying in for the long game.

 

In the end she will probably end up with the guy that she has the most emotional connection to,

but more likely he would be the one who's kept the cash flow going pretty constantly.

 

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15 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

She removed you from facebook.

I am no fb expert but that tells me two things:

a) She wants to hide something from you. What would you see if you could still see her page?

b) You can't trust her. If there would be a good reason to remove you then she should have told you that reason before she removed you.

c) Your communication with her is bad or at least not as good as it should be.

 

If you really want to know what is going on with her in Thailand then hire a private investigator. But be prepared that you hear something which you don't want to hear.

 

Summary: Why should you try to continue a relation with a woman who is not interested in you anymore?

Are you willing to pay money so that she tells you she loves you and misses you? No? Then forget her!

 

And about the money transfer: Legally she was not allowed to work. It makes a lot of sense that she used you for that transfer. Depending on how long she did this already you were probably not the first person who "helped" her.

Thanks so much for the input, all valid points which helped me to clarify it a lot more. I guess I just have to pick up the phone and starting making some calls to her.

Edited by cei98
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12 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

My advice is to go skiing mate and then a nice BBQ and a few beers.  You will soon get over whatever it is that you are suffering from. Asking for relationship advice on TVF is never the answer.  

Good advice, but skiing? It´s summer now and I´d rather get my fishing rod and a couple of beers to go ????

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6 minutes ago, madmen said:

Joined 2 hours ago. Just sayin

How exactly does this little tale end up as gold digging? If you think 10k a month is gold digging you need to look up price of gold 

You are correct, I joined today because I have been following this forum earlier and I thought that somebody here perhaps have been in a similar situation. As for gold digging, I never said that myself.

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5 minutes ago, cei98 said:

You are correct, I joined today because I have been following this forum earlier and I thought that somebody here perhaps have been in a similar situation. As for gold digging, I never said that myself.

If you have been following this forum, you SHOULD know that posts like yours will get treated with derision and crazy answers, and you could be said to be showing a certain amount of Muppetry.    PML

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1 hour ago, worgeordie said:

The poster is either naive,or a troll,or maybe a naive troll.

all these first time posters with women problems.

regards worgeordie

None of the above, but perhaps in some situations I am credulous though.

 
 
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5 hours ago, cei98 said:

I never said that by myself, just some friends. And like I already wrote in the first post, I helped her with some monthly payments when she got back to Thailand.

Just to add is that she always told me that she would like to move over here to stay with me and asked if I could help her with the visa and so.

Ok, but then it can only be about how much you think she is sincere. Nobody can help you. You know best. You are in front of her.

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3 hours ago, worgeordie said:

The poster is either naive,or a troll,or maybe a naive troll.

all these first time posters with women problems.

regards worgeordie

You are right.

But looking back at my first year in Thailand, which part was the most difficult to understand? Women!

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5 hours ago, cei98 said:

That was succinctly put and it did came into my mind too, but you formulated it better. But I hope this is not the case, or if it is I hope she tells me so.

Yeah I would put money on that I am right on target. Just straight out call and ask her but you need to realize Thai women can be scandalous. Especially one that has been around the block working and doing god knows what in all those countries.

Good luck  

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