I'm feeling like boss is taking advantage of my Fiance.

[Elkski]

So tell her to quit and I send support?  What she do? go live at home?  Just loaf around?  What could go wrong.   I have listened to advice and felt it very important to not send her support every month like many farang do.  She even gets asked often how much bf send?  I think it is mostly the bargirl type customers who ask  this.  It seems many guys send 30k/mo or more.   Ots almost a bragging thing it seems.  She even told one i send 20,000 baht.  Which is so not true.  She is proud to "stand her own 2feet". 

I cant believe I am so wrong in my thinking on this.  Maybe all the sane people are asleep You? You all have me feeling sick.  100% in support of her  doing all this extra each day for 17 Baht.   How many of you  would give up 20% of your free non working or sleeping time for 17 baht?

[CG1 Blue]

55 minutes ago, Elkski said:

Yes he is being businessman.   I tell my fiance  to be businesswoman.   I just feel my fiance can be doing something else more valuable to our future rather than making extra 17 baht a day. 

Maybe your fiancé doesn't want to be a business woman. Maybe she just wants to be an employee, and to keep her job when millions around the globe are losing theirs. 

And from your last sentence here it sounds like you're more p'd off because she won't be contributing enough to your retirement pot?  

[Elkski]

34 minutes ago, CG1 Blue said:

Maybe your fiancé doesn't want to be a business woman. Maybe she just wants to be an employee, and to keep her job when millions around the globe are losing theirs. 

And from your last sentence here it sounds like you're more p'd off because she won't be contributing enough to your retirement pot?  

By being business woman I mean to be bold enough to ask for fair pay.  She is like most Thai workers it appears.  Hard working and enjoys a good days work.   Her having a job  and good  hard, dependable work ethic is one reason of many I chose her..  when  I say she could use this time in a better way i don't mean doing some other job.   If This extra  time will only generate 17 baht and knowing how tired she gets during long  sometimes lunch less days and 6 days in a row I dont want her to add any more time to her work day unless it pays very well.  Otherwise  she can  use this time  to keep improving her English, or eating  healthier   or exercising all which will provide much more future benefit than 17 baht.   I think it is hard to eat healthy if you dont have time.  And she already  works to many hours.  

I admit I always think about financial things.   My mind always considers the cost benefit on every decision  I make.. 

I just believe she is more valuable than she thinks and can  ask for more.   Taking a 6:55 am 10 min early morning walk  round trip  to unlock the old building and sometimes  going back to bed and then leaving for  work at 8:15 and sometimes working  until 8:30pm is  one thing.  But leaving at 6:45am and then being at work for 90 min before punching  in for 17 baht extra and then not getting home until 8:45pm  is crazy.  Yes I will ask her to stop this extra job if she won't ask for more.  I dont see this as controlling.  I see this as caring ❤.  You guys are trying to  put blame on me for looking at the facts.  I say its types like  her boss that are  what's wrong  with this situation and Thailand.  

 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Elkski

[bwpage3]

Why does her work affect you? People in Thailand are lucky to have a full paying job right now.

 

Perhaps you need to settle down and let her handle the job she has handled the past 20 years by herself.

 

It is Thailand, you don't work there and appear to be clueless.

[473geo]

Ok I can understand why you would feel the extra financial gain is not worth the effort.

However, your girlfriend has enjoyed the trust in her responsibility shown by her boss, she gains extra for this in cash and self esteem. I can understand after years of confidence being shown by her boss that she would not throw this back in his face over few baht. Having appreciation for long term employment is not unusual if one is treated fairly and it appears she feels this is the case

 

let me tell you you something else for your thoughts, I send money to support my wife and family, means my wife does not go out to work unless she is perhaps asked to help out at a funeral or wedding, which she happily does along with half the women in the village it is a community act. She has built our home, increased the stock on the farm, been there to support her mother, brought up our children, always been there for them. She is the hardest working woman I know, but she is her own master. I think I get great value for my input.

Right now I have not been on the scene for while for obvious reasons, and yes my wife is often asked do I still send money, I am pleased I can, and am more pleased she can say yes every month, because life for me is about her feelings as much as mine.

 

Take a step back because life is about more than screwing out an extra few baht, you can try to make a business woman of her, if you wish, when you move her out of Thailand, and are willing to properly support her, until then her life her work is her business.

Edited October 7, 2020 by 473geo

[Elkski]

I'm clueless for suggesting she ask for some increase in payment more in line with the additional sacrifice?  If she worked 40-45 hour weeks is one thing but I think its closer to 60+ now.  

So its totally against Thai culture to ask a boss for more money?   

[473geo]

2 minutes ago, Elkski said:

I'm clueless for suggesting she ask for some increase in payment more in line with the additional sacrifice?  If she worked 40-45 hour weeks is one thing but I think its closer to 60+ now.  

So its totally against Thai culture to ask a boss for more money?   

Right now it would be silly to expect her to back herself into a corner where she personally does not want to be. Suppose she loses her job? you are not supporting her, she would lose a lot more than 2500 baht then where is she at, you do not feel it is correct to send money apparently

[Elkski]

Yes it is hard being apart  so long due to travel restrictions.  In our case the typical K1 visa timeliness of 280 days is now looking like 600 days.   And not all the delay  is covid related if you are uo on the currect administrations feelings on immigrants? Our longest time apart in 3 years.  No kids or married so a bit different situation.    I didnt need to send money  so she would quit working in the bar.  Of course I give her gifts or send some money sometimes.   I just read so much advice not to  send a monthly amount.  I'm glad I have never started  that.  I work hard preparing for our  future together.     I'm not thinking she will become  a business suit woman.  I just didn't know it would be so unpopular to meet with her boss to discuss how 500 baht  doesn't equal the new demands.  I rather start sending her a steady  3000 on top of what I do and have her tell her  boss to  find someone else. I'm hoping in the morning  I will get some replies  of support.   

I know this increase in work hours will negatively impact our relationship and future because sometimes a co worker is absent for a funeral and the extra hours she works then ceases English  learning, and exercise,  and healthy eating.  I am worried about her cholesterol level just like a thai womsn is worried if i was to drink to much or gamble. When she works extra hours for a coworker she is to tired  to  do the minimum required to keep a long distance relationship healthy.   Im quite proud  we have survived 33 months but it is not without massive effort on both partners parts.  Many of you have no idea about western life or long distance relationships.    In the West we question our elders and bosses and those in power.  Luckily the youth of Thailand are starting to do this. 

 

I should  add that I doubt she would lose her job over asking for more or deciding to end this morning door unlocking.  But if she did I could fully support her.  I feel her hand of cards in this deal is strong.  No one else so stupid or lives close enough to do this job every day except on official vacation  days plus stay until the last person leaves to cover for the man  if he is out..  in fact I will remind her that the man probably is on the clock  until he leaves at night. 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Elkski

[Puchaiyank]

You must consider the possibility of getting her fired if you insist on intervening on her behalf. 

 

Then you risk her turning on you and ending the relationship...

 

 

[farang51]

12 minutes ago, Elkski said:

I just didn't know it would be so unpopular to meet with her boss to discuss how 500 baht  doesn't equal the new demands.  I rather start sending her a steady  3000 on top of what I do and have her tell her  boss to  find someone else. I'm hoping in the morning  I will get some replies  of support.   

Certainly not from me, I agree with the others. It is not your business, she risk being fired instead.

 

You may not think the extra 500 baht is fair but look at it the other way, the 2500 baht until now was more than fair. As far as I can understand from your posts, she had an hourly wage of around 1000 baht for the extra work. Let her decide if whe wants to open up or if she would rather work less and get the money from you.

[CG1 Blue]

54 minutes ago, Elkski said:

I'm clueless for suggesting she ask for some increase in payment more in line with the additional sacrifice?  If she worked 40-45 hour weeks is one thing but I think its closer to 60+ now.  

So its totally against Thai culture to ask a boss for more money?   

Have you thought about this from the boss' point of view at all?

 

He pays your fiancé overtime to do an extra task each day. He then moves the business to a new office, presumably at huge expense. Nicer office for the staff too, right? 

As a goodwill gesture he gives your fiancé an extra 500 baht to continue with the extra task, just because she now has a 1km journey to the office. You could say he's being quite considerate? It's not really his problem how your fiancé chooses to alter her own daily routine for that 10 minute commute. 

[Elkski]

49 minutes ago, farang51 said:

 

Can't delete the quote.  

I would figure she was making 500 baht an hour  at 10 mins 30 days for 2500 baht.  But working im 10 min increments can't be compared to hourly but if we continue along this line of reasoning  she now gets 3000 for 25 min time x 30 days or 240 baht per hour.  

Both offices  were very nice.  Yes one is new but some disadvantages for the staff and customers.  

 

I'm glad I asked because I evidently was way out of line thinking about this.   

I do think both boss and employee are grateful for each other in this case.  I dont think she has risk of losing her job over some bargaining  or  stopping this special task that she has done for many years for the company.    

Edited October 7, 2020 by Elkski

[farang51]

26 minutes ago, Elkski said:

I'm glad I asked because I evidently was way out of line thinking about this. 

That happens when bringing a western mindset to a non-western country.

 

26 minutes ago, Elkski said:

I dont think she has risk of losing her job over some bargaining  or  stopping this special task that she has done for many years for the company.    

I would depend on the boss. If he felt a loss of face when asked for a higher pay, it could very well result in a firing; no matter how fond he is of her as an employee.

[steven100]

stay out of it.  Your making the problem by getting involved, let her decide.

Thousands out of work would gladly do her ' unlock '  job for that 3,000 baht.

Stop thinking like a westerner,  this is Thailand.  

You want her to lose her job because of your way of thinking    ?   huh  !

[AndyFoxy]

Stay out of it.

[ericthai]

6 hours ago, Elkski said:

2 is 1. I think you  are Thai?  Thanks for your and everyone's opinion.   

She did have month off at 1/3 salary    maybe month of 1/2 salary but now i think full  salary .  

 

So she now makes about 100 baht extra to go unlock door.  Maybe there are many others who would do this.  But first off they would need ro live close by in expensive Thonglor or it would not be a good deal.  Secondly her boss doesn't even trust the cleaning crew or security guard to unlock the door.  

No other employee lives so close.  I see she has power to bargain for more.  I would be happy if she didn't have this extra  job.  I would  send her 3000 of she told him no. 

 

 Why does everyone acknowledg that's the rich make too much money and do not pay their workers but yet they are unwilling to ask for more when they are justified

 I should add that I didn't mind the 2500 baht when it was only a 100 m walk each way.  That's like 75 baht  a day.  but I think the 500 baht addition now that it's one km each way is an insult and abuse on my fiance. 

This boss is a very rich man.  Just so you know he isn't struggling.    I say  play the bargaining  game for something like 7500 a month.  If he won't agree to 5500 or more tell him she will stop doing it.  

You really need to look at how much the average Thai makes as I believe this is a fair price for the type of work. Allot of people are out of work right now and instead of being grateful that she has a good full time job, you're wanting her to demand more money.  I learned along time ago If your wife is happy, you'll be happy, let her loose face you will never be happy again, therefore let her deal with it!

[Damrongsak]

Only 1 time I had to stand up for my wife about a job.  But that was a waitress job in a Chinese restaurant in the USA.  Owner's son in law was a complete a-hole.  Young, drunk, gambler type. 

 

One evening I had to go into the place, pound on the table and threaten to take him out.  I didn't like it, but I did it.  I know it wasn't Thailand and the situation was different, but one does what needs to be done.  IF it needs to be done.  Choose wisely.  Or just walk away.

[Elkski]

Yes a k1 marriage visa is a big step in life.  Marriage and Bringing an Asian gal to USA?  I read all the risks.    I just I will tell her to do what she wants and see how it goes for a couple weeks and if I don't like things I will tell her to stop unlocking and I will send her 3000 baht. 

[baansgr]

7 hours ago, Elkski said:

Yes, I feel it would be worth 3,000 baht from me so she has 30 extra  hours each month to exercise, study English  and eat healthy  food.  But i also wanted to help prepare her for the real World in America if and when we get our K1 visa.  Thai people need to learn to "stand up and take their share!"  Tracy chapman

100 Baht per hours work, that's pretty good pay for Thailand.

[AndyFoxy]

7 hours ago, Elkski said:

But i also wanted to help prepare her for the real World in America if and when we get our K1 visa.  

What world is she living in now?

[Odysseus123]

I would leave the situation well alone...

 

The less fuss the better.

 

Best of luck!

[Elkski]

Ok,  it appears there are no labor laws to prevent a boss from firing a worker for asking for more compensation.   I have told her leew tae khuṇ.    I will let her do as she wishes  for a few weeks and see how it effects our long distance Connection.   I need to chill  i guess.  Sometimes a few obstacles and the current politics effects your calmness.  

[HampiK]

35 minutes ago, Elkski said:

Ok,  it appears there are no labor laws to prevent a boss from firing a worker for asking for more compensation.   I have told her leew tae khuṇ.    I will let her do as she wishes  for a few weeks and see how it effects our long distance Connection.   I need to chill  i guess.  Sometimes a few obstacles and the current politics effects your calmness.  

yes I think best if let her choose. you can tell her, that she become the 3'000 baht for this work even she stop doing it. Then you can see what she choose. Because even with your offer it's not the same. Firstly she become a generous 100 baht extra per day, and secondly makes her proud that her boss trust her.

 

if she let go the this extra work, could be that (if boss is an ass) he will fire her, because he feel she is not loyal to him. There are so many possible way. And it seems your guess that he not will fire her for asking more money would be right in maybe US.. but for sure not in Thailand.

Ask yourself how much you really understand Thai style? You told you read a lot about not sending her money every month.. there are also a lot of comments not bringing a Thai to US, as she will change (I not agree with this either, but you see many opinion on that). And now you see many opinions on your question which seems you not like.

 

At the moment the best thing is you "chill" and let her doing the decision.

You can give her opinions but never rush her to doing something!

[Don Mega]

7 hours ago, Elkski said:

Yes he is being businessman.   I tell my fiance  to be businesswoman.   I just feel my fiance can be doing something else more valuable to our future rather than making extra 17 baht a day.  Even if asking for the moon results in the boss finding another person to do this 3000 baht job.  I told her if he does this I will send her this much.  She is very frugal and says we need to save money for our future.  Im just perplexed by her reluctance to even ask for  more.  Her old wslk was so close and half covered by awnings in case of rain.   New walk is a flooding nightmare in rain like last week. 

 

And if the she finds herself unemployed for being greedy are you going to pay her the 28k a month she currently earns ?

[4evermaat]

You have presented your case to her.   But now you want to make the decision for her also?

 

Or rather, for her to make the "right" decision, according to your standards.

[ColeBOzbourne]

8 hours ago, Elkski said:

I just I will tell her to do what she wants and see how it goes for a couple weeks and if I don't like things I will tell her to stop unlocking and I will send her 3000 baht.

Does she also have the option of telling you what to do? Or is it only you that is able to tell her what to do? You don't seem to see her as an equal or an adult and capable of making her own decisions, or making decisions together. It seems that you will 'allow' her a small bit of freedom to make her own decisions, but then you will jump in and take charge if you don't like it. Can she do that in your life as well? If she goes to the USA are you going to be the boss of the relationship and make her decisions for her? That's not a good recipe for marriage.

[marin]

17 hours ago, 2 is 1 said:

She has get really good extra salary for only open door! Dont know what kind job she do , but you know salary's here? Minimum little over 8000 bth ! Here you can't f whit boss, there is many who happily take that job! Good even get something from "extra" job!

Could you please expand on this statement. I have been here a long time and the figure you quote for a Thai salary is very low indeed. Indeed most maids now make a lot more than that. Thanks for your reply.

[mrmicbkktxl]

16 hours ago, Elkski said:

Yes, I feel it would be worth 3,000 baht from me so she has 30 extra  hours each month to exercise, study English  and eat healthy  food.  But i also wanted to help prepare her for the real World in America if and when we get our K1 visa.  Thai people need to learn to "stand up and take their share!"  Tracy chapman

I think she should dump you.

[wombat]

get a techy to set up a lock/unlock switch that can be operated from her phone...

Edited October 8, 2020 by wombat

[SomchaiCNX]

She better change the boyfriend and keeps the job ????