Is it true that saying thank you to a close friend or family yeilds negative feelings?

[Elizway]

In many Asian cultures, "thank you" is more reserved for those outside the close friends and family circle, and given as a sign of politeness and respect.

Those who are within the circle have an esteemed position and thus do not necessiate the formality, as so is how a verbal show of gratitude such as saying "thank you" is viewed...rigit, formal.

You are expected to do things for your close friends and famility. So when you say thank you to a friend or family, it's as if you are alienating yourself from them by using formalities used for strangers. 

 

Is the above true in Thailand? 

[Mutt Daeng]

It may be true for Hi-So "entitled" people, who think they are "superior" to everyone else, but for "real" ordinary Thai families, I don't think so. 

[johnray]

You say thank you and wai.  That's all there is too it.

 

No there is no difference between family, friends or a boss.

 

In the west parents want to be your best friend but in Asia they are more distant.

Edited November 4, 2020 by johnray

[teacherclaire]

 No, it's not the case for Thailand. 

 

It's considered impolite and rude not to say thank you, or khop Khun khrap/ka.

But you usually do that with a wai. 

 

A wai is used for many things. Saying hello, goodbye, thank you and sorry. 

 

And I don't think it's got anything to do with how much money someone has. 

[TC17]

I have gotten this feeling that "thank you" and "sorry" are unnecessary among close people.  I often get a perplexed look from those closest to me when saying these things.  Especially "sorry".

[Elizway]

6 hours ago, TC17 said:

I have gotten this feeling that "thank you" and "sorry" are unnecessary among close people.  I often get a perplexed look from those closest to me when saying these things.  Especially "sorry".

I think "sorry" is a lot more serious here than in the west (north America to be specific). 

[NE1]

If my Mrs makes me a cup ot tea or does food , I always say thank you .

Got taught to say thank you when we were kids by Mum , few thick ears later and it stuck with me.

Edited November 5, 2020 by NE1

[GarryP]

6 hours ago, TC17 said:

I have gotten this feeling that "thank you" and "sorry" are unnecessary among close people.  I often get a perplexed look from those closest to me when saying these things.  Especially "sorry".

Perhaps if you say "Sorry" for being slightly late. Being late seems to be the norm here, so they may be perplexed as to why you would apologize if you were only 5 minutes late. 

[luckyluke]

19 minutes ago, Elizway said:

I think "sorry" is a lot more serious here than in the west (north America to be specific). 

Not my opinion and experience. 

In 20 years I encountered many Thai being convinced that by saying "Sorry" everything is forgiven/forgotten/excused, and thus can be done again. 

[EthanElijah]

1 hour ago, Elizway said:

I think "sorry" is a lot more serious here than in the west (north America to be specific). https://19216811.cam/

i agree

Edited November 5, 2020 by EthanElijah

[1FinickyOne]

You can say or not say with family... but it is not required... you can/should be able to see 'thank you' in their eyes... it is mostly assumed that if you do something nice for someone, they feel grateful. 

[Stevemercer]

As a farang, most Thais would see us as being of uncertain status. So they usually err on the side of caution by treating us carefully. Excessive saying of sorry, thank you or waiing is sometimes seen as a farang thing.

 

But it is far better to be polite. Politeness goes a long way in smoothing over differences in any culture or society, including Thailand. 

[4MyEgo]

Was raised to ALWAYS say thank you and sorry, our kids have also been taught the same, even if I make the youngest some toast for breakfast it's thank you pappa, sweet and cute, but not necessary, but as she is 6 she has learned when someone does something for you, it is polite to acknowledge them and say thank you, perhaps this is why the teachers like and praise all of our kids.

 

As for the Thai's, never given it a second thought, same as above applies, I will give a wai, or say Kop Koon Krup, or Kato with a wai, as someone said above, most Thai's are a little reserved as they don't know how to really take us or communicate with us IMO, i.e. lack of real interaction, but usually relax, smile and accept my gesture with a smile when they feel they won't get bitten or abused by this farang.

 

The above said, never had to apologise to the family or say thank you, a slight rise of the head is usually the way we say g'day or thanks, as for sorry, never had to apologise for anything, although I did say to my mother-in-law once through my wife translating for me that I wanted my Sin Sot back as she sold me damaged goods, she laughed pushing her daughter back towards me with her hands also pushing in forward motion as to shoo off the chickens ????

 

[Lacessit]

I say thank you to anyone who has done something for me, race does not come into it. Just good manners.

[faraday]

21 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I say thank you to anyone who has done something for me, race does not come into it. Just good manners.

Like giving you Marmite instead of Vegemite.

 

Solly na.

[Bigz]

On 11/4/2020 at 5:54 PM, Elizway said:

In many Asian cultures, "thank you" is more reserved for those outside the close friends and family circle, and given as a sign of politeness and respect.

Those who are within the circle have an esteemed position and thus do not necessiate the formality, as so is how a verbal show of gratitude such as saying "thank you" is viewed...rigit, formal.

You are expected to do things for your close friends and famility. So when you say thank you to a friend or family, it's as if you are alienating yourself from them by using formalities used for strangers. 

 

Is the above true in Thailand? 

Who told you this nonsense? Every human on the planet love their egos massaged.

[Elizway]

2 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

Was raised to ALWAYS say thank you and sorry, our kids have also been taught the same, even if I make the youngest some toast for breakfast it's thank you pappa, sweet and cute, but not necessary, but as she is 6 she has learned when someone does something for you, it is polite to acknowledge them and say thank you, perhaps this is why the teachers like and praise all of our kids.

 

As for the Thai's, never given it a second thought, same as above applies, I will give a wai, or say Kop Koon Krup, or Kato with a wai, as someone said above, most Thai's are a little reserved as they don't know how to really take us or communicate with us IMO, i.e. lack of real interaction, but usually relax, smile and accept my gesture with a smile when they feel they won't get bitten or abused by this farang.

 

The above said, never had to apologise to the family or say thank you, a slight rise of the head is usually the way we say g'day or thanks, as for sorry, never had to apologise for anything, although I did say to my mother-in-law once through my wife translating for me that I wanted my Sin Sot back as she sold me damaged goods, she laughed pushing her daughter back towards me with her hands also pushing in forward motion as to shoo off the chickens ????

 

Are you Thai? 

[anterian]

I have a slight problem here my partner's name is Tiwa which then becomes Ta. This sometimes confuses people in the village as I tend to say ta for thanks. However after 16 years most villagers have adjusted to this resident farang they even know to wave rather than wai when they walk past.

 

[Kiujunn]

On 11/4/2020 at 6:54 PM, Elizway said:

In many Asian cultures, "thank you" is more reserved for those outside the close friends and family circle, and given as a sign of politeness and respect.

Those who are within the circle have an esteemed position and thus do not necessiate the formality, as so is how a verbal show of gratitude such as saying "thank you" is viewed...rigit, formal.

You are expected to do things for your close friends and famility. So when you say thank you to a friend or family, it's as if you are alienating yourself from them by using formalities used for strangers. 

 

Is the above true in Thailand? 

Yes.

But things are complicated. 

What you say - or not say - should fit your relationship (social distance and status in the hierarchy).

I assume you speak Thai when saying "thank you"?

 

Example:

Farang bf, 40, teacher. Thai gf, 24, student at Ram. Not a p4p relationship, they do care for each other. They communicate in Thai.

Gf tried very hard to find a nice birthday gift for bf, found something really unique,  which showed how much she cared for this guy. 

Bf speaks reasonably Thai and says "khop khun kap". 

Gf is hurt and angry.  Why? Because of the distance expressed by "khun" and "kap". (Do you know French/ Spanish/ German? Imagine addressing your gf using vous/Sie/Usted)

"Khopjai" would have been adequate. 

 

Now,  things are different if bf is 50 and a businessman, gf 24 without job. 

 

 

[pixelaoffy]

Saying sorry after making a mistake is certainty not something lots of Thais will do. 'Loss of face'

[NE1]

8 hours ago, pixelaoffy said:

Saying sorry after making a mistake is certainty not something lots of Thais will do. 'Loss of face'

I think that is the case worldwide now.

Nobody holds their hands up anymore  and says " sorry it was my fault "

It's always somebody elses fault.......

[Speedhump]

13 hours ago, faraday said:

Like giving you Marmite instead of Vegemite.

 

Solly na.

If given a jar of Patum Peperium I would given them a monk wai.

[hotchilli]

On 11/4/2020 at 8:55 PM, teacherclaire said:

It's considered impolite and rude not to say thank you, or khop Khun khrap/ka.

But you usually do that with a wai.

Always been well received if I've done it.

[dddave]

If giving for the sake of "Tamboon" or making merit, "thank you" is usually not given or expected as you are essentially making points for yourself.  Monks do not say "Thank you" for alms given.

In some instances, such as a younger person giving a special gift or food to an elder as a sign of respect and gratitude, a "Thank you" would not be expected.

[Jaggg88]

On 11/5/2020 at 1:52 AM, TC17 said:

I have gotten this feeling that "thank you" and "sorry" are unnecessary among close people.  I often get a perplexed look from those closest to me when saying these things.  Especially "sorry".

Saying sorry you lose face so they wonder why you want to do that.

[Acharn]

My experience is that you do say thank you to family or friends when they do something for you. I may have gotten it wrong, but from observation, I would say that you are not supposed to say thank you to people who are doing their job or fulfilling their duty. For example, you do not thank a waiter or waitress for bringing you the dishes you ordered.

[rumak]

me thinks you all think too mutt ............

[BritManToo]

26 minutes ago, Acharn said:

My experience is that you do say thank you to family or friends when they do something for you. I may have gotten it wrong, but from observation, I would say that you are not supposed to say thank you to people who are doing their job or fulfilling their duty. For example, you do not thank a waiter or waitress for bringing you the dishes you ordered.

That's odd, all the Thais on my moobaan say thanks to the security staff when they raise the entrance gates.

My kids say thanks (and a wai) when I hand them food or money, I say thanks when I send them out to get something from 7-11 for me.

 

You must live in a strange world where nobody says thanks.

[4MyEgo]

23 hours ago, Elizway said:

Are you Thai? 

Erh

[Acharn]

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

That's odd, all the Thais on my moobaan say thanks to the security staff when they raise the entrance gates.

My kids say thanks (and a wai) when I hand them food or money, I say thanks when I send them out to get something from 7-11 for me.

 

You must live in a strange world where nobody says thanks.

Really? That's why I included the reservation I might be wrong. I've never lived around Thais who had servants or staff, so I didn't know that. I know that the people I know wai and say thank you when I hand them money, but I thought that was because it was something outside of routine obligations. Well, I'm still trying to learn Thai culture, and often I neglect to ask a Thai.