Popular Post ballpoint Posted December 11, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2020 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted December 11, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2020 I came from a poor family. I once got two batteries for Christmas, with a note saying "toys not included". 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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sanuk711 Posted December 12, 2020 Share Posted December 12, 2020 . 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post sanuk711 Posted December 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 12, 2020 Have you been down to the supermarket recently ? 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post sanuk711 Posted December 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 12, 2020 Another random Amazon delivery, 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post ballpoint Posted December 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 12, 2020 Philip looks out of the window on Christmas Eve: “That’s some reindeer” he says. “67 years. Yes, that is a lot", replies the Queen. 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted December 12, 2020 Share Posted December 12, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted December 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 12, 2020 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted December 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 12, 2020 On the first Christmas morning, the three wise men walk into the manger. The first one steps in donkey poo…looks at his shoe and exclaims ‘Jesus Christ’…Mary looks up at Joseph and says…”Hey, that’s a better name than Keith. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chickenslegs Posted December 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 12, 2020 Q: What do elves do after school? A: Their gnome work! Q: What did the reindeer say before telling his joke? A: This one’ll sleigh you! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted December 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 13, 2020 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted December 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 13, 2020 My wife's warned me to be on my best behaviour with her mother this year. Two years ago I bought the old bat a cemetery plot for Christmas, and last year I didn't get her anything. When she asked me why, I replied "well, you still haven't used the gift I gave you last year". Who'd have thought an old woman would have such a good right hook? 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofarnorth Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 I can't recall where it came from but at least 30 years ago we sang in the pub at Xmas.........and I only remember it from 5. 5 Choir boys queer 4 Sh.. house doors 3 French whores 2 pairs of drawers and my Lord Montague of Buleigh . ok ,ok wrong spelling of Bewly . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 But, seriously, to all fellow members of Thai Visa. Well, most many some of them at least: Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2021, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make the country great. Not to imply that this country is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only country in the world. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wish. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Stocky Posted December 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 13, 2020 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crossy Posted December 13, 2020 Author Share Posted December 13, 2020 1 hour ago, toofarnorth said: I can't recall where it came from but at least 30 years ago we sang in the pub at Xmas.........and I only remember it from 5. 5 Choir boys queer 4 Sh.. house doors 3 French whores 2 pairs of drawers and my Lord Montague of Buleigh . ok ,ok wrong spelling of Bewly . RN version, hopefully redacted sufficiently to avoid the attentions of the bad words police. Twelve t**ts a twitching Eleven legs a locking Ten tits a trembling Nine knees a knocking Eight aching a***h***s Seven syphilitics Six convicted vicars (falsetto) Five choirboys queer Four s***house doors Three French whores Two pairs of draws and Lord Montague of Beaulieu. (Beaulieu incorrectly pronounced as Beau-li-eu) I seem to remember several variants of the last line involving a dose of VD and a used "French letter" (condom). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Mike Teavee Posted December 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 13, 2020 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Teavee Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 Great News, Santa is out of COVID lockdown, Christmas is saved... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanuk711 Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 How the Chinese view Christmas in the West 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stocky Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 On 12/8/2020 at 10:55 AM, ballpoint said: What do you call a blind dinosaur ? Doyouthinkhesawus. Have to correct you here What do you call a one eyed dinosaur? Doyouthinkhesawus What do you call a blind dinosaur? Heneversawus 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tifino Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 NO!, Alan... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tifino Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 a blonde xmas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomazbodner Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 19 hours ago, ballpoint said: Philip looks out of the window on Christmas Eve: “That’s some reindeer” he says. “67 years. Yes, that is a lot", replies the Queen. WhatsApp Video 2020-11-10 at 08.18.42.mp4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Stocky Posted December 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 13, 2020 (edited) UK 2020 Top 10 cracker jokes 1. What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas. 2. Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate! 3. Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled. 4. Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity. 5. Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen. 6. Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because eventually, it’s behind you. 7. Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn. 8. Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have. 9. What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread. 10. Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? Home Alone. . Edited December 13, 2020 by Stocky 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post tifino Posted December 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 13, 2020 for the homesick veteran expat in you... Baaad Santas new Sleigh 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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