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Do I tell my friend or not? Or best left unsaid.


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I'm in a moral quandary, I will outline the situation as briefly as possible. My disabled mate, married a Thai, knowing he will need care, with worsening motor neuron disease, he was up front with her before getting married, all in her name, he brought a house, a car, furnished it, thinking he was settled. She borrowed money, without telling him, for, so he was told her dad's dialysis hospital bills. There was no way she could ever pay it back and won't tell him how much. So had to do a runner up north. He was left with no option but to go with her, leaving his house behind and now paying rent, she put it up for rent or sale. I have spoken to him a couple of times a week and he has never mentioned, the house was sold or rented out. I just did a drive by his house, signs for sale or rent no longer there. A car was parked inside, gate shut. Now do I phone him and tell or leave it. I just don't want to add to his problems. he only has a few years left, living on a meager pension. 

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I would ! Just say it in passing, oh I see the house is occuped now ?   It could be squatters for all you know and he' d appreciate the heads up.

He's your mate. Only you know how much information you can trust each other with. Most mates talk, its what mates are for.

He is your friend and only you and him know how close that friendship is, if you look at the friendship and imagine it being you in his position would you want to be told or left in the dark ?  

1 hour ago, brianthainess said:

I just did a drive by his house, signs for sale or rent no longer there. A car was parked inside, gate shut. Now do I phone him and tell or leave it. I just don't want to add to his problems. he only has a few years left, living on a meager pension. 

Maybe the people she owned money to have taken the house as payment because she may have use it as collateral to get the money. 

Maybe she doesn't want to them him that. 

Personally I let it be because if you say something it might cause her to get up and leave him,  you wouldn't want that on your conscience.

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15 hours ago, brianthainess said:

A lot easier when you are not reliant on someone to wash and dress you.

 

At the time he didn't know it was me who told him, I knew he was away and stopped to drop off a gift in post box, it came as a complete surprise to him, and me to find out he was not coming back.

 

Thanks I hadn't really thought it through at the time, but now i know that's the obvious answer. his house is a 5hr drive away from mine, I'm only away myself on a jolly just thought I'd check it on passing. Thanks all for positive answers.

Keep in mind that the wife may desert him when the money runs out, in which case he is left with no wife to take care of him (would her type do that anyway?), and no money for hospital or nursing care. Personally, I would tell him straight.

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