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Something has come to my attention recently, which I found unpleasant and wanted to see what others think.

Brief background, Farang marries Thai girl, has son, gets divorced and starts a new family with another Thai lady. A very jealous one I might add.

Pays school fees and maintenance and maintains a 10,000 a month allowance after the boy is 18,(50% lower than before) as dad knows he can't earn enough at that age to adequately support himself. Travels from Bangkok once a year for the boys birthday when he is a kid, but as years go by makes excuses more often than not. He steps in when there is a dental or other emergency though.

The lad (now 20) has a girlfriend who lost her job when Covid arrived and his own decent job fell through, but he took whatever he could find working 12 hours a day, 30 days a month to at least bring in 12,000. From grand total 22K house and utilities eat 7K. With  the 10K OK, without very tough.

On the 20th of this month the allowance didn't arrive. Calls and emails went unanswered. With the father living in an area that has seen significant Covid concerns for his welfare were high.

After 4 days the boy gets a message from his grandparents in Europe informing him his father has cut him off, without having the decency to warn him in advance, on the grounds he is lazy and ungrateful. Both of those statements are blatantly untrue, of which I will personally attest.

Anyone working 50% of the hours in a month cannot be called lazy. He has very good manners and always thanks those who answer the phone to talk to him, if not in person. The father never calls his son, mostly doesn't answer the phone or reply to missed calls, messages or emails. Has no idea of his sons situation, yet tells his own parents he is lazy to justify cutting him off. The father is by no means poor by the way. Suspicion is 2nd wife has made him do it.

So, the lad is 20 last month. Old enough many would say to be able to fly the nest and make a life, and if dad always stumps up maybe the bird won't try to fly.

My question is this, and its not about should dad keep helping out an adult child, even though in the midst of a pandemic it's harsh to slash someones money, when options to earn more are low. It is if you are going to cut it, should the father  inform the son of his intentions in advance, or just not send the allowance 3 days before he knows the lads utilities and rent are due, not answer the phone or reply to emails and messages, and get his own parents to tell their grandson the bad news?

Please tell me what you think of someone who could drop their own son in a financial crisis like that and not have the nerve to tell him, to at least give time to prepare, either before, or even after he had done it?

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2 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

He should not simply pull the rug out and bury his head in the sand and get others to explain or deal with it, frankly, thats cruel in my book.

 

This young lad appears to be pulling his weight and deserves better from a parent than to be treated in that way.

Cruel is exactly the word that came to my mind and I know the parties very well.

I once had a situation where I had a new card from the bank and a couple of monthly payments didn't go through, and I assumed this would be the case here, as everyone thought his dad couldn't be so evil and spineless as to do it without warning. We were all wrong.

He is a nice lad, good manners, fluent in Thai and English, helps everyone, works his butt off and gets kicked in it by his own dad. Unbelievable!

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54 minutes ago, talahtnut said:

The son should take priority over the new wife, blood thicker than water etc.

I look at my Thai son 22 as an investment.

My English son is 41, and I still look after him, but he will always helps me out,

yesterday he popped a new gearbox in my old G wagon yesterday, saved me £2000.

Money supporting kids is better than money rotting in the bank. Wives come and go.

IMO that is  a very depressing thing to state !

Investing in the  potential of offspring is  one thing  but then  to acclaim the  selfish advantage ?

I have  six children from  3 marriages. Two are  step children  but despite  divorce of  mother  I and they  still consider  me as  a caring  parent  and  yet have  never  asked me for  extended  support  because they are aware of the fact they  are already of independent  age  and self responsibility and take it !

Blood thicker than  water? Wives  come  and  go? Not  husbands? Or  is that  ok? Children are  evaluated  in terms  of   self advantage ?

And of  course it remains a mystery as to  why so many  children once achieving an age of independence (or now so often many years  before) give their parents   the "big  Flip"!....Not !

 

 

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1 hour ago, Dumbastheycome said:

IMO that is  a very depressing thing to state !

Sad that you think in that way, none of my family is depressed, I gave my Benz SL to

my son and even paid my Ex's credit card bill off. Nobody suffers here matey.

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20 hours ago, talahtnut said:

Sad that you think in that way, none of my family is depressed, I gave my Benz SL to

my son and even paid my Ex's credit card bill off. Nobody suffers here matey.

Ah!   Were it only that such personal chivalry be so affordable to the majority !

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