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94 Year Old Father Moving to Thailand


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2 minutes ago, Sheryl said:

P.S. Re American TV, get USTVnow.  https://www.ustvnow.com/

 

He'll be able to see both current US TV and classic reruns. Works on comoputer which you can hook up to TV via HDMI. Also supposed to work on smart TVs but doesn't on mine.

 

My father (now deceased) had Alzheimers. One of his favorite things to do was sit and watch Seinfeld reruns. And owing to his lack of short term memory he could watch the same one infinite times without getting bored. (Those in the room with him would get pretty bored, though....!)

 

He also loved to listen to his favorite songs/music and likewise, could happily hear the same thing over & over. So be sure to bring over or order all his favorites.

 

These days with online shopping and internet etc, can create a good facsimile of US household life for an older person pretty easily.

Other options for free U.S. t.v. streaming.

 

News:

Watch American News Channels Live Streaming Online - LivenewsNow

Site and android app

 

Lots more including stuff like HBO

Watch live online TV channels broadcasting on the Internet - Free TV from all over the world (freeintertv.com)

Site only

 

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what you are trying to do is admirable. i wish you and your dad the best of luck😀

have you considered the cultural shock? maybe not a good idea, moving to a completely foreigner country with no prior visit, might become stressful and create a lot of anxiety for an old person. He mi

He's got nothing in USA and lives in a <deleted>hole. Since there is bad Covid in his area, he no longer leaves the house unless there is something urgent. It's been like that for a year now. Th

I moved abroad a long time ago and if I had known about Capitol One and Schwab being good deals for expats back then I would have opened when I lived in the U.S.  

 

Once you really leave there are very few options for opening NEW U.S. based accounts.

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18 hours ago, Ebumbu said:

 

He has medicare. Is this enough? I rather doubt private insurance is going to cover Thailand, as a previous poster said. Can try. Maybe travel insurance for starters? I am at the beginning of my journey now, so getting TV experts opinions. 

Medicare does not cover us Americans anywhere outside US territory.

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19 hours ago, Ebumbu said:

So, my father is 94 years old. We've discussed him moving to Thailand where I can look after him and he can live a nice life in the time he has left. He has enough savings to last the rest of his life, and he gets social security -- but his health is declining. He has mild-to-moderate dementia and various other ailments related to old age. My plan is to arrange everything possible from here in Thailand, where I live, then fly to USA for 1-2 months and fly over with him. 

 

My question is whether 94 is too old. Would immigrations object to my plan? He will be vaccinated for Covid before he leaves. Is an OA visa the best bet? He has a money phobia, so an Elite visa would be a very difficult sell, due to cost. It that a superior idea though? Once he's here, then I can arrange for a personal assistant, live in helper, community living, or whatever is needed and he likes. Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated. I've never attempted anything like this before, and he hasn't travelled much. 

 

Regarding banking, I suppose I'd need to get him a laptop and arrange for online banking. Currently, he literally visits his local banks whenever he needs to do banking. Thanks.

 

 

 

I guess the costs to think about is the costs if he ends up in hospital. If he has dementia then will he remember the passwords etc? It's a nice thought if you. 

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Personally I think you are a bit crazy to even consider it with his condition!  My mother will be 104 in 3 days. When she was 94 she was still doing fine and able to walk we had a chance to get her into a great program and even took a tour she refused my family member criticized me, of course when you need them never around, I didn't fight it but I also knew things can go south quick and sadly it did.

 

Because she turn down the opening she was moved back down the list two years later I had to return home to care for while we waited for an opening. I had some professional training when I was young after the second night I sat in the dark crying a grown man whether I will last.

 

I've been through some tough stuff growing up been in prison that was nothing compare to taking care of her there were times health care workers would drop by unannounced I thought they were checking on my mom but really was to check on me. It was emotional stressful I still remember one day she cried out that she needed to go to the bathroom I couldn't carry her in time she soiled all over herself.

 

She cry " don't touch me "  she was shamed but I carried her to the bathroom place her into the tub  we both cried like babies and laugh at the same time because she said how things have turn around that as my mother this is what she had to do when I was a baby now it was my turn!

 

Sure your money will go much further here in Thailand but watching him will take a toll on you emotionally even to an point of exhaustion of a break down.

 

People want to bash the U.S. but I found in spite of the government can't run anything not all their facilities you walk in and it smells of urine and <deleted>. There are lots of government program all you need to do is check learn and play the game. I waited but finally my mother was accepted into a sponsor program by the government she gets Medicare, Medi-cal, the program takes here Social Security and I kick out 650 USD each month for her room.

 

The program buys buildings and turn them into senior care facilities the buildings must meet all government codes. She is housed in a old Victorian her floor has 12 other rooms they aren't shared my mother room is basically 15x15 over looks the San Francisco Bay. The biggest factor every worker has been screened and when you walk in it is spotless and doesn't smell. She is fed 3 times a day although food is like hospital it is safe, clean and provide activities and have nurses and Doctors on hand.

 

Although I live here in Thailand I speak to the social workers once a week and they provide Zoom video so I can talk and see her whenever I want just as if I was still there. This program is an God sent it allows me to sleep in peace not worrying about her as much as I should.

 

Personally it is your choice I know how tough it is first hand and I've lived here 15 plus years and even if I was Bill Gates I would still keep her in the U.S. do more research find a program for him!  Good luck! 

 

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19 hours ago, GrandPapillon said:

have you considered the cultural shock? maybe not a good idea, moving to a completely foreigner country with no prior visit, might become stressful and create a lot of anxiety for an old person. He might not survive the trip after the first 6 months.

 

Old people needs their "anchor" in their daily routine to survive. Thailand is a country with a lot of "floating" anchors if you get my drift, it's going to be hard to survive emotionally in that environment if you are of a certain age.

I agree. In 1996 I brought my mother of 84 and my stepfather of 76 here from England so I could care for them. Both sharp and lucid. My mother loved it. My step father not so much. I'm sure they both missed their daily newspapers containing news pertaining to them. TV programs to which they were used to. And being able to walk to the shops and to talk to people in their own language with common interests. Facing things now I think it was a fifty, fifty success. Even though you miss the close proximity of your loved ones, it might be better to let them be looked after in familiar surroundings. I still have mixed feelings.

  

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18 minutes ago, thailand49 said:

Personally I think you are a bit crazy to even consider it with his condition!  My mother will be 104 in 3 days. When she was 94 she was still doing fine and able to walk we had a chance to get her into a great program and even took a tour she refused my family member criticized me, of course when you need them never around, I didn't fight it but I also knew things can go south quick and sadly it did.

 

Because she turn down the opening she was moved back down the list two years later I had to return home to care for while we waited for an opening. I had some professional training when I was young after the second night I sat in the dark crying a grown man whether I will last.

 

I've been through some tough stuff growing up been in prison that was nothing compare to taking care of her there were times health care workers would drop by unannounced I thought they were checking on my mom but really was to check on me. It was emotional stressful I still remember one day she cried out that she needed to go to the bathroom I couldn't carry her in time she soiled all over herself.

 

She cry " don't touch me "  she was shamed but I carried her to the bathroom place her into the tub  we both cried like babies and laugh at the same time because she said how things have turn around that as my mother this is what she had to do when I was a baby now it was my turn!

 

Sure your money will go much further here in Thailand but watching him will take a toll on you emotionally even to an point of exhaustion of a break down.

 

People want to bash the U.S. but I found in spite of the government can't run anything not all their facilities you walk in and it smells of urine and <deleted>. There are lots of government program all you need to do is check learn and play the game. I waited but finally my mother was accepted into a sponsor program by the government she gets Medicare, Medi-cal, the program takes here Social Security and I kick out 650 USD each month for her room.

 

The program buys buildings and turn them into senior care facilities the buildings must meet all government codes. She is housed in a old Victorian her floor has 12 other rooms they aren't shared my mother room is basically 15x15 over looks the San Francisco Bay. The biggest factor every worker has been screened and when you walk in it is spotless and doesn't smell. She is fed 3 times a day although food is like hospital it is safe, clean and provide activities and have nurses and Doctors on hand.

 

Although I live here in Thailand I speak to the social workers once a week and they provide Zoom video so I can talk and see her whenever I want just as if I was still there. This program is an God sent it allows me to sleep in peace not worrying about her as much as I should.

 

Personally it is your choice I know how tough it is first hand and I've lived here 15 plus years and even if I was Bill Gates I would still keep her in the U.S. do more research find a program for him!  Good luck! 

 

 

There are some excellent residential facilities in Thailand that cost a small fraction of what such care costs in the West. And it is pretty easy and affordable to get live-in or dialy care at home. 

 

In your case it sounds like you were caring for your mother  alone at home well past the point where she needed full time care, and that of course was a terrible situation. It does not sound like the OP's father is anywhere near that point now. This may of course change, but being in Thailand he can pretty readily bring in or increase at home help if and as it does. Worst case, there are some excellent residential facilities here which are much more affordable than in the US. Note that to get Medicaid cover one has to be essentially bankrupt, and  the OP's father has financial assets. In that scenario in the US people have to spend down all their assets first before Medicaid kicks in. Pretty sad for someone's life savings to be depleted in that way when they had other plans for how to leave that money. Not all facilities accept Medicaid and those who do, are often nowhere near as nice as the one your mother is in. You/she were lucky.

 

These are complex decisions that need to take a lot of factors into account. I am sure the OP has taken all into account. I don't think his situation if he brings his father over would be at all like what you went through back home with your mother.

 

 

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7 minutes ago, Gandtee said:

I agree. In 1996 I brought my mother of 84 and my stepfather of 76 here from England so I could care for them. Both sharp and lucid. My mother loved it. My step father not so much. I'm sure they both missed their daily newspapers containing news pertaining to them. TV programs to which they were used to. And being able to walk to the shops and to talk to people in their own language with common interests. Facing things now I think it was a fifty, fifty success. Even though you miss the close proximity of your loved ones, it might be better to let them be looked after in familiar surroundings. I still have mixed feelings.

  

 

A 94 year old with dementia is quite different from mentally intact 76 & 84 year olds.  His world is more likely to be limited to the home and he may well prefer (and will certainly be safer in) one shared with family than one where he lives alone, or being institutionalized.

 

It is of course quite different for people who are physically and mentally still up & about and active in the world, for them moving abroad can be quite a challenge and staying where they are  is a viable option.

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Perhaps @Peter Denis could chime in on the insurance part. He's been very knowledgeable in the past about insurance policies and he might know of a company who is willing to cover your 94 year old dad. Good luck!

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7 minutes ago, Sterling said:

Perhaps @Peter Denis could chime in on the insurance part. He's been very knowledgeable in the past about insurance policies and he might know of a company who is willing to cover your 94 year old dad. Good luck!

 

Cool. Glad I asked for some advice here. Creating a file with all I learned, including banks, insurance, and assisted-living places.  

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A lot of opinions here. Here is my 2 cents.

You may consider moving your father to Florida which is similar to Thailand and has millions of retired persons including me.

You also should consider rule--rent before you buy--which means your father may not like Thailand for whatever reason like, for example, I dont like China where I have 10 year visa.

As for banking--yes, you should have laptop and credit card or multiple credit cards and, generally, you dont need local bank account.

Another point is you should wait right now for couple months for situation to improve.

Do your home work before you jump into lake.

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My 2 cents :

An admirable decision by the op, assuming his father is 100% up for it and understands, to a certain degree, the long flight/quarantine/heat and humidity will take its toll initially.

The op should enquire whether he can share an ASQ room with his father, I think family members can share ?.

I think it’s already established, get Power of Attorney, a Non imm O visa ( or enter exempt then apply for O visa here ) and some insurance ( if possible ) to cover eventualities.

@Peter Denis can assist with visa and insurance questions.

@Sheryl can, and already has, assist with guidance on caring for the elderly.

 

My father is approaching 92 and in a care home in the U.K. so I do understand the op’s , and his fathers, decision to go this route. My father’s mobility and dementia make this not a option for him.

 

I wish the op and father all the best and hopefully they can share a few good years together.

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2 hours ago, Sheryl said:

 

There are some excellent residential facilities in Thailand that cost a small fraction of what such care costs in the West. And it is pretty easy and affordable to get live-in or dialy care at home. 

 

In your case it sounds like you were caring for your mother  alone at home well past the point where she needed full time care, and that of course was a terrible situation. It does not sound like the OP's father is anywhere near that point now. This may of course change, but being in Thailand he can pretty readily bring in or increase at home help if and as it does. Worst case, there are some excellent residential facilities here which are much more affordable than in the US. Note that to get Medicaid cover one has to be essentially bankrupt, and  the OP's father has financial assets. In that scenario in the US people have to spend down all their assets first before Medicaid kicks in. Pretty sad for someone's life savings to be depleted in that way when they had other plans for how to leave that money. Not all facilities accept Medicaid and those who do, are often nowhere near as nice as the one your mother is in. You/she were lucky.

 

These are complex decisions that need to take a lot of factors into account. I am sure the OP has taken all into account. I don't think his situation if he brings his father over would be at all like what you went through back home with your mother.

 

 

Everything you say is true especially the qualification with Medi-Cal, luckily I had lawyers in the family and we started spending down her assets years before her situation got worse. I noted when she was 94, she had the ability to still move around ( walk ) live on her own not much sign of dementia or Parkinson but two years later she started to fall a lot the senior program she was a member provided much of the day to day care coming by twice a day to make sure she ate and took whatever medication that was needed. 

 

My coming home to care for her was to make sure she didn't have a major accident the program wouldn't have accepted her if that was the case. Nevertheless another hard part was watching her basically go down hill daily that basically kills you inside and he noted that his father already has signs of dementia it can only get worse.  In the end, as you noted I'm lucky she is in a great program that has taken a lot of the burden off me knowing she is well taken care.

 

For myself I've wonder a lot if I get to that point whether I want to stay in Thailand but your opinion gives me a lot of food for thought when it comes to Thailand. What scares me the most is I might have my moms genes I certainly don't want to live that long. Thanks

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Sure if you can find a way .Youre never too old to learn ....But insurance ..Impossible ?  Hope not Hes lucky to have you as a caring son

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On 3/3/2021 at 11:47 PM, Ebumbu said:

 

He has medicare. Is this enough? I rather doubt private insurance is going to cover Thailand, as a previous poster said. Can try. Maybe travel insurance for starters? I am at the beginning of my journey now, so getting TV experts opinions. 

I haven't read all the responses yet but at least I know that medicare is only available inside the USA so he has no insurance...difficult to get a visa...as mentioned previously check out the requirements.  Even if you could find a company that covers international countries, not sure if he could still get a visa.

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20 hours ago, donnacha said:


Can you give any example of any Western bank doing such a thing?

Bank of America cancelled my account as I did not have a stateside address and telephone that they could call to "prove" I was living there.  It is a Treasury (DOJ) international law to counter money laundering and corruption in banking....I had the same account for 50 years and couldn't keep it. 

 

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14 hours ago, Sheryl said:

 

I believe SDFU is limited to people with certain past or present work affiliations?

SDFCU does not require prior work affiliations...you just join an association of overseas Americans like ACA or others that the bank will advise you to do ... membership in one of those orgs can be as low as 15 usd a year.   They mail credit cards  And their VISA has a 2% cash back.  I have been with them 2 years now and have had

no problems at all.  When I have called them they respond immediately.

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1 hour ago, Presnock said:

Bank of America cancelled my account as I did not have a stateside address and telephone that they could call to "prove" I was living there.  It is a Treasury (DOJ) international law to counter money laundering and corruption in banking....I had the same account for 50 years and couldn't keep it. 

 

 

I got a mail service I use for my US banks, including B of A. And I use Google Voice or Skype as the US phone number. B of A will send an SMS to Google Voice, if needed. They don't check for "validity" of the number. At least not so far. 

 

For Wells Fargo, got an RSA device mailed to my US address, who forwarded it to me. I can make wire transfers using this. More complicated as they don't SMS to Google Voice. However, another commenter here advised to get a burner phone on next visit to USA and which plan to use for cheap roaming from Thailand. Good info. Will review and consider this. 

 

Thank you to everyone! 

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On 3/3/2021 at 11:53 AM, Ebumbu said:

He's got nothing in USA and lives in a <deleted>hole. Since there is bad Covid in his area, he no longer leaves the house unless there is something urgent. It's been like that for a year now.

Confirmed!  Every day I regret ever walking on that plane march 16 in BKK........even the job I came home too was gone before it even started..now Im trapped in this disaster zone..sigh

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7 minutes ago, Sticky Rice Balls said:

Confirmed!  Every day I regret ever walking on that plane march 16 in BKK........even the job I came home too was gone before it even started..now Im trapped in this disaster zone..sigh

 

You'll be back here. Home is where your heart is.   🙂

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On 3/3/2021 at 9:38 AM, Jingthing said:

It seems highly unlikely that he'll be given an O visa in the U.S. based on retirement. That was not happening even for a long time even before the pandemic. 

 

Frankly in this particular situation a 5 year Elite Visa sounds like the best, maybe the only practically realistic possible path for him.

 

Apparently there is at least one decent enough (and cheap enough) care home situation in Chiang Mai that is equipped to deal with his condition. If he doesn't need such care right away, surely it's something to consider later.

Americans can longer retire in Thailand? What's the oldest age at which you can still get required insurance?

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On 3/4/2021 at 12:38 AM, Jingthing said:

It seems highly unlikely that he'll be given an O visa in the U.S. based on retirement. That was not happening even for a long time even before the pandemic. 

 

Frankly in this particular situation a 5 year Elite Visa sounds like the best, maybe the only practically realistic possible path for him.

 

Apparently there is at least one decent enough (and cheap enough) care home situation in Chiang Mai that is equipped to deal with his condition. If he doesn't need such care right away, surely it's something to consider later.

Sending people to homes is a horrible thing to do, especially in Thailand where you can get a couple of nurses for 10k each. How would you like it if your family put you in one in 10 years or so?

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3 hours ago, Presnock said:

Bank of America cancelled my account as I did not have a stateside address and telephone that they could call to "prove" I was living there.  It is a Treasury (DOJ) international law to counter money laundering and corruption in banking....I had the same account for 50 years and couldn't keep it. 

 

 

There is no law that requires a bank to cancel accounts with overseas addresses. Nor is it, as far as I know, a law that they must call you to prove you live where you live. There are requirements that banks perform due diligence but it is the bank's decision that this is how they want to go about it.

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