How To Help My Thai Wife Explore Her Sexuality

[rodeoooo]

Hi folks!

I could use some sincere help with my Thai wife.

As you know Thai's are very shy. I would like to assist my wife explore

here Female sexuality and sensuality.

Her english is not that good, and my Thai makes us both Laugh!

SO, what to do?

There are plenty of farang books on the subject, but unreadable for my wife.

Her friends and family are not a good source.

I am not talking about kinky things ( well, what is kinky )

I am referring to slow, seduction, teasing, candles, bathing etc.

I believe the Female body is exquisive, and to be pampered, aroused and nurtured.

This being said, with my shy Thai wife, because it is new or different, she falls back to the "ticklish" excuse

thanx in advance

r

[dee123]

....It might be a good idea to concentrate on fun together without sex for now as trying to persuade someone is likely to be pushing her away from the idea?

[JimmyTheMook]

A good ass spanking always helps

[dee123]

.....I utterly refute the idea that I enjoy being spanked!

[rodeoooo]

I have not been a frequent poster or reader her

despite my 2004 membership

sheesh, i can see this is a tough crowd!

I AM trying the playfull fun part.

Hoping for maybe a source for thai language books.....

and as for spanking......film at 11, as they say in the USofA ..................

[seonai]

The op asked for genuine responses boys

[Sheryl]

How long have you been married?

Unless it has already been quite long, I'd say just go slow. be patient, and show a lot of love before, during and after sex.

The "sex as fun" angle does not work for many women and is especially not going to work with a conservative Thai woman. "Sex is an expression of love" omn the other hand can work wonders in ov ercoming inhibitions. .

Of course, don't limit your affectionate/loving behavior to sex, but be sure to make that a big part of it.

Talk to her a lot before ,during and after sex. Loving talk...how you feel about her, how beautiful she is to you, etc.

Communicate.

Be sensitive to her responses and do not try to get her to enjoy things she doesn't like. This is not like trying to get someone to taste an unfamiliar food (altho tyhat is often the way it strikes men). Just accept her preferences and be patient; with time they will expand in scope.

Quite frankly, the male tendency to view sex as recreation is a big turn off to many women, especially in the context of what is supposed to be a meaningful relationship. it is going to have to be something more than that for her to enjoy it, otherwise it will just be a service she feels obligated to provide.

Sexual responses in both genders are heavily influenced by the mind, but this is even more so for women. Feeling loved and in love will do more to turn her on than any number of physical manuevers.

You need to convey to her that you desire her sexually because you love her, not because sex is enjoyable or the female body beautiful per se.

[seonai]

Nice one Sheryl

[Oleg_Rus]

You asked - how to convert nice and sane native girl/lady into raving harlot, ie your pleasure toy?

you're bad, man. But I adore your shameless sincerity :-)

Edited November 5, 2007 by Oleg_Rus

[villagefarang]

This is really an issue that should have been dealt with before you got married. The time to address this is likely past and you will just have to cope. Everyone has different sexual needs and are not very likely to change that much.

If you are not extremely compatible during the lusty days of new love then things are not apt to improve after long years together or after childbirth.

I don't mean to be harsh or insensitive but she has equal rights to her own feelings and responses to sex. It may not be fair to impose yours on her. It is not something that can be forced.

Anyway, good luck and I hope it is not a deal breaker for you.

[rodeoooo]

How long have you been married?

Unless it has already been quite long, I'd say just go slow. be patient, and show a lot of love before, during and after sex.

The "sex as fun" angle does not work for many women and is especially not going to work with a conservative Thai woman. "Sex is an expression of love" omn the other hand can work wonders in ov ercoming inhibitions. .

Of course, don't limit your affectionate/loving behavior to sex, but be sure to make that a big part of it.

Talk to her a lot before ,during and after sex. Loving talk...how you feel about her, how beautiful she is to you, etc.

Communicate.

Be sensitive to her responses and do not try to get her to enjoy things she doesn't like. This is not like trying to get someone to taste an unfamiliar food (altho tyhat is often the way it strikes men). Just accept her preferences and be patient; with time they will expand in scope.

Quite frankly, the male tendency to view sex as recreation is a big turn off to many women, especially in the context of what is supposed to be a meaningful relationship. it is going to have to be something more than that for her to enjoy it, otherwise it will just be a service she feels obligated to provide.

Sexual responses in both genders are heavily influenced by the mind, but this is even more so for women. Feeling loved and in love will do more to turn her on than any number of physical manuevers.

You need to convey to her that you desire her sexually because you love her, not because sex is enjoyable or the female body beautiful per se.

WOW, where have YOU been

i really appreciate your insight

i know there are heaps of detractors out there

question:

lets go with the unfamiliar food concept......

untill you taste it, try it hot, cold, spicey, salted and unsalted, how do you know if you like it or not?

in fact, some of my favorite foods were an aquired taste.....

as for physical gymnastics, that part is great

it is the s l o w.... part that i want to bring out

i like the communication part, verbaling cherishing her as well as the physical carress

i think what i need to do is be able to verbaly express my feelings and desires in thai

simply to say "that feels good" or " i want to xyz" is not truely communications

or "does that feel good" that doesnt work

slow, gentle carresing and kissing of the entire anatomy so far has been a challenge

i am patient, and DO love and respect my Wife...

as for one of the questions, married 2 months, but pre marriage limited sex as she is very proper and reserved

we have just gotten over the hump (no pun, well yes a pun) regarding the size of the "wet spot". At least she doesnt jump up now and change the sheets . She is not sure that this is a good thing.......

another topic:

Is there some Thai thing about candle lit love makeing

i have gotten no points on this one

a couple of candles did nothing

and a room full scared her

what gives w/ that?

keep the suggestions coming

again

thank you in advance

(i could be more specific but i do not know the board ettiqute, and am reluctant to do out of respect)

addionally, awaking my Wifes sexuality is what i desire

"a raving harlot" is NOT what i seek

possibly consider that i am not a twisted yank, but actually a caring husband..........

[bina]

from what i know of the men that have discussed this with me (thai country men with no education with wives from the same village and background), most of their wives do not have the same 'romantic' style that we (well most of us) westerners are familiar with. sex is something that is done to make babies and a husband's right. also, thai men are not verbal about 'love, feelings, bla bla' ; they show it in other ways. a thai man will offer his wife food, choice bits, and put it on her plate. he will 'take care of her' in ways that seem to u as trivial. 'intimate exploration' is not often a preference. (my husband was equally unfamiliar but had 'seen movies' so was willing to try, for him also...) .

candles are used in religious/ghost rituals as are incense. they are a no no.

cute toys (teddy bears with hearts etc), photos together are more the 'romantic courtship' type things that many of the women seem to prefer.

and your wife probably doesnt think that she needs to seek her sexuality. unless she is a trendy cosmopolitan that reads all the latest in 'finding yourself' etc, it might not interest her. self fulfillment for many thai women is having children and taking care of the home, working at a decent job that is sabai sabai (easygoing,fun) and thats that. sex is just part of being married but not the major part. many thai women i'm sure do enjoy sex and fun things but many are very conservative and are of the lay on the back and do it school.

and most thai women will jump up and shower after...

another point: in general (yes general so no one jump down my throat) thais do not like to analyze feelings and discuss them. psychobabble is not their thing. u just have to learn the lay of the land. and yes there are thai women in touch with themselves and their sexuality. i have met a few. but not too many. and rarely from the less educated groups it seems.

u might try finding those women magazines that carry articles (in thai) about food, family, fun cause i believe they do have articles along the lines of 'spicing up married life' kind of stuff. they have them on the internet (hubby showed me: u know, yoga, lifestyle , romantic ideas in bed kind of articles, but in thai.)

bina

[rodeoooo]

Great insight

i had forgotten she has tole me several times she is "not romantic"

yes she LOVES the teddy bears and photos from the kiosks

hmm, will try the magizines, bue since i dont read thai and dont want to shoot myself in the foot...

are there any Thai ladies here that can suggest a book or magizine?

r

[YangYaiEric]

from what i know of the men that have discussed this with me (thai country men with no education with wives from the same village and background), most of their wives do not have the same 'romantic' style that we (well most of us) westerners are familiar with. sex is something that is done to make babies and a husband's right. also, thai men are not verbal about 'love, feelings, bla bla' ; they show it in other ways. a thai man will offer his wife food, choice bits, and put it on her plate. he will 'take care of her' in ways that seem to u as trivial. 'intimate exploration' is not often a preference. (my husband was equally unfamiliar but had 'seen movies' so was willing to try, for him also...) .

candles are used in religious/ghost rituals as are incense. they are a no no.

cute toys (teddy bears with hearts etc), photos together are more the 'romantic courtship' type things that many of the women seem to prefer.

and your wife probably doesnt think that she needs to seek her sexuality. unless she is a trendy cosmopolitan that reads all the latest in 'finding yourself' etc, it might not interest her. self fulfillment for many thai women is having children and taking care of the home, working at a decent job that is sabai sabai (easygoing,fun) and thats that. sex is just part of being married but not the major part. many thai women i'm sure do enjoy sex and fun things but many are very conservative and are of the lay on the back and do it school.

and most thai women will jump up and shower after...

another point: in general (yes general so no one jump down my throat) thais do not like to analyze feelings and discuss them. psychobabble is not their thing. u just have to learn the lay of the land. and yes there are thai women in touch with themselves and their sexuality. i have met a few. but not too many. and rarely from the less educated groups it seems.

u might try finding those women magazines that carry articles (in thai) about food, family, fun cause i believe they do have articles along the lines of 'spicing up married life' kind of stuff. they have them on the internet (hubby showed me: u know, yoga, lifestyle , romantic ideas in bed kind of articles, but in thai.)

bina

Yeah, my wife regularly reads 'Kwan Learn' and 'Koo San Koo Som' (Both in Thai of course!). She is alwasy coming up with lots of new twists and plots in our physical relationship I have NO complaints!

Edited November 5, 2007 by YangYaiEric

[Sheryl]

question:

lets go with the unfamiliar food concept......

untill you taste it, try it hot, cold, spicey, salted and unsalted, how do you know if you like it or not?

in fact, some of my favorite foods were an aquired taste.....

as for physical gymnastics, that part is great

it is the s l o w.... part that i want to bring out

i like the communication part, verbaling cherishing her as well as the physical carress

i think what i need to do is be able to verbaly express my feelings and desires in thai

simply to say "that feels good" or " i want to xyz" is not truely communications

or "does that feel good" that doesnt work

slow, gentle carresing and kissing of the entire anatomy so far has been a challenge

i am patient, and DO love and respect my Wife...

as for one of the questions, married 2 months, but pre marriage limited sex as she is very proper and reserved

we have just gotten over the hump (no pun, well yes a pun) regarding the size of the "wet spot". At least she doesnt jump up now and change the sheets . She is not sure that this is a good thing.......

another topic:

Is there some Thai thing about candle lit love makeing

i have gotten no points on this one

a couple of candles did nothing

and a room full scared her

what gives w/ that?

keep the suggestions coming

again

thank you in advance

2 months is a very short time. Even in the west, many -- I would venture to say most -- women have not fully "awoken"sexually only 2 months after starting regular sexual relations for the first time.

A "nice"Thai woman with conservative uprbinging is going to need even longer.

Be patient.

in keeping with what I said before about not pushing the "sex is fun"idea, talk about what does and doesn't feel good isn't going to go over very well. Just talk about how much you love her, how beautiful she is, how lucky you feel to have a wife like her, etc.

As for the "I want to do xyz", you're best off not trying to introduce too much variety at this point. She's still getting used to garden variety intercourse...and it does take some getting used to, for a woman. (Don't forget, it's actually painful the first time for a woman, and sometimes for the first few times...and it involves having one's body penetrated by someone else. this is very different from the male experience).

You may scare her off by trying to be too inventive too early. Wait till she's clearly enjoying the basics before you try to move on to anything more.

[Tarqin]

Conservative/Traditional Thai women have BIG intimacy issues what Sheryl says is good advice but let me add one that sounds downright silly but trust me it works.

Even if you two are the only ones in the condo get a lock on the bedroom door and lock it and say 'what happens in here between us just for us not anyone else'.

Kinda seems to give a bit of reassurance that its OK to let go.

[girlx]

Quite frankly, the male tendency to view sex as recreation is a big turn off to many women, especially in the context of what is supposed to be a meaningful relationship. it is going to have to be something more than that for her to enjoy it, otherwise it will just be a service she feels obligated to provide.

Sexual responses in both genders are heavily influenced by the mind, but this is even more so for women. Feeling loved and in love will do more to turn her on than any number of physical manuevers.

yay! so true...

i know for me if a guy seems to just want to f*** me like i am an object, unless i am in a rare mood it is a total turn off. there has to be some emotional connection before it can be hot. my bf and i have the best sex after a fight! ack. shouldn't be that way but it's make up sex, isn't it, when we apologize to each other and confess our undying love. sincere intimacy is the biggest turn on for most women.

[DamianMavis]

How long have you been married?

Unless it has already been quite long, I'd say just go slow. be patient, and show a lot of love before, during and after sex.

The "sex as fun" angle does not work for many women and is especially not going to work with a conservative Thai woman. "Sex is an expression of love" omn the other hand can work wonders in ov ercoming inhibitions. .

Of course, don't limit your affectionate/loving behavior to sex, but be sure to make that a big part of it.

Talk to her a lot before ,during and after sex. Loving talk...how you feel about her, how beautiful she is to you, etc.

Communicate.

Be sensitive to her responses and do not try to get her to enjoy things she doesn't like. This is not like trying to get someone to taste an unfamiliar food (altho tyhat is often the way it strikes men). Just accept her preferences and be patient; with time they will expand in scope.

Quite frankly, the male tendency to view sex as recreation is a big turn off to many women, especially in the context of what is supposed to be a meaningful relationship. it is going to have to be something more than that for her to enjoy it, otherwise it will just be a service she feels obligated to provide.

Sexual responses in both genders are heavily influenced by the mind, but this is even more so for women. Feeling loved and in love will do more to turn her on than any number of physical manuevers.

You need to convey to her that you desire her sexually because you love her, not because sex is enjoyable or the female body beautiful per se.

Eep... wheres the UMPH UMPH UMPH and the BANG BANG BANG! Wheres the passion and the lust and the orgasms?! CMON! heh

Ok DUDE, listen to ME. Another MAN with ACTUAL experience training women to be comfortable with their sexuality (which equates to being a good lover). My friends and I have a running joke..... why do we keep hooking up with women that we have to train up over long periods of time, just to break up with down the road and some other dude gets the benefits of all our hard work. How come we NEVER get the girls pretrained?! Because so few men know how to do it thats why.

Ok, you already paid for the cow, now go get that milk buddy! (joke about "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free", not a reference to your wife being a cow....) She already KNOWS you love her, YOU ARE MARRIED, time to teach her all about the joys of marriage! No need to develop trust and a connection and all that BECAUSE YOU DID ALL THAT ALREADY RIGHT?! She is only going to learn about her sexuality by having sex. You tell her daily you love her and how much she means to you, no need to say all that again and again during sex. Seriously, pleasure her, that is step one. Just start doing it, alot, daily at least, several times a day is going to speed up this process dramatically. Go down on her for extended periods of time at the start. Get her used to relaxing when getting pleasure, get her used to the pleasure. Show her the amount of effort you put into her pleasure, show her that her pleasure is the most important thing in the world to you. I hope you know how to use that mouth of yours...... if not, well do your best ok buddy?! If you can make her orgasm with your mouth then you're well on your way, if not just give it some time, she might not have relaxed yet or you might not have the leet skills yet, but both should improve with time, change your tactics based on how she reacts. Start light and slow and build up the pressure and speed slowly if she responds to it well. If she enjoys it more and more as you build up pressure and speed she will reach orgasm if you continue, so DONT STOP. Unless you really feel like she isnt getting more and more into it.

Anyway, moving right along..... if she isnt prepared to go down on you after that, be a little patient. BUT not too patient. Once or twice of you working your tongue off with no reciprocal action on her part is enough, you have to let her know that you expect her to take YOUR pleasure as seriously as you take HERS. After all, that is what caring people that love each other do for each other right? If it really is a problem or she starts and then stops fairly soon then 69 is your friend. I've been with girls that couldnt go down for more than 20 seconds without complaining for whatever reason but amazingly could go indefinately when in a 69.... seems like it is easier for the hard case ones to get into it when they are feeling pleasure at the same time. By the way.... dont go asking for all this stuff right? JUST DO IT. Pick her up and move her into position or place yourself into position. Cripes one of the biggest mistakes with a shy woman is to ASK her to do something or ask her to get into a postion. Ya GOODLUCK with that! If they are shy they will not suddenly jump on top of you to 69 when you asked her to! haha In fact asking will just make her MORE shy (if shyness is her problem). But... just doing also has the added bonus of the erotic male demonstation of power and strength and aggressiveness. Women DO like that, but sometimes it takes time, at the very least show her what you want to do.

Ok, onto intercouse. Well alot here depends on your ability...... so my advice is pretty limitted because for all I know you squirt in less than a minute and nothing I say will make her like that more... so if you can't go A LONG TIME than practice and work on that first. Ideally you should have complete control of your own body and YOU decide when you will orgasm. If you do have problems with that kind of thing pm me and I will give you all kinds of advice on how to train your own body so you have control of it. If its not a problem than listen up: your sole concern here again is her pleasure. Try to bring her to orgasm obviously and get her to enjoy it as much as possible. Do different positions and pay attention to ones that seem to be better for her, try grinding your pubic bone on her clitoris at close range and try deep thrusts and see which makes her react more strongly. Alternate between penetration and going down on her, as before show her how much her pleasure means to you and that she is really sexy to you. It is REALLY hard for someone to stay uncomfortable with their sexuality when they keep cumming! Show her how good sex can be and she will adapt and change. If you can't get her to orgasm AT ALL, well its going to take alot longer and alot more work but it can happen. Without the orgasms... she won't fully get comfortable with her sexuality, she needs to KNOW about her sexuality and all it entails first. If you are really having trouble getting her to orgasm, try using your hand. Some girls can only cum that way, dunno why but I've seen it a few times. Hope you know how to use your hand too!

I know by your first post you are into alot of the sweet sensitive stuff.... well, sex is sex.... the act itself is what needs repetitive practice... all that stuff about seduction and candles..... well, I would just drop to my knees and go like a happy puppy but maybe that is just me.

Damian

[kat]

uhm, very well posted.

[mssabai]

Damian, you are me hero please write a book and I will give one to every man that I know. And the ones that I don't but would like to

ps - I really would like to agree with the "don't talk, just do" philosophy. Get over the intimacy issues first and then when she is comfortable you can move onto the dirty talk. Speaking from personal experience as a not unlibertaed woman, talking still makes me cringe when I am only just starting to get comfortable with someone.

[villagefarang]

Damian

Man, what a player. Your post was obviously targeted at the women not the men. You obviously have some skills cause you sure have them eating out of your hand in this thread. Takes one to know one.

[rodeoooo]

I think we are on the right track

I am back in the USofA now earning a baht or two

will continue shortly

Damian

we are on the same page, orally at least...

we are getting over the problem of too many oral orgasms

she is getting more comfortable with her amount of pleasure

i can get over the "mini coma" after her double O's

we are working on the problem of her exess lubrication

(i hope i am not being too graphic here, but i think she is a squirter...)

it is a double edge sword, it REALLY turns me on, but it embarrases her

bw

Edited November 7, 2007 by rodeoooo

[Momo8]

What's wrong with a guy (referring to Damian here) who is in touch with his own sexuality and sensuality and knows how to please a woman??? Kudos Damian at least you are not the jump on top wham bam thank you m'am type.

[bina]

rodeoo,

we, that is i , have the same over lubrication problem which is great if u take into account that i am at the start of menopause (when many women 'dry up'); we use a towel/sarong/sheet whatever, under us and as a 'clean up after or dry off a bit during' kind of thing;

i keep a clean asthetic (not funky ripped or shredded but pretty, clean and dark coloured) supply of longue/sarongs/towels in a drawer near by that is easy access and helps with the 'wet cold' feeling of sheets and nether areas after... its for me more then him as i dont like that 'wet yucky' kind of feeling during or after... the sheet towel whatever is whipped off to the laundry bin in the a.m. pronto. this helps also after days when periods are finished but sometimes there is still slight 'spotting /colouring' since he doesnt mind the days after and i got over the jewish 'purda' of 7 totally clean days a while ago. that one actually took a while btw.

definately lock the door; i forgot about that one, especially if u have kids that dont knock; if noise is a problem, then turn on music (we have a small apartment and thin walls with windows facing pubescent teenage kids rooms)

[canadiangirl]

I know by your first post you are into alot of the sweet sensitive stuff.... well, sex is sex.... the act itself is what needs repetitive practice... all that stuff about seduction and candles..... well, I would just drop to my knees and go like a happy puppy but maybe that is just me.

Damian

I'm with Damian on this one. Forget candles: orgasms for her is the key!

Good post, Damian -- I can't say I've said this often on TV , but your girlfriend is one lucky girl.

[dee123]

How long have you been married?

Unless it has already been quite long, I'd say just go slow. be patient, and show a lot of love before, during and after sex.

The "sex as fun" angle does not work for many women and is especially not going to work with a conservative Thai woman. "Sex is an expression of love" omn the other hand can work wonders in ov ercoming inhibitions. .

Of course, don't limit your affectionate/loving behavior to sex, but be sure to make that a big part of it.

Talk to her a lot before ,during and after sex. Loving talk...how you feel about her, how beautiful she is to you, etc.

Communicate.

Be sensitive to her responses and do not try to get her to enjoy things she doesn't like. This is not like trying to get someone to taste an unfamiliar food (altho tyhat is often the way it strikes men). Just accept her preferences and be patient; with time they will expand in scope.

Quite frankly, the male tendency to view sex as recreation is a big turn off to many women, especially in the context of what is supposed to be a meaningful relationship. it is going to have to be something more than that for her to enjoy it, otherwise it will just be a service she feels obligated to provide.

Sexual responses in both genders are heavily influenced by the mind, but this is even more so for women. Feeling loved and in love will do more to turn her on than any number of physical manuevers.

You need to convey to her that you desire her sexually because you love her, not because sex is enjoyable or the female body beautiful per se.

Nice one Sheryl[/quote

Edited November 7, 2007 by dee123

[dee123]

sorry Sheryl the "sex for fun" angle was not suggested by me .........you might have have misunderstood ......have fun i.e. become closer,do things together ect

[dee123]

Hi folks!

I could use some sincere help with my Thai wife.

As you know Thai's are very shy. I would like to assist my wife explore

here Female sexuality and sensuality.

Her english is not that good, and my Thai makes us both Laugh!

SO, what to do?

There are plenty of farang books on the subject, but unreadable for my wife.

Her friends and family are not a good source.

I am not talking about kinky things ( well, what is kinky )

I am referring to slow, seduction, teasing, candles, bathing etc.

I believe the Female body is exquisive, and to be pampered, aroused and nurtured.

This being said, with my shy Thai wife, because it is new or different, she falls back to the "ticklish" excuse

thanx in advance

r

sorry rodeo but the last time I heared words like this it was being said by Peter Cushin or Christopher Lee!

[DamianMavis]

Damian

Man, what a player. Your post was obviously targeted at the women not the men. You obviously have some skills cause you sure have them eating out of your hand in this thread. Takes one to know one.

Uh thanks! I think....

I think we are on the right track

I am back in the USofA now earning a baht or two

will continue shortly

Damian

we are on the same page, orally at least...

we are getting over the problem of too many oral orgasms

she is getting more comfortable with her amount of pleasure

i can get over the "mini coma" after her double O's

we are working on the problem of her exess lubrication

(i hope i am not being too graphic here, but i think she is a squirter...)

it is a double edge sword, it REALLY turns me on, but it embarrases her

bw

Thats good, sounds like it is just a matter of time and you really don't need too much advice since things are moving right along in positive directions. Just keep telling her that the way she is, is normal. There are lots of women just like her, even if it is the minority, she is definately not alone and shouldn't feel embarassed or shy about being a "squirter". Let her know how much it turns you on. I wouldn't worry about being too graphic after my post heh.

Thanks to everyone for the positive feedback... really wasn't sure if what I wrote was going to freak people right out.

Damian

[seonai]

Damian - the new Ladies hero