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BANGKOK 24 May 2019 12:22
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macb

What Do I Do

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...As I said above, regardless in whose name the property is registered, following a divorce it is shared 50/50.

In case of the land, this may not be true. Whenever my wife bought land, I always had to go along and sign a statement, that the land is the only property of my wife and that I would have no rights to it in case of a divorce or if my wife died.

---

But there is another point: Macb's wife and her family will probably be soon aware, that they can not keep it running without an income - which they most probably do not have. This is where your (Macb) and your wife's interest still join: You have both still a lot to loose: your own losses are now all too apparent for you - but your wife will be in a difficult situation without you soon: an ex mia farang with a baby and a house to big to keep it running and no money to pay the daily bills. Once the house is sold (and it will be difficult to get a fair price for it), she will be back to field zero, but with a child to take care for... She may realize this soon - hopefully before she actually sells the house.

As long as she was with you, she was attractive in the same way as most farangs are. Without you, this attraction will fade away quickly. Maybe she went up he ladder of success to fast to keep a cool head.

Maybe you were not considerate enough and - feeling yourself too secure - let yourself go to much: Thais need a daily portion of sweet words in their ears.

Give yourself (and your wife) time to realize the new situation. Avoid confrontations and play for time.

In your situation, I would consider to give her now some generous pocket money (to demonstrate, that I still care) and take a trip away for at least a month, maybe without mentioning this time limit to her (to demonstrate, that I can live without her). Then phone from time to time (but not too often) just to say hello and to hear if - and how - the tone changes, or make contact with common friends and hear what is told. Thais are artists in this kind of communication and passing signs along. They will understand and they will play along. Just be sure, that you do not demonstrate that you are incapable of living without her. This would put you at her mercies.

In short: Head up, Macb! In a few years you may remember this episode as one of the most interesting times of your life. Nothing is lost yet. In fact it may be a good policy to demonstrate, that you can have a marvelous time without her (I do not think about short time o-o or the ap-op-nuat kind of fun - this would only pour oil in the fire) and then let it shine through, that you may enjoy it together with her and your daughter even more.

This advise goes in the same direction as an other poster put it maybe a bit too pointed: your balls belong into your pants: take the initiative away from her and start acting, instead of reacting. Play the role of a Phi and put her in the role of the Nong - as any Thai man would. This has nothing to do with being a macho or a despot; just be a leader. Paying all the bills, gives you certainly the right to be the leader!

Best regards and wishes

Thedi

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THANKS AGAIN TO EVERYONE FOR EVERYTHING

Its keeping my head above water my friends and those that I have met face to face thanks again :

Only last month I doubled her as they call it Salary but there was no response ;

I worked 30 yrs for my police pension but all I get is how much you save this month, when you buy land bla bla bla :

As I have said before I have done all the caring for a large portion of the Family.... Thanks are few and far between but I still keep giving I AGREE SHE PEEKED THE LOOK WHAT I GOT LADDER TO QUICKLY:

Another suggestion is a 30 year lease the truck in my name and I care for daughter and she has access whenever she wants

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Of course on a Jovial look at this if I keep typing I will soon be hitting 2000 posts :o

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Mac,

I really am sorry to hear about your situation. My wife and I were both looking forward to visiting you on our next trip.....I hope we can still get together.

Time heals all wounds....try to remember that....I know it's hard to do.

Oh and by the way....my wife has a good looking sister, single,in her 30's, Postal manager, and would love to meet a fine gent such as yourself :o

Enjoy life with your daughter...you were blessed with her arrival....her smiles will carry you through.

Feel free to let me know if we can help you in any way.

Eric and Pan

You better PM me a pic then, its about time I got me EMS charges dropped :D

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...As I said above, regardless in whose name the property is registered, following a divorce it is shared 50/50.

In case of the land, this may not be true. Whenever my wife bought land, I always had to go along and sign a statement, that the land is the only property of my wife and that I would have no rights to it in case of a divorce or if my wife died.

---

But there is another point: Macb's wife and her family will probably be soon aware, that they can not keep it running without an income - which they most probably do not have. This is where your (Macb) and your wife's interest still join: You have both still a lot to loose: your own losses are now all too apparent for you - but your wife will be in a difficult situation without you soon: an ex mia farang with a baby and a house to big to keep it running and no money to pay the daily bills. Once the house is sold (and it will be difficult to get a fair price for it), she will be back to field zero, but with a child to take care for... She may realize this soon - hopefully before she actually sells the house.

As long as she was with you, she was attractive in the same way as most farangs are. Without you, this attraction will fade away quickly. Maybe she went up he ladder of success to fast to keep a cool head.

Maybe you were not considerate enough and - feeling yourself too secure - let yourself go to much: Thais need a daily portion of sweet words in their ears.

Give yourself (and your wife) time to realize the new situation. Avoid confrontations and play for time.

In your situation, I would consider to give her now some generous pocket money (to demonstrate, that I still care) and take a trip away for at least a month, maybe without mentioning this time limit to her (to demonstrate, that I can live without her). Then phone from time to time (but not too often) just to say hello and to hear if - and how - the tone changes, or make contact with common friends and hear what is told. Thais are artists in this kind of communication and passing signs along. They will understand and they will play along. Just be sure, that you do not demonstrate that you are incapable of living without her. This would put you at her mercies.

In short: Head up, Macb! In a few years you may remember this episode as one of the most interesting times of your life. Nothing is lost yet. In fact it may be a good policy to demonstrate, that you can have a marvelous time without her (I do not think about short time o-o or the ap-op-nuat kind of fun - this would only pour oil in the fire) and then let it shine through, that you may enjoy it together with her and your daughter even more.

This advise goes in the same direction as an other poster put it maybe a bit too pointed: your balls belong into your pants: take the initiative away from her and start acting, instead of reacting. Play the role of a Phi and put her in the role of the Nong - as any Thai man would. This has nothing to do with being a macho or a despot; just be a leader. Paying all the bills, gives you certainly the right to be the leader!

Best regards and wishes

Thedi

Yep I have been the yes yes man do do man now its changing I am the boss and yes I can live without her thanks pal once again (Your keyboard must need to cool down)

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Your daughter will have no future living with you. You are too old to rise a baby. Hence she will have to stay with her mother. Maybe you should support her father. Supporting someone for years without any personal contact is frustrating: it would make you feel like an ATM, this does not meet your requirements.

How old is the OP?

Edited by qualtrough

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Hi Mac

I am sorry to hear your news but like many others on here offer support. In most cases like this its the nice guy that gets hurt. People don't change so quick without a reason. have you or your wife been playing away so to speak which can strain a relationship. If there were to be a Thai guy involved then watch your back at the moment and keep in the company of friends to give good advice and make sure you are not alone. It may sound a little paranoid but you hear so many stories about thai guys bumping off farangs to get their dirty hands on the wife's money that you should be aware of family around this time if they do not have your best interests at heart any longer. If its the begining of the end then take your daughter and cut your loses. The land will never be yours and at best you could argue for an eternity over the house that's sitting on it. Take your car and daughter and leave the family to support themselves. Care only for the best and most important people in your life right now ie... you and your daughter. You have a pension still so all is not lost. Get back on your feet let your head settle and things will no doubt change for the better. At the moment when you stay around your wife you will be full of nothing but confusion so best to get out now and clear your thoughts. No guilt, No blame just go you did your best and it did not work out. They are not all the same and the next will be much nicer. Just spend longer finding out before jumping in with both feet. Fine someone who fallls in love with your daughter and you then you are on the right road.

I'm sure all will be better soon for you and happier times are ahead for your daughter and you ...let the other thais have regrets about their loss.

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Dear Mac,

I hope that things work out and that we continue to receive your interesting posts on the forum. I have the feeling that many of us could easily be in your position, "but for the grace..."etc. I've been married for five years and seem to be lucky so far, but I have noticed a few untoward goings-on involving other mia farang in our village, and have reached the conclusion that problems are more common than we like to think. Several posters have given good advice. The bits that seem most pertinent to me are: avoid precipitous action and be seen to act reasonably, but also gather as much information as possible, don't concede more than you need to upfront, and avoid giving your wife the impression that you cannot live without her. I would expect that any decisions to be made will become clearer after a little time passes.

Edited by citizen33

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I'm sorry to hear about your situation, I've been through it three times just not in Thailand.

First let me say that in any relationship with another human being if you conduct yourself like a doormat don't be surprised if you get stepped on, no matter what your intentions are.

I bet I get it on this one, your daughter doesn't come first, you do. If you dont take care of yourself how you can possible take care of anyone else. You pick the road of misery to provide for her every contact you have will reflect that. If your happy she will see that and will enjoy he time with you. None of what I have said has anything to do with the financial aspect of taking car of her, which is probably why the change in the wifes attitude.

Be careful about leaving with the Mia Noi stuff, your not there yet, but Thai devoirce law takes things like that into consideration. Thai law recognizes the father in parternity cases. so all is not lost, just don't harm yourself in that aspect now.

I don't pretend to haev answers for you casue I don't I think you need to find out where you stand and if it were me I would begin the process of finding out what my options were. When you know that then you can make reasonable decesions. The only place I know to get that and I trust is Rayrai Pokapan a female lawyer based in Nong Khai, speaks english and has represented several of my friends.

rpthailaw@yahoo.com

081-260-4338

A phone call isn't going to cost you a thing then you decide.

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In your situation, I would consider to give her now some generous pocket money (to demonstrate, that I still care) and take a trip away for at least a month, maybe without mentioning this time limit to her (to demonstrate, that I can live without her). Then phone from time to time (but not too often) just to say hello and to hear if - and how - the tone changes, or make contact with common friends and hear what is told. Thais are artists in this kind of communication and passing signs along. They will understand and they will play along. Just be sure, that you do not demonstrate that you are incapable of living without her. This would put you at her mercies.

Hi again Mac

I think the above is good advice. It would not look like running away, you continue to provide for you family BUT and a BIG BUT you are going away for a while to consider your options. That would seem strong and forceful & also leave her to either 1) not like running the home/family alone. or 2) give her more options of seeing sexy slim-hipped barsteward. BOTH OPTIONS will not be liked by her family. HOHO!! :o

Go on, have a holiday, I dare you !!!!!

BTW what exactly does your wife do then, on a daily basis ? Sorry to have to ask :D

Dave

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Mac,

for a while i was speechless when i read your first posting. you are one of the chaps i envied because you live in a rural area, had fun buying a new tractor, have a bunch of dogs, were excited when telling us a lot about your baby daughter... and now this!

i still don't know what to say, whether to console you with "all will be well" or advising you "kick her @ss!"

anyway, let a little time pass before you make a decision.

all the best,

wally (the mad dog German)

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Dear macb

I read your post first thing thismorning and was very saddened by your news. We have never met and probably never will, however, all of us who post on this board share a bond and when a popular and well respected poster (You) is hurting, we all feel it.

You must be feeling cr*p at the moment but you have many many unknown friends out there who are rooting for you.

I find it difficult to give you any specific advice about your situation because i don't know you or your wife. The only thing I will say is don't start thinking you have been doing anything stupid in the past,we can all look back in our lives and find things that maybe we should have done differently, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Thats about it, just to say, I hope it all works out well for you all.

Take care mate, good luck for the future.

Jaiyenyen

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Your daughter will have no future living with you. You are too old to rise a baby. Hence she will have to stay with her mother. Maybe you should support her father. Supporting someone for years without any personal contact is frustrating: it would make you feel like an ATM, this does not meet your requirements.

How old is the OP?

58 mate

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You are too old to rise a baby

He has been managing so far & by all accounts taking on most of the house work too, so why not carry on with the help of a nanny or live in maid.

Macb only you know how safe gloria is if you arne't around & if you feel confident that she will be well cared for then take some time away to get your head straight but if the missus doesn't want to be burdened witht he baby then you have no choice but to take her with you if you decide to leave for good.

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