Jump to content
BANGKOK 26 May 2019 02:34
Sign in to follow this  
macb

What Do I Do

Recommended Posts

In your situation, I would consider to give her now some generous pocket money (to demonstrate, that I still care) and take a trip away for at least a month, maybe without mentioning this time limit to her (to demonstrate, that I can live without her). Then phone from time to time (but not too often) just to say hello and to hear if - and how - the tone changes, or make contact with common friends and hear what is told. Thais are artists in this kind of communication and passing signs along. They will understand and they will play along. Just be sure, that you do not demonstrate that you are incapable of living without her. This would put you at her mercies.

Hi again Mac

I think the above is good advice. It would not look like running away, you continue to provide for you family BUT and a BIG BUT you are going away for a while to consider your options. That would seem strong and forceful & also leave her to either 1) not like running the home/family alone. or 2) give her more options of seeing sexy slim-hipped barsteward. BOTH OPTIONS will not be liked by her family. HOHO!! :o

Go on, have a holiday, I dare you !!!!!

BTW what exactly does your wife do then, on a daily basis ? Sorry to have to ask :D

Dave

Right mate at the moment the days start at 5 am ish both up sometimes me first with daughter she cooks daughters rice soup makes coffee :

TV on sits down

plays with daughter

I have coffee play with daughter then I hand wash the daughters clothes at day-break she is feeding the daughter :

At the moment her day is sitting with daughter and breast feeding every wet pants I clean immediately

She gets her own breakfast this does not include what I want :

She may take the daughter to her mums for a chat etc in the evening about 5 pm she lies on the floor with the daughter this is where they are sleeping now I am in the bedroon upstairs. She does the ironing (I used to do it as well but now I refuse)

Any adult laundry I do I strip the bed and wash the bedding and I make the bed and I clean the three bathrooms also the Fan oven never gets cleaned by her I have to do it, the kitchen was dirty on my return from Pattaya so I cleaned it straight away

. I also do most of my own cooking because she does not: A few months ago I was sick with mild food poisoning but she went to sit at her mums there was no caring at all in fact she rang and said bring Glorias play chair it was all I could do to walk with it as I was dehydrated and had no energy.

But the situation was much the same before the daughter came along

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
She gets her own breakfast this does not include what I want

Reading with sympathy, Mac. You always seem like a sound gentleman.

Out of interest, about the food. Are your tastes really different? I'll usually just eat whatever the wife does, but when I do get the inkling for something more western, she doesn't know where to start. She never drank coffee until we'd been together for a few years, and to this day her coffee is so awful she can't even drink her own (we're talking Nescafe instant here).

I had a friend a few years ago who ran into problems where the marriage wasn't working. He felt things were all one way, with his wife giving him no care or attention. She came round to our house a couple of times and when we got her drunk, things came out which showed that she really did care for him but life just wasn't going the way she thought it should. (They were last seen heading happily-ish to the UK and didn't keep in touch).

Also, seriously consider the suggestion of post-natal depression suggestion posted earlier. I guess it's very unlikely to be recognized here, particularly in rural areas.

So, like some others here, I don't know you but I'm rooting for you.

Edited by KhaoNiaw

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To Quote Ray23

Bet I get it on this one, your daughter doesn't come first, you do. If you don’t take care of yourself how you can possible take care of anyone else.

Now, I am with Ray on this one, without you, your daughter would have had nought. You need to be at the forefront and care for yourself.

My take on this is:

HARSE THING TO SAY , and PLEASE don’t take this the wrong way.

YOU HAVE PAID YOUR (CSA) (child support agency fees upfront) Is that a bad thing? Not really it happens to millions of men all around the world every day. Ask yourself this- is it better this way than letting your daughter be bought up in an Un-Happy relationship, and you continue to enjoy you later years of life, after all that what you worked for all those years.

Just make sure the kid has enough financial support on a monthly basis, just enough that the parasitic family don’t take any. When you go to see her, that’s when you spoil her with the items that would never get bought if you send over the odds each month. Millions of fathers make a better dad in the long run just by caring for the child and seeing them on a regular basis.

Also, I am assuming you are a Brit, easiest thing in the world to set up a Trust Fund after your demise to make sure any money you have left goes ONLY to you kid(s), I have done one and the support is there for schooling etc etc, but they get nothing more until they are adult enough to care for it themselves, in may case the clause is 25years of age.

Mac, again sorry for being so blunt but, PLEASE think about your future, there is a way to care for your precious Gloria and make NO MISTAKES one thing that made me so harse on reality is a statement that my doctor gave me when I was in the UK and was very ill.

Doctors Quote- Take each day of the week as a decade of your life, Mon you were 10, Tues 20, and so on. Today you are on nearly on Friday lunchtime. You only have the WEEKEND left of your life and that is if you are lucky, and I will tell you now 80% of my patients over 70 are women.

Think about that quote Mac, does it make sense ? and I also agree that at 58 "Fri Evening, and nearly Sat Morning in life terms" you are to old to take care of a baby.

And, b4 I get flamed by you lot, Mac & I have communicated via PM in confidence to each other He knows where I am coming from.

CF

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stunned Mac, .......... just read your thread for the 1st time............ no public comments..............will call when I get home end of the month............we are Buriram buddies .......... you need my support in any way, well it is guaranteed 110%............speak soon.............. :o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mac,

You've been on my mind since I first read the news....I really do feel for you.

I found myself thinking "what would I do"?......and after reading back over the thread, I came to this conclusion. You need to clear your head. The emotions involved here are not allowing you to think clearly. I realize that you have already taken a short time away......but I believe a more extended respite would be the wisest choice.

Give yourself, your wife, and family some real time to digest the situation.

After cooling off a bit....If things don't resolve themselves....speak with a lawyer.....Your entitled to 50% of your assets bought after marriage, I believe. It's really not such a bleak proposition. I imagine custody would be awarded you as well.

YOU have the upper hand here Mac.....I think you need some time away from your comfort zone to see the reality of the situation.

Please don't take this suggestion the wrong way....I respect your intelligence....I just feel that all of us are susceptible to succumbing to emotional distress.....Time will wipe away the fog.

Good luck Mac, my heart and prayers go out to you.

Eric

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dont want to jump any guns here but for your next relationship (and you will have a next one- and it will be much better), if it is with a rural Thai woman, try to observe what the Thai men around you in relationships do, especially with wife/husband situations. Do you see them doing all the laundry for example? Apply this principle to all areas. Im not saying copy them, Im simply saying take it into strong consideration and weigh against your own standards. Respect (hierarchy, essentially) plays a massively important role even in "loving"relationships. 'Unconditional love' in rural Thailand is not what it might be back home. It's never unconditional in either place, but the conditions vary wildly. As a husband, I have often heard it said that you should act more like a father than a boyfriend (equal).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm no expert but I would take the guy's advice who recommended the attorney.

Be very careful about tipping your hand when you find out what are your rights.

Watch your back.

Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I seldom pop into the Isaan sub-forum of late, but as I will be there in a couple of weeks, I thought I would do so today and wham, I thought I had been hit late by a Brian O'Driscoll tackle.

We haven't interacted much Mac, but I often follow your posts, particularly in the Pets forum.

I can't help much, having never been in this situation, but would like to offer cyber-support, whatever that might mean, however I do agree with Ray23,

I bet I get it on this one, your daughter doesn't come first, you do. If you don't take care of yourself how you can possible take care of anyone else.

Although your Daughter is top of your priorities, it is you who comes first, just for the very reason Ray has stated, there is also a way of doing things Right, and doing the Right thing, doing the Right thing is ensuring your Daughter is cared for and to that, you have to do things Right, look after yourself and in so doing, looking after your Daughter.

I also agree with the Guy's who say, keep your friends council and possibly look into the possible delayed reaction of the recent birth of your Daughter,

Good Luck

Moss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
This advise goes in the same direction as an other poster put it maybe a bit too pointed: your balls belong into your pants: take the initiative away from her and start acting, instead of reacting. Play the role of a Phi and put her in the role of the Nong - as any Thai man would.
Yes indeed,

Life is uncertain, there's no guarantee in anything, the sun is going to rise tomorrow with or without you.

You have health, and an income, the later still makes you attractive, instead of playing the victim card, look at this as an opportunity for happiness and respect which appears in short supply.

Unfurl the sails, there's lots more fish in the sea,

Don't make the mistake of thinking you made a mistake , shi... happens, she doesn't want you anymore, fine, her loss.

Time away from the house is exactly what you need for perspective, who knows, she may have a change of heart when the realization that she just may get her wish,

chin up and good luck. :o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
She gets her own breakfast this does not include what I want

Reading with sympathy, Mac. You always seem like a sound gentleman.

Out of interest, about the food. Are your tastes really different? I'll usually just eat whatever the wife does, but when I do get the inkling for something more western, she doesn't know where to start. She never drank coffee until we'd been together for a few years, and to this day her coffee is so awful she can't even drink her own (we're talking Nescafe instant here).

I had a friend a few years ago who ran into problems where the marriage wasn't working. He felt things were all one way, with his wife giving him no care or attention. She came round to our house a couple of times and when we got her drunk, things came out which showed that she really did care for him but life just wasn't going the way she thought it should. (They were last seen heading happily-ish to the UK and didn't keep in touch).

Also, seriously consider the suggestion of post-natal depression suggestion posted earlier. I guess it's very unlikely to be recognized here, particularly in rural areas.

So, like some others here, I don't know you but I'm rooting for you.

I have had the post Natal depression thoughts: But this does not equate to her always asking me how much you save this month, and statements like 'You not think about your wife and daughter we have nothing' She is controlling me because I admit I am emotionally weak hard with my work but my heart is Soft for everyone.

Now I am going to seek someone who will really love and care for me as I do for them:

But they cant have what I have already given Bee I gave up all for her, now all I have is fortunately a good Pension my daughter and my Sanity : But I am sad and unhappy but never mind aye:

Food wise she can cook both ranges of food but a lot of Issan food in the village I cant eat, I think its a case of well he can cook let him get on with it same as the laundry and other domestic duties but if I dont do it then the house gets dfirty:

Now my future is going to be for me, I know I am to old although healthy at 58 yrs to care for my daughter but I will make sure of her future financially

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mac,

You've been on my mind since I first read the news....I really do feel for you.

I found myself thinking "what would I do"?......and after reading back over the thread, I came to this conclusion. You need to clear your head. The emotions involved here are not allowing you to think clearly. I realize that you have already taken a short time away......but I believe a more extended respite would be the wisest choice.

Give yourself, your wife, and family some real time to digest the situation.

After cooling off a bit....If things don't resolve themselves....speak with a lawyer.....Your entitled to 50% of your assets bought after marriage, I believe. It's really not such a bleak proposition. I imagine custody would be awarded you as well.

YOU have the upper hand here Mac.....I think you need some time away from your comfort zone to see the reality of the situation.

Please don't take this suggestion the wrong way....I respect your intelligence....I just feel that all of us are susceptible to succumbing to emotional distress.....Time will wipe away the fog.

Good luck Mac, my heart and prayers go out to you.

Eric

Bless you pal

I am already going to look into a month away from here:

What is strange my wife is acting very happy about it all, maybe she is thinking good he will go soon : Well there will be no reconciliation I have gone with the flow all the time and it is not the flow I expected when I came to Thailand. My hearts to big for everyone it always has been that's the way my dear ole Mum raised me. I will pursue Issan lawyers for advice: Now I got to think of myself I know I am to old to care my daughter 24/7 on my own

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I dont want to jump any guns here but for your next relationship (and you will have a next one- and it will be much better), if it is with a rural Thai woman, try to observe what the Thai men around you in relationships do, especially with wife/husband situations. Do you see them doing all the laundry for example? Apply this principle to all areas. Im not saying copy them, Im simply saying take it into strong consideration and weigh against your own standards. Respect (hierarchy, essentially) plays a massively important role even in "loving"relationships. 'Unconditional love' in rural Thailand is not what it might be back home. It's never unconditional in either place, but the conditions vary wildly. As a husband, I have often heard it said that you should act more like a father than a boyfriend (equal).

Yes I have now realised this : People must think I am stupid Farang seeing me doing the laundry etc

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
...observe what the Thai men around you in relationships do, especially with wife/husband situations. Do you see them doing all the laundry for example?

@ OxfordWill

Your point is certainly valid, but on the other hand, one attraction of a farang is, apart from money, that we treat our wife more as a partner.

Also, I have seen several cases where a young Thai husband did the laundry for his young Thai wife who had to look after a newborn baby. This was here in the country. But when a Thai man is in the age of a grandfather, he certainly will not do the laundry any more - and he will most probably not be he father of a newborn.

Many farang/Thai relationships can not be compared to Thai/Thai relationships, because the age difference is often bigger in franag/Thai relationships.

But I think this one is very good advice for any farang/Thai relationship:

As a husband, ... you should act more like a father than a boyfriend (equal).

Thais keep to the role they play. As a phu yai, they will not do the laundry. It may be a good idea to engage a girl from the village for this kind of work. To do the laundry yourself may be bad for your face - and this may make your wife feel uncomfortable. It would also create a new job in the country. We have a sister of my wife come for laundry and cleaning our house on a daily basis: she gets 130 Baht/day and eats lunch with us. She is free to decide when she comes, but she comes almost every day.

Regards

Thedi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I dont want to jump any guns here but for your next relationship (and you will have a next one- and it will be much better), if it is with a rural Thai woman, try to observe what the Thai men around you in relationships do, especially with wife/husband situations. Do you see them doing all the laundry for example? Apply this principle to all areas. Im not saying copy them, Im simply saying take it into strong consideration and weigh against your own standards. Respect (hierarchy, essentially) plays a massively important role even in "loving"relationships. 'Unconditional love' in rural Thailand is not what it might be back home. It's never unconditional in either place, but the conditions vary wildly. As a husband, I have often heard it said that you should act more like a father than a boyfriend (equal).

Excellent advice. In the majority Thai guys do not take a lot of crap and as we all know some will gladly sit at home while the mrs fleeces the new farang boyfriend sending the money home to boyfriend/hubby . So why is it some of us come here complaining about our fat loud mouthed ex wives back home and then allow ourselves to be bossed around and robbed by a 5 ft, 40 kilo little pip squeak and her family . This is off topic and in no way reflects on the OP circumstances and he has been given a huge amount of great support or am I implying that all Thais are similar. I'm just curious

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
...observe what the Thai men around you in relationships do, especially with wife/husband situations. Do you see them doing all the laundry for example?

@ OxfordWill

Your point is certainly valid, but on the other hand, one attraction of a farang is, apart from money, that we treat our wife more as a partner.

Also, I have seen several cases where a young Thai husband did the laundry for his young Thai wife who had to look after a newborn baby. This was here in the country. But when a Thai man is in the age of a grandfather, he certainly will not do the laundry any more - and he will most probably not be he father of a newborn.

Many farang/Thai relationships can not be compared to Thai/Thai relationships, because the age difference is often bigger in franag/Thai relationships.

But I think this one is very good advice for any farang/Thai relationship:

As a husband, ... you should act more like a father than a boyfriend (equal).

Thais keep to the role they play. As a phu yai, they will not do the laundry. It may be a good idea to engage a girl from the village for this kind of work. To do the laundry yourself may be bad for your face - and this may make your wife feel uncomfortable. It would also create a new job in the country. We have a sister of my wife come for laundry and cleaning our house on a daily basis: she gets 130 Baht/day and eats lunch with us. She is free to decide when she comes, but she comes almost every day.

Regards

Thedi

As soon as the baby was born a sister was being the domestic I was giving her 2000 bht per month, then she went to Bkk then another sister took over I paid her in advance for 3 months ie 6000 bht mistake after she worked half the money she went to Bkk as well mmmmmmmm

I have suggested domestic help or a live in maid but she says no I know why its the bloody money thing wanting to keep it all in the family: She says she/we can clean mmmmmm

The Khmer culture

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...