Jump to content
BANGKOK 19 August 2019 22:07
Sign in to follow this  
Mikenmod

Dowry In Rural Issan

Recommended Posts

In the past 2 years, I've heard many stories about Issan weddings. I've been warned by many who've left broken hearted and broke.

But I will tie the knot with a fine lady of 30, a graduate of Ubon Ratchisima University, who worked as a quality control specialist at cpk, earning 18K bhat per month, a decent salary. She's a virgin. Is that really possible? Are women like this real?

Knowing that many a farang has settled in Issan with their love, I'd appreciate your stories and advise. Especially about dowry, gold Bhat, and wedding costs. If Dad gets a dowry, is that it? Or am I expected to help the family with each "emergency"?

Maybe this issue has been discussed many times before, but I'm new to the Forum, and hope to hear some good stories. Mike

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Maybe this issue has been discussed many times before,

Your right at that, Mike. :o:D :D

As for dowry, I will give you some examples. All in 2007 from Isarn and all personally known to me:

  • Thai man (25) agreed last week for a dowry of 150K for a Thai girl (same age). Both are from Isarn, both not well situated.
  • A farang (63) married last November a virgin (34) with univerity and good job. He paid 500K.
  • Another Thai paid 100K last December for his Thai wife, both not especially well off, and both from Isarn.
  • A farang (62) paid last year 300K for a girl (29) which he met in Pattaya with daughter from Kalsin.
  • A Thai (28) paid 1 Mio for his Chinese bride (25, uni) last year, both from good standing families in rural Isarn.

Hope this gives you an idea

Thedi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I remember going through the same thing a couple of years ago. I trawled through this forum and other internet sites. All the reading really just pointed out to me that there is no hard and fast rule. Sometimes you hear of thai/thai marriages with huge dowrys. It really is up to the individual and the better halfs family and how well of they are and where they stand in the village/community. I remember I had a discussion about it with my wife and it really came down to what I could afford, her family is quiet poor but they are very close and loving toward each other and support each other in every way. I paid 200K plus 2 baht gold. I saw that her father brought some more cattle and they now work really hard with their new herd, I feel guilty sometimes! I never get the sick buffelo story and when I go there they never ask anything from me or my wife, I always slip the mother in law some cash quietly when we leave, but not much.

In summery go with your gut feeling and talk to your future wife about it.

Hope this helps a little.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree that the best advice is to discus it with your future wife. I was perfectly willing to pay a dowry and actually left it up to my now wife. She thought about it for a long time and decided that no dowry was necessary so I paid nothing. My wife was 36 years old at the time and divorced with no children.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I paid 200k on the understanding with the mother in law that 100k would be returned. This gave better 'face' to the family and meant we had more to put towards the house. Worked fine. Remeber the dowry will be counted out note by note in front of all guests and the face thing is important here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I paid 200,000bht. This was an understanding that this was the last and final payment for me to take there daughter away from thai and to live in england. Twelve months previous to the marriage i was contributing 10,000bht per month for the loss of there daughters earnings to the family. I did offer them to keep 10,000bht continuous forever. I know what i would have done if i was the farther of the bride.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not all marriages are the same.

While the idea of "sin sot" was joked about at my wedding, it was not expected & not given.

The practicalities of the matter pretty much came across as "if you two have money, invest it in your own future".

Cheers,

Soundman. :o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm starting to feel guilty, I paid nothing to marry my wife (of 6years now) she loves me for who I am, not how much money I can give her family. They have not asked for a baht in the 8 years I've known her.

I'd be flamed by saying this, but you marry for love right? What the hel_l has money got to do with it?

Sure you would want to be financially stable, but it's both your future to look to, in my opinion, families that want money from a prospective husband for their siblings, are just out right con artists.

To the OP, depending on the family, you should not have to pay, they should want to see their daughter happy, with or without money.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I paid 200k on the understanding with the mother in law that 100k would be returned. This gave better 'face' to the family and meant we had more to put towards the house. Worked fine. Remeber the dowry will be counted out note by note in front of all guests and the face thing is important here.

I must look real bad in my wife's familys eyes then, buying a wife? Come on gentlemen :o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is not a "paying" issue, it is not a buying a wife issue.

For most modern Thai/Thai weddings I know of, the dowry is still there, as part of tradition (which I view as a gesture of gratitude to the bride's parents). However, in most of these situations, the couple is from similar socio-economic backgrounds, and neither party (bride's parents or groom's parents) want to keep the money; rather, they give it to the couple to help them in their new family.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm starting to feel guilty, I paid nothing to marry my wife (of 6years now) she loves me for who I am, not how much money I can give her family. They have not asked for a baht in the 8 years I've known her.

I'd be flamed by saying this, but you marry for love right? What the hel_l has money got to do with it?

Sure you would want to be financially stable, but it's both your future to look to, in my opinion, families that want money from a prospective husband for their siblings, are just out right con artists.

To the OP, depending on the family, you should not have to pay, they should want to see their daughter happy, with or without money.

Same here.

Didnt pay anything to the parents either.

Have been with my wife for more than 5 years now.

I asked her, after we signed in the amphur in BKK, if she also wanted an Isaan wedding, and what I needed to pay.

She told me that we should save the money instead, for the future (house). Account in 2 names now.

Family have never asked for money.

Always give them when we are there (and send some regularly as well), so I have already given them 4-500 000 in total anyway.

The farm has a proper house now, and the herd has trippled.

So I guess my Dowry was paid after all. Just over some time instead of a single payment.

:o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I'd be flamed by saying this, but you marry for love right? What the hel_l has money got to do with it?

To the OP, depending on the family, you should not have to pay, they should want to see their daughter happy, with or without money.

That is the essence of it Globeliner.

They wanted their daughter happy, so 100K was flashed at the wedding, and was back in my bank next day.

The gold my wife has, a 2 Baht necklace and a bracelet I surprised her with on the wedding day. Ohh and an engagement ring from the UK (18 carat so worth nothing in Thailand) and wedding rings we both picked out for each other, just plain heavy western style gold bands.

There is a serious message here, check out the family, if they want more than tradition (for show) then you may have a problem.. :o

If they want to keep the Sinsot... well... how much do they care for their daughters future, or you???

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to thank everyone who posted an answer. I think that everyone has different stories, and different opinions.

And I'll tell any one on this forum, I think I'm doing it the right way.

We've known each other over a year and I've been in the Kingdom a lot the past years.

Thailand is a place I'd like to spend a lot of time in. And I think a good wife is better than all the cuties in the cities.

Hey, I hope that in a year or two I can pass on some good stories.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As various of you have said the "Sinsot' is still part of the tradition in rural Isaan weddings so still lives on.

My wife and I had a good discussion about this before the day. She did not want a Sinsot but it was expected in the village. We decided that what we would like to do for the family, was buy an 'iron buffalo' for family use as in this way members could earn B500 a day instead of the previous B120 without one. When needed, it would also make life easier on their small rice farms.

I gave a cash at the wedding equivalent to this (plus some gold as a present to my wife) so tradition was satisfied and then afterwards returned to us to buy the 'iron buffalo'. Everyone ended up happy:-

Tradition was followed,

We were able to help her family in a small practical way (and not very expensive)

The family were able to benefit in the long term.

My wife (and I totally agreed with her) said that what some people give in large sums of cash was stupid and very liable to be used for a long term supply of drink rather than to improve their standard of living!!

My recommendation would be to think along the lines we did. If a Sinsot is still expected at your village wedding, discuss with your wife some small way that you can practically help the family and then agree that sum for your Sinsot and after the wedding use the money for that purpose. I would NOT buy my wife from her family but I was happy to help them so everyone is happy.

I would also say that since the wedding I have NEVER been asked by any of the family for anything (other then the odd cigarette!!). If they have a minor problem they may discuss with my wife who in turn may discuss it with me. My wife seems to have made it clear that it would be more than their lifes worth to approach me first!! Don't let yourself become the family or village ATM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...