Jump to content
BANGKOK 26 May 2019 13:54
Sign in to follow this  
Mikenmod

Dowry In Rural Issan

Recommended Posts

Cannibalism used to be a tradition in Africa, but is no longer. Female Genital mutilation is still practiced in many backward countries where the inhabitants have no moral conscience, but is far less than it used to be.

Traditions and cultures change with time. It's high time sin sot was put to rest. In essence it is just for the parents to show off to their neighbours, but sadly many Isaan mothers refuse to return it. As other contributors have said it is nothing short of buying your wife. Disgraceful and demeaning.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I offered 500,000 for the little lady. SOLD!

Over the years, I've given my wife's family about one tenth what I've given to my mother. Not bad at all. If they have a problem, they know they can come to us and maybe some day they will. Five years, no problem.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

After being a member here for 3 years, I'm too tired to present my views on this with as much zeal as I used to. But you can see my previous posts on this subject if you'd like. (Just search "dowry" and "siamesekitty")

To me, a Thai style wedding without a sinsod is like a farang-style wedding without a wedding ring. The rich and famous buy expensive rings with huge diamonds, the rest buy whatever's within their budget. It's part of the traditional ceremony and the ceremony would be kinda weird without it, but hey if you wanna have an incomplete wedding then who am I to argue?

Just see how well a Western woman would cope if you were to ask her for her hand in marriage and say "Well you know honey, I know I'm supposed to buy this ring for you and stuff, but since it's such an outdated custom and I don't see any sense in it, why don't we just get married without it? I mean, we can say our vows without a ring can't we? Besides, you'd look like a gold-digger if I were to present you with such a materialistic gift!"

Of course there are always some Thai women who would be willing to go along without a sinsod, such as there are probably some Western women who wouldn't mind not getting a ring. If your Thai girlfriend is fine with it then great, but just remember this is how she might feel.

*edit: maybe I've got "wedding ring" mixed with "engagement ring" or whatever, but you get my drift.

Edited by siamesekitty

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
To me, a Thai style wedding without a sinsod is like a farang-style wedding without a wedding ring.

I fully respect your point of view.

Sinsot is a Thai custom, practiced traditionally between Thais. It is only in recent years that there have been large numbers of thai/farang marriages. Sinsot is not a farang custom, so at best the Thais should meet us halfway. But since a farang usually can offer far more to the Thai wife than a Thai man ever can ( a decent home from day 1 as a starter), this should cancel out the required dowry. The girls family should be delighted that their daughter has scored a big lift-up in her life. That must give them a huge amount of "face"

Every Thai/Thai wedding in my locality in recent years has necessitated a massive loan being needed to pay the dowry, (with monthly interest of between 5% and 20%... Yes 20% a month!) which is a millstone around the newlyweds necks for many years. What chance do they have?

As I have previously -time to bin this tradition, and get real.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm starting to feel guilty, I paid nothing to marry my wife (of 6years now) she loves me for who I am, not how much money I can give her family. They have not asked for a baht in the 8 years I've known her.

I'd be flamed by saying this, but you marry for love right? What the hel_l has money got to do with it?

Sure you would want to be financially stable, but it's both your future to look to, in my opinion, families that want money from a prospective husband for their siblings, are just out right con artists.

To the OP, depending on the family, you should not have to pay, they should want to see their daughter happy, with or without money.

What are the particulars, just to say you paid nothing is vague. What part of Thailand is your wife from? Educational/financial status? Divorced? With kids? A virgin? Age?

It all matters.

I believe in reasonable sinsod under the right conditions although I paid nothing. But for a guy to pay 300K for a 29 year old with a kid.....well......

It may very well be you found a one-in-a-million......not just your wife but the family as well. :o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I paid about 80k several years ago. The wedding was in combined with a Ka Thin for her deceased father and the fun and frolic went on for about 3 days. Her mother properly displayed the baht to guests and then it was used to pay for the festivities....which included dancing girls and a band.

The most fun I ever got for $2 grand and an experience I will never forget :o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think 200K seems the going rate for a fareng marrying a Thai as that is what we 'showed'. They gave me 70K back which I spent on some house improvements for them, and they paid for the food and drink at the wedding. I certainly didn't feel like I was being ripped off or that I was buying my wife, which I think is a ridiculus analagy. I felt like I was following a tradition and fitting into part of my wife's culture. I felt like I was giving my wife's family pride and respect and I didn't mind doing it or feel resentful at all. It especially made my misses happy and because I love her that makes me happy.

In Thailand the dowry is not a purchase situation - how much for your daughter - altho go to a poor enough family... For most Thais it is a show of wealth from a particular suiter. It is a show that he can take care of the daughter. It is also peace of mind for the father and shows a willing to help the daughter's family which is deep rooted in Thai culture.

My wife's brother want's to get engaged and the family have mentioned 90,000bt and 2bt gold, now he's got to decide if he loves her enough to part with that sort of money.

It is also about class as well. If someone can't find the money to marry someone then may be he is trying to marry out of his class and should look else where.

We got married in the village and did the budist thing and I quite enjoyed it, altho it was abit of an early start for me (6am). It was a shame that I didn't have my friends and family around me but it certainly saved me money in the long run. The cost of a wedding in the UK can be upwards of 10K pounds (about 650K). The way I look at things mine cost me 3K pounds.

If a dowry has been mentioned then what you have to aske yourself is how much you love her and how much you can afford? Come up with a figure in your mind that you are happy with and put it to the womans family. If her family are financially secure you could ask them if you can just 'show' a load of money at the wedding and then say to them that you would like to use that money to start yor married life together.

Anyway Chok Dee mate (Good luck)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
What is your age and where do you plan to live after marriage? And, how much experience do you have in Thailand?

Those are very good questions. The person asking these questions is not being judgemental. He is asking serious and good questions. Think seriously about your reply.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
A farang (62) paid last year 300K for a girl (29) which he met in Pattaya with daughter from Kalsin.
:o Unbelievable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
A farang (62) paid last year 300K for a girl (29) which he met in Pattaya with daughter from Kalsin.
:o Unbelievable.

Yea, I thought the same......but.....if he's happy.........his money......maybe pocket-change to him.

I'd never do it though. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It is also about class as well. If someone can't find the money to marry someone then may be he is trying to marry out of his class and should look else where.

Love should transcend everything.

"You can't marry my daughter if you can't pay what I want" Disgusting!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've always viewed sinsod differently from anything I've seen posted on TV. Here's my take since I'm bored now lol and need to kill a bit of time. After reading it perhaps you'll think I'm nuts. :o

For most people in Issan money is something very hard to come by. So how better for a Thai man to show his respect/wanting/love than to give away something that is so hard to possess? Also, the term 'love' to me is defined VERY DIFFERENTLY in Thailand than in the West. I've found most Thai women don't 'fall in love' the way Western women do. Instead, it's a feeling that grows over time as the man provides support for the wife/family over time. Only by helping the wife's family over time (starting with sinsod) does the Thai wife understand/realize how much the man loves her and she returns that love in kind.

Sinsod - the topic that won't go away. :D:D:D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
"If you can't even raise a dowry how do you expect to look after my daughter?"

Also true in the States. You don't see a stunner marrying the high-school janitor lol. She (and her family) expect her to be well taken care of. :o

Edited by LoveDaBlues

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I've always viewed sinsod differently from anything I've seen posted on TV. Here's my take since I'm bored now lol and need to kill a bit of time. After reading it perhaps you'll think I'm nuts. :o

For most people in Issan money is something very hard to come by. So how better for a Thai man to show his respect/wanting/love than to give away something that is so hard to possess? Also, the term 'love' to me is defined VERY DIFFERENTLY in Thailand than in the West. I've found most Thai women don't 'fall in love' the way Western women do. Instead, it's a feeling that grows over time as the man provides support for the wife/family over time. Only by helping the wife's family over time (starting with sinsod) does the Thai wife understand/realize how much the man loves her and she returns that love in kind.

Sinsod - the topic that won't go away. :D:D:D

Different... but there is an element of truth I think. You are maybe only partly nuts :D

There is an element of "Take Care" = Love. But it's not just money. My wife tells me that it is because I "Stand with her", a good expression I think. When you understand that marrying a Thai means marrying into their family also.

Back to the topic though, it has been my very general observation that when the family keep the sinsot, it is a marriage doomed to fail. A generalisation from a small sample I know, but I have seen this time and again.

In my case, and I have seen this with others, it is a case of keeping up with tradition. I flashed the cash at our wedding, and there was a very clear understanding that it was coming straight back to us. It did, the next day, quietly and discretely.

If your intended says "up to you", then just take this on board and suggest this arrangement? If the family actually care about the wellbeing of their daughter it will not be a showstopper.

As for the gold. In the really old days it was shared around the family. These days, even in Issan, your wife gets it, the equivalent of a wedding ring. You would indeed be a "bird s__t farang" to deny her this, she can show she is married. A necklace usually, 2 baht weight is enough.

My wifes favourite possession is a 2 Baht bracelet made of gold hearts that I added and she only knew about during the wedding ceremony. Her necklace she rarely uses, but this is a permanent attachment.

Ohhh and I got a rather large and gaudy, made from Thai gold, wedding ring, bought from her teachers salary. Who says West cannot meet East? :bah:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...