Advice For The Home Sitiation

[farang87]

hello - I've been lurking around for a while, and I would like to solicit some advice in regards to my wife.

First, I'm a farang with a wife (Southern Thai) and 3 year old son (mine). We are currently living in Farangland. She's Buddhist and I've got a world of respect for Buddhism. Thats why I'm posting here, to see if someone can help me understand a tough situation.

The problem is, well, I don't know exactly. Heres what i do know: She is very short tempered, very easily annoyed, full of self doubt, pissed off at her 'bad luck'. She sees all of the bad and none of the good in most situations. She often says something like "why was I ever born?" or "I was born with all my legs and arms and a good head, and I think that is all the good things I will have in this life."

Now, I'm not a perfect guy, by any means, but I'm nice, honest, I don't cheat and I do love her. We've been together for over 4 years now,

We've had some royal fights, and she has hit me on several occaisions. She once accidentally head butted me, giving herselff a black eye, that all the neighbors thought I gave her (boy, was that ironic) - but those don't really happen anymore. She's worked on that, and has gotten that aspect of her temper mostly under control. To be honest, I would have left the first time this aspect showed itself, but we have a baby together, and I don't know if I can raise him by myself.

Despite the litany of sins I've kinda listed here, underneath it all she is a good woman, with a good heart and good intentions. The best I can figure is that she thinks she is all alon=e, and that nobody understands "what she's going though" ... except that, while I don't and never will really understand anything past my own nose (if I ever see that far clearly, I will be quite content) I do know that what she is feeling is just normal human emotions.

I guess what I'm looking for is some advice about what Ishould do - how I should approach it... not only from my perspective, but also hers, and out son's. I'm struggling with it. I COULD be extremely happy, except for the anger. I don't know how to diffuse it.

[camerata]

With a loving husband who took her to Farangland, security and a baby, what exactly does she think is her "bad luck?" It could be she's depressed or slightly bipolar, in which case you might want to take her to see a shrink. It may not work, though, if she can't articulate her feelings or if she can't take medication reliably.

The other approach is take her to see a Thai monk at a Thai temple and ask him for advice on the bad luck. He can probably give her some comforting advice or instructions.

[j0hnga1t]

Farang87,

I'm new here also. I'm dating a Thai girl now. I met her at a legitimate spa (vs brothel) on the island of Saipan (a US Territory). We became friends and it became more later (after I returned to California and she returned to Bangkok). Thai women are very unique. It doesn't sound like the issue has to do with buddhism. It sounds like it might be cultural. She is all alone. I know I plan to bring my girlfriend out there to the US under a fiance visa perhaps late next year. I do worry that she will have problems adjusting, but I have Thai friends she can hangout with. And she speaks good english. Have you read the book "Thai Fever"? It explains the differences between Thai and Western relationships and was able to confirm my beliefs. I'm Chinese, so I had a basic understanding of Asian culture, but Thai's are unique. Get the book if you can (Amazon has it). When I told my girlfriend about the book, she laughed but we did have a good talk about cultural differences. The book is in Thai and English. It will give you insight into Thai culture and give her insight into Western culture. I can see my girlfriend getting frustrated and I getting frustrated if we didn't understand each other's culture and in understanding, modify how we communicate with each other or at least in my case, understand why she does what she does and know how to interpret her actions and respond to her needs.

Good luck to you

[seonai]

I'd take her to the Thai Temple as Camerata suggested

[endure]

Does she have any Thai friends? She may be homesick. As others have said get her to your nearest temple or perhaps if it's possible you might want to consider getting her a job at your local Thai restaurant where there'll be other Thais she can talk to.

[j0hnga1t]

Thai women expect you to read their mind and understand their "hints"  If you don't get it, they hold it in and eventually blow up which is where you maybe.  It's a cultural thing.  Just out of curiousity, was she a practicing buddhist when she was in thailand....buy food for monks, do meditation every morning and evening, have a shrine for the buddha etc.....

[sutnyod]

Why take her to a monk? I would not do that. Have several troubled friends and took them to the Mae Chi. That worked really well. Talks with the Mae Chi had a therapeutic effect and every one of my friend acknowledged that. They had been to see monks before, but told me that did not help. What they got was theoretical advice and some explanations or some stories of the life of Buddha. What they got with the Mae Chi is personal contacts, a spiritually enhanced woman they could tell about their private feelings and particular situations, they got courage and a quiet confidence. A Thai woman will not talk openly to a monk.

The problem for you will be to find a Mae Chi. I also know some very wise Upashikas, but they are all in Thailand :-(.

[Virin]

I agree with camerata's suggestion.

While my Thai friends and I were studying in US, sometimes we felt restless, moody with no reason, we agreed to go to Thai temple, we discussed Dharmma with the monks and some laypeople even though we were not religious at that time. It worked for me and my friends, Thais who left Thailand for long time.