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jfchandler

Trip Back Home To Meet The Parents In Kk For Song Kran

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Let's try to look st it from the Thai families perspective.

They have raised there daughter, sent her to college and now she has a job in Bangkok. She has met someone and may marry them. Whether they are Farang or not is immaterial for now. They need to know is this guy only interested in short term fun-time with their daughter or can he prove he's committed to their daughters welfare and happiness. Normal procedure would be for them to encourage marriage and satisfy themselves that the guy is not still just here for short time fun by getting him to show his sincerity by giving Sin sot.

The above sounds a somewhat reasonable attitude to me. Where my logic falters is their request that you build a house rather than request you marry their daughter.

On this forum we never hear the Thai point of view and I am only being speculative above.

FYI, I knew my wife for a number of years before we married. In the past 17 years or so of marriage I have NEVER been asked for a single dime. My Mother in-law gave us land to build a house which is in my wife's name.

If my daughter dates a guy for a while and they seem to be keen to marry, I would be very keen to know can he take care of her material needs (which are many - High fashion clothes, world travel etc.). As a father this would be of considerable importance. The fact that he's a nice guy studying art and finding himself while he dates my daughter would be less important.

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Let's try to look st it from the Thai families perspective.

They have raised there daughter, sent her to college and now she has a job in Bangkok. She has met someone and may marry them. Whether they are Farang or not is immaterial for now. They need to know is this guy only interested in short term fun-time with their daughter or can he prove he's committed to their daughters welfare and happiness. Normal procedure would be for them to encourage marriage and satisfy themselves that the guy is not still just here for short time fun by getting him to show his sincerity by giving Sin sot.

The above sounds a somewhat reasonable attitude to me. Where my logic falters is their request that you build a house rather than request you marry their daughter.

On this forum we never hear the Thai point of view and I am only being speculative above.

FYI, I knew my wife for a number of years before we married. In the past 17 years or so of marriage I have NEVER been asked for a single dime. My Mother in-law gave us land to build a house which is in my wife's name.

If my daughter dates a guy for a while and they seem to be keen to marry, I would be very keen to know can he take care of her material needs (which are many - High fashion clothes, world travel etc.). As a father this would be of considerable importance. The fact that he's a nice guy studying art and finding himself while he dates my daughter would be less important.

Paddy.

After meeting him for 2 hours they told their Daughter to dump him unless he builds them a 1M Baht house.

My Isaan Wife has worked them out.

Have you been reading too many Barbera Cartland novels? :o

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Lite beer,

You're probably right. At best if they did end up marrying the tension between him and his in-laws would cause problems.

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As others have noted it just doesn't sound right. Too much, too fast. I think I'd be looking for an exit strategy.

If you're intent on the relationship, I think the "tied up in investments currently" ploy is probably pretty good. Additionally, I'd make it clear, that since it was their daughters security that was so important to them, that when your investment capital is free the money will be spent on a condo/house for the two of you raher than the parents who already have a home. Let them know you'll spend at least 1 million per their wishes. Yeah, that ought to work.

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I responded with my intentions more broadly above... But suffice to say here...after the latest comments.....:

In principal, I'm fine with the idea of putting money into a future home for my wife and I, once we are married...preferably a condo rather than a house for ownership purposes.

But, after the spectacle with her family last week, (which Paddy has accurately summarized below) I'm not inclined to do anything for her family at this point, and am seriously re-evaluating the relationship with her.... Because, if her family's going to be a pain every day in the future, the chances of a good marriage are BAD!!!

The TGF and I have our first face-to-face post-KK meeting Wednesday afternoon, where SHE very urgently now wants us to get together so she can talk to me... What she plans to say, in the wake of all this, I'll only find out tomorrow. I'm waiting with baited breath...

Paddy.

After meeting him for 2 hours they told their Daughter to dump him unless he builds them a 1M Baht house.

My Isaan Wife has worked them out.

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even the most decent of them all are concerned about the monetary side of such a relationship. Thai romance with farangs is an economic affair. Essentialy, the vast majority of men who have found their Thai loves have purchased them. The air of romance in these relationships is just a veneer of conventions.

While this is usually right, there isn't something intrinsic in the thai-farang relationship that proximately engendered these types of superficial relationships, ...the reality is that these farang men had these types of relationships even before they came to thailand, it's all they're capable of, and thailand just happens to be a depository with a high proportion of them... they're ain't nothin wrong with thailand itself.

I think you'll find that a good portion of the people on this isaan forum DO have genuine romance with their partners. Correct me if I'm wrong guys? I for one am 2 years younger than my isaan lady and we're both in our early twenties, G-d knows my broke @ss couldn't have 'purchased' her even if i wanted to! :o

For the most part, there is no other reason that would prompt a young woman to take up with an "older" man(in many cases a considerably older man). Why would she defy her god-given instincts for romance other than to defer to the harsh necessities of life?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but female romance IS money and power (power being defined as broadly as possible)... that is the majority of what makes a woman attracted to males no matter where they're from. Sometimes being attracted to "power" can be broken down into being attracted to 'confidence', which is what makes teenagers attracted to eachother when there's no money involved. Physical appearance matters too for women, but if it's not supplemented by an attraction to that person's power or resourcefulness, no woman will be attracted to them for long.

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even the most decent of them all are concerned about the monetary side of such a relationship. Thai romance with farangs is an economic affair. Essentialy, the vast majority of men who have found their Thai loves have purchased them. The air of romance in these relationships is just a veneer of conventions.

While this is usually right, there isn't something intrinsic in the thai-farang relationship that proximately engendered these types of superficial relationships, ...the reality is that these farang men had these types of relationships even before they came to thailand, it's all they're capable of, and thailand just happens to be a depository with a high proportion of them... they're ain't nothin wrong with thailand itself.

I think you'll find that a good portion of the people on this isaan forum DO have genuine romance with their partners. Correct me if I'm wrong guys? I for one am 2 years younger than my isaan lady and we're both in our early twenties, G-d knows my broke @ss couldn't have 'purchased' her even if i wanted to! :D

For the most part, there is no other reason that would prompt a young woman to take up with an "older" man(in many cases a considerably older man). Why would she defy her god-given instincts for romance other than to defer to the harsh necessities of life?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but female romance IS money and power (power being defined as broadly as possible)... that is the majority of what makes a woman attracted to males no matter where they're from. Sometimes being attracted to "power" can be broken down into being attracted to 'confidence', which is what makes teenagers attracted to eachother when there's no money involved. Physical appearance matters too for women, but if it's not supplemented by an attraction to that person's power or resourcefulness, no woman will be attracted to them for long.

Very wise for a young fella. :o

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Okok

As i do have 1 nice ilsan friend who dose do me any bad.

But I don't have any other !! I turned my back on them,

I recon of cuz there are good people there. Sure you are right.

But I stand by what I said as this man is in a shake down.

And they are very sly!!

You really don't need to feel sorry for me because only 1 guy tried to take cash but failed miserable

You want to plaice me in a category? Please do.. im not perfect. But I aint sly!!!

As for being Korean Australian. My Marjory of Friends here are Korean and few westerns I spend my time with. And for Thais Here ive also enjoy a night out with them~

Its too bad thes Islan people have gave me a bad mind for them. Girls who are married to Farang offering them self's to me or my friends. That's bloody sad man!

Don't worry some Aussies and Koreans really give me the shits as well.

As you said there are good and bad in every Culture but the good I can bleed for easy.

And I'm sure all us TV members are smart enough not to get owe self's in over owe Heads.

Peace

P.S I really don't care how the plaice is spelt.

Sorry everyone had a few people over and opened the beer early.

Someone got a hold of the computer.

They where just drunk and silly trying to create some mischief.

Ease up thou there just young knuckle heads.

And always I never address P.S at the end off any letter.

Thanks for understand.

Unless you all think I have a split personality. :o

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Please everyone look at the name of the poster.I am as you see "blue eyes" not bkkblueeyes They look to me to be a troll.This is the last I will talk about the troll.

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I concur... thoughtful...perceptive...accurate view of the woman's mind from a youngster.

I don't recall I was thinking that way...in my early 20s....Back then, it was... "Women what???"

So kid... use those smarts to get your "broke ass" on track and moving!!!!

Cheers.... :o

I think you'll find that a good portion of the people on this isaan forum DO have genuine romance with their partners. Correct me if I'm wrong guys? I for one am 2 years younger than my isaan lady and we're both in our early twenties, G-d knows my broke @ss couldn't have 'purchased' her even if i wanted to! :D

Correct me if I'm wrong, but female romance IS money and power (power being defined as broadly as possible)... that is the majority of what makes a woman attracted to males no matter where they're from. Sometimes being attracted to "power" can be broken down into being attracted to 'confidence', which is what makes teenagers attracted to eachother when there's no money involved. Physical appearance matters too for women, but if it's not supplemented by an attraction to that person's power or resourcefulness, no woman will be attracted to them for long.

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As quoted in a message to me: "No matter what your tilak tells you, her family will always come first.........not you."

OK, I promised an update, and now I have one after a six hours long talk-meeting last night and into the early morning hours with my TGF, the lady in question in this post... And, while this is still an evolving story, all I can say to all the "dump her" and "scam artist" advocates is... AMAZING THAILAND!!!!

We spent most of the early going talking about what had been happening with her since we returned from KK almost a week ago. And I discovered, by her account, that she'd been really upset, crying, depressed about two things: 1) fearing that I was going to leave her because of what her family had said about 1M baht for the new house, and 2) gossip she had started hearing second-hand from people in her village saying she must have been working as a bar girl in BKK or Pattaya because she'd been seen with a farang (me) in KK (and since the few other mixed couples in her village began as BG-monger matches).

We talked our way through those things, and then I got the first of two shockers.... 1) her family for some time had been pressing her to return to their village in KK to take a government job near there, a job her father had helped arrange for her. And, she informed me that just after we had left KK, the employer had contacted her father and told him, and he then told her this week, that they were now offering her the job near KK. I felt my heart falling at that point, but then the real bigger surprise came... She informed me that she had no intention of moving back to her village, and despite her family's/parent's wishes, that she wanted to stay here in BKK and continue working here in her office job. So, while understanding that her family may still continue to pressure her and nothing is final yet, at least I began to think...Hey, this young Thai lady is showing some signs of resolve and independence.

But, we weren't done yet. By now, this was some hours into the discussion, and we hadn't talked at all about the house issue, so I began steering our talk in that direction. And I found that, apparently, of all the things she'd talked with her Mom about in the past week, the issue of the house wasn't much among them. It was all what was happening with her, and me, in the wake of our visit. So, at that point, since I wasn't going to hear more from the family on that point, I began talking to her about my own ideas, as shaped by all the advice and discussion here.....

...that I'm prepared to get married in the future if she and I stay happy together, but not any sooner a year from our original meeting; that I'm committed to taking care of her; that I'm perfectly capable of buying a condo or a house in BKK or elsewhere for she and I after we are married, as may fit with things in our life; that I'm willing to have a wedding ceremony and some reasonable sin sod; but that I'm not willing now or in the future to build a 1M baht house for her parents that basically she and I would rarely live in.

At that point, I got my second and even bigger but good shock of the night. She proceeded to repeat for me that she really was more interested in us staying together and getting married eventually, and that her parents were more interested in the house issue, as I already knew. But she then informed me that, when she really loves someone, she needs to do the right thing for that, that that's the most important thing for her. And that if we were married, she'd see her responsibility to be first toward me as her husband, and second to her family. So, she said to my great surprise, that she was fine with my general ideas as mentioned above, and she was prepared to go against her parents' wishes on the house issue, and that she planned soon on talking with them and explaining the situation and what she wanted to do about it. To which, I said to myself, AMAZING THAILAND......

So, as I said above, this is still an evolving story. And, maybe what she promised and pledged last night will fade or she'll be collared by her family on their the job/location issue or the house issue. But for now, this lady is showing me the kind of spirit and commitment that made me believe since I met her, for many other reasons, that she's a keeper. And if she's willing to stand by me, and keep the focus on our future together, then I'm prepared to stand by her also....

Time will tell....

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Looks hopeful JF . Hang on in there. She seems worthy of a bit more of your time.

In spite of what some people might thing, there are a lot of very good and genuine Thai ladies out there.

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I was one that suggested u move on.

Perhaps I should have mentioned I was married 3 times in the states and really I am not in a position to give advice on relationships.

Most important thing is for u to be happy

Spend what u want and how u want, just remember u may have to walk away from what u buy in Thailand.

I have really enjoyed my Thai wife and my 3 Years in Thailand and I wish all the best for you.

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i dont understand why the girl couldnt just say 'no'. i know plenty of thai girls who are dating or married to western men. these are all girls holding 'normal' jobs (not bar girls) and they met under 'normal' circumstances. none of these girls has allowed their families to bludge off of their husband. if money is not important to the girl she would have told her family to bugger off and let you get on with it (in my opinion).

Exactly. Any girl, including Thai, will - if she is serious about the relationship - make a stand for it.

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