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ozzy111

To Tell Or Not To Tell

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Horrible situation- you're damned if you do anf damned if you don't.

Hands up on the board who ever even had to tell a close friend about these situations. You are not always greeted in the spirit that you have told even with good friends.

On the other hand can you stand by and watch someone flush their financial and emotional well-being down the toilet?

Self-preservation though should be your number one worry, and you do sound very close to your own doorstep. I advise against doing anything that is going to rebound on you from any source.

I hope it works out OK for you.

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I'd try to find a way to tell him anonymously. You don't want to get in the middle of the problem. You could very well end up being the bad guy.

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Find a way to tell him but protect yourself. No good if he runs away with most of his cash intact but you end up pushing up daisies is it ?

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I wonder why these sensitive topics often come from a relatively new poster :o

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Hmm I remember reading a post not so long ago. Very familiar wording if not identical.

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cause they ahvent read the million other threads that are about the same thing...

been hashed over and over pros and cons... from my woman's point of view, if he isnt your brother, dont get involved. if he is so dumb to not see it, then, nothing u will say or do will change his mind; and if he knows or suspects, then he will make his own decision anyway... never get in the middle. maybe u could divert him to this board and to some 'interesting posts/threads' that may make him think a bit... otherwise why bother, if he's dumb enough to live far away and spend tons of money without checking up the situation really well, then its his stupidity... or maybe he doesnt care like some women 'know' their men are filling in time until they get back home, and the women over look this... it does happen and more often then u think, and both sides keep silent about it....

dont get involved. ever.

bina

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The guy needs to find out - period. How many sob stories do we read about with the guy losing the lot to some un-scrupulous scam & then doing the five second flying lesson?

Condsider it your one good deed, however, if you can let the guy know without him knowing it is you that would be far better.

Adultery - un-pleasant but manageable.

Outright scam to get the guy for every penny - unforgivable.

This looks like the latter.

Soundman.

Agreed. Far better to give him the info - whether anonymously by letter or face to face - and then let him decide...

Far too many 'accidents' or tales of guys who 'lost their life savings' on Thai Visa already. :o

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put yourself in his position!

?do you think some Buddy have to tell you?

if its me i would like to know

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if its me i would like to know

Hypothetically you probably would, reality has a knack of changing that.

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Yes, its true, this subject has been covered lots of times,

A falang came to our salon several times, good company for me, but i knew his GF was married to a falang, I was going to e-mail him when he left, but my mrs came straight out with it, your GF is married!he went home and asked questions, then left for europe, next day, mrs got a call, you no good, you got big mouth ect ect, you cost us 6000bht a month, he dont send anymore. Mrs said, ok, but your family not straight, this man loved you and your family and you decieve him.goodbye.

Another was a falang and his GF, i know if mrs talks to her for more than 5 mins, all is ok, any less then something is wrong, in this case it was about 2 mins, when they were ready to leave, he said to my mrs, everything ok? she said, family no good, be careful! he left the village, 6 weeks later she had another falang!!

The second option is the best for you i would think, if your mrs will co-operate, she needent say more than that or elaborate further, if he questions you about this, just say, perhaps she has another boyfriend or married,I dont know, perhaps they just want your money then boot you out, but if my wife says the family is no good, then i believe her and something is not right.he can make his own asumptions from this.

Cheers Lickey.

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I find (in general) that it helps to suggest several things that friends of mine who may be involved in dubious connections can do to check on their lovey-dovey wing-wangs [sorry, must be that last bit of chocolate, cheese, and wine!]

If they seem open to the idea {'oh, what a great idea, never thought of that!'} then I know they still have a critical mind and it is worth giving them further suggestions (until they either verify that things are ok, or break up).

If they make up all kinds of excuses not to do some kind of simple checking ('oh, it's just too difficult to check if he/she's really working/in school/living at so-and-so address/married/real name is XXXXXX'), then I assume they know that something's wrong but would rather remain deluded- and who am I to disturb their delusion?

If I've made the attempt to suggest they do some checking and they argue against me, I figure my duty as a friend is done. It's not my fault if they want to remain deluded, and if they pull the old 'why didn't you tell me?' later trying to avoid responsibility (as such types inevitably do), I can point out that I made simple suggestions which they refused to consider.

The sad thing is when the friend's dubious connection tries to cut off his other friendships to avoid their helping him realise his predicament... but once again, not our fault. I feel sorry for them, but they have to take responsibility for their own lives and relationship choices.

"S"

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tell him what is happening, its for his own good.

to many of these scams are happening and if we can stop one then I think that is a great thing.

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Here we go (crack knuckles)

Firstly, if the OP returns to just check the results without further comments that will give some indication of the validity of the situation.

Secondly, notwithstanding the validity of this individual situation, this particular scenario has happened many times, I know of at least three instances myself.

The primary consideration should be 'is it fact or is it gossip?' ...... if it is just pure speculation and associated rumours that are always banded around, just ignore it (did you know that one of the girls from a local karaoke bar comes to my house at 3am some nights..... it was news to me)

Drilling down, if it is actually happening and you are 100% sure of that, do you get involved?

Directly involved, never..... if you do that one of two things will happen. 1. he will not believe you and it will never be mentioned again to anyone (in denial or not, it doesn't matter) 2. he may half believe you and then question his wife, who will extract out of him the source of the info, that would be when the fun starts, but I doubt anyone will be laughing.

So, should he know? ...... if it is just gossip, no. If it's much more than gossip, yes.

Should you tell him? ..... never, not under any circumstances, including getting a bit drunk with him and trying to discuss the plot line of 9 1/2 weeks.

So how does he find out? ...... tough one, unfortunately, any attempts at leaving secret notes in badly written English on his doorstep or slipping the odd revealing photo into his pocket when he isn't looking, will probably work, but you will be the prime suspect for doing it.

Will he find out eventually? ..... yes, when the house is finished and there is a pick-up on the driveway.

Is there any justice? ..... of course, when she realises that all she has is bricks and mortar but no money to pay for its upkeep, nothing in the fridge but water, a hunk of tin that she can't afford to run and the Thai husband has beggared off with a later model that is possibly repeating the same process, and hopefully, the farang in question will have the good sense not to do the same thing again, and the ability to rebuild his life if it wasn't money and time he could afford to waste.

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Based on experience of having faced a similar situation or predicament with a friend in UK married to a thai lady. The guy may well not belive what he is told and stick his head in the sand like an ostrich and the lady in question will convince him that you lied and should not be spoken to again. Better to keep out of it and resist all urge to let him know. If he is gullible enough not to see the signs himself then let him loose the money.

We thought we were doing someone a good turn letting a nice guy know what his wife was upto no good and the whole thing was turned inside out, upside down until we were the guilty parties. In these instances better to be a spectator.

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It's hard to believe that you even consider not teling him.

I know what your saying, the only thing is if it gets out that I told him It would be really bad for my wife and her family.

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