Jump to content
BANGKOK
Sign in to follow this  
ozzy111

To Tell Or Not To Tell

Recommended Posts

assuming that this is more than just a short term fling on her part then i think he should be told , how you go about doing it without getting yourself into trouble with other locals is the hard part.

you could be saving him a lot of trouble down the line.

you need to be very very sure of your facts before you consider doing anything......and be sure that this guy will thank you for the information and not punch you in the face.

I agree it's a hard to know what to do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Very dangerous ground, you could toally isolate yourself or even worse. If the guy is so stupid to pour money in then he is gullible and no amount of "wink wink know what I mean" will change his mind.

It really annoys me that there are so many stupid, niaive, ignorant brain dead men around who fall for the first smile etc etc

Yer i must admit it could be abit of a worry if her husband and his mate take it the wrong way and then decide to take it out on me if you get my meaning.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
try and find out if he has an e mail then get a unconnected third part y drop him a line as a "concerned" countryman.

Good call, I think that is the best option at least that way I'd know did something at least without my wife looseing face or worse if it got out I told him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First of all, how good is your proof that his wife is playing the funky chicken behind her Farang husbands' back?

If the proof is not water tight, stay out of it.

.... he dos'nt live in Thailand full time but he is planning on moving over next year.

If you have the proof and can contact him in Farangland, then tell him.

Be prepared to sell your own house if you do. Once the wife finds out that you are the informer, your house could become a pile of cinders.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Here we go (crack knuckles)

Firstly, if the OP returns to just check the results without further comments that will give some indication of the validity of the situation.

Secondly, notwithstanding the validity of this individual situation, this particular scenario has happened many times, I know of at least three instances myself.

The primary consideration should be 'is it fact or is it gossip?' ...... if it is just pure speculation and associated rumours that are always banded around, just ignore it (did you know that one of the girls from a local karaoke bar comes to my house at 3am some nights..... it was news to me)

Drilling down, if it is actually happening and you are 100% sure of that, do you get involved?

Directly involved, never..... if you do that one of two things will happen. 1. he will not believe you and it will never be mentioned again to anyone (in denial or not, it doesn't matter) 2. he may half believe you and then question his wife, who will extract out of him the source of the info, that would be when the fun starts, but I doubt anyone will be laughing.

So, should he know? ...... if it is just gossip, no. If it's much more than gossip, yes.

Should you tell him? ..... never, not under any circumstances, including getting a bit drunk with him and trying to discuss the plot line of 9 1/2 weeks.

So how does he find out? ...... tough one, unfortunately, any attempts at leaving secret notes in badly written English on his doorstep or slipping the odd revealing photo into his pocket when he isn't looking, will probably work, but you will be the prime suspect for doing it.

Will he find out eventually? ..... yes, when the house is finished and there is a pick-up on the driveway.

Is there any justice? ..... of course, when she realises that all she has is bricks and mortar but no money to pay for its upkeep, nothing in the fridge but water, a hunk of tin that she can't afford to run and the Thai husband has beggared off with a later model that is possibly repeating the same process, and hopefully, the farang in question will have the good sense not to do the same thing again, and the ability to rebuild his life if it wasn't money and time he could afford to waste.

Well put, This is fact when he returns home after a long holiday with her the husband comes back out of the woodwork and they resume living as husband and wife again. I have also seen it happen a few times but not quite like this and never when I have had the opportunity to prevent it happening from the start. I agree with you I carnt let him know directly and I dont want my family involved thats for sure.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good Heavens, are you mad :o

I have just come back from my wife's village in Mukdahan. She is there for a month looking after her mum. I met everyone in the village I reckon, they all came for a chat with the 'Farang Husband'. Everyone there seemed to know everyone else and knew all their problems etc...

The last thing you need to do as Farang living amongst them- is stick your nose into their business!

Do you really think that this girl and her Thai 'spouse' will just forgive you and your life will go an as before.

Keep out of it. There is a chance the Farrang won't thank you anyway. I had a similar problem with a good friend who was involved with a 'dodgy' Thai girl. I told him what she was up to with some other Farang. She was also lying about some business debt she had. He eventually dropped her, after all kinds of questioning and the use of a Private detective. He is still quite cool towards me - I think he blames me in some ways - sadly the saying 'don't shoot the messenger' can be ignored!!

Good Luck

Edited by dsfbrit

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
These situations are hard to judge and sometimes ignorance is bliss. The guy and this Thai woman might have many happy years in front of them despite her little fling. Wouldn't it be a shame to destroy it. Of course, she might just be chuck him after she gets the big house.

Hi garro.

Do you think the odds of attaining many happy years isn't very probable?

Would there be as many Farang/Thai marriages, if there was no significant financial/economic gain to be had?

Are Farang/Thai marriages with significant age differences an indicator that the lady has gone for economic improvement over ideal love?

I can see a number of scenarios:

  • Thai girl truly in love with her farang husband.
  • Thai girl not in love with her farang husband, but values economic prosperity for her family above all else and lives a selfless life.
  • Thai girl not in love with her farang husband, but values economic prosperity for her family above all else and fools around.
  • Thai girl not in love with her farang husband, but values economic prosperity and plans to scam her husband.

My neighbour (farang) has been cleaned out by his wife (farang) of 12 years.

She never worked one day during their relationship and after having two children said, "I love you but I'm not in love with you".

She took the house, the kids, and now receives a packet in weekly alimony.

She threw their wedding album in the bin.

He said to me: "You live with someone for many years but you don't really know them".

How much is the OP sinking into this new house (Millions)? Given the difficulty of successful marriage anyway, if you throw in a significant age difference, and minimal time together (international relationship, mostly spent in holiday made), what are the OP's chances of many happy years?

If he's successful, at what cost has it been to the selfless wife?

I'm open to any comments, as I also face such a dilemma!

Regarding whether to inform on the cheating wife, that's a tough one. You'd have to have concrete evidence to begin with.

Edited by rockyysdt

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Horrible situation- you're damned if you do anf damned if you don't.

Hands up on the board who ever even had to tell a close friend about these situations. You are not always greeted in the spirit that you have told even with good friends.

On the other hand can you stand by and watch someone flush their financial and emotional well-being down the toilet?

Self-preservation though should be your number one worry, and you do sound very close to your own doorstep. I advise against doing anything that is going to rebound on you from any source.

I hope it works out OK for you.

Based on experience of having faced a similar situation or predicament with a friend in UK married to a thai lady. The guy may well not belive what he is told and stick his head in the sand like an ostrich and the lady in question will convince him that you lied and should not be spoken to again. Better to keep out of it and resist all urge to let him know. If he is gullible enough not to see the signs himself then let him loose the money.

We thought we were doing someone a good turn letting a nice guy know what his wife was upto no good and the whole thing was turned inside out, upside down until we were the guilty parties. In these instances better to be a spectator.

Speaking from personal experience in Thailand I DID tell my friend what was going on and yes while I did not have 100% proof my wife and a lot of other people did know.

I told him and there was an instant stoppage of money coming in to the wife which eased after a while. He came out 4 months later and talked to his wife who told him the whole story (her version) and whilst he was there for a month he only spoke to me 2 or 3 times and believed her as he didnt want to get confused. We have spoken a couple of times since in a civilised fashion but that is about all. More than 10 years of friendship down the tubes and for what?

I stood to gain nothing by telling him and I lost his friendship.

My loss but perhaps if she does it again (and she probably will) I will not tell him anything and perhaps he will learn the hard way.

Edited by billd766

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The last couple of posts I agree with. It's not that important what you have to gain by telling him (a good feeling that you tried to help someone?), but more important what you can lose (not necessarily just his friendship). It's difficult enough to try to tell someone anything. There are emotions involved here that I wouldn't go near. If you know him, I would just feel him out to see if he's in a dream or, maybe, he knows what up? Some strange dudes out there. Tell him about TV. There's plenty of stories he might find enlightening. Ozzy rules.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The last couple of posts I agree with. It's not that important what you have to gain by telling him (a good feeling that you tried to help someone?), but more important what you can lose (not necessarily just his friendship). It's difficult enough to try to tell someone anything. There are emotions involved here that I wouldn't go near. If you know him, I would just feel him out to see if he's in a dream or, maybe, he knows what up? Some strange dudes out there. Tell him about TV. There's plenty of stories he might find enlightening. Ozzy rules.

Thanks for the advice the more I read here the less I feel like telling him, like you say I really have nothing to gain from it and if it did get out it was me it could get really ugly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Long distance relationships are difficult if not impossible. When he returns for his visits, his little head is doing ALL the thinking. Chances are that he has already had many danger signs that he has chosen to ignore. As posted already, if there is a way to tell him anonymously, go ahead but I can assure you that you don't want to get in the middle of it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

3 million in a isaan village that is big money,this thread has got troll written all over it.

i have been in a simular position but it was a land deal,falang visit 1st time with his tilac taken to sonme land and pays 3 times the price, i meet him he tells me what a deal he has got.

well i find out the land is already owned by the family,we go for a drive to look at land,useless for farming loads of chopped down trees on it,i have to bite my lip her papa is a big police chief i cannot say anything i dont want reprecusions, i just told him do some research and a week later i find out she has another falang who bought the d max for her.

i feal bad for him but i live the next village he is just a tourist i have to live there i dont want any problems.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you want justification for telling him, look no further than googling "Dale Henry".

Agree that you need to do it anonymously.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Buy a new SIM-card with a number no one knows and sms him the bad news.

It´s up to him to believe it or not. Then you have done more than enough and

if it leeds to their divorce it can never be traced back to you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
try and find out if he has an e mail then get a unconnected third part y drop him a line as a "concerned" countryman.

Good call, I think that is the best option at least that way I'd know did something at least without my wife looseing face or worse if it got out I told him.

"One picture is worth a thousand words".

How do you know it's happening? Did you personally see her in the company of another man or is it village gossip?

If you can manage to get a photo...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...