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Svenn

Discovery About Udon Girlfriend's Gender

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I've browsed thaivisa for a while without posting, thinking I'd never be had like those other imbiciles on the forums, until a few weeks ago. The title of my post says it all and I don't want to elaborate on it because it still makes me sick to think about it; but it should be sufficient to say that she had had a full operation before I met her. If you care to read my story below, I think you will find it is unique from others, so please no cliche snappy responses, I seek genuine thoughts. The main thing I want advice for now is just how common this is and if I'm alone or not:

I met her in Isaan 2 years ago and I knew some Lao already from college, we met far from any bar or tourist place... so this discovery came as a huge suprise to me, something I thought only happens to old codgers is Pattaya or BKK. Thing is I'm in my mid twenties, she's a university student, and I had never slept with anyone before her, and even if I had, I don't think I would have percieved her former gender- she's really beautiful and the operation apparently very skillful... on top of that, she took hormones.

The thing that's different about my story I think is that there's no hard feelings between us, it's just straight up sad and confusing. She never once asked for money and she has the sweetest heart, we've been to 6 other Asian countries together over the 2 years and had all the characteristics of a normal, very close relationship, even if it was long-distance at time. I may be young and naive but I'm not a social idiot like others farangs, so I just ask you to take at face value that she never cheated on me, so PLEASE- no rants about how she must be a secret bargirl with many boyfriends or something.

She had always hidden her passport from me, her one ID, because she said her photo in it was really embarrassing... finally one night a few weeks ago out of the blue, she got down on her knees, started crying, bowed her head down, and handed me the passport like she was making an offer to a monk... and I looked inside.

I'm not angry at her from witholding this info from me, I pity her more than anything- all she's wanted in her very hard life is to have a normal relationship with a normal boy who wasn't some sicko old guy that had a thing for katoeys. I too hadn't had much success with girls back in the USA. She hates ladyboys/katoeys and hates gays even more, she says that she was always a girl, and felt so since she was 5. I'm no liberal, in fact I'm kind of socially conservative and previously didn't have much respect for transgender issues. But now I really want to feel that this girl really is a girl 100%, and just happened to be born with the wrong organ or something. On the other hand, part of my love for her has stopped now and I'm sad, and I told her I'm not sure I could ever marry her, especially since I want kids someday. But constancy and the status quo are what I confide in, so I've told her for now I can still support her (we have been building a small cheap house together outside Udon (at my request and initiative guys, not hers)) and I'll keep meeting with her for a few years, and we'll take it from there.

Edited by Svenn

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Hmmmmmm.....................Just follow your heart? :o

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you say she never asks for money then you say you are supporting her.i thought he/she had been to uni so should get a decent job so why support her/him.

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Hmmmmmm.....................Just follow your heart? :o

So, you discovered the truth. Yesterday you loved her,today is over ? because of a picture.This person needs more moral support from you .She told you the truth because she felt that she could trust you.Now you withdraw the trust.Not fair. She had gone true a very serious change in her life.She loves you enough to tell you the truth.Its time that you change and learn to have more understanding on many social issues.Some day you will have children...just imagine if some day they come home and say: "Dad..I am gay" .What will yiy say? Love your children,regardless of who they will be. And love this person, she needs it.

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i have never been in that kind of situation so can't really comment. I do think that it would be natural for your feelings to change once you found out and I think you are right to continue seeing her and not just break it off, you may find that your love for her is so strong that it will eventually overshadow the fact she once had man's body. I just don't know and i don't think anyone would know unless he was in the same position. I do know of one other man who lived with a girl for at least six months before he found out she was a former man. He broke it off immediately, but he never really loved her and was living with her more for the convenience than anything else, but yes other people are fooled also. Oh this man had had lots of experience with real women. Issangeorge.

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Some day you will have children...

Not if he stays with him/her, he won't.

Leave. A heterosexual man needs a heterosexual woman (a real one with no Y chromosomes).

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But now I really want to feel that this girl really is a girl 100%, and just happened to be born with the wrong organ or something.

Exactly. She was a woman born in a mans body and she fixed it. Thats all. 100% woman. You are both young, you dont know what the future holds, long term you could always adopt. Natural born women sometimes cannot conceive also. Seems until this disclosure you both are well matched to each other. A good companion in life is not so easy to find. Dont let something she couldnt help (being born as the wrong sex) get in the way of both your happiness.

Best of luck.

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Another first in my experience in the LOS. ( the story that is) I do wonder if you have met his/her family, in travels how did you not seen the passport at hotel check-ins, immigration, etc? I do not have the experience to compare her physical attributes to ladies born as ladies, apparently neither do you, from reading the above story. I am not going to make any scarcastic remarks, call you a troll, nor give advise. Guessing neither of you want to have children, your happy with each other, and want to try to make it work and you answer these points to your and her satisfaction, go for it. I would hope you have or will discuss all the potential pitfalls you will encounter in traveling (you have done this) legal documents, prejudices etc through out life. The up side is you were told or maybe ignorance is bliss.

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Unusual story though not unique. You said that once she confided in you about her true gender part of your love for her died and you were/are sad. I'm just wondering whether your feelings have really changed or is it your conservative views/upbringing which are actually affecting you? Good luck.

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I think you're going to get a lot of people saying that love will conquer all and you should look at the person not the gender. I agree with this in theory, but there are practical aspects you must consider, one of course you mentioned was kids. Adoption is a difficult process and can test the metal of even the strongest of relationships, and will not be made easier by her being a previously male. As you are young, you may not appreciate this bit as yet but here goes. When you are old and gray, you tend to look back on your life and the choices you made as a young pup. If you have something REAL with this person, you will for the rest of your life regret breaking it off and think yourself stupid for having caved in to 'society' and lost the chance to be happy... thats what its all about...being happy, satisfied. If she satisfies you, you are done.

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but I'm not a social idiot like others farangs,
no cliche snappy responses, I seek genuine thoughts

Hmmmm :o

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She/he is not 100% female, never can or will be.

Sorry, that is just the way it is. IMHO of course.

Just be 'friends' and find a real woman, if a real woman is what you really want.

If that doesn't work, leave.

ps. how could you not know :o

Edited by sgtpeppers

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Just earn enough to keep the bridge over your head and you'll both be fine.

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A LOT of farangs out there either can't tell or are trying out something new. I tend to think it's more of the former.

:o

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It is between your ears, YOUR ears.

If SHE, and I do mean SHE hadn't told you, nothing would have changed. Correct?

But she did, now does that make her a bad, or a better person?

So what has changed now? What is the thought that you cannot handle? What is different all of a sudden, everything she had you liked, and enjoyed each other and you had good times, and now....

You pity her? For what, for making changes to herself to make her life complete? What is there to pity?

You feel she is a a 100% girl, so what is wrong ? Because she cannot have kids?

Does another woman guarantee that she can?? There is no guarantee for nothing, as you should know by now.

You will keep meeting with her for a few years.....and you will take it from there... What will you take from there?? Not loving her anymore? Pitying her?

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