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Are Aussies Really So Bad?

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Aussie customs...

A man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He buys a small piece of land in the country.

A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region.

So he goes next door, but on his way up the drive-way, he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt this "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it.

Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a cow down the drive-way, pause, and then put his head next to the cow's bum.

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "What the <deleted> is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass, and drinking it, and then today, you have your head so close to that cow's bum, it could just about shit on you."

The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry Sir, you do not understand, these aren't Chinese customs I am performing, but Australian customs."

"What do you mean mate", says the Aussie, "Those aren't Australian customs."

"Yes they are", replied the Chinese man, "for you see, in order for me to become a true Australian, I must Chase Chicks, Drink Piss, and listen to Bull-shit......"

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Aussie customs...

A man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He buys a small piece of land in the country.

A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region.

So he goes next door, but on his way up the drive-way, he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt this "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it.

Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a cow down the drive-way, pause, and then put his head next to the cow's bum.

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "What the <deleted> is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass, and drinking it, and then today, you have your head so close to that cow's bum, it could just about shit on you."

The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry Sir, you do not understand, these aren't Chinese customs I am performing, but Australian customs."

"What do you mean mate", says the Aussie, "Those aren't Australian customs."

"Yes they are", replied the Chinese man, "for you see, in order for me to become a true Australian, I must Chase Chicks, Drink Piss, and listen to Bull-shit......"

:o

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And another one...

Australian Girls

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Albania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Thailand. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married an Australian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

Got to love them Australian girls!

:o

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And another one...

Australian Girls

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Albania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Thailand. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the dishes, and the cooking.  He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better.  By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married an Australian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

Got to love them Australian girls!

:D

Wow, Aussie girls are "karate kids" too! Luckily I did not marry anyone from down under when I was studying in Newcastle, OzLand. Jai Dee's advice might have arrived 25 years too late for me to change my mind! :o Waltzing Matilda, waltzing matilda...you cum a waltzing maltida with me....

Anyway LOL good joke.

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Wow, Aussie girls are "karate kids" too! Luckily I did not marry anyone from down under when I was studying in Newcastle, OzLand.

We become nicer the further south you go :o:D.

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We become nicer the further south you go  :o  :D.

These folks down in antarctic must be real nice fellers then Nat.

20040107-dt-martin-bad-weather-161809-small.jpg

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:D Love it :o

[right-->

QUOTE(Jai Dee @ 2005-04-22 12:24:26

:D Love it :D

[right)

And just to ruin your day gentlemen, xxxx is owned by a kiwi brewery. :D

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Three men are sitting in the maternity ward of a hospital waiting for the imminent birth of their respective children.

One is an Australian, one a New Zealander and the other a West Indian. They are all very nervous and pacing the floor - as you do in these situations.

All of a sudden the doctor bursts through the double doors saying, "Gentlemen you won't believe this but your wives have all had their babies within 5 minutes of each other."

The men are beside themselves with happiness and joy.

"And", said the doctor, "they have all had little boys." The fathers are ecstatic and congratulate each other over and over.

"However we do have one slight problem," the doctor said. "In all the confusion we may have mixed the babies up getting them to the nursery and would be grateful if you could join us there to try and help identify them."

With that, the Aussie raced passed the doctor and bolted to the nursery.

Once inside he picked up a dark skinned infant with dreadlocks saying, "there's no doubt about it, this boy is mine!"

The doctor looked bewildered and said, "Well sir of all the babies I would have thought that maybe this child could be of West Indian descent."

"That's a maybe", said the Aussie, "but one of the other two is a <deleted> Kiwi and I'm not taking the risk."

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Three men are sitting in the maternity ward of a hospital waiting for the imminent birth of their respective children.

One is an Australian, one a New Zealander and the other a West Indian. They are all very nervous and pacing the floor - as you do in these situations.

All of a sudden the doctor bursts through the double doors saying, "Gentlemen you won't believe this but your wives have all had their babies within 5 minutes of each other."

The men are beside themselves with happiness and joy.

"And", said the doctor, "they have all had little boys." The fathers are ecstatic and congratulate each other over and over.

"However we do have one slight problem," the doctor said. "In all the confusion we may have mixed the babies up getting them to the nursery and would be grateful if you could join us there to try and help identify them."

With that, the Aussie raced passed the doctor and bolted to the nursery.

Once inside he picked up a dark skinned infant with dreadlocks saying, "there's no doubt about it, this boy is mine!"

The doctor looked bewildered and said, "Well sir of all the babies I would have thought that maybe this child could be of West Indian descent."

"That's a maybe", said the Aussie, "but one of the other two is a <deleted> Kiwi and I'm not taking the risk."

:o

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An Aussie was sitting with an Kiwi and a Indian in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden, Saudi police entered and arrested them.

They were initially sentenced to death but they contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But, as it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said:

"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

So the Indian guy thought for a while and then said: "Please be tieing a pillow to my back."

This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.

The Kiwi, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back".

But even two pillows could only take 10 lashes before the whip went through again.

Before The Aussie could say something, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "As you are from a popular country, and your Cricket team are terrific, and your women beautiful you can have two wishes!".

"Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The Aussie replies.

"My first wish is: " I would like to have 40 lashes."

"If you so desire", the Sheik replies with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?"

"Tie the Kiwi to my back", the Aussie answers.

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Three men are sitting in the maternity ward of a hospital waiting for the imminent birth of their respective children.

One is an Australian, one a New Zealander and the other a West Indian. They are all very nervous and pacing the floor - as you do in these situations.

All of a sudden the doctor bursts through the double doors saying, "Gentlemen you won't believe this but your wives have all had their babies within 5 minutes of each other."

The men are beside themselves with happiness and joy.

"And", said the doctor, "they have all had little boys." The fathers are ecstatic and congratulate each other over and over.

"However we do have one slight problem," the doctor said. "In all the confusion we may have mixed the babies up getting them to the nursery and would be grateful if you could join us there to try and help identify them."

With that, the Aussie raced passed the doctor and bolted to the nursery.

Once inside he picked up a dark skinned infant with dreadlocks saying, "there's no doubt about it, this boy is mine!"

The doctor looked bewildered and said, "Well sir of all the babies I would have thought that maybe this child could be of West Indian descent."

"That's a maybe", said the Aussie, "but one of the other two is a <deleted> Kiwi and I'm not taking the risk."

:o

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