devildog683 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Australia - Part 3 of 12to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Australia - Part 4 of 12 Tasmania Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Australia - Part 4 of 12Tasmania Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Australia - Part 5 of 12 South Australia South Australia is the province of half-decent red wines, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Australia - Part 6 of 12 Western Australia Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Duck lad. The gropers'll get you for perceived heresy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Australia - Part 7 of 12 Northern Territory The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Australia - Part 8 of 12 Queensland And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Australia - Part 9 of 12 Australian Capital Territory Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Australia - Part 10 of 12 We want to make “no worries mate” our national phrase, “she'll be right mate” our national attitude and “Waltzing Matilda” our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Australia - Part 11 of 12 We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Australia - Part 12 of 12 Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. I am, you are, we are Australian! PS. We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National Crest!!!! No other country on Earth has this distinction! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tornado Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Brilliant! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Seconded Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Philosopher Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 May the nationhood of OZ remain the pillar of the London Pub Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 May the nationhood of OZ remain the pillar of the London Pub Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 May the nationhood of OZ remain the pillar of the London Pub <{POST_SNAPBACK}> <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Ithink he means that there are so many aussies in pomgolia now..trying to drink the place dry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 May the nationhood of OZ remain the pillar of the London Pub Ithink he means that there are so many aussies in pomgolia now..trying to drink the place dry! Aussies usually try to drink every place dry! And with varying degrees of success... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Most master the art of suckin' the sauce Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 football, meat pies, kangaroos and skimpy barmaids at the local on a thursdee night during the pool comp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Now they all know for certain about the Aussie habits Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 football, meat pies, kangaroos and skimpy barmaids at the local on a thursdee night during the pool comp. Ahhh.... skimpy nights... especially the ones in Kalgoorlie or Leinster WA... nearly as good as Pattaya's Walking Street on a Saturday night! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axel Posted May 12, 2005 Author Share Posted May 12, 2005 Last time I went to King's Cross I got homesick for LOS. OK, I know it's a tourist place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alex100 Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Maybe he means thers are load of Antipodean friends working in London Pubs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axel Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 Talking about London-pubs: An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night, having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun, shoots the glass to pieces and says, "In South Africa our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice." The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the glass to pieces and says, "Well mate, in Australia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either." The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the South African and the Australian and then says, "In London we have so many bloody South Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gburns57au Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Talking about London-pubs: An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night, having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun, shoots the glass to pieces and says, "In South Africa our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice." The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the glass to pieces and says, "Well mate, in Australia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either." The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the South African and the Australian and then says, "In London we have so many bloody South Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice." Sounds like it was the pommies shout....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Mist Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 not only soapdodgers but shoutdodgers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Mist Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 For a bet 3 guys go into a pig stye to see who can last the longest a pom a paddie and an Ozzie after one day thje Ozzie comes out "Gees mate she's bad in there" he says after three days the Irishman comes out "be Jesus it's bad in there" he says dry reaching as he said it. and after one week the pig came out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
udon Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 not only soapdodgers but shoutdodgers <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I defy anyone to get a drink out of a well known Kiwi teacher, it's not a Dodger trait That guy harbors death adders in his back pocket! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzydom Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Brilliant! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Seconded <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Awork of art,and all true.. would an Aussie bull***t to ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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