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warfie

Worst Joke Ever

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A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange.

The doctor looks at it and says, “I haven't ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?” The man says no.

The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, “Nothing.” The doctor is really puzzled now and says, “You can't not do anything. What do you do at home all day?”

The man replies, “Honestly, doc, I don't do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Twisties.”

For the Brits that would be Twisties Wotsits :)

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Two Irishmen out visting friends in NZ. They go out for a bit of scuba diving. Paddy says to Seamus "wonder why they dive over the boat backwards?"

Seamus says - " You bloody fool Paddy, if they dived forward they's end up still in the boat"

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A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over this weekend. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a package labeled "Viagra Extra Strength" and said, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."

The guy says, "Give me three boxes."

The next day the guy walks into the same pharmacy, goes up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.

The man says, "give me a jar of Tiger Balm."

The pharmacist replies, "Tiger Balm? You don't want to put Tiger Balm on that!"

The man says, "No, it's for my arms - the girls didn't show up."

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A guy walks into a doctor''s office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, "Doc, what''s wrong with me?!?"

The doctor replies, "You''re not eating properly."

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What do you call a bloke doing his housework at midnight with the lights off and two birds of prey on his shoulders?

HAWK KESTREL MAN HOOVERS IN THE DARK

Re: the 80's band.

I'll find my coat again....taxi!

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A penguin walks into a bar and asks: "Have you seen my brother?"

The barman says: "No. What's he look like?"

I am running out of coats....

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A bloke is sat in a bar on his own.

From behind him he hears "<deleted> off you <deleted>!!" Upon turning around he sees only a cigarette machine.

Bemused, he returns to his forward-facing position at the bar.

The peanuts on the bar say "WOW...you look so handsome today sir!"

Just as he is becoming really confused by all this, the barman returns and says - "Oh yes, well, the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order". :)

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someone please... just shoot me...

:)

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Two Palestinian women chatting over tea and biscuits:

A - "How's your son, Jamal?"

B - "Oh...he would be 19 if he was still alive. Remember the bus massacre 3 months ago? That was him, he is a martyr now"

A - "I see! Well how's Shaqueel, your youngest?"

B - "Oh...remember the border crossing massacre? 15 dead? That was my little Shaqueel. He would have been 14 if he was not a martyr already"

A - "So, how's Ismael? Your middle son?"

B - "You don't remember!? He caused the huge explosion at the mosque last week! He was only 18 and we are so proud of his matrydom."

A - sigh - "I see. Don't they blow up quick nowadays" :)

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86 Year old guy walks into the Pharmacy and askes if they stock Viagra

"Yes we do sir" said the Pharmacist. In that case can you cut one ito 4 asked the man.

Yes we can do that for you but you wont get a Full erection with 1/4 of a pill

I dont want a full erection said the man, I just want it to stick out far enough so I dont Pee on my shoes.

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Two Palestinian women chatting over tea and biscuits:

A - "How's your son, Jamal?"

B - "Oh...he would be 19 if he was still alive. Remember the bus massacre 3 months ago? That was him, he is a martyr now"

A - "I see! Well how's Shaqueel, your youngest?"

B - "Oh...remember the border crossing massacre? 15 dead? That was my little Shaqueel. He would have been 14 if he was not a martyr already"

A - "So, how's Ismael? Your middle son?"

B - "You don't remember!? He caused the huge explosion at the mosque last week! He was only 18 and we are so proud of his matrydom."

A - sigh - "I see. Don't they blow up quick nowadays" :D

:)

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Boy: Big white polar bear.

Girl: What???

Boy: Breaks the ice, doesn't it?

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