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BANGKOK 23 May 2019 10:26
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cognos

Mini Survey : Did You Marry A Thai Bar Girl ? Why?

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Thai female bar workers make up a small percentage of the overall available single Thai women in Thailand..perhaps less than 2 % ( say around 200,000 out of 10 million single Thai women of marrying age ) .The hypothesis here is that the total percentage of farang men that marry Thai bar workers is MUCH higher than 2 %, perhaps 10 % or more (therefore maybe 90% of farang marry Thai women who never worked in the bar). If 10% of farang or even more choose bar girls for their soul mates, why are bar girl workers, going by these numbers ,about FIVE times more "desirable" as wife material than all the others? Statistics lie, but if the hypothesis holds any water so to speak, there must be concrete reasons why the 2 percent are so highly coveted . What are they?

Before meeting my future spouse I dabbled in the bar scene a little, so I definitely understand the physical attraction of those ladies, as often extremely attractive ones are chosen for the workers. Many have great personalities and are honest people. I also believe most ex bar girl workers probably make good wives for their farang husbands. After all, they are for the most part just normal people that happened to work in that area. In fact I find it admirable that they often send money to their families , instead of many workers in other parts of the world that use the money for their habit. For me, after the normal infatuations with a few of the workers,visiting a few 2 or 3 times..I moved on. It seems that an unusually high number of farang covet the bar workers exclusively. Maybe a newbie who loves LOS and is presently, casually looking for a certain type of Thai lady for a soul mate/wife would be interested in knowing why these 2% are apparantly so highly coveted as wives. BTW, no offence meant to anyone, who ever you may be with, or are married to. This is not about being judgemental , its about whether the hypothesis is accurate and why, or way off the mark..or somewhere in the middle.. :)

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This should be interesting cognos, as long as it lasts :)

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Thai female bar workers

Do you mean singers, go-go dancers, prostitutes, waitresses, cleaners, cooks, or what?

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My wife worked in the Poppy bar in Pattaya. we have been married for 25years it has worked for me

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I follow your train of thought.....but I can't help but think, as long as the relationships work...be happy for the people.....I have no real interest in the where, how, who, what, of the people I mix with...as long as they are good company........from any vocational area.

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Thai female bar workers

Do you mean singers, go-go dancers, prostitutes, waitresses, cleaners, cooks, or what?

I mean those that will sleep with you for $ and "coincidently" work in a bar.

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My wife worked in the Poppy bar in Pattaya. we have been married for 25years it has worked for me

Thanks for your honesty, and I sincerely wish you and your wife a happy and healthy 25 more .I should have added to the post.."If you are married to an ex bar worker,for how long?" I hope that all or at least most of the farang/bar worker marriages are successful. Perhaps an unfair picture has been painted by the media. :) I should add that men including myself like to take care of their women and help them, so in some cases I suppose men want to take the girl out of the bar. I believe the worry is sometimes the girl is out of the bar, but the bar is not out of the girl..( a fellow who married a bar worker told me this).. but maybe thats a good thing sometimes too..BTW, I have worked with at risk students for many years,so I have empathy for anyone in an unfortunate position in their life.

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10% farang males marry bargirls and the remaining 90% non-bar girls ???

I don't know where you got that figure from, but it seems like you got your stats back to front.

Or maybe its just the social circles I move in :) ??

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It is a fair question, cognos, and not one meant to titilate. I believe the answer lies in the language barrier. Most farangs don't speak Thai, or at least not initially. Younger farangs are ususally on holidays and not around long enough to strike up a permanent relationship with a woman outside the bar scene. Older men who visit Thailand with the intention of living there semi-permanently have often left a nasty divorce or two behind elsewhere and just want some female company. The bars are the easiest place to meet women, of which more than a few are young and attractive. Once a person can speak Thai fluently it is much easier to meet women outside the bar scene, but that takes time. Unfortunately, the Thai language is not easy to learn for a farang.

I've met hundreds of women who have worked in bars, or are presently working in bars. I'm friendly and generous, and helpful in other ways. I'm also honest but never judgemental. So, none of them view me as a threat, or even as a possible long term lover. We often have frank discussions about life in general. Because they have nothing to gain from me by lying the women usually are quite honest. The ones I've grown to know on a long time personal level usually have similar stories to tell. They usually got pregnant from some Thai lover who split the moment he found out the girl was pregnant. That didn't give the girl many options in life.

The women who work in Thai bars are no different than woman anywhere in the world. There are good ones and bad ones and everything in between... same as men. Some are trustworthy and some aren't. The only REAL difference is the women who work in bars are usually hardened when it comes to affairs of the heart. They have learned early and often not to trust anyone. Not trusting someone can have a negative affect on a marriage. But, if nobody does something stupid then the marriages can often work out on a long term basis. I've known several that have.

I have a relationship with two Thai women who would be more than happy to marry me, but I've always made it very plain that I never intend to get married again. I'll help out financially if I can, but that is all. I've suggested many times if they want something more permanent then they should look elsewhere.

Of course I would ALWAYS recommend that some wealthy old farang doesn't put all his eggs in one basket by marrying some young bar girl and then set her up in a big home in her name. Never spend in Thailand what you can't afford to lose at a moment's notice.

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Statistics lie, but if the hypothesis holds any water so to speak, there must be concrete reasons why the 2 percent are so highly coveted . What are they?

You've got two different sets of blokes - those looking for a wife and those looking for fun.

Those just looking for fun sometimes just fall in love - I think we can put Big Spuds and Shrek in that category. Tourists are not so likely to meet 'good girls'. This sometimes happens with repeat tourists - they get used to the girl and decide they might as well have her around 12 months a year.

There are those who marry as a straightforward employment option - wife's allowance = salary, allegedly no romance. Tutsi Warrior made such a claim for himself, but I think he ended up falling in love with his wife - married love I suppose.

There are also those who have a low opinion of themselves but think that they stand a chance with a lady they rescue from prostitution.

I would urge ex-bar girls' husbands not to identify themselves without their wives' consent - anonymity here can easily be accidentally breached. I think it is good that bar girls are ashamed of their past - some circles operate the principle of 'Ask no questions, and I'll tell no lies'.

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If a girl was definitively out of the bar scene for several years I would consider her just like any other but if still active no way. Way too many pitfalls and the failure rate has got to be near 99%

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I would urge ex-bar girls' husbands not to identify themselves without their wives' consent - anonymity here can easily be accidentally breached.

I agree with you. Some women don't want others to know of their past, and it's nobody elses business but their own. There are always slimeballs who want to bring others down to their own miserable level so they can somehow feel better about themself.

I think it is good that bar girls are ashamed of their past - some circles operate the principle of 'Ask no questions, and I'll tell no lies'.

Why should bar girls be ashamed of what they do? They provide a valuable service for men who don't want a long term commitment. It is only the perverted minds of judgemental people that is truly wrong.

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10% farang males marry bargirls and the remaining 90% non-bar girls ???

I don't know where you got that figure from, but it seems like you got your stats back to front.

Or maybe its just the social circles I move in :D ??

..point well taken..I did not want to p off or rile people by suggesting the number is much higher than 10%..of course it is probably WAY higher, but who knows? I just used 10% as a rough and probably low benchmark to illustrate the point. At that very conservative estimate (for every 100 farang that marry a Thai, 10%,or 10 marry a bar girl) , a farang will choose a wife 10% of the time from a potential pool of 200,000 . To simplify, imagine this scenario..

At ONLY 10% farangs marrying bar girls.. Take 10 million farang for the 10 million eligible Thai woman ,or just enough farang for each single eligible Thai woman. 10%,or 1 million farang want bar girls..problem is there are only about 200,000 bar girls presently in Thailand. Assuming all 200,000 are snapped up, this would mean 800 thousand farang out of the million are S.O.L., an 80% failure rate. On the other hand, the 90%, or 9 million other farang have the other 9 million 8 hundred thousand to choose from.If they aren't too picky, the 9 million all find a lady,with 800,000 women still available. The point is the chances of success seem better in the latter category , keeping in mind this is only statistics,or is it ? :)

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I would urge ex-bar girls' husbands not to identify themselves without their wives' consent - anonymity here can easily be accidentally breached.

I agree with you. Some women don't want others to know of their past, and it's nobody elses business but their own. There are always slimeballs who want to bring others down to their own miserable level so they can somehow feel better about themself.

I think it is good that bar girls are ashamed of their past - some circles operate the principle of 'Ask no questions, and I'll tell no lies'.

Why should bar girls be ashamed of what they do? They provide a valuable service for men who don't want a long term commitment. It is only the perverted minds of judgemental people that is truly wrong.

I have nothing against bar workers or the fellows who marry them. If you think otherwise that is your problem, not mine.. everyone has choices,and farang in general seem to prefer bar girls in much greater numbers per capita than all the others put together in Thailand.Anecdotal comments as to why that may be is the focus.Everyone has choices, and there are an inordinate amount of men that eminate towards bar workers for prospective mates for a variety of reasons. If numbers mean anything, it seems to be a popular choice. If it is as good a choice as it is a popular one, perhaps even more should be pursuing that avenue.

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It is a fair question, cognos, and not one meant to titilate. I believe the answer lies in the language barrier. Most farangs don't speak Thai, or at least not initially. Younger farangs are ususally on holidays and not around long enough to strike up a permanent relationship with a woman outside the bar scene. Older men who visit Thailand with the intention of living there semi-permanently have often left a nasty divorce or two behind elsewhere and just want some female company. The bars are the easiest place to meet women, of which more than a few are young and attractive. Once a person can speak Thai fluently it is much easier to meet women outside the bar scene, but that takes time. Unfortunately, the Thai language is not easy to learn for a farang.

I've met hundreds of women who have worked in bars, or are presently working in bars. I'm friendly and generous, and helpful in other ways. I'm also honest but never judgemental. So, none of them view me as a threat, or even as a possible long term lover. We often have frank discussions about life in general. Because they have nothing to gain from me by lying the women usually are quite honest. The ones I've grown to know on a long time personal level usually have similar stories to tell. They usually got pregnant from some Thai lover who split the moment he found out the girl was pregnant. That didn't give the girl many options in life.

The women who work in Thai bars are no different than woman anywhere in the world. There are good ones and bad ones and everything in between... same as men. Some are trustworthy and some aren't. The only REAL difference is the women who work in bars are usually hardened when it comes to affairs of the heart. They have learned early and often not to trust anyone. Not trusting someone can have a negative affect on a marriage. But, if nobody does something stupid then the marriages can often work out on a long term basis. I've known several that have.

I have a relationship with two Thai women who would be more than happy to marry me, but I've always made it very plain that I never intend to get married again. I'll help out financially if I can, but that is all. I've suggested many times if they want something more permanent then they should look elsewhere.

Of course I would ALWAYS recommend that some wealthy old farang doesn't put all his eggs in one basket by marrying some young bar girl and then set her up in a big home in her name. Never spend in Thailand what you can't afford to lose at a moment's notice.

Thanks..I agree with you that bar workers are like everyone else, not better or worse as human beings, just regular people. I believe us, the farang, often instills part of the hardened heart that you alluded to in them. Too many drunks and hooligans over a few years in the bar would make any one jaded. In that sense, us farang cause the problem by and large.

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