cdnvic Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 there are many who are blights on society in general and the Thai society is much worse for their presence and the glossing over of these actions will never advance their position Are you speaking of the Thais, or the farangs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave the Dude Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 A bit of both probably Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soic Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I agree with Nick and some of the others. The allowance is the best way. I've given my wife an allowance for the past 6 years that we've been together. She's very protective of it and uses it to work on our house, add to the restaurant, buy more land and/or make more money. It's not a lot; but it's enough that she can use to do something with. She's given some to her mother and one of her sister's, but just a little. I'm the softy in our family. Don't let the actions of one member of the family taint your feelings about the rest. Give your wife a set amount and let her be the one to decide if she can afford to give and how much. My wife's favorite saying it "Up to her/him", they're not her responsibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary A Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I received my most expensive finance lesson in the US. hel_l has no fury like a woman's scorn. Her lawyers were instructed to make sure I got nothing. She was quite wealthy and wanted nothing. It took eight years and I won. Unfortunately the lawyers got it all. There was nothing left. Did I ever mention that I hate lawyers? In any case, I simply can't afford to get skinned again. My wife has to be content to wait until the first of every month. If she needs big cash, she will have to find a new husband who has money. That and I will NEVER be worth more dead than alive. My wife says she is too old and too tired to find another husband. She doesn't even have me fully trained yet. Live and learn. Just don't be stupid enough to put all your eggs in one basket. It's sad to see a farang spend his/her last baht and then lose it all. That said, it's hard to feel too sorry for him/her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxjay Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 So the grass is green and the sky is blue - so the real issue is what the <deleted>*k are we doing in a place where we can't own anything, are discriminated against, fall prey to these <deleted>*kers all the time, will eventually get jacked by some policeman who sees us as an easy touch, and put up with all the emotional abuse. I will tell you why...Freud and the sexual instinct and destructive instinct - we are motivated by sexual desire and the need to destroy as evidenced in war. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 cdnvic, does that mean i get the thaivisa quote of the week....... bina israel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 cdnvic, does that mean i get the thaivisa quote of the week.......bina israel sure, when I find the icon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatinBKk Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Any nationality that thinks it is the norm for their 14 year old off spring to go and work in a bar and then get married 2 or 3 times for the sin sod and have how many abortions should give you an idea of the mentality........of course not everyone is like that but for every happy ending there is at least 500 bad endings...keep her away from the scroungers and you may stand a chance...just out of interest....would you have supported all and sundry if they had come from the next town to where you are living...very much doubt it..'land of smiles'.....forget it...'land of false smiles' is more appropriate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatinBKk Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I agree with Nick and some of the others. The allowance is the best way. I've given my wife an allowance for the past 6 years that we've been together. She's very protective of it and uses it to work on our house, add to the restaurant, buy more land and/or make more money. It's not a lot; but it's enough that she can use to do something with. She's given some to her mother and one of her sister's, but just a little. I'm the softy in our family. Don't let the actions of one member of the family taint your feelings about the rest. Give your wife a set amount and let her be the one to decide if she can afford to give and how much. My wife's favorite saying it "Up to her/him", they're not her responsibility. allowance...what the **** is that all about.....is that the amount you agreed on when you rescued her from a bar somewhere....****....why give money every month...that is the start of a slippery slope... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 In my humble opinion the root of the problem is the limited circle of eligible local girls that westerners move in. I married and had a daughter with my landlady who was renting out a number of properties in Khon Kaen. Her family own a small building and bathroom supplies shop which, although not exactly CP company, does fairly well. Therefore the idea of me "supporting" anybody doesn't enter the equation. A quick straw poll of other westerner's spouses I know in my village shows that they married a hairdresser, a bank clerk and a hotel waitress. This is in no way deriding their spouses occupations whatsoever (my sister is a hairdresser) but these girls are on about 5-10k baht a month max. Of course some of that money would be going to support mum and dad. It'd be a very strange situation for a westerner marrying into a low income family not to be expected to contribute in some way. It'd be the same in my family. Way back in time my brother was short of cash to buy a car so I gave him 500 quid to help him out. But there's a big, big difference between helping the inlaws out for a few thousand baht a month and some of the lucky lottery amounts I've seen thrown about by the western guy. The first is being kind hearted. The second is being a mug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feffejonsson Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I´ve heard many similar stories. But after six years of marriage this is not at all my experience. My family in law are really 100% trustworthy. Much more honest and loyal than I´ll ever be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 (edited) I look at it this way. A token amount (5k-10k baht? I dunno) per month to help the inlaws with the stipulation that they'll be no more forthcoming is ok. Basically it's money they wouldn't have had before so if they're truly sincere they'd be grateful. Plus as in the case of quite a few westerner's inlaws living out in the sticks 10k is a nice amount unless mum is playing hi-lo behind the temple every day. My neighbour (a Thai guy) works for the government in a managerial position and he helps his inlaws (small rice farmers) for 10k a month. Nobody considers him a mug. At the other end of the equation is the retired Swiss guy I met who bemoaned that even paying a mil sinsod, building a 1.5 mil baht house and buying a new pick up for his baanok inlaws his wife told him that the 40k baht a month he gave them as an allowance wasn't enough and they wanted more. 40k baht a month? There's a lot of decent hard working locals for who a 40k baht salary is an impossible dream let alone being given it gratis per month. I politely told him he was being taken for a ride (not mentioning the fact that I found his gifts and allowance already put him in the sucker category for me). You could tell he wasn't listening. 2 things. These folks were poor before "western son in law" came on the scene. They managed not to starve to death didn't they. If there's the slightest niggle in the back of your mind that you're being taken for a sucker then chances are you are. Edited July 20, 2009 by mca Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glegolo Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I´ve heard many similar stories. But after six years of marriage this is not at all my experience. My family in law are really 100% trustworthy. Much more honest and loyal than I´ll ever be. -------------------------------- finally.... Yes I think there are some good Thai-families out there to, I know what most of the guys mean, but it is sad to talk about the Thais as ONE person!! We falang are naive guys in many many cases. Send money to an aunt or whatever. What the hel_l, are we idiots or what??? I would not have done that even in my home falang-country, so why here. Maybe many of us need to be more educated when it comes to socializing with other foreign people.. especially people that in their own homecountries mostly are concentrated to learn stuff about themselfs!!! Glegolo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glegolo Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Yeah, it's pretty common to steal and cheat, isn't it? Just have to learn to say no....NO!I thought this article was pretty interesting and relavent. Bangkok Post - July 9, 2009 Business » Economics OUTSIDE THE BOX EVEN FOR A NATION OF THIEVES, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE Thailand is a nation made up largely of thieves who will cheat at every opportunity." <snip> Thanks for that piece. Do you have the link? I'd like to send the link to some Thais & Expats I know. edit: Found it. http://www.bangkokpost.com/business/econom...-never-too-late --------------------------------------- Yes great article isn´t it???? But do you know.... this is written by a THAI about THAIS and that is great. Maybe this is the first step for this nation... Glegolo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soic Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I agree with Nick and some of the others. The allowance is the best way. I've given my wife an allowance for the past 6 years that we've been together. She's very protective of it and uses it to work on our house, add to the restaurant, buy more land and/or make more money. It's not a lot; but it's enough that she can use to do something with. She's given some to her mother and one of her sister's, but just a little. I'm the softy in our family. Don't let the actions of one member of the family taint your feelings about the rest. Give your wife a set amount and let her be the one to decide if she can afford to give and how much. My wife's favorite saying it "Up to her/him", they're not her responsibility. allowance...what the **** is that all about.....is that the amount you agreed on when you rescued her from a bar somewhere....****....why give money every month...that is the start of a slippery slope... I have to say that you are 100% offensive and would say more in person. I didn't rescue my wife from a bar, or a club or any other place of the sort. As for allowance, it's a word... what we have is a marraige and a husband provides for his wife. As for my wife, I provide her a portion of my income for her to live on, invest, use or save as she sees fit. So far, she's built a shoe store, a convenience store, a restaurant, sublet, the shoe store, closed the convenience store, bought land, built a newer bigger and nicer restaurant, built a nice home, bought a new truck, bought more land and started adding hotel rooms behind the restaurant. She has occasionally loaned or given her sister and mother money, but very frugally. She's very open with our account book and shows me where every penny went when I get home. She's anxious to show me, I don't demand it. After 6 years of marraige with her; I wouldn't call it a "start of a slippery slope". I'm 47 and she's 43, so I don't quite worry about a young stud whisking her away for a life of sexual and druken bliss. I'm afraid what you have suffered is a pitiful case of "stroke of dumb@$$". If someone is married and wishes to support their spouse; it most often requires a financial responsibility; no matter where you come from. Try marrying another nationality and not supporting her and see how long it will last; it won't. You have to build trust into a relationship, a trust that goes both ways. Allowing her the ability to control her finances can enrich you both or it can minimize your losses; it's a safer alternative to blindly opening the piggy bank and throwing money at the family and friends. Trust your wife to manage money, and let her decide which family members are worth the effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ray23 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Welcome top WBU (water buffalo university) sound like you got about four semesters under your belt now. It's simple if you enjoying giving fine do so, but don't expect anything back that you will recognize a benefit. Our ideal of a good life with a future does not match up to many Thai's idea of a good life. Let go, you won't understand it and never will. Try this on for size you didn't give them anything. They are being rewarded for karma in a past life, you just the vehicle that delivered it. Gift don't come with strings attached business does do you really want business partner like the people you have described with them having the 51% control. No magic to this if you feel good in the giving that's the value you get, they owe you nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texpat Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Why do you feel like you have to send money to your in laws? I wouldn't ever do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imaneggspurt Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I agree with Nick and some of the others. The allowance is the best way. I've given my wife an allowance for the past 6 years that we've been together. She's very protective of it and uses it to work on our house, add to the restaurant, buy more land and/or make more money. It's not a lot; but it's enough that she can use to do something with. She's given some to her mother and one of her sister's, but just a little. I'm the softy in our family. Don't let the actions of one member of the family taint your feelings about the rest. Give your wife a set amount and let her be the one to decide if she can afford to give and how much. My wife's favorite saying it "Up to her/him", they're not her responsibility. allowance...what the **** is that all about.....is that the amount you agreed on when you rescued her from a bar somewhere....****....why give money every month...that is the start of a slippery slope... I have to say that you are 100% offensive and would say more in person. I didn't rescue my wife from a bar, or a club or any other place of the sort. As for allowance, it's a word... what we have is a marraige and a husband provides for his wife. As for my wife, I provide her a portion of my income for her to live on, invest, use or save as she sees fit. So far, she's built a shoe store, a convenience store, a restaurant, sublet, the shoe store, closed the convenience store, bought land, built a newer bigger and nicer restaurant, built a nice home, bought a new truck, bought more land and started adding hotel rooms behind the restaurant. She has occasionally loaned or given her sister and mother money, but very frugally. She's very open with our account book and shows me where every penny went when I get home. She's anxious to show me, I don't demand it. After 6 years of marraige with her; I wouldn't call it a "start of a slippery slope". I'm 47 and she's 43, so I don't quite worry about a young stud whisking her away for a life of sexual and druken bliss. I'm afraid what you have suffered is a pitiful case of "stroke of dumb@$". If someone is married and wishes to support their spouse; it most often requires a financial responsibility; no matter where you come from. Try marrying another nationality and not supporting her and see how long it will last; it won't. You have to build trust into a relationship, a trust that goes both ways. Allowing her the ability to control her finances can enrich you both or it can minimize your losses; it's a safer alternative to blindly opening the piggy bank and throwing money at the family and friends. Trust your wife to manage money, and let her decide which family members are worth the effort. In your case its no different than back home giving the wife housekeeping is it ?..however i will add she seems a smart cookie ,are you still giving her the allowance ? if that was me id be asking for one ! . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lopburi99 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 (edited) For me giving some money away is fine if I approve of the end use. Exactly that, and only that. I happily will donate to a charity of which I approve, but damned if I'll give it out indiscriminately. Last year I had been giving my wife month each month to handle all of our expenses with the excess being left for her to use as she saw fit. It worked out fairly well, but unfortunately sometimes that was not as I saw fit. For example, it drove me nuts to see her buying a 300 baht phone card every other day so she could yap endlessly with her mother. Or even worse, when she without hesitation returned a one ring phone signal from a friend so we would be paying for the phone call. I go ballistic when that happens. It isn't the small amount which is important (what the hel_l is a few baht?) it is the principle. Undoubtedly my past experiences with my ex-wife has now left me financially super-sensitive but I can't help that. Since we now are saving every satang for our new land and future house, I've decided pay for everything. I often give my wife a 500 or 1000 note for "mad money" but not when her son was nearby and I suspected some it may be going to the money sucker. Doling out the money as needed has worked for me, but I know my wife isn't thrilled about it. She has a problem saying NO to anybody, being a very giving person by nature. Don't get me wrong, she's great overall but she is not exempt from money management issues as most of us have experienced. I happily add I am the chief beneficiary of her giving ways. And when I croak (probably not many years from now), she'll be the only beneficiary and I feel good about leaving her with what I can. Can't decide if I am selfish, petty and controlling, or principled and prudent. Probably a little all of the above. Actually, that is not relevant because I am who I am, complete with imperfections. After regretting much of my past, I now see the importance in being who you are, living life in accordance, and otherwise letting the chips fall where they may. Edited July 20, 2009 by Lopburi99 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texpat Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 If the in-laws want a house or a truck or a 42 inch tv, they can get it the same way I do. Work, save, buy it. They get nothing from me and it all works very nicely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeMock Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 (edited) Edited *why bother, like bashing my head up against a brick wall* Edited July 20, 2009 by MeMock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manjara Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I look at it this way. A token amount (5k-10k baht? I dunno) per month to help the inlaws with the stipulation that they'll be no more forthcoming is ok. Basically it's money they wouldn't have had before so if they're truly sincere they'd be grateful. Plus as in the case of quite a few westerner's inlaws living out in the sticks 10k is a nice amount unless mum is playing hi-lo behind the temple every day.My neighbour (a Thai guy) works for the government in a managerial position and he helps his inlaws (small rice farmers) for 10k a month. Nobody considers him a mug. At the other end of the equation is the retired Swiss guy I met who bemoaned that even paying a mil sinsod, building a 1.5 mil baht house and buying a new pick up for his baanok inlaws his wife told him that the 40k baht a month he gave them as an allowance wasn't enough and they wanted more. 40k baht a month? There's a lot of decent hard working locals for who a 40k baht salary is an impossible dream let alone being given it gratis per month. I politely told him he was being taken for a ride (not mentioning the fact that I found his gifts and allowance already put him in the sucker category for me). You could tell he wasn't listening. 2 things. These folks were poor before "western son in law" came on the scene. They managed not to starve to death didn't they. If there's the slightest niggle in the back of your mind that you're being taken for a sucker then chances are you are. My stepdaughter lives with my wife's mother, and there are all the rest of the family in the same village. We bought a pick-up and pay a salary of 12k to one of the family who 'distributes' it when required. We have also bought land that the family use, motorbikes, extended and refurbished my mother-in-law's house, pay for schooling for some of the family and donate money to the local school and temple. I don't feel like I am being ripped-off or used in any way. These people are my family and have very little means of support. If my parents were as poor I would be doing exactly the same for them (but they're not!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SIAMBULL Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 The wife has agreed that she will take care of all Isaan finances from her Bank of America account that I fund every month (not much really we are frugal and rebuilding financially). She continues to discuss events in Isaan only because she is now shocked (opening her eyes to the truth) by her family's behavior and needs to talk. I listen and repeatedly comment: "don't care, don't care." I do care but apparently that's my problem and their problems are theirs'. Just say no. I was planning to retire to LOS. I speak Thai passably and was learning to read and write and there were many things I loved about Thailand besides the easy women and cheap living. Now I feel that noone is to be trusted there and I would always be at risk. We thought a big house in Ubon where I could help with the kids' education and lead a simple life close to the wife's family and business. Now I think not. Starting to think a move into the heartland of America is a similar retirement plan. Boring, can't understand the natives and lacking basic big city resources. Same same..... I wanted the exotic and ever interesting Thai culture around me but ....... well exotic thieves and ignorant sloths ain't really interesting. Thanks everybody for your takes on my ridiculous situation. These events, while upsetting, are reality and I'm a believer in truth. Nice to learn the truth even if it's ugly. Chok dee to all you expats. Nice to know some are doing very well. Sawatdee Krap. BULL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 ^^ I should have added that the items the Swedish guy shelled out for were asked for by his wife's family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ray23 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 The wife has agreed that she will take care of all Isaan finances from her Bank of America account that I fund every month (not much really we are frugal and rebuilding financially). She continues to discuss events in Isaan only because she is now shocked (opening her eyes to the truth) by her family's behavior and needs to talk. I listen and repeatedly comment: "don't care, don't care." I do care but apparently that's my problem and their problems are theirs'.Just say no. I was planning to retire to LOS. I speak Thai passably and was learning to read and write and there were many things I loved about Thailand besides the easy women and cheap living. Now I feel that noone is to be trusted there and I would always be at risk. We thought a big house in Ubon where I could help with the kids' education and lead a simple life close to the wife's family and business. Now I think not. Starting to think a move into the heartland of America is a similar retirement plan. Boring, can't understand the natives and lacking basic big city resources. Same same..... I wanted the exotic and ever interesting Thai culture around me but ....... well exotic thieves and ignorant sloths ain't really interesting. Thanks everybody for your takes on my ridiculous situation. These events, while upsetting, are reality and I'm a believer in truth. Nice to learn the truth even if it's ugly. Chok dee to all you expats. Nice to know some are doing very well. Sawatdee Krap. BULL Remember something it will only be this way if you let it be so. I'm very lucky my wife is much better with money then I am. If I'm asked for help it's for a real reason. If it is something I can help with I do but I don't expect anything back and my family is protected before anyone else in the extended family. They tried a hustle with me got the door shut in their faces first time that stopped the problems. The truly unique thing about living here you can have it your way. If you are willing to stand up apply the same standards to her extended family as you do your own. I sit you college funds for four children 400 baht a week, means very little to me but they they young. Will they go to school I have no idea. But they will be the real losers if they don't. In the meantime I'm comfortable with my decision. It's an opportunity not the national give away what they end up doing with it is not my decision they have been given chance. In any event it's not going to harm me or my wife in anyway. No is not hard word to say in English or Thai. Simple don't let them work you and they will stop, open the door and it will never stop. So you haven't lost any control in your life you have given it away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdenner Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 allowance...what the **** is that all about.....is that the amount you agreed on when you rescued her from a bar somewhere....****....why give money every month...that is the start of a slippery slope... Your the man. Next time I need some serious financial advise in Thailand you'll be the last person I contact! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samuibeachcomber Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 For me giving some money away is fine if I approve of the end use. Exactly that, and only that.I happily will donate to a charity of which I approve, but damned if I'll give it out indiscriminately. Last year I had been giving my wife month each month to handle all of our expenses with the excess being left for her to use as she saw fit. It worked out fairly well, but unfortunately sometimes that was not as I saw fit. For example, it drove me nuts to see her buying a 300 baht phone card every other day so she could yap endlessly with her mother. Or even worse, when she without hesitation returned a one ring phone signal from a friend so we would be paying for the phone call. I go ballistic when that happens. It isn't the small amount which is important (what the hel_l is a few baht?) it is the principle. Undoubtedly my past experiences with my ex-wife has now left me financially super-sensitive but I can't help that. Since we now are saving every satang for our new land and future house, I've decided pay for everything. I often give my wife a 500 or 1000 note for "mad money" but not when her son was nearby and I suspected some it may be going to the money sucker. Doling out the money as needed has worked for me, but I know my wife isn't thrilled about it. She has a problem saying NO to anybody, being a very giving person by nature. Don't get me wrong, she's great overall but she is not exempt from money management issues as most of us have experienced. I happily add I am the chief beneficiary of her giving ways. And when I croak (probably not many years from now), she'll be the only beneficiary and I feel good about leaving her with what I can. Can't decide if I am selfish, petty and controlling, or principled and prudent. Probably a little all of the above. Actually, that is not relevant because I am who I am, complete with imperfections. After regretting much of my past, I now see the importance in being who you are, living life in accordance, and otherwise letting the chips fall where they may. I think what gets most westerners down in a thai relationship where the thai family are poor,is the constant giving.Back home where we've been most of our lives this concept is alien because our wives/girl friends have a job,decent money and respective families have also,and if they dont they have a generous welfare state.Then one day you hit thailand meet the girl of your dreams and find out she has no money,no employment future and her family etc are piss poor too.The next thing you know you begin to pay for every little problem,at first you think ok,i have the means to do so and i like to help out,but what you dont realise is "its never going to stop" unless you start saying no.Giving money can be habit forming and difficult to stop until one day you sit down and add up all the giving you've done over the years(checked to see how your bank balance has diminished) and think"bloody hel_l"this has got to stop,but how can you,the family have come to expect support for all sorts of things and now you are going to have to pull the rug from under their feet,everyone begins to lose face especially your girlfriend,the money dries up,the phone stops ringing,someone moves out,and its all over,minus a couple of million baht of your own money...............welcome to thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texpat Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 (edited) Don't start in the first place. When you try to apply your western morals and generosity and lifestyle to their predicament, you'll be milked, drained, sucked dry and won't even hear a thank-you from them. Sure they'll smile and serve you a cold beer when you visit (assuming you buy it) but you're not doing anyone any favors. You'll only create a few dependents for yourself. Look how Thais treat each other and gauge appropriate response based on that as a baseline. Don't let foreign concepts like charity or fairness and equity cloud your thinking. If the limits of your generosity have no boundaries, the circle of groupies will expand to include neighbors, distant cousins, acquaintances ... My advice is: don't ever start -- ever. Edited July 21, 2009 by Texpat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soic Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I agree with Nick and some of the others. The allowance is the best way. I've given my wife an allowance for the past 6 years that we've been together. She's very protective of it and uses it to work on our house, add to the restaurant, buy more land and/or make more money. It's not a lot; but it's enough that she can use to do something with. She's given some to her mother and one of her sister's, but just a little. I'm the softy in our family. Don't let the actions of one member of the family taint your feelings about the rest. Give your wife a set amount and let her be the one to decide if she can afford to give and how much. My wife's favorite saying it "Up to her/him", they're not her responsibility. allowance...what the **** is that all about.....is that the amount you agreed on when you rescued her from a bar somewhere....****....why give money every month...that is the start of a slippery slope... I have to say that you are 100% offensive and would say more in person. I didn't rescue my wife from a bar, or a club or any other place of the sort. As for allowance, it's a word... what we have is a marraige and a husband provides for his wife. As for my wife, I provide her a portion of my income for her to live on, invest, use or save as she sees fit. So far, she's built a shoe store, a convenience store, a restaurant, sublet, the shoe store, closed the convenience store, bought land, built a newer bigger and nicer restaurant, built a nice home, bought a new truck, bought more land and started adding hotel rooms behind the restaurant. She has occasionally loaned or given her sister and mother money, but very frugally. She's very open with our account book and shows me where every penny went when I get home. She's anxious to show me, I don't demand it. After 6 years of marraige with her; I wouldn't call it a "start of a slippery slope". I'm 47 and she's 43, so I don't quite worry about a young stud whisking her away for a life of sexual and druken bliss. I'm afraid what you have suffered is a pitiful case of "stroke of dumb@$". If someone is married and wishes to support their spouse; it most often requires a financial responsibility; no matter where you come from. Try marrying another nationality and not supporting her and see how long it will last; it won't. You have to build trust into a relationship, a trust that goes both ways. Allowing her the ability to control her finances can enrich you both or it can minimize your losses; it's a safer alternative to blindly opening the piggy bank and throwing money at the family and friends. Trust your wife to manage money, and let her decide which family members are worth the effort. In your case its no different than back home giving the wife housekeeping is it ?..however i will add she seems a smart cookie ,are you still giving her the allowance ? if that was me id be asking for one ! . I have to admit that I've trusted her with more money this past year; she saves better than I do. When I come home if there are some higher $ items or purchases we need to make and we don't have enough in our Thai banks, we'll take it out of my US bank. We're both working to make it possible for me to retire to Thailand as quickly as possible. I trust her and the family implicitly; they've never even tried to take advantage of the "falang" in the family. In fact they don't call me falang and don't allow anyone else to either; at least not familiar people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finchy Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I agree with Nick and some of the others. The allowance is the best way. I've given my wife an allowance for the past 6 years that we've been together. She's very protective of it and uses it to work on our house, add to the restaurant, buy more land and/or make more money. It's not a lot; but it's enough that she can use to do something with. She's given some to her mother and one of her sister's, but just a little. I'm the softy in our family. Don't let the actions of one member of the family taint your feelings about the rest. Give your wife a set amount and let her be the one to decide if she can afford to give and how much. My wife's favorite saying it "Up to her/him", they're not her responsibility. allowance...what the **** is that all about.....is that the amount you agreed on when you rescued her from a bar somewhere....****....why give money every month...that is the start of a slippery slope... Seem's to have worked for my Grandfather who has paid my Grandmother her house keeping money for over 50 years. I pay my wife a monthly allowence to get all of the food household items and a little over the top for her to blow on whatever she wants. It works well she budgets and we don't have the cringe worthy moments of her constantly asking for money hardly a slippery slope!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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