whichschool Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 (edited) OK after reading many interestng posts on hear i thought i'd post to get some advice off some of you who have managed in one way or another to stop drinking. Im 34 and have gone through stages of drinking most nights (4-5 per week), to just drinking socially at weekends, drinking too sleep, and im now in the stage where i proably only get drink once a week or twice in 10 days, but its the case of once ive had my first sip of beer im not going to stop and cant stop myself until its daylight when the bars have shut and the only place left to go is home, and to be honest am becoming a liability to myself and despite thinking im not that drunk my hangover the next day suggests otherwise. I am not an alcoholic as such but have taken a variety of drugs most nights from when i was a schoolboy so its more a case of will take anything if its available to me and beer in the last few years is the most available option. For a good few years ive known its time to stop drinking and dabbling in whatever soft /valium type drug i take to get to sleep or help to relax me, but despite being able to go a week or so at a time without a drink and really not wanting to have another i always miracously end up in a bar going out for a couple of beers (which as i said before leads to getting mortally drunk) I keep fit often doing some form of intense exercise 4-5 times per week, so this route wont help me stop, tried golf but find it boring, i only read a few books a year but again its not the correct outlet to staying off the pop for good. The one thing in my favour is i'm soon going to be working 1 month on 1 month off so i'll not be drinking due to no access to it on the time working ....... but i know for a act whilst sat round for a month, going for a beer is very difficult to avoid. So am wondering what you do to not go out for that beer to help you relax that inevitably leads to becoming a drunken liability. Edited December 19, 2009 by whichschool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
airplane Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 The solution is in the problem. With any addiction, just increase your addiction and skillfully be aware of its effect on you. Then you can stop easy. In your case, start drinking more in quantity and frequency and then enter the beautiful world of Alcoholics Anonymous. It worked for me and it can work for you! We absolutely insist on enjoying life! p. 132 AA Big Book Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 The solution is in the problem. With any addiction, just increase your addiction and skillfully be aware of its effect on you. Then you can stop easy. In your case, start drinking more in quantity and frequency and then enter the beautiful world of Alcoholics Anonymous. It worked for me and it can work for you! We absolutely insist on enjoying life! p. 132 AA Big Book Hmmmm.... I've heard this before, and I'm not sure I would concur with it. As a practical piece of advice, regardless of anything else - don't drink for 2 or 3 days before you go back offshore / wherever - I have a friend who missed his helicopter once, but at least he had the excuse of youth and stupidity - you'll only be able to claim one of those,and sadly, not the one that we grew out of... I've no experience of other drugs, so I can't help you with the sedatives etc. From a position of ignorance, I would have thought it would make sense to get all your problems in one basket - be it drink or whatever, then you've only got one nut to crack. But I don't know if that is a practical suggestion. You clearly know full well that PhilHarries' spreadsheet to oblivion (ref 'doing it the hard way' about half way down) is not going to work - you'll fill in all the columns on the first night until you lose count, leave your lap top on the bar, and forget which bar. WHat worked for me, at least for weeks on end, was going to AA meetings. At the least, you'll meet some acquaintances who don't drink;you'll see others much worse off than yourself - and who'll tell you where things could end up. I find that boredom and lack of motivation are the wild horses that drag me to the pub; when I arrived here, I couldn't think of anything better to do than drink, and that remains more or less true today - but working till 8 or 9 pm, having to get the apartment sorted out for the family arriving, has helped keep me sober this last little while. And then at the end of the day, when I've been to the supermarket at 11 pm to get tomorrow's lunch, I still think, theres nothing better to do than drink, so I do nothing, slouch in front of the TV, and go to bed. And I wake up with a full wallet and fit to go to work again... But again - That's of little use to you, since your tryign to remove the last remaining 'occasional' binge once a fortnight or whatever. WHich will probably end up being 3 or 4 or 5 times a week when you are not working. Sorry there's no 'magic bullet' SC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cognos Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 "..I keep fit..." so did I, and I was 18 years further along than you..but what about emotional fitness?? That is the key, but you need a good reason to quit, swearing off it every morning after isn't working, so you need a new motivation. One of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If you are doing the same thing over and over and getting the same result, perhaps you need to change your modus operandi 180 degrees.. IDEA for you: find a GREAT woman who is not a user..if you fall in love with her, she will insist you change or leave you..thats what worked for me.. I couldn't handle losing her..as drugs and alcohol don't come close to comparing with a great (Thai) lady.. its like comparing SHIIIITE with 95.6 % Thai GOLD..which one is more worthy of hanging on to in your books???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trickcyclist Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Go to AA as quickly as possible and keep going to the meetings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thongkorn Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Simple. you stop drinking or drinking stops you . Live or die the choice is yours, My brother in Law was alcoholic so i know a little bit , i am not being flippant . I saw him go from a big build man to nothing , in the end he killed himself through drink. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whichschool Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 (edited) Simple. you stop drinking or drinking stops you . Live or die the choice is yours, My brother in Law was alcoholic so i know a little bit , i am not being flippant . I saw him go from a big build man to nothing , in the end he killed himself through drink. Sorry to hear that, must have been heartbreaking watching him get to that condition, ive a friend who due to drink and drugs commited suicide only 6 weeks ago leaving 3 kids, he was only 35. Like i say i dont drink everyday its just when i drink im drinking to the point where i can just about walk and once ive one sip thats it im not stopping, but the days i dont drink i always seem to take a little something to take the edge off, i'm of the generation where since i was a teenager we had to take something to get a bit of a hit everytime we went out, and never really go out with friends unless its to drink or to take drugs or similar activity. Think Streetcowboy has hit the nail on the head by saying "There is no magic bullet" but it is the boredom or what to do factor that i will need resolving, i was interested to know what people do when they get like this to avoid going to the pub. Edited December 20, 2009 by whichschool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whichschool Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 Go to AA as quickly as possible and keep going to the meetings. Thing is im not a alcoholic, though ive gone through stages where ive drank a lot more then i do these days, its just these days its done all in one hit. Im more someone that just needs a little something to get through the day, but my style of drinking is going to get me into trouble one day as like ive said a few times once i start i just cant stop, and im kind of fearless in a bad way when sober. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Go to AA as quickly as possible and keep going to the meetings. Thing is im not a alcoholic, though ive gone through stages where ive drank a lot more then i do these days, its just these days its done all in one hit. Im more someone that just needs a little something to get through the day, but my style of drinking is going to get me into trouble one day as like ive said a few times once i start i just cant stop, and im kind of fearless in a bad way when sober. I can't comment on the 'little somethings' - sounds like a euphemism for something I could comment on, but anyway...dreamy pause... I would suggest going to AA whether you are an alcoholic or not. You might want to lie, and say you are an alcoholic, to avoid anyone trying to convince you that you are. I think that there is not a clear line between alcoholism and whatever the opposite is... and as you get older, and the more you drink, you'll probably slip further down the slope. SOme of the horror stories that you'll hear at AA may help you maintain your resolve, you may make some acquaintances you can socialise with without drinking, and when (if) you get fed up with AA, at least you'll know what's there if times get desparate - when the once a fortnight becomes twice a week...I would suggest attending a few meetings, even if the first one is a disaster - the attendance varies, and a meeting that can be embaressingly sparsely attended one night can be packed the next. I find that I rarely get into trouble when I am with someone else; I suppose one very selfish option would be to find a drinking buddy who could handle drink less than you can, and needs assistance home while you are still conscious... but I guess that is a bit dangerous for both of you, and probably not to be recommended. And leave your school bag at home / in the office whenever you even go for one - although I'm sure you know that already. I remember going into a karaoke bar near my home,and I knew I'd been there before because my bag was still there. BUt I had no other recollection of it - not even a dim "I wonder where that place was?" Anyway, celebrating over a week of sobriety, looking forward to at least another two weeks, while the family are here, and then who knows? That's another year... SC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rucus7 Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Go to AA as quickly as possible and keep going to the meetings. Thing is im not a alcoholic, though ive gone through stages where ive drank a lot more then i do these days, its just these days its done all in one hit. Im more someone that just needs a little something to get through the day, but my style of drinking is going to get me into trouble one day as like ive said a few times once i start i just cant stop, and im kind of fearless in a bad way when sober. Since you don't consider yourself an "alcoholic" What do you consider yourself ? A problem drinker ? An overindulgent individual ? A major league party animal? What is an "alcoholic" anyway? Since you are not an "alcoholic" Stopping drinking should not present a problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whichschool Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 (edited) Go to AA as quickly as possible and keep going to the meetings. Thing is im not a alcoholic, though ive gone through stages where ive drank a lot more then i do these days, its just these days its done all in one hit. Im more someone that just needs a little something to get through the day, but my style of drinking is going to get me into trouble one day as like ive said a few times once i start i just cant stop, and im kind of fearless in a bad way when sober. Since you don't consider yourself an "alcoholic" What do you consider yourself ? A problem drinker ? An overindulgent individual ? A major league party animal? What is an "alcoholic" anyway? Since you are not an "alcoholic" Stopping drinking should not present a problem. I'd say im a problem drinker and in truth have been for a good few years, as opposed to a full on alcoholic who gets the withdrawal symptons if they dont have it, but also someone who since a young age has got high even if only a little bit in one way or another probably about 50%-60% of days/night from the age of 15/16, and i get that feeling/craving in my body that i just need something to take the edge off now and then. Hence ive reached a point where i'd like to be 100% clear headed everyday as im far happier this when im like this as opposed to when im under the influence of something or the day after, besides there isnt a better buzz then the feeling of finishing a good workout and feeling fresh in the morning, this is what has got to be the permanent goal ..... but ive been trying to be like that for years and not managed yet. Edited December 20, 2009 by whichschool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whichschool Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 I would suggest going to AA whether you are an alcoholic or not. You might want to lie, and say you are an alcoholic, to avoid anyone trying to convince you that you are. I think that there is not a clear line between alcoholism and whatever the opposite is... Im kind of thinking of going to one of these meditation places for a day to see if it could help me relax for when i get an urge to take something or drink and if so will stay for a few days to learn more about it, im a working class Englishman so this is going against the grain of how i think. Are there many people who are more problem drinkers at these meetings as opposed to the full on shaking alcoholics, as like i say i dont think alcohol is only problem, its more a case of being one of them people that has to take something and alcohol is most available, if it werent available i'd find something else ... though like i say when i drink its a problem. Anyway, celebrating over a week of sobriety, looking forward to at least another two weeks, while the family are here, and then who knows? That's another year... Good luck with that, hope when theyre gone you keep yourself occupied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whichschool Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 (edited) IDEA for you: find a GREAT woman who is not a user..if you fall in love with her, she will insist you change or leave you..thats what worked for me.. I couldn't handle losing her..as drugs and alcohol don't come close to comparing with a great (Thai) lady.. its like comparing SHIIIITE with 95.6 % Thai GOLD..which one is more worthy of hanging on to in your books???? I found one women 5 years ago who was fantastic at making me realise im an idiot abusing my body and i ended up drinking a lot less and in moderation when i did, she was an utter genius at changing my ways .... but circumstances prevented things going further and to find one like that is difficult for us farang. Edited December 20, 2009 by whichschool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerryBScot Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Lovely to read your posts whichschool. Thanks for being candid and thanks for bringing me back to how it was. I did 3 weeks meditation as a drunk, I was of course not drunk during my stay in the temple, but this was one of the pitstops in my journey which so far has led me to AA and sobriety. Meditation undoubtedly helped short term but today as a sober drunk when I meditate, the quality of peacefulness I can obtain is infinitesmally greater than what I got as a dry drunk. I can get more from 30 minutes meditation today than from 18 hours 10 years ago. But sure, check it out. I had this debate too, am or am I not an alcoholic, it lasted for at least 30 years. The thing I understand today is it's only alcoholics who have this debate. Normal drinkers don't debate this question, they take it or leave it, and some times they drink too much but essentially they are indifferent to alcohol or rather it is good fun, as our AA literature says, alcohol means " ...... joyous intimicay with friends." Not for me. Today that is ok, I don't drink, I don't miss it, I don't need it, I don't want it and I have friends and a bit of a life. An AA saying and there are many of them: better being in the rooms of AA pretending you are than in a bar thinking you are not. Debate over for me. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 8>< --- SNIP ---- ><8...Are there many people who are more problem drinkers at these meetings as opposed to the full on shaking alcoholics, as like i say i dont think alcohol is only problem, ... ... 8>< --- SNIP ---- ><8 ... Good luck with that, hope when theyre gone you keep yourself occupied. THanks for the encouragement. To answer the question - from the few meetings that I went to... The people I met at AA would not look out of place in any pub in town, bar that they don't drink alcohol. Most have been going to AA meetings for a long time as it really helps them (us) stay off the drink. And its an eye-opener to see your own similarities in such diverse people. Are you based in Bangkok, or up country? I know there are meetings in most of the regional cities... the on-line information is very helpful and up to date, I think SC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
powderpuff Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 2 times above you tell us you are not an alcoholic. Yet from everything you say you have serious problems drinking. 'Start to stop" ? Forget all the touchy feely bullshit. Think of alcohol as rat poision & you will be on the way to stopping. "1/2 measures availed us nothing" I have been sober 15 years & I look at it this way. "What is one thing a drink will make better?" A. Nothing. Q "What will a drink make worse?" A. A lot of things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiPauly Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 I must concur with Powderpuff. It makes no difference if you don't drink for weeks on end , but then you go on a binge that you cannot stop. The inevitable result of one of these binges is that something VERY BAD could happen to you, something you can't control and only THEN will you realise that you wished you had stopped. The only requirement for AA membership is a "desire to stop drinking"...you don't even have to walk into a meeting and declare yourself an alcholic, just listen to what others have to say and look for similarities to your drinking. Not all self-confessed alcoholics drank every day, many are like you, they lived pretty normal lives UNTIL they take that first drink....and then they turn into something else, when they wake up the next day they regret the happenings of the previous night and the havoc that they initiated in their own lives and for those around them. For your own sake "wake up and smell the coffee", most other responandants to your orignal post (which IMO you would not have made if you did not feel you have a problem) are saying much th same as me in a different way. Remember, it only gets worse, never better, all alcoholics started out being "in control" up to a point, and then eventually went past the point of no return" Nobody sets out in life to become an alcoholic ...it just happens, your denial that you are an alcoholic may be true as you see it right now, but come back in a couple of years and let us know that you have cracked it. Many people on this forum would love to know how to control their alcohol intake without being involved in AA Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rucus7 Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Assuming I don't drink for the next 9 days, January 1st will be 24 years without alcohol. I did not go to AA. It works for some. If I ever drink again I think I would try AA. If you want to discuss some options feel free to PM me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerryBScot Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Hey Rucus that is fantastic, may I be the first to congratulate you, 24 years without a drink is awesome. well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaoPo Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Go to AA as quickly as possible and keep going to the meetings. Thing is i'm not a alcoholic, though ive gone through stages where ive drank a lot more then i do these days, its just these days its done all in one hit. Good for you! Try this if you wish to be honest to yourself; there's no need to lie to any of us: http://www.alcoholscreening.org/ or this one: http://www.counseling.caltech.edu/drug/selftest/test1.html or maybe try this one ? http://www.alcohol.org.nz/IsYourDrinkingOK.aspx Good luck! LaoPo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArthurPewty Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 I took some of those tests and passed with flying colours. Yes for almost all and still thought I had no problem. I still think I had no problem, but recently I started adding up the years to my daughter's stages of life. School, Graduation etc etc. It then dawned on me, it is not me that has the problem, it is going to be her that has it when I am not well or not around at all due to alcohol. That snapped me out of it and I quit. Albeit recently, but I quit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 I took some of those tests and passed with flying colours. Yes for almost all and still thought I had no problem. I still think I had no problem, but recently I started adding up the years to my daughter's stages of life. School, Graduation etc etc. It then dawned on me, it is not me that has the problem, it is going to be her that has it when I am not well or not around at all due to alcohol. That snapped me out of it and I quit. Albeit recently, but I quit. Its not a very good example to set, coming home at six in the morning, for example... And it helps your saving a great deal if you avoid the sorts of problems you sail trhough drunk SC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubblegum Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Problem for me with AA is the "have to believe in som sort of God thing" I don't believe in anything. I went of the boose by my self, took extra vitame B for a while and found that after being sober for a while I found many interesting things to do. Like you, boredom send me to the pub but being sober gives you so much energie you'll find plenty things to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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