alvino Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 The French Tennis Open for this year has been canceled due to a National crisis. They have plenty of rackets...but no balls!! ****** Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. ****** Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A: A salesman. ****** France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France. - Mark Twain ****** "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." ----Mark Twain ****** Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France. ****** "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French." --Conan O'Brien ****** "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." --- P.J O'Rourke (1989) ****** and the piece de resistance....... Dear Abby: I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994.The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel. All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my distant cousin who is French? A bien tot.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnh101 Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 The French have finally agreed to send troops to Iraq. They are going to try to teach them how to surrender properly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thetyim Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 WWII french rifle for sale, circa 1939 Never been used, only dropped once Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daleyboy Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 (edited) shouldnt really laugh but ohh never a truer word said so i will laugh some more Edited June 2, 2005 by daleyboy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDN Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> Actually laughed out loud at that one! Excellent! But what about Belgium? That's the place you have to go through to invade somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crossy Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 (edited) French prime minister as the Nazis marched under the Arc de Triomphe.... "A table for 20,000 sir?" According to The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams), the word 'belgium' is THE most disgusting profanity in the known universe, never to be uttered in a public place Edited June 2, 2005 by Crossy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daleyboy Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 Its funny that the only hot topic on the first page is about the French and i thought it was just me who wasnt a particular fan am i allowed to say that? or isnt it politically correct? Ahh who cares anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 It was the Italians that had WWII tanks built with 15 reverse gears and 1 forward gear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alvino Posted June 4, 2005 Author Share Posted June 4, 2005 An American in Paris At a French airport...A group of American retired teachers recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, was part of the tour group. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible!" barked the officer. "Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France." The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimGant Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Probably should start a new thread -- but since jokes about the French are always semi-serious......... What's the deal on today's front page of the Bangkok Post about Koh Chang, where 64 Thai sailors were killed in Jan 1941 by a French warship!!?? Obviously Vichy, but had never heard anything about Vichy activity against the Thais -- and wasn't Thailand neutral in Jan '41 (the Jap invasion later forced them to take sides)? A history lesson would be appreciated (although maybe the joke column isn't appropriate). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Burr Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Why does Paris have large, tree-lined boulevards? Because the Germans like to march in the shade! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDN Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boon Mee Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 An American in ParisAt a French airport...A group of American retired teachers recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, was part of the tour group. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible!" barked the officer. "Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France." The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to." How soon they forget... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daleyboy Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alvino Posted June 5, 2005 Author Share Posted June 5, 2005 Why Surgeons Love Operating on Frenchmen Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered," The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded," The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayo Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 (edited) Probably should start a new thread -- but since jokes about the French are always semi-serious.........What's the deal on today's front page of the Bangkok Post about Koh Chang, where 64 Thai sailors were killed in Jan 1941 by a French warship!!?? Obviously Vichy, but had never heard anything about Vichy activity against the Thais -- and wasn't Thailand neutral in Jan '41 (the Jap invasion later forced them to take sides)? A history lesson would be appreciated (although maybe the joke column isn't appropriate). <{POST_SNAPBACK}> here´s the story... I used to live on Koh Chang. The Battle of Koh Chang Well, as with any story, it´s ONE re-telling. Edited June 6, 2005 by kayo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davethailand Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 What a great thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayenram Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 "If you are European, put your hand up." "If you are French, put both hands up." Why did it take the Germans three days to conquer France? Because it was raining. It is a fact that the French killed more Germans in Concorde than they did in the whole of WWII. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 "If you are European, put your hand up.""If you are French, put both hands up." Why did it take the Germans three days to conquer France? Because it was raining. It is a fact that the French killed more Germans in Concorde than they did in the whole of WWII. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davethailand Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 "If you are European, put your hand up.""If you are French, put both hands up." Why did it take the Germans three days to conquer France? Because it was raining. It is a fact that the French killed more Germans in Concorde than they did in the whole of WWII. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> It is a fact that the French killed more Germans in Concorde than they did in the whole of WWII. where's the quote of the day thing gone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 "If you are European, put your hand up.""If you are French, put both hands up." Why did it take the Germans three days to conquer France? Because it was raining. It is a fact that the French killed more Germans in Concorde than they did in the whole of WWII. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> It is a fact that the French killed more Germans in Concorde than they did in the whole of WWII. where's the quote of the day thing gone? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Dunno. But that one deserves it. How many fingers does it take to comprise a French salute ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Burr Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 I've always loved the line in Blackadder III when Steven Fry as Wellington, announces that a certain regiment's insignia is "two crossed dead Frenchmen over a mound of dead Frenchmen". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDN Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 "If you are European, put your hand up.""If you are French, put both hands up." Why did it take the Germans three days to conquer France? Because it was raining. It is a fact that the French killed more Germans in Concorde than they did in the whole of WWII. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> It is a fact that the French killed more Germans in Concorde than they did in the whole of WWII. where's the quote of the day thing gone? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Here we go: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welshman Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Oh come on, there has to be someone out there who likes the French ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayo Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Oh come on, there has to be someone out there who likes the French ? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Hmmm.... ..... no Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Seconded Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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