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alvino

A Salute To The French

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The French Tennis Open for this year has been canceled due to a National crisis.

They have plenty of rackets...but no balls!!

******

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

******

Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?

A: A salesman.

******

France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France. - Mark Twain

******

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." ----Mark Twain

******

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

******

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein?

Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret.

He is French." --Conan O'Brien

******

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." --- P.J O'Rourke (1989)

******

and the piece de resistance.......

Dear Abby:

I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994.The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel.

All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my distant cousin who is French?

A bien tot....

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Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

:o:D:D

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The French have finally agreed to send troops to Iraq.

They are going to try to teach them how to surrender properly.

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WWII french rifle for sale, circa 1939

Never been used, only dropped once

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:o:D shouldnt really laugh but ohh never a truer word said so i will laugh some more :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Edited by daleyboy

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Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

Actually laughed out loud at that one! Excellent! :o:D

But what about Belgium? That's the place you have to go through to invade somewhere. :D

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French prime minister as the Nazis marched under the Arc de Triomphe....

"A table for 20,000 sir?"

According to The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams), the word 'belgium' is THE most disgusting profanity in the known universe, never to be uttered in a public place :o:D

Edited by Crossy

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Its funny that the only hot topic on the first page is about the French :o and i thought it was just me who wasnt a particular fan :D am i allowed to say that? or isnt it politically correct? Ahh who cares anyway :D:D

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An American in Paris

At a French airport...A group of American retired

teachers recently went to France on a tour. Robert

Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, was part of the

tour group.

At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his

passport in his carry-on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the

customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France

previously. "Then you should know enough to have your

passport ready."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't

have to show it."

"Impossible!" barked the officer. "Americans always

have to show your passports on arrival in France."

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard

look. Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came

ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help

liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen

to show it to."

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Probably should start a new thread -- but since jokes about the French are always semi-serious.........

What's the deal on today's front page of the Bangkok Post about Koh Chang, where 64 Thai sailors were killed in Jan 1941 by a French warship!!?? Obviously Vichy, but had never heard anything about Vichy activity against the Thais -- and wasn't Thailand neutral in Jan '41 (the Jap invasion later forced them to take sides)?

A history lesson would be appreciated (although maybe the joke column isn't appropriate).

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Why does Paris have large, tree-lined boulevards?

Because the Germans like to march in the shade!

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