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BANGKOK 18 February 2019 12:43
dmax

Attitudes Of Thai Woman , Advice Needed

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me and my wife are going through a very bad time at minute with our marriage, im ready to walk !! thing is we have an 18 month old baby daughter and it will break my heart to leave her, my wife has been in uk now for 4 years and cannot fend for herself, she doesnt go out without me even down to tesco shopping. she cannot read her mail or pay her rent or anything a foreign lady can do. if i knew she could cope i would walk out but i dont nwant my child suffering as i know my wife couldnt cope if we broke up. i want to know this, and i want some answers from thai woman please if you are reading this . everytime me and my wife have fight it is allways me to come back to her and say sorry even if it is her fault, she has a vile vicious temper and we clash all the time, why doesnt she ever say sorry ? is it the thai womans way not to apologise or make the first move back to say sorry to her husband ? my wife is child like and huffs a lot. she goes days without speaking to me , this i cannot bear !!! this silence is the worst thing for me to take. why do thai woman give you the silent treatment ? are most of them like this ? are most thai woman stubborn ? do most thai woman not like talking to their husband about their feelings and if they are hurting?

i cannot understand her and it is hard to live with her now but i cannot bear to leave my kid. need advice on this thankssad.gif

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I can't help you with your decision, no-one can, but what I will ask is have you actually warned her that her temper will force you away before long? Have you asked her if she could manage by herself? Maybe then something will click and she'll think for herself on how to manage her life. If young Thai students in the UK can do it....she can after 4 years. My assumption is that you've babied her and she's lazy to do things herself. If you don't hand information to her on a plate and just tell her how to find out, she might have started being more proactive about daily life in the UK...but at this stage you might want to make sure you set her up with everything she'll need and ask her to do things (like pay some bills, go into the bank, pay by card, renew insurance, search bus timetables etc.) so she gets in practice.

Country Thai women are ever so gentle on the outside but have hot tempers on the inside. The very "Thai" ones have the face thing about never saying sorry or admitting they're wrong. Most give the silent treatment instead of nagging and spoiling for a fight...but in most women it's short-lived (i.e, they come out of it quickly and return to normal). The more westernised metropolitan and emotionally mature girls CAN say sorry and don't have the temper. A generalisation yes, but one which I've experienced.

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are most of them like this ? are most thai woman stubborn ? do most thai woman ...

No. But even if yes, then how does that help you in your situation?

Sounds like you made some bad choices. (Including moving her to the UK, among several others.)

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I can't help you with your decision, no-one can, but what I will ask is have you actually warned her that her temper will force you away before long? Have you asked her if she could manage by herself? Maybe then something will click and she'll think for herself on how to manage her life. If young Thai students in the UK can do it....she can after 4 years. My assumption is that you've babied her and she's lazy to do things herself. If you don't hand information to her on a plate and just tell her how to find out, she might have started being more proactive about daily life in the UK...but at this stage you might want to make sure you set her up with everything she'll need and ask her to do things (like pay some bills, go into the bank, pay by card, renew insurance, search bus timetables etc.) so she gets in practice.

Country Thai women are ever so gentle on the outside but have hot tempers on the inside. The very "Thai" ones have the face thing about never saying sorry or admitting they're wrong. Most give the silent treatment instead of nagging and spoiling for a fight...but in most women it's short-lived (i.e, they come out of it quickly and return to normal). The more westernised metropolitan and emotionally mature girls CAN say sorry and don't have the temper. A generalisation yes, but one which I've experienced.

I agree with above. I am Thai . i did have silent treatment before which is bad i admit it . so me and my hubby talked about this,if i have anything and dont like anything just speak out and dont ever let any problem or argument continue to the next day, . just an open talk an thats it no more problem.

get ur wife sit down and talk to her openly, how long did u know her before married? in ur post u said she doesnt read her own mail which mean she cant read english? maybe she hasnt got confident enough with the language still?

nothing we can do here just about u and her have to sit down talk u tell her ur decision and see if she will change or not. dont be too soft and when she get mad between the talk ask her why she mad.

find something else for her to do, another english class? maybe she can make friends from there and start to go out alone without u someday?

anyway, good luck :) :jap:

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If these behaviours are not normal for your wife then she may well be suffering an illness - for example depression can manifest in so many different ways. Is there any way you could find a community service that has a Thai-speaker that can help you talk to your wife about these issues? If she is depressed then nothing you say or do will help her out of the hole, she may need professional assistance and perhaps medication.

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Are you back in the UK or still here in Thailand? When you were together in Thailand, did she ever go off and do things on her own or was it always with you. Now you have a child, does she still wait to do things together? Also, quite important is the age difference, her education and social skills when home in Thailand. Also, what's your work status? Are you retired?

I have read some of your other threads but for the purposes of this serious relationship issue, I will disregard the recent history and plans. However, it does sound like she never really wanted to be in the UK and recent events have short-circuited her plans to do something for herself in Thailand, albeit with your considerable financial support.

Believe me when I say she is 101% aware that she could lose you at any time and be left with the kid. That's how she sees it anyway until you both find some way to communicate better. You can't easily change her habits but take a step back and consider what it is that you do or say in these stressful moments that makes her angry or clam up for days. For your part, how do you project your anger and/or frustration?

In some of your other threads, you seem to me the one always looking for ways to make her happy. Did any of them ever work? If there's something else in the relationship that both of you are not seeing or talking about, no amount of peace offerings are going to work.

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Sounds like your average Thai woman Temper Tantrums.

How do you make someone grow up?

Edited by MAJIC

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thankyou all for your comments, i am 43 my wife is 32 , we have an 18 month old baby, the doctor gave her anti depressants a few months ago when i told him about her temper and mood swings, she hasnt taken the medication, doctor thinks she suffers post natal depression but she has allways been fiery , bad tempered and moody. i left the house a couple of nights ago so i went to stay in a friends house, next morning she was on the phone screaming at me that i was with another girl and not to come home, but before i left the previous day i asked her to speak to me, i asked her to stop being moody and talk to me but she wouldnt so i left, anyway when i came home it was me as usual who threw my arms around her and told her i was sorry, i just cannot understand her . today she is as good as gold smile.gif she even made me a cup of tea wink.gif

seems she has learnt her lesson for another week or two whistling.gif haha

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You can only try for so long some people will never change , as long as you are able to make sure the baby will be taken care of financially And educated , it is probably better to move on and be happy.

Edited by saintofsilence

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Don't stay out of the house when you need space. Find a corner that's yours and do something to keep yourself occupied.

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I always find it interesting when men suggest that as long as the baby is taken care of financially they are doing their duty as a father. Not in my book and certainly not in my father's book either, he fought for custody of me and my three sisters and won, and this in the 70s.

Personally, if your wife does have post natal depression then you would be sadly lacking in human empathy to dump her with a baby all alone.

Not saying her behavior is good, but seriously, you need to work things out with her and in a way that is beneficial for both.

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I'm not a thai woman but....

stop enabling her.

When she does this don't leave, stand your ground, stay in the house, tell her clearly & firmly that you wont be putting up with it & get on with your day. If she does the silent treatment then ignore it, talk to her as normal but don't cajole her or pander to her. It seems that you have always backed down & she has always taken advantage of that. If she is a danger to the baby in a temper then take the baby away from her to another room.

Stop doing everything for her, if she wants something done then she either tries by herself thus learning something or else she will have to come to you & you can help her if she is civil & wants to learn how to help herself.

If you care about your child you wont walk out leaving her with an unstable & potentially dangerous mother( mothers with with PND can be VERY dangerous) she needs to start taking her meds, you need to take control of that if she wont.

Time to take control of your life & protect your child.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but you seem like you are trying to do the best but making all the wrong moves. Backing down all the time when you aren't the one in the wrong is not the way to go, she will never learn how to function as part of a mature relationship or how to admit & learn from her mistakes all the while you are enabling her.

Good luck.

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I always find it interesting when men suggest that as long as the baby is taken care of financially they are doing their duty as a father. Not in my book and certainly not in my father's book either, he fought for custody of me and my three sisters and won, and this in the 70s.

Personally, if your wife does have post natal depression then you would be sadly lacking in human empathy to dump her with a baby all alone.

Not saying her behavior is good, but seriously, you need to work things out with her and in a way that is beneficial for both.

For those here that remember the OP's previous topics he has a problem. Whether it's his fault we will never know but for sure he and his lady will never get on Leopard never changes it's spots. I came from a broken family but l grew up OK, but l can still 50 years on remember the bad stuff. All this staying together for the kids is <deleted>. The kids pick up the hostility and it effects there future life.

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Don't believe I said staying together is the only solution, I believe I did say a good father is more than just providing financial help.

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I don't think sbk (or me) for that matter is suggesting staying together for the kids, but just walking out & paying child support a father does not make.

Add in a possible PND situation &/or violent tendencies then it would actually be negligent for him to leave her with the child alone imo.

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