Jump to content
Thai Visa Forum

Attitudes Of Thai Woman , Advice Needed


Recommended Posts

me and my wife are going through a very bad time at minute with our marriage, im ready to walk !! thing is we have an 18 month old baby daughter and it will break my heart to leave her, my wife has been in uk now for 4 years and cannot fend for herself, she doesnt go out without me even down to tesco shopping. she cannot read her mail or pay her rent or anything a foreign lady can do. if i knew she could cope i would walk out but i dont nwant my child suffering as i know my wife couldnt cope if we broke up. i want to know this, and i want some answers from thai woman please if you are reading this . everytime me and my wife have fight it is allways me to come back to her and say sorry even if it is her fault, she has a vile vicious temper and we clash all the time, why doesnt she ever say sorry ? is it the thai womans way not to apologise or make the first move back to say sorry to her husband ? my wife is child like and huffs a lot. she goes days without speaking to me , this i cannot bear !!! this silence is the worst thing for me to take. why do thai woman give you the silent treatment ? are most of them like this ? are most thai woman stubborn ? do most thai woman not like talking to their husband about their feelings and if they are hurting?

i cannot understand her and it is hard to live with her now but i cannot bear to leave my kid. need advice on this thankssad.gif

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't help you with your decision, no-one can, but what I will ask is have you actually warned her that her temper will force you away before long? Have you asked her if she could manage by herself? Maybe then something will click and she'll think for herself on how to manage her life. If young Thai students in the UK can do it....she can after 4 years. My assumption is that you've babied her and she's lazy to do things herself. If you don't hand information to her on a plate and just tell her how to find out, she might have started being more proactive about daily life in the UK...but at this stage you might want to make sure you set her up with everything she'll need and ask her to do things (like pay some bills, go into the bank, pay by card, renew insurance, search bus timetables etc.) so she gets in practice.

Country Thai women are ever so gentle on the outside but have hot tempers on the inside. The very "Thai" ones have the face thing about never saying sorry or admitting they're wrong. Most give the silent treatment instead of nagging and spoiling for a fight...but in most women it's short-lived (i.e, they come out of it quickly and return to normal). The more westernised metropolitan and emotionally mature girls CAN say sorry and don't have the temper. A generalisation yes, but one which I've experienced.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
are most of them like this ? are most thai woman stubborn ? do most thai woman ...

No. But even if yes, then how does that help you in your situation?

Sounds like you made some bad choices. (Including moving her to the UK, among several others.)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't help you with your decision, no-one can, but what I will ask is have you actually warned her that her temper will force you away before long? Have you asked her if she could manage by herself? Maybe then something will click and she'll think for herself on how to manage her life. If young Thai students in the UK can do it....she can after 4 years. My assumption is that you've babied her and she's lazy to do things herself. If you don't hand information to her on a plate and just tell her how to find out, she might have started being more proactive about daily life in the UK...but at this stage you might want to make sure you set her up with everything she'll need and ask her to do things (like pay some bills, go into the bank, pay by card, renew insurance, search bus timetables etc.) so she gets in practice.

Country Thai women are ever so gentle on the outside but have hot tempers on the inside. The very "Thai" ones have the face thing about never saying sorry or admitting they're wrong. Most give the silent treatment instead of nagging and spoiling for a fight...but in most women it's short-lived (i.e, they come out of it quickly and return to normal). The more westernised metropolitan and emotionally mature girls CAN say sorry and don't have the temper. A generalisation yes, but one which I've experienced.

I agree with above. I am Thai . i did have silent treatment before which is bad i admit it . so me and my hubby talked about this,if i have anything and dont like anything just speak out and dont ever let any problem or argument continue to the next day, . just an open talk an thats it no more problem.

get ur wife sit down and talk to her openly, how long did u know her before married? in ur post u said she doesnt read her own mail which mean she cant read english? maybe she hasnt got confident enough with the language still?

nothing we can do here just about u and her have to sit down talk u tell her ur decision and see if she will change or not. dont be too soft and when she get mad between the talk ask her why she mad.

find something else for her to do, another english class? maybe she can make friends from there and start to go out alone without u someday?

anyway, good luck :) :jap:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

If these behaviours are not normal for your wife then she may well be suffering an illness - for example depression can manifest in so many different ways. Is there any way you could find a community service that has a Thai-speaker that can help you talk to your wife about these issues? If she is depressed then nothing you say or do will help her out of the hole, she may need professional assistance and perhaps medication.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Are you back in the UK or still here in Thailand? When you were together in Thailand, did she ever go off and do things on her own or was it always with you. Now you have a child, does she still wait to do things together? Also, quite important is the age difference, her education and social skills when home in Thailand. Also, what's your work status? Are you retired?

I have read some of your other threads but for the purposes of this serious relationship issue, I will disregard the recent history and plans. However, it does sound like she never really wanted to be in the UK and recent events have short-circuited her plans to do something for herself in Thailand, albeit with your considerable financial support.

Believe me when I say she is 101% aware that she could lose you at any time and be left with the kid. That's how she sees it anyway until you both find some way to communicate better. You can't easily change her habits but take a step back and consider what it is that you do or say in these stressful moments that makes her angry or clam up for days. For your part, how do you project your anger and/or frustration?

In some of your other threads, you seem to me the one always looking for ways to make her happy. Did any of them ever work? If there's something else in the relationship that both of you are not seeing or talking about, no amount of peace offerings are going to work.

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

thankyou all for your comments, i am 43 my wife is 32 , we have an 18 month old baby, the doctor gave her anti depressants a few months ago when i told him about her temper and mood swings, she hasnt taken the medication, doctor thinks she suffers post natal depression but she has allways been fiery , bad tempered and moody. i left the house a couple of nights ago so i went to stay in a friends house, next morning she was on the phone screaming at me that i was with another girl and not to come home, but before i left the previous day i asked her to speak to me, i asked her to stop being moody and talk to me but she wouldnt so i left, anyway when i came home it was me as usual who threw my arms around her and told her i was sorry, i just cannot understand her . today she is as good as gold smile.gif she even made me a cup of tea wink.gif

seems she has learnt her lesson for another week or two whistling.gif haha

Link to post
Share on other sites

I always find it interesting when men suggest that as long as the baby is taken care of financially they are doing their duty as a father. Not in my book and certainly not in my father's book either, he fought for custody of me and my three sisters and won, and this in the 70s.

Personally, if your wife does have post natal depression then you would be sadly lacking in human empathy to dump her with a baby all alone.

Not saying her behavior is good, but seriously, you need to work things out with her and in a way that is beneficial for both.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not a thai woman but....

stop enabling her.

When she does this don't leave, stand your ground, stay in the house, tell her clearly & firmly that you wont be putting up with it & get on with your day. If she does the silent treatment then ignore it, talk to her as normal but don't cajole her or pander to her. It seems that you have always backed down & she has always taken advantage of that. If she is a danger to the baby in a temper then take the baby away from her to another room.

Stop doing everything for her, if she wants something done then she either tries by herself thus learning something or else she will have to come to you & you can help her if she is civil & wants to learn how to help herself.

If you care about your child you wont walk out leaving her with an unstable & potentially dangerous mother( mothers with with PND can be VERY dangerous) she needs to start taking her meds, you need to take control of that if she wont.

Time to take control of your life & protect your child.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but you seem like you are trying to do the best but making all the wrong moves. Backing down all the time when you aren't the one in the wrong is not the way to go, she will never learn how to function as part of a mature relationship or how to admit & learn from her mistakes all the while you are enabling her.

Good luck.

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I always find it interesting when men suggest that as long as the baby is taken care of financially they are doing their duty as a father. Not in my book and certainly not in my father's book either, he fought for custody of me and my three sisters and won, and this in the 70s.

Personally, if your wife does have post natal depression then you would be sadly lacking in human empathy to dump her with a baby all alone.

Not saying her behavior is good, but seriously, you need to work things out with her and in a way that is beneficial for both.

For those here that remember the OP's previous topics he has a problem. Whether it's his fault we will never know but for sure he and his lady will never get on Leopard never changes it's spots. I came from a broken family but l grew up OK, but l can still 50 years on remember the bad stuff. All this staying together for the kids is <deleted>. The kids pick up the hostility and it effects there future life.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think sbk (or me) for that matter is suggesting staying together for the kids, but just walking out & paying child support a father does not make.

Add in a possible PND situation &/or violent tendencies then it would actually be negligent for him to leave her with the child alone imo.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Dmax, I think your questions are valid, but perhaps to the wrong people. I think there are two possible contributing factors.

Firstly, is she really happy about living in the UK or is she looking to return to Thailand when your family is in a situation to do so.

Secondly, do you think, given your knowledge of her background, that she believes this type of behaviour to be normal.

There are two differing factors there, it maybe her behaviour is influenced by a combination of the two.

Appears to me that you gotta talk....quietly....and again...quietly...until you can take some of the sting out of the exchanges.....

I wish you patience, tolerance, and the very best of luck

Link to post
Share on other sites

My Thai wife has asked me to relay to you her opinion that not all Thai women are like that. <BR><BR>And I agree; she may be an exception, but she bounces back from any adversity or arguement with amazing recovery and good nature. She says it is because of love, that she can let go of bad feelings and get back to loving feelings as soon as possible. Yes, I'm a lucky man. <BR><BR>I think it is not so much of a 'Thai--ness' issue as one of maturity and relationship experience; as long as medical/psychiatric issues are ruled out. My former Japanese-American wife was extremely moody and insanely jealous. My Thai wife is not. <BR><BR>A certain 'Thai' factor I believe is how one responds to criticism. And I would suggest that you look at the ratio of praise and positive comments that you give her vs criticism. In Amerian culture we grow up with constant criticism of our behavior; from constructive to outright abusive; we learn to deal with it. Many in our culture seem to think it is a social obligation to provide 'feedback' or even 'in your face' critical judgement of another's behavior. You're offended or embarrassed by my criticism? Too bad, get over it. Whereas in Thai culture this sort of thing is not acceptible and not as common; preserving another person's 'face' is the social obligation, not correcting their behavior or attitude. I believe Boo's harsh attitude may be appropriate for some cultures and some situations, but will get you nowhere with a Thai woman. <BR><BR>I am very blunt and critical by nature and by the fact that I spent many years as a tree work foreman where mistakes cannot be made or someone dies or someone's property is crushed. I had to shout out orders constantly and even correct the slightest lapse in awareness on the part of my crew. So I had to learn to be more gentle and diplomatic with my wife. She was deeply hurt if she thought I did not approve of her in any way, her fundamental need is for me to approve of her and put her on a pedestal; if I don't, she feels inadequate and hurt. She beams and flowers when I compliment her and tell her how much I appreciate her and love her, she is very hurt when I give even the slightest criticism, even when it's things that I feel have to be an immediate priority, like home and personal security and safety issues. So I have to remember to support her feelings and not put her down. As men we often don't understand that and don't support the delicate feelings of a woman and her need to feel that she is appreciated by her husband as a person and as a wife and a mother. Try that before you walk. <BR><BR>I took my wife to the US and she was very excited at first, but the reality set in and she couldn't get the food she wanted every day or speak Thai, she spent a lot of time on the phone to Thailand, and except in the sunny warm summer days, she spent most of her time indoors to stay warm and didn't like going out much. Even though she is very gregarious, she was somewhat intimidated by American culture and it took a lot to get her to go out and deal with things on her own. It's the whole 'face' thing again, I think she felt embarrassed when she faced language and cultural situations where she did not feel confident and on top of her 'game'. So think about that, maybe the opportunity that you think you are giving your wife is actually bringing her down. And what about the UK climate? From what I've heard that would seriously depress me; what about a tropical girl. <BR><BR>Good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I always find it interesting when men suggest that as long as the baby is taken care of financially they are doing their duty as a father. Not in my book and certainly not in my father's book either, he fought for custody of me and my three sisters and won, and this in the 70s.

Personally, if your wife does have post natal depression then you would be sadly lacking in human empathy to dump her with a baby all alone.

Not saying her behavior is good, but seriously, you need to work things out with her and in a way that is beneficial for both.

Yeah, but don't forget, some women just don't want to be helped. They use the kid/s as leverage to get whatever the heck they are after.

It is clear this woman in the 4 years made no attempt to better herself or the relationship. It seems she chose to sit at home all day and do nothing, instead of taking doing things like taking english classes (sorry if i misuderstood her, but i assume she didn't and knows little english).

OP, looks like you marriage is in big trouble. It is a difficult decision no doubt due to the baby, but ultimately by staying together, you could actually be making things worse.

There really is no wrong or right thing to do in a situation like this.

Good luck

Link to post
Share on other sites

  1. Why did you marry someone who treats you like this?? People don't change for the better after you marry them.
  2. If your wife has not always behaved this way, a personality change can signal that she is suffering from depression.
  3. If your wife is incapable of going anywhere or doing anything without you, she could be suffering from depression.
  4. If your wife is acting this way after she's had a child, she could be suffering from depression.
  5. If your wife was uprooted from her life and family in Thailand and moved to a new country where she knows nobody but you, a country where you feel perfectly at home, so no longer "need" her, she could be suffering from depression.

It sounds like your wife is suffering from clinical depression. I think many posters agree on that. Having been there myself, a few times, may I urge you to:

Please, PLEASE get your wife some help. From your description, it sounds like she is beyond the stage of realizing she needs to talk to someone. If you could find a Thai therapist, that would be best, of course. But I realize that could be difficult where you are. If not, then find a therapist who has experience with foreigners who've moved to new countries. Or a therapist who specializes in postpartum depression. Anyone. Just take the first step and get her in to see someone. If your wife will not go to a therapist, take her to a medical doctor, who can at least diagnose depression and recommend some next steps.

Clinical depression is a serious disease. Untreated depression can lead to the end of a marriage, and even suicide. And no, it's not your fault. I do think that if you get your wife some help, she will become once again the woman you married and will be able to cope without you. Once she is healthy, you two together can explore if it's best for her to stay in the U.K., or what you want to do next.

Good luck!

Link to post
Share on other sites

A few posters have talked about the "childish" mentality factor, and the behaviour your wife is displaying is exactly this. I know it quite well as i have also experienced this firsthand. This is the reason i will never marry a Thai. There seems to be some sort of idea that the male should be the only one that gives in a relationship. And you will NEVER hear a Thai say sorry, so you can forget that.

The silent treatment has been a factor for me in EVERY relationship i've had, so no, you are not alone there either. The fact that you ALWAYS give in (like i did) sends the message to her that this is exactly what she has to do to get her own way, therefor our constantly "giving in" perpetuates and encourages that behaviour further. Emotional blackmail pure and simple.

My advice is to give her the silent treatment in the same way.Give her back what she gives you. If she leaves and does'nt value you, OR the fact that you are a good provider, then what more can you do?

Medication won't work IMO. If she refuses to take the anti depression medicine how do you think she will willingly go to a therapist when (in her mind anyway) doing so will be akin to admitting that she is crazy.

From her behaviour it is obviously she is not happy and is waiting for you to crumble again and give in to whatever it is that she wants. I suspect you might already know what it is.

Seems many posters agree that you will never change her. Sadly for you i think you will soon come to a point where you will be seriously questioning yourself as to whether its worth being in a "one way" relationship where you are the only one giving and trying. Believe me i know its gets very tiring and soul destroying.

The issues are hard enough to deal with in any relationship, but to have to do so whilest keeping the welfare of your child the foremost important factor is a hard one, so I don't envy you here.

For what its worth good luck. I sincerely hope there will come a time when she decides to participate in the relationship, instead of risking the scenario of loosing you and the marriage due to her own childish and selfish attitudes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi I am Thai and I would like to add in some opinions,

Some of Thai Ladies have temper and being chidish, I think maybe more than Western women have. But not all of them are like that. I myself don't act like that. When I had an arguement with my husband, I talked and argued. I may show my emotion of getting mad, but I don't scream. If the arguement didn't end at that time, we both wait a while to calm down and we talked again. Many times I waited for my husband to come to me first, and many times I said "sorry" to him first too. Our married life had been happy because we did agree that if we argue, we make it finish before the night end. No carry over to next day, deal with it. That's me.

So please don't think we Thai ladies are alike for all. You problably get a spoiled Thai lady and that is your choice, right. I don't think the lady will change, considering she is 32 now. But I won't know because I don't you and her to be able to give advice.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Unless anybody posting here has "B Psych" after their name, I wouldn't be paying too much attention to their well meaning suggestions/recommendations. That may seem harsh, but personal experience doesn't cut it in these circumstances. You need somebody with training and a vast cross section of experience dealing with married couples, and if available, one with experience in dealing with 'mixed marriages' and associated cultural issues. That's what I'd be doing if I wanted the mkarriage to survive, and it seems you do.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I always go out for a few hours, staying at home with them in 'shout mode' just makes it worse.

But come home for the night, sleep with her, have sex.

Then she won't accuse you of being with another woman.

Just my thoughts.

PS

Mine throws wobblies about every 2 weeks, thought it was hormonal at first, but recorded dates for a while and no correlation. I have no idea why it happens but if I stick around too long, a knife will appear, so Boo's suggestion doesn't cut it (joke) with me.!

Edited by pjclark1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I've had 3 serious relationships with Thai women. When they say they love you, no matter how convincing they may sound, they actually mean: I love your money, I love living in a comfortable environment (which is a serious upgrade compared to where she came from) I love not having any responsibilities, and the freedom to do what ever I want, when ever I want.

In the beginning they may feel that they hit the jackpot but soon realize, like everybody else (not just Thais or women) that money and materialism does not in it self ensure happiness. When this happens they begin to resent the predicament that they got them selves into.

They begin to yearn for the good old days when they could go to the disco with their friends 'till all hours in the morning, party it up and get laid.

Now that she's over 30 (not a spring chicken any more), had a baby (added responsibility) she may be going through a mid-life crisis. Living in a foreign country only compounds the situation.

Like others have suggested, she may be clinically depressed in which case you should seek professional advise, because she may get worse.

I remember living in Saudi a group of Thais were depressed and wanted to go home because they didn't like the quality of RICE. Their employer had to import Jasmine rice from Thailand or risk loosing hundreds of laborers. At the time it made absolutely no sense to me, but having lived in Thailand, I've started to understand.

Edited by TimTang
Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't help you with your decision, no-one can, but what I will ask is have you actually warned her that her temper will force you away before long? Have you asked her if she could manage by herself? Maybe then something will click and she'll think for herself on how to manage her life. If young Thai students in the UK can do it....she can after 4 years. My assumption is that you've babied her and she's lazy to do things herself. If you don't hand information to her on a plate and just tell her how to find out, she might have started being more proactive about daily life in the UK...but at this stage you might want to make sure you set her up with everything she'll need and ask her to do things (like pay some bills, go into the bank, pay by card, renew insurance, search bus timetables etc.) so she gets in practice.

Country Thai women are ever so gentle on the outside but have hot tempers on the inside. The very "Thai" ones have the face thing about never saying sorry or admitting they're wrong. Most give the silent treatment instead of nagging and spoiling for a fight...but in most women it's short-lived (i.e, they come out of it quickly and return to normal). The more westernised metropolitan and emotionally mature girls CAN say sorry and don't have the temper. A generalisation yes, but one which I've experienced.

Could be she just married you for your money { wow do Thai ladies really do that } now she knows she made a mistake as all ladies really want someone they can love truly, and by the way home office statistics show that of all UK Thai marriages 80% end in divorce, this info was presented to a court by a home official at a hearing where I was present, so stop kicking youself and move on , and no not all Thai ladies are like your wife but the good ones take some finding, sorry if this is not what you want to hear, by the way how many Thai ladies do you think contribute to this site ?.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Dmax

First off I'd say many western guys I know in relationships with Thais have experienced some or all of what you've written, so you're not alone there. I can relate to some of them myself, also married to a Thai, and probably most of them if I consider past Thai girlfriends, although I wouldn't advocate talking about past Thai girlfriends to your other half :)

Sharing my own experiences, I'd also say that our relationship has been the most rewarding one I've ever been in, but probably also the hardest work as well if honest - At least in the beginning, and admittedly much less so now. These days life is much easier as we've several years of understanding (and misunderstandings)between us and I wouldn't swap her for the world. Try and focus also on the positives and what attracted to you to her in the first place. I'm sure a lot are still there, even if hidden for various reasons. There's also been quite a few significant changes that would mask them too, and put pressure on you both, such as move to Uk, marriage, baby, 3 of the most stressful things that spring to mind...

A few thoughts to share. I can't seem to reply to your OP, so a few cut and pastes.

- i cannot understand her

Of course not my friend :) Firstly she's a woman, so you can't be expected to understand everything, even (/particularly) if married. Secondly she's Thai and from a culture which often holds opposite and conflicting values with your own. Don't forget though, you've married a woman who is Thai. Woman first, Thai second... Don't beat yourself up too much, none of us understand everything.

- me and my wife are going through a very bad time at minute with our marriage, im ready to walk !!

Most people I know have been thru bad times in marriages. Some very bad. And many people at least think about walking. Careful how you raise that one, as I see it as a last attempt. Try and put the problems right first, and if not this is a last card, as a shock treatment, make or break

- thing is we have an 18 month old baby daughter and it will break my heart to leave her

Babies have a habit of upping the stakes. Definitely a reason to consider trying further, although there may come a point when it might be better all round.

What I would say is that an observation with many Asian ladies is that babies can have a more dramatic effect on relationships than mates back in the west with Western wives. They have a different way of bringing up children in many areas, which can also cause conflict. Babies are wonderfully rewarding but like everything else worth having may be hard work. They can also cause additional stress, cut down your rest and sleeping.

Many Asian ladies give their kids 24/7 attention and devotion. It's lovely in some ways, but can create issues with kids sleeping in the same room, no/very little attention to the husband or themselves. I think many Thai parents also have trouble saying no, and can put the kids needs above all else 24/7. While arguably the most important one is the baby, there are still other relationships to be nurtured.

The good news. If the baby is 18 months, that's not far off play school, kindergarten or whatever. I'd encourage you to put the kid in a socially active situation, and hopefully free up a bit more time for your wife and yor self. Once we got past 2years Mrs Smile had more time to herself to do what she wanted. Your wife may be at home with the baby all day. This doesn't mean she gets time to herself or to do what she wants.

You also need quality time together just the 2 of you.

This would be the biggest factor for me for sticking it out longer. As the baby gets a bit older and can do more for themself, you'll naturally get more time for you 2. I'm sure it has added extra pressure.

- my wife has been in uk now for 4 years and cannot fend for herself, she doesnt go out without me even down to tesco shopping. she cannot read her mail or pay her rent or anything a foreign lady can do.

Little Muppet gave some good suggestions. I can't say I've had this problem.

My wife is quiet, and I make friends easier than her. Thais can be very stuck in their own social circles in Thailand and often don't mix well across social circles. Everyone in Thailand has their place, and there is much less freedom to mix. Sometimes Thais look lost outside their own family and social circles and undsure what to do. Definitely encourage her with the idea that in the Uk she can be whoever she wants. People will look at her for who she is. Not what schools she went to, social status.

What about your mates friends and wives? Go out more as couples. Baby groups. You may have tried all this, but you may well have to change your social outings for her benefit not yours. Not easy either as you can't always get someone to as a baby sitter.

- if i knew she could cope i would walk out but i dont nwant my child suffering as i know my wife couldnt cope if we broke up.

If she could fully look after herself you probably wouldn't want to walk out, so it's catch 22. She does seem like she needs encouragement.

Give it more time, especially given the child. You will reach a point where you realise you've only one life and you can't keep giving without receiving, and in everyone's interest may need to walk away. But given all the changes in the last 4 years, going to UK, getting married, kids etc, I'd personally give more time.

- i want some answers from thai woman please if you are reading this

Good call. But often other guys married to Thai ladies, western ladies and other guys who are married can help. Obviously you both need to talk, preferably to each other, but also to others

- everytime me and my wife have fight it is allways me to come back to her and say sorry even if it is her fault,

General observation: many Thais find it hard to admit they are wrong or say sorry. Face has a big part to play. You're also not supposed to make other people lose face and point out they are wrong.

The other side of the coin. Be very careful about pointing out what she does wrong. Thais don't always take well to criticism. Often better to wait for her to raise negative issues. Focus on encouraging what she does right, and positive re-inforcement. That's a common denominator for Thais and westerners. When was the last time you "caught her doing something right?"

Following on: while highlighting cultural differences may be acceptable, focus on the positive ones. Avoid at all costs pointing out why Thai values or cultural are "not as good" in some ways. Many Thais don't like crticism or hearing bad things. It takes time to get to that level of trust. I used to make that mistake a lot as I'm by nature very open and honest, and equally point out good and bad.

On the big issues, you probably both have a part to play in what goes wrong, so as the more mature person, you may need to offer the olive branch first. That doesn't mean keep apologising for the same thing again and again though, or when you haven't done anything wrong

- she has a vile vicious temper and we clash all the time,

Tough one. Pick your arguments. Thais do have a habit of bottling things up and not talking. So by the time you've hit argument stage the fireworks can be explosive. After that, avoid dragging up the past in a current argument. Easier said then done! Focus on the current issue, and walk away sometimes

- why doesnt she ever say sorry ? is it the thai womans way not to apologise or make the first move back to say sorry to her husband ?

See above. Probably also a different upbringing. Neither are right or wrong. It's not necessarily personal, and she probably doesn't apologise to many other people either. The same way very few Thais get off a bus and say thank you to a driver. Just the way they're brought up

-my wife is child like and huffs a lot. she goes days without speaking to me , this i cannot bear !!! this silence is the worst thing for me to take. why do thai woman give you the silent treatment ?

Ah the famous Thai lady silent treatment. Happens to us all my friend. Again it is mainly ubringing. While we are more open to confict, Thais often go quiet when annoyed. Accept it as a difference. Actually when viewed another way, it is nicer than a full blown argument, although it doesn't give the opportunity for sex during make-up, if you're not evening speaking :)

Best time to discuss this is not in the heat of the cold treatment. Do a while later, and explain that as much as you love her, you would rather talk about issues, otherwise you can't help ehr and make her happy

- are most of them like this ? are most thai woman stubborn ?

A lot :) Only on certain issues though. Otherwise "kreng-jai" and defering to oithers wouldn't be so common. Particualrly stubborn are topics on Thais and Thailand. Let her raise any criticisms of these.

- do most thai woman not like talking to their husband about their feelings and if they are hurting?

A lot do find it difficult. The way they are brought up I'm afraid. You need to work at it.

Also put yourself in her shoes, she may not have the energy either if looking after a baby 24/7

Good luck my friend,

My advice: Stick with it. Work at it - at least until the baby is older and you both can spend a bit more quality time together. Choosing to marry a woman and one who is Thai = double the difficulties but double the reward. The cutural differences can be a cause of friction at first, but if we stop competing, they can be a great source of extra reward. Just remember you have been brought up in 2 very different cultures, and there's not necessarily a right and wrong.

Work on finding her some friends, and other activities as Little Muppet said she sounds lonely. Ask for a few favours of your friends' wives and girlfriends in spending time with her. We all need help from time to time, so good luck and don't beat yourself up too much :)

Edited by fletchsmile
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes agree with pretty much everything Fletch said.

As far as the silent treatment goes, I found the best solution was to mae like I didn't realise it and keep chatting to them, joking, laughing (not at them of course) etc - in the end my mrs just gave up and started talking to me again - that way I didn't have to say sorry when I thought she was in the wrong.

In 13 years of marriage, we have had several downs (and many ups too of course) - some have been pretty serious. External pressures really do make things look worse and lower the boiling poiunt all round - babies have that effect as well - especially for new mums and dads. It is hard work, and stressful. Things can look much worse than they are up close and over a short interval - give it time would be my advice, things may get better. If you still feel that way in 6 months or a year or so, and things have not improved between you, then it is not a flash in the pan and there may be some serious issues.

Is she still breast feeding? Remember hormone levels remain up when breast feeding. My Mrs breast fed for almost 2 years (both kids) and could get very stroppy during those times.

Also agree with SBK - there is a lot of difference between a financially supportive but absent father and a father that is involved in their kids life.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Crossy locked this topic
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...