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BANGKOK 18 February 2019 13:39
dmax

Attitudes Of Thai Woman , Advice Needed

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<_<

Yes, she's scared and she is reacting defensively to her fear. She doesn't understand what's going on. Her English skills are not good enough to understand and deal with her day to day life in the U.K. As you say, she can't read her own mail, do shopping, and so on...all that stuff frightens her. But she can't admit that she is unable to cope with life in the U.K. with you. She is scared of making a mistake.

You need to understand the Thai concept of "losing face". It is important to be your own person and be able to do those everyday things you need to do to take care of yourself...if you can't do those things then you will "lose face" by admiiting that fact to another person...because you will have to admit to that person that you can't handle you own life.

I'm guessing here, but I suspect in Thailand she was a self-reliant and independent person who handled her own life and daily routine. Now she is in the U.K. and she doen't know the "rules" of how to act. She can't really understand the language and the customs.

Therefore, so she won't make a mistake and "lose face" by making that mistake, she is avoiding doing anything at all. But, in the long run, that kind of behaviour just makes things worse for her.

I'm not sure how to help her out of this...but you somehow need to help her rebuild her confidence at her own ability to cope in the U.K. and make her believe she is a valued part of your family with a role in your family that she feels is important and needed.

Do you have Thai friends or are there Thai friends, particularly Thai women, who you can introduce her to?

Maybe, she can learn from other Thai women, who can communicate to her in Thai what needs to be done for such normal chores as shopping for food for the family and the daughter. Perhaps they could take her shopping also? That might give her confidence and get her started feeling the valued and important part of your family she should be.

She needs to find something that makes her an important person in the family...so she can find her "role" and place in your family,,,,so she can re-establish her "value" to your family.

Good luck.

:rolleyes:

Edited by IMA_FARANG

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Secondly, as strange and heartless as it may sound - the child isn't everything.

At 18 months it still doesn't have a very strong link to you, and you have plenty of other shells in your cannon, so to speak.

Nice and people here say things about Thai men.

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Secondly, as strange and heartless as it may sound - the child isn't everything.

At 18 months it still doesn't have a very strong link to you, and you have plenty of other shells in your cannon, so to speak.

Nice and people here say things about Thai men.

sometimes it is just better to move on.

I realized that too late, and now I have drama, stress and financial problems everyday.

And "moving on" doesn't mean abandoning the child or not supporting mother and child.

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Marriage, and I suggest particularly in cross-cultural marriage require a great deal of compromise, throw in travel 6k miles into an Alien culture, can throw any young parent into freefall.

Considering, it would appear, that there has been little contribution into society, and this responsibility should be shared, she may appear vulnerable, throw in PND as a possibility and if so, needs to be professionally diagnosed, it can last for a considerable time years if untreated, but stress, esteem, arguments and no family hierarchy for support, may all be contributary in mood swings.

My wife felt very vulnerable in her first few months here, without family and friend support, but threw herself into first garnering a greater understanding of the language, getting a job, then two, one in a nursery and then progressing into higher education.

I would suggest, diagnosis, one way or the other in regard to PND.

A better intergration policy, even to the extent of going to Thai Festivals and Community events.

I am not a follower of keeping away from all fellow Thai's in the UK, we have met some great friends and some wrong'uns, just like any other people I have met in my time.

The wife and I rarely fight so I can advise little in this area, but perhaps sitting down and discussing the problems may help and trying to iron out the irks and irritations that develop into an all-out war may help.

Are Thai women stubborn? Sometimes, is my experience, more so than other nationalities? the juries out, any more than men of any nationality, the jury is definately in, there is a striking resemblance.

Do Thai women talk about their feelings, they most certainly do and in such personal detail, it is their relief valve, the one's I know anyway. Are western women different, possibly, but for more insight you need a better reflection than someone like me.

If all else fails, leaving is an option, possibly the best one, but I am not condoning abandonment, but support from a relative distance, and if the psychological anguish is a danger, then that support should be with you and the child and the wife should have access.

I am only responding to the OP and in no way am I in support, it is a two way situation and we only have one side, I am also not suggesting it is a biased report, just one side.

I wish all three of you well.

Edited by Mossfinn

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On 1/16/2011 at 7:13 AM, MAJIC said:

Sounds like your average Thai woman Temper Tantrums.

How do you make someone grow up?

Very much agree with you MAJIC.  I do feel strongly that Thai culture doesn't emphasize on being grown up and take responsibilities. I may be wrong of course but I see people think Thai young ladies(16 to 23) are cute and giggle a lot that's because they don't have a care in the world and not really know they have lots of responsibilities once they get married. They don't think much further than what is the immediate future.

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On 12/8/2018 at 3:34 PM, madusa said:

Very much agree with you MAJIC.  I do feel strongly that Thai culture doesn't emphasize on being grown up and take responsibilities. I may be wrong of course but I see people think Thai young ladies(16 to 23) are cute and giggle a lot that's because they don't have a care in the world and not really know they have lots of responsibilities once they get married. They don't think much further than what is the immediate future.

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