sbk Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Smart-Aleck Answer #1 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat...she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." Smart-AleckAnswer #2 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Smart-Aleck Answer #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Smart-Aleck Answer #4 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads 'Low bridge ahead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." and finally, Smart-Aleck #5, THE TEACHER Smart-Aleck Answer OF THE YEAR A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-aleck guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nat Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." hee...hee that's brilliant! My kids are too young for me to use such remarks - however I did call one van damme for trying to do kick boxing in the class (went over his head) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maerim Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 That's very similar to the young lady who was confronted by a flasher, when he opened his raincoat and showed her what he had she said " It looks like a dick but smaller". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 A woman goes into a butcher shop, when she can't see what she wants she asks the butcher, Sir do you have a pigs head? The butcher quickly replies, Sorry ma'am I don't have a pigs head, it's just the way I part my hair... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maerim Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I know that guy, he's the one who went into the chemist and asked for some anagelesic creme. The chemist said "certainly sir,walk this way". The customer said"if I could walk that way I wouldn't need the creme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surin Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 A bloke fell into an upholstery machine....He's fully recovered! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baz Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 Man walks into a pharmacy and asks for deoderant. Pharmacist: Ball or aerosole? Man: Neither, I want it for under my arms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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