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It's a bad day, when:

Your horn sticks on the expressway behind a visiting minister's convoy.

The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.

You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.

Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

Your four-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a pomello down the toilet.

You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.

It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

Your car payment, house payment and girlfriend are three months overdue.

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.

Your income tax refund check bounces.

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.

You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight, and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.

The restaurant check has been on the table for 10 minutes... and no one has touched it.

Airline food starts to taste good.

You mother approves of the person you are dating.

You have to borrow from your Visa to pay off your Mastercard.

You realise that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar is yours.

Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.

The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.

You take longer to get over sex than you did to have it.

Your new lover calls to tell you ``Last night was terrific!'' And you remember that you were home by yourself.

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