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How do you know when a kiwi has been in your fridge?

There is love bites on your leg of lamb!

A pommy backpacker goes up to the bar and asks for a coke with ice, the barman explains, we dont have any ice and havent for quite a few years..

Why asked the pommy.... The lady with the recipe died 7 years ago!

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how does a kiwi find a sheep in long grass ?


did ya hear the one about the kiwi shearer over in Oz was told by the foreman to "shear his sheep", kiwi replies "I'm not sharing my sheep with anyone".

Then there was the one about the guy who walked into the bar followed by 10 very very small people.

He helps them up onto bar stools and says "I'll have 11 beers thanks barmen"

barman replies "whats with the midgets"

"The're not midgets, the're kiwis with all the bullsht squeezed out"

more to come

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A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.

They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen.

She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

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