Police Jokes

[sbk]

A Pennsylvania State Trooper pulled a car over on I-81 about two miles north of the PA/MD State line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Harrisburg to do a show that night at the Zembo Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late. The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "You might as well take my butt to jail, cause there's no way in ###### I can pass THAT test!"

****** .

POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

***************

[Axel]

This morning I went to the book shop on Sukhumvit. I was 5 minutes in the store.

When I came out, a police man was there and wrote out a parking ticket.

I went to to him: 'Listen, I was for 5 minutes in the store.'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

This made me a bit furious and I said: 'Hello, do you use your head only to grow hair? I only went to the store for 5 minutes.'

He looked at me and said: 'None of my business.

You may not park here and moreover you should hold yourself back a bit!'

This got me on the wrong side. Therefore I named him a stupid idiot from Nakhon Nowhere.

I also told him where he can put his <deleted> ticket, and that usually all his colleagues are taking bribes, for what he probably was too stupid, too.

There suddenly he showed some emotion and mumbled some words about station and court.

I added one up by calling him a .............. (censored) and suggested instead of being a policeman he cold do some productive work, like cleaning the road and some public toilets.

He told me, he got the licence plate and will come back soon with an arrest warrant and I could expect my visa cancelled and be out on the next plane.

Actually, for me it's Mai Pen rai.

(scroll down)

It was not my car.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Jeeeeez you're a bastard Axel.....heheheheh

[Pink Mist]

That ones gonna be told down the pub for sure

[Axel]

One more for Monday:

"But officer," protested the teenage boy from

the parked car. "We were only necking."

"OK," said the cop. "just put your neck back in

your pants and get outta here."

[Pink Mist]

the other one was great axel sti ll laughing