Jump to content
BANGKOK
Sign in to follow this  
SimonD

Village Life Experiences

Recommended Posts

@Villagefarang

Beautiful shots and great looking house.

Thanks a lot. :) Many more photos on my blog or my Google+ profile page.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I live in a village up Burirum way, when not away working, and enjoy all those aspects of village life that others have mentioned in this thread but one big drawback is now starting to emerge and I am not sure how to deal with it.

Like many others, my wife had a child from time before and he is now 15. He knows everything as we all did at 15, and takes no notice of requests, does nothing on the farm, and of course there is no discipline applied and whilst I am tempted from time to time to step in, I stay out of it though have many times tried to influence him postitively.

Now the problem is he is mixing with others in the village that I consider not the best models and he is becoming more difficult to deal with. I am worried that he will end up off the rails.

The solution may be to relocate but it is not practical really.

So whilst life in the village can be great for those of us looking to escape city life, for a young person it can be the pits and become a pit for them, and this in turn attacks the serenity of village life.

It's another perspective on village life.

Any advice based on similar experience most welcomed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My approach is to allow people to screwup their lives anyway they want. Freedom of choice and all that, you know. I am just not convinced you can fix people and I have yet to see anything that works in our village. If it makes you feel better and you have the time to spend with him, go ahead and try, but try not to be too disappointed if it doesn’t make much difference. Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I live in a village up Burirum way, when not away working, and enjoy all those aspects of village life that others have mentioned in this thread but one big drawback is now starting to emerge and I am not sure how to deal with it.

Like many others, my wife had a child from time before and he is now 15. He knows everything as we all did at 15, and takes no notice of requests, does nothing on the farm, and of course there is no discipline applied and whilst I am tempted from time to time to step in, I stay out of it though have many times tried to influence him postitively.

Now the problem is he is mixing with others in the village that I consider not the best models and he is becoming more difficult to deal with. I am worried that he will end up off the rails.

The solution may be to relocate but it is not practical really.

So whilst life in the village can be great for those of us looking to escape city life, for a young person it can be the pits and become a pit for them, and this in turn attacks the serenity of village life.

It's another perspective on village life.

Any advice based on similar experience most welcomed.

Kiwijack

A tough situation, but one that parents have been faced with since time immemorial. I am lucky (?), mine is a 15 year old step-daughter, so all I really need is a big club to keep the boys away...right?? Wrong.!

I am lucky that we got off to a great start and I lived in the village full-time, but I really think that if you can substitute your son's time with the bad influence people and give him positive things to do with you as his friend (step-father), maybe the positive will be better than the negative. Ask your parents how they did it...just kidding.

Best of luck...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I live in a village up Burirum way, when not away working, and enjoy all those aspects of village life that others have mentioned in this thread but one big drawback is now starting to emerge and I am not sure how to deal with it.

Like many others, my wife had a child from time before and he is now 15. He knows everything as we all did at 15, and takes no notice of requests, does nothing on the farm, and of course there is no discipline applied and whilst I am tempted from time to time to step in, I stay out of it though have many times tried to influence him postitively.

Now the problem is he is mixing with others in the village that I consider not the best models and he is becoming more difficult to deal with. I am worried that he will end up off the rails.

The solution may be to relocate but it is not practical really.

So whilst life in the village can be great for those of us looking to escape city life, for a young person it can be the pits and become a pit for them, and this in turn attacks the serenity of village life.

It's another perspective on village life.

Any advice based on similar experience most welcomed.

My best advice, do not get involved.

For others who may be considering taking up with a woman with kids in tow, especially boys, unless you have the patience of a saint, or endless money dont bother, more trouble than its worth.

You have various scenarios playing out here that you may not even be aware of, one is the status/role of men in Thai society and the way children are raised.

I know its not want you want to hear, but if a push comes to a shove the wife will put her children before you, its just the way it is.

Moving wont solve the problem, you will just move it to a different location.

Is the boys father lurking in the background stirring things?

Are you actually able to converse with the boy, has the mother put her foot down, have beatings taken place (I know some may consider this to be un PC but its the way things are done here)?

In your shoes I would get one of the wifes brothers to deal with it or offer advice on the way forward.

Right now I am watching what can best be described as a lump, a 12 year old 100+ kg kid, the locals refer to him as dinosaur (big body small brain), this kid was doing nothing but eat, sleep and playing internet games and hanging with the wrong crowd.

The father took the kid out of school and put him with a house building crew, the lump now gets paid 200 baht per day and has a feeling of worth, this lump will never amount to anything, but at least he is being disciplined, and by the time he gets home is too exhausted to be any bother.

Another guy I know has a 30 year old stepson who has never done a days work in his life, this guy has been told that this worthless piece of shit now needs a new CRV, 1 million plus, because he is losing face being seen in his old car, this piece of shit is given an allownace of, wait for it, 30k baht per month, you know who is paying for that.

I could go on, but why bother, at the end of the day what you want doesnt matter, its what the mother wants that will take place.

Just be thankful that he hasnt started stealing from the house yet, or even worse, knocked up some local girl.

I honestly dont know why some guys put up with it, others I know are in too deep financially to walk away, the house, land etc etc is so much that many turn a blind eye to it or turn to the demon drink to numb themselves.

"for a young person it can be the pits and become a pit for them, and this in turn attacks the serenity of village life." From what I have seen, the locals will take care of this if he starts upsetting the natural order of things in the village, the mother may have been spoken to already or has ignored things.

A couple of years ago I watched as a family were given 15 minutes to move from their house, before the house was torched, the locals had had enough of the thieving

I can only wish you all the best.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks all for the advice and tips.

It wasn't a moan but more a heads up on what can develop for many of us living in a village which can suddenly impact on the enjoyment of it all. No different to rural anywhere. Not sure a daughter any less angst?? I have 2 sons and a daughter ( grown up ) of my own but sport, living near the coast and other recreational facilities meant more meaningfully occupied free time.

In this case I like the advice of staying out of it. It's a no win situation I suspect to do anything else and whilst the suggestion of doing more with him to substitute time with the local lads is a good potential solution , it hasn't worked in this case. Actually we aren't that close, a consequence of me not being around a lot and language. He is a good kid in many ways but a typical 15 year old. And there is not much for him to do in a village, so it's into Burirum to hang out and play computer games etc etc. Who knows.

His mum has spoken to him about the usual pitfalls, girls,vandalism, grog, crime etc, but again hard to tell a teenager anything. He has never been beaten, his father hasn't been around since he was six months old so none of those dramas. It's just the age and the environment he finds himself in.

It won't become a him or me situation, as you right, I would never win that one, but if push comes to shove, well, que sera sera. Not a worry.

My concern is that he gets through this period without major damage. It may well be expensive for me but that's OK if it is just something that money can fix.

It's a worry.

But thanks again for the advice, much appreciated. We just keep letting him know we love him, value him and are concerned for him . I am learning to be a Thai fatalist.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
If I wanted to be woken up at 6am by noisy motorbikes, loudspeaker trucks and heavy plant I could stay in Pattaya.

Yep, move to a village and get woken up at 6am by chickens, dogs, etans, bikes with no baffles and the poo yai on the tannoy system instead.

Plus be prepared to get no sleep at all for three days every time someone gets married, dies or have a young lad going to the Wat for a 15 day skive.

Here's a new one for me. Music and singing started yesterday just down the road. Asked the wife who died. No one she said. I then asked who is getting married. No one she said. Then asked her who was going off to the temple, blessing the temple, or raising money for the temple. No, not that either dear, she replied. Ok I say, I give up. What is the occassion? She replies, well it is just so-so who lives down the road who has just come back from working in Korea and is going to build a house with all his money. So, go figure. When it is party time, it's party time. Roll out the barrel, everyone has a barrel of fun around here!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This little saga slots nicely into Village Life Experiences. When local workmen completed modifying our house from a wooden stilt structure to block walls downstairs two years ago they added a large veranda/porch with an apex roof butting up to the wooden front of the old upstairs house. Problem is, the wooden slats of the old house overlapped the wrong way so rain water seeped down when the wind blew in that direction. They filled the join with sealing compound. Then a suspended ceiling was installed for the finishing touch. At the first rain of 2010, water seeped through the ceiling boards, ominous brown stains spreading. Pleas for the workmen to come back and fix it failed. By the time the rains set in, a chunk of ceiling board fell down under the weight of the water and leaks broke out all along the frontage. Repeated requests for the men to come back and fix it failed. Most of the year 2011 went by then the wife’s family said they knew someone else who’d fix it. In November last year he quoted his price and we paid in advance for the new timber. Nothing happened. In January this year he delivered the wood, saying he he’d be back in the morning with his team to start work. Nothing, no sign of anyone. He finally turned up with his trusty team yesterday, started ripping off the old woodwork, and finished work at five PM, leaving a gaping hole above. This morning the rain started. No workmen to be seen. What would life be like without these trifling little matters?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks all for the advice and tips.

It wasn't a moan but more a heads up on what can develop for many of us living in a village which can suddenly impact on the enjoyment of it all. No different to rural anywhere. Not sure a daughter any less angst?? I have 2 sons and a daughter ( grown up ) of my own but sport, living near the coast and other recreational facilities meant more meaningfully occupied free time.

In this case I like the advice of staying out of it. It's a no win situation I suspect to do anything else and whilst the suggestion of doing more with him to substitute time with the local lads is a good potential solution , it hasn't worked in this case. Actually we aren't that close, a consequence of me not being around a lot and language. He is a good kid in many ways but a typical 15 year old. And there is not much for him to do in a village, so it's into Burirum to hang out and play computer games etc etc. Who knows.

His mum has spoken to him about the usual pitfalls, girls,vandalism, grog, crime etc, but again hard to tell a teenager anything. He has never been beaten, his father hasn't been around since he was six months old so none of those dramas. It's just the age and the environment he finds himself in.

It won't become a him or me situation, as you right, I would never win that one, but if push comes to shove, well, que sera sera. Not a worry.

My concern is that he gets through this period without major damage. It may well be expensive for me but that's OK if it is just something that money can fix.

It's a worry.

But thanks again for the advice, much appreciated. We just keep letting him know we love him, value him and are concerned for him . I am learning to be a Thai fatalist.

This is not advice - just sharing my own experience.....blended family of 6 kids - kids all get on extremely well and this is great and works well. Ages from 16 to 29. Have had all the trials and tribulations you could imagine but it now is starting to work rather well after years of consistency and hard to muster patience. Lessons learned over the last 10 years - 1) my wife's kids thought I would take her away to another country (big worry) so thought that they had better try very hard to discourage me. They were creative and persistent and almost succeeded! I just prevailed maintained the same standard for all kids. I only found this out in thr last few years and we can laugh about it now. 2) Thai kids (Boys especially) seem to grow up more slowly than Western kids (due to a combination of factors such as experience, expectations and cultural issues) so some shift in your own expectations may be needed 3) Thai kids like all kids will do things that bring disappointment and joy - I made sure all issues were acknowledged and dealt with, and always celebrated the successes 4) criticism has to be done in private or it can backfire 5) find what they can do, and like, and see if you can foster something along these lines (sport, gold fish, bike riding etc) 6) give them the means to make some money from their own efforts - e.g. mushroom farm, some chickens/eggs, labouring etc (this was good for their self esteem and gave them some independence) 7) make it possible for them to be a success in small medium and large ways. 8) raising kids has to be in a team effort with their mother - and it was very hard for her. Has it been easy - NO not at all. Has it been worth it - YES, overall it has been worth it. One thing that helped me was that my own mother re-married when I was 12 - fortunately the man she married has been a very good role model for me - he married my mother and decided this would involve her sons as well. I am essentially applying his approach. Good luck mate!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...