ajay79 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 hi new to this site and just want to get some info and help on this. ok this is the story, at xmas i was on holiday in thailand and i went to see my friend and his thai wife who where at her home place in thailand. anyway i visited them and got to like the girl that lived across the road. she had very poor english so communication was limited but we still enjoyed each other. while we were together we were never left alone (rarely anyway), we never had sex and she was a very traditional girl and very poor. her mother and father were very happy to see me around and had hoped for marriage almost immediately. when the time had come to go home i had changed my mind and was going to stay but when i was in bangkok i decided to leave cause of the pressure from her parents. anyway the story is now i want to go back to her for a while and see how we get on, we still text each other and very brief phone calls. my friends wife says when she rings home that she and her parents are hoping that i will go back. what are your views on this story and what do you think i should do ? she is a nice girl, she is quite, pretty and has a very simple lifestyle, all of which i like. by the way she is not a bar girl or anything like that. what should i do? what do her parents expect from me? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necronx99 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Her parents are poor. They will expect that if you take their daughter you will help support your new family (them). This is the Thai way. If you want a relationship be prepared, they will expect marriage and a dowry and ongoing support. She will also expect this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
longstebe Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 What should you do? Really. Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necronx99 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 What should you do? Really. Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com Are you suggesting asking complete strangers on the internet for advice on one of the biggest decisions of your life is not a wize thing to do? I'm shocked, shocked I tell you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajay79 Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 i am just looking to know what is expected of me, thats all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
longstebe Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 i am just looking to know what is expected of me, thats all. Talk to your friend who lives there. Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necronx99 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 i am just looking to know what is expected of me, thats all. Your friend's experience is probably relevant to you. Depending on the family and girl, a casual (i.e western) relationship is not what they expect. They will expect commitment and support. If you dont want to go that route there are plenty of other options for you in Thailand. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajay79 Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 what do you mean there is plenty of other options in thailand? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necronx99 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 what do you mean there is plenty of other options in thailand? If you are just looking for a good time, leave her alone and go find someone more ameniable. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajay79 Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 well i am not looking for a good time or a bit of holiday fun. i do like her. like i said i just want an idea of what is going to be expected of me, but thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajay79 Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 by the way, whats the average dowry and what is considered reasonable as support? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necronx99 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 by the way, whats the average dowry and what is considered reasonable as support? It depends on how poor the family is. There is no meaningful average amount, could be nothing, a buffalo or a house. If the family is similar in status to your friends' wifes' family ask him how much the relationship has cost him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajay79 Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 well they meet in america and got married there. they was no dowry or anything like that. she seemed to have done well for herself before she meet my friend i think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishhooks Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Spend much, much more time in Thailand particularly in Isaan. Broaden your friendship circle of other Farang, particularly those in loooong relationships with Thai's. You are only at the start of what you are seeking info about and no-one here can give you a brief response, only............. Much, much, much more time, thought and experience. It could be beautful? Try to "shortcut" any advice here and you are at the mercy of well, who knows! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bergen Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 How old is the girl? Does she have any children? Does she have sisters or brothers - do they have any relations or previous experience with farangs? How does your friend and his wife live - do they have a nice mansion or just a modest house? Have they bought a nice car and motorbikes? Are your friend's wife's family well off now - how high expectations have been created? How old are you - are you rich - do you flash money around? All this and much more will be considered by the parts involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cardholder Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 well i am not looking for a good time or a bit of holiday fun. i do like her. like i said i just want an idea of what is going to be expected of me, but thanks "Liking her" is obviously not the best start point for calculating sin sod. Go read Thailand Fever then come back for a month. make it clear to the girl that you are not interested in marriage for at least 2 years, would never consider paying sin sod but will obviously look after her as is your responsibility. As for sex, if she does not come across within 48 hours go to Pattaya. You can't even contemplate a long term relationship without knowing that there is a degree of sexual compatibility. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajay79 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 ok, she is 27, no children, 1 brother, no experience of farangs from what i know of. as for my friend, they dont live in thailand, they live in england, i heard her say a few times tho that he is lucky he didnt have to pay dowry and all the other stuff. as for me, i am 30. no kids, own my own house with no loans. work in construction but in and out of work now with 2 years but i am doing fine. well i am not rich but can live comfortable, geuss that is one of the upsides of being single. o ya, i dont flash money around. actually i am very wise with money Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cardholder Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I think it is difficult to make comparison with your friend's situation. Your girl is piss-poor from the backwaters of Isaan. On the other hand your friends wife is obviously from a hiso background (perhaps they have a holiday home in Isaan) - she managed to get herself to America where she met her future husband. Is he American or did they meet at Disneyland ? Odd that they chose to live in England. Would you be planning to take your girl back to the UK ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeMock Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Extremely strange for a 27 year old girl who lives in a village not to be married. Are you sure she has not been married before? If not, I wonder what the reason is? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyaussie Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Nearly every country girls dream is to find a farang husband. You've met her once, she doesn't speak English and your talking marriage. You wouldn't do that at home (whereever that may be). So what makes this different. Spend some time together, have some fun, let her drain your savings, then after a year or two if alls well, marry her. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludditeman Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 (edited) by the way, whats the average dowry and what is considered reasonable as support? You didn't state your age and her age which is relevant to the asking price. 50kbht for sinsot (dowry is what is paid when womans parent pay man) 4kbht a month for the parents That is what you pay for an uneducated farm girls, unless you are completely daft. Better to make higher monthly payments and lower lump sums, as they don't give refunds if it doesn't work out. Edited February 13, 2012 by ludditeman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bergen Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 by the way, whats the average dowry and what is considered reasonable as support? You didn't state your age and her age which is relevant to the asking price. 50kbht for sinsot (dowry is what is paid when womans parent pay man) 4kbht a month for the parents That is what you pay for an uneducated farm girls, unless you are completely daft. Better to make higher monthly payments and lower lump sums, as they don't give refunds if it doesn't work out. There are no such ting as fixed prices involved. Most people I know paid nothing, and I didn't either. It will depend on a variety of things from case to case............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludditeman Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Just read you are 30, she is 27, sorry missed that 1st read through. So what is wrong with her? Unusual for a farm girl to be unmarried at that age. I would revise my prices down, they will be wanting to get rid of her. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Payboy Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I would strongly recommend trying out the goods before making a committment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cardholder Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Just read you are 30, she is 27, sorry missed that 1st read through. So what is wrong with her? Unusual for a farm girl to be unmarried at that age. I would revise my prices down, they will be wanting to get rid of her. whoa! Mr L. I think you are giving too much away - as bergen says, every situation is negotiable. Surely, we have a situation here (especially with only a 3 year age difference) where the Farang will take care of the girl for 50 years. Is there not a good case for NO sin sod and a nominal allowance of 2,000 Baht per week (to include in-laws and any other hangers-on) ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludditeman Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Surely, we have a situation here (especially with only a 3 year age difference) where the Farang will take care of the girl for 50 years. Is there not a good case for NO sin sod and a nominal allowance of 2,000 Baht per week (to include in-laws and any other hangers-on) ? I did say revise my price down! But I'm never averse to a little cash up front (or after a couple of months of a test drive). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klikster Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 (edited) You can't rely on advice here in TV because you have no way of gauging the bias and positive or negative experiences of those giving it. You are asking about expectations in the wrong place. Ask the woman and her family. Find out as much as you can about the woman's character. Find out as best you can about her mother's character. There can be numerous valid reasons she is not married, assuming that is actually the case. Make your expectations abundantly clear. Consider letting them know that you will not pay sinsod. Step back and ask yourself what you truly want to do. One thing I might add. If you are thinking "test drive", you should understand that payback for misguided indiscretions within the wrong clan can be hell -- even deadly. BTW, I don't agree on "salaries" or regular payments to wife or her family. Edited February 13, 2012 by klikster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarpSpeed Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 (edited) well i am not looking for a good time or a bit of holiday fun. i do like her. like i said i just want an idea of what is going to be expected of me, but thanks There's still plenty of other options in Thailand but most of what's been mentioned is still expected. I'd be suspect of the "quiet" side of her you mention, sometimes that can be a red flag and maybe you'd want to consider not having any hogs or ducks on your future farm together .. Edited February 13, 2012 by WarpSpeed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redroo Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Its all about the baht.... They don't care about who you are, or what you've done in your life, good or bad. If they did care , they would speak better english too find out these important things. Without good comunication,Their is no love to be had. Your name will allways be " ATM " 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajay79 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 well i am not looking for a good time or a bit of holiday fun. i do like her. like i said i just want an idea of what is going to be expected of me, but thanks There's still plenty of other options in Thailand but most of what's been mentioned is still expected. I'd be suspect of the "quiet" side of her you mention, sometimes that can be a red flag and maybe you'd want to consider not having any hogs or ducks on your future farm together .. not really sure what you mean by the hogs or ducks thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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