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mooro_uk

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Don't worry too much about the 12 steps.

Concentrate on getting and staying sober and absorbing all the good advice and hints you will receive from AA in that endeavour.

My personal advice is not to rush in and get yourself a sponsor and don't worry too much about starting to work the 12 steps. Just take it slowly. There are many who will be more than willing to take you in hand - some are very good and well intentioned; others less so. So use your own judgement after you have got to know the potential sponsors for a while.

There is much good stuff in the 12 step programme which has little to do with spirituality, but ultimately you will have to think about spiritual matters, and then its up to you how far you wish to take take it.

Certainly there is a wealth of research that suggests that for many alcoholics - but not all - an acceptance of spirituality is an effective way of becoming a long term sober alcoholic and a means of turning your life around.

Just take it easy and don't be put off by people or ideas that may seem to be a bit of an anathema to you right now.

Good luck mate.

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Well, this works for me, (for better or worse)

move out of convenience range to the bar's,

and the hassle of getting there will make you stay home.

And at least for me, -i just don't drink much at all if i don't go out to go-go,

and usually skip the drinking altogether.

Edited by poanoi
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For what it's worth, when I first decided to go to AA a friend told me to get a sponsor, one who would challenge me and to start working the 12 Steps as soon as possible. My friend also told me to find someone who works the steps from the AA Big Book, as that is the AA program of recovery. My friend told me recently that she encouraged me to work the Steps asap, because she felt that if I hung around AA without doing the work for a few months that my bullheadedness (ego) would have recovered sufficiently and she felt that I might have started drinking again. Looking back on it, I think she was right, if I had gotten a few months to feel better, I don't think I would've worked the Steps or worked them half-ass and I probably would've started drinking. I was lucky that my sponsor actually approached me in my second week of AA, as I was still feeling crappy enough that I was able to listen and to start doing the work instead of fighting it. As I progressed through the Steps, I started to feel happy and I just kept on going as it was working!I have to say that thanks to the 12 Steps, I am happier today than I have ever been and my friends tell me that I am a better person today than I ever was before.

I have heard many stories of people coming into AA and not working the Steps and returning to drinking after a few months and there are some people who have remained sober, but they are not really happy. Some people call them "dry drunks," although I prefer to say, "They're just sober enough to be miserable!"

One last thing that really helped me was the term "higher power of our own understanding," AA is a spiritual program, not religious. I didn't and still don't believe in a God on high,but I have found a higher power and it works for me.

Best of luck to the OP, and please let us know how you're doing!

p.s. I have no problem with any other modalities that get people sober and keep them sober. AA is working for me and I am just relating my own personal experience with it.

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For what it's worth, when I first decided to go to AA a friend told me to get a sponsor, one who would challenge me and to start working the 12 Steps as soon as possible. My friend also told me to find someone who works the steps from the AA Big Book, as that is the AA program of recovery. My friend told me recently that she encouraged me to work the Steps asap, because she felt that if I hung around AA without doing the work for a few months that my bullheadedness (ego) would have recovered sufficiently and she felt that I might have started drinking again. Looking back on it, I think she was right, if I had gotten a few months to feel better, I don't think I would've worked the Steps or worked them half-ass and I probably would've started drinking. I was lucky that my sponsor actually approached me in my second week of AA, as I was still feeling crappy enough that I was able to listen and to start doing the work instead of fighting it. As I progressed through the Steps, I started to feel happy and I just kept on going as it was working!I have to say that thanks to the 12 Steps, I am happier today than I have ever been and my friends tell me that I am a better person today than I ever was before.

I have heard many stories of people coming into AA and not working the Steps and returning to drinking after a few months and there are some people who have remained sober, but they are not really happy. Some people call them "dry drunks," although I prefer to say, "They're just sober enough to be miserable!"

One last thing that really helped me was the term "higher power of our own understanding," AA is a spiritual program, not religious. I didn't and still don't believe in a God on high,but I have found a higher power and it works for me.

Best of luck to the OP, and please let us know how you're doing!

p.s. I have no problem with any other modalities that get people sober and keep them sober. AA is working for me and I am just relating my own personal experience with it.

Great post! Thank you for your input..

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Hi guys, glad to see my post has stirred up some interesting debate about the merits of AA, self control etc.

I hear what you are saying NBD, but I've been trying self controlled drinking for literally years now and it just doesn't work. I realy envy my mates and others who can have five or six drinks and just go home....

Radar, I never realised WC was an alcoholic it's kind of ironic.

I'm going to give the beginners meeting of AA a go this Sunday evening. Not too sure what to expect but I can't see it doing any harm.

Once again thanks for your comments and support.

I'm glad you're going to a meeting on Sunday. You may want to think about going to a meeting before that if any are available, as it will give you a chance to find a good meeting for you and it might be better than sitting around trying not to drink.

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Some great posts and information guys, much appreciated.

Basically I am taking it day by day at the moment, another day with no booze is a success in my eyes. Last night in a restaurant with a mate, he ordered a beer me a soda water. That was a small but significant step for me.

I am also going to meet on of the guys from AA before the meeting on Sunday, which was a nice gesture.

One big hurdle I can see coming up is the England Italy Euro 2012 quarter final. This may seems trivial for some people, but football is a massive part of my life. I can't watch it at home as I have True vision and can't get good reception on the antenna to see the Thai channels. Do I go out and try and stick to the Soda with all my friends drinking or just give it a miss altogether? Another option I was thinking of telling one of my closest friends (one guy who I think will understand me better than others) about my situation and If he can "support" me when I'm out at the bar watching the game.

Your thoughts, experience in this kind of situation would be much appreciated.

Thanks guys.

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You will be advised at AA to keep away from places which will tempt you to drink, such as pubs and bars, at least for your first few weeks of sobriety.

Some recovering alcoholics steer clear of bars for the rest of their lives, others are happy to go there and drink soda water.

Personally I have no problems in going to bars,but have severely curtailed my visits these days, only occasionally going to catch up with friends.

One of the main pointers to achieving long term sobriety is to try and change your life around so that you are not doing the things you used to do which led to drinking. Going to bars is an obvious one and you will need to find new activities or hobbies to replace all those hours you spent drinking

Only you can be the judge of whether you can watch the game in a bar and still remain sober - at this stage it seems unlikely. Why don't you try to find a good friend who has it on at his his home and watch it there?

But don't beat yourself up if you succumb - we have all been there - many times...

Edited by Mobi
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I understand your problem and feel for you If I lived in Bangkok I would take you to an AA meeting I come from a family of drinkers and I have had to watch my own son go through it even after spending thousands sending him to a rehab/12 steps even that did not work and he hates going to AA but at long last he has managed to overcome it however there are times when temptation is to much and he will get on the slippery slope again for a day or two but those days are few and far I am glad to say. there is little I can suggest it is a case of willpower however it seems to happen at the weekend ,dare I suggest you do not think of Friday/Saturday as the weekend it is just a day in the week, but it seems that it is when you are not at work that this urge to drink comes over you so I suggest you make a list of things to do on those days you are not at work. The Thais who have a drink problem seek help from the local temple why not give it a try find a monk who will help you do not be afraid to go to an AA meet I do not drink but often went with a member of my family as support, by writing of your struggle in this forum and admitting your problem you are halfway there by going to AA you will find someone who will understand your situation there is no shame in it excessive drinking is a major problem in the society we live in but it can be controlled, however there is no shame in going into a bar and asking for Water/Orange or a coke or even a coffee I do it all the time Good Luck I hope you can overcome your problem for the sake of your health !!!!

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Some great posts and information guys, much appreciated.

Basically I am taking it day by day at the moment, another day with no booze is a success in my eyes. Last night in a restaurant with a mate, he ordered a beer me a soda water. That was a small but significant step for me.

I am also going to meet on of the guys from AA before the meeting on Sunday, which was a nice gesture.

One big hurdle I can see coming up is the England Italy Euro 2012 quarter final. This may seems trivial for some people, but football is a massive part of my life. I can't watch it at home as I have True vision and can't get good reception on the antenna to see the Thai channels. Do I go out and try and stick to the Soda with all my friends drinking or just give it a miss altogether? Another option I was thinking of telling one of my closest friends (one guy who I think will understand me better than others) about my situation and If he can "support" me when I'm out at the bar watching the game.

Your thoughts, experience in this kind of situation would be much appreciated.

Thanks guys.

Tell your mate your problem you have been brave enough to tell all of us I am sure he will understand, as for the England game give it a miss if you think you will hit the bottle it comes down to willpower there is nothing wrong with drinking water stick a slice of lime in it good Luck !!!!

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One of the many problems that confront alcoholics is that people who are 'heavy drinkers' but rarely, if ever, have any problems in stopping when they need to, simply do not understand that for others, alcoholism is a progressive disease and that they cannot stop, no matter what and no matter how much they are destroying their lives and often their families as well.

It is a widely held belief amongst those who do not suffer from addiction that it is 'just a matter of 'self control', which clearly, for some, it is not.

I am not having a go at anyone, as we are all entitled to our own opinions on this subject, but I can say from personal experience that quiet often, it is unhelpful for someone to tell an alcoholic to 'get a grip of himself'. Statements like this simply hasten the downward spiral of alcoholism.

That is why I firmly believe that in the initial stages at least, an alcoholic is better off getting advice from fellow, recovering alcoholics, to whom they can relate, rather than 'heavy social drinkers' who really do not comprehend what what they are going through.

And to all those 'heavy social drinkers out there, please take care, as many so-called social drinkers have turned into full blown alcoholics in their later years.

I have known many such people in Thailand, several of whom have already died due to alcohol related causes.

A very good post !!!!!!

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A woman is attending the funeral of her husband who just died from cirrhosis of the liver.

Her friend asks her why her husband didn't go to AA.

Her reply: He wasn't that bad.

Meetings every day in BKK. If Fridays and Saturdays are your dangerous times, maybe that's a good day to hit a meeting. Almost all meetings become newcomers meetings if there is a newcomer in the room. You may actually enjoy it...

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You will be advised at AA to keep away from places which will tempt you to drink, such as pubs and bars, at least for your first few weeks of sobriety.

Some recovering alcoholics steer clear of bars for the rest of their lives, others are happy to go there and drink soda water.

Personally I have no problems in going to bars,but have severely curtailed my visits these days, only occasionally going to catch up with friends.

One of the main pointers to achieving long term sobriety is to try and change your life around so that you are not doing the things you used to do which led to drinking. Going to bars is an obvious one and you will need to find new activities or hobbies to replace all those hours you spent drinking

Only you can be the judge of whether you can watch the game in a bar and still remain sober - at this stage it seems unlikely. Why don't you try to find a good friend who has it on at his his home and watch it there?

But don't beat yourself up if you succumb - we have all been there - many times...

I hear you completely and to be honest am avoiding calls and any contact from people I know will be a bad influence as well as trying to plan other activities that don't include any booze.

I understand your problem and feel for you If I lived in Bangkok I would take you to an AA meeting I come from a family of drinkers and I have had to watch my own son go through it even after spending thousands sending him to a rehab/12 steps even that did not work and he hates going to AA but at long last he has managed to overcome it however there are times when temptation is to much and he will get on the slippery slope again for a day or two but those days are few and far I am glad to say. there is little I can suggest it is a case of willpower however it seems to happen at the weekend ,dare I suggest you do not think of Friday/Saturday as the weekend it is just a day in the week, but it seems that it is when you are not at work that this urge to drink comes over you so I suggest you make a list of things to do on those days you are not at work. The Thais who have a drink problem seek help from the local temple why not give it a try find a monk who will help you do not be afraid to go to an AA meet I do not drink but often went with a member of my family as support, by writing of your struggle in this forum and admitting your problem you are halfway there by going to AA you will find someone who will understand your situation there is no shame in it excessive drinking is a major problem in the society we live in but it can be controlled, however there is no shame in going into a bar and asking for Water/Orange or a coke or even a coffee I do it all the time Good Luck I hope you can overcome your problem for the sake of your health !!!!

Glad to hear your son has overcome his addiction. The temple idea is an interesting one, actually I spent the weekend in a temple outside of Bkk last month and it was literally a breath of fresh air. I'm just really hoping I can be dry this weekend, that will be the first biggish step for me.

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You will be advised at AA to keep away from places which will tempt you to drink, such as pubs and bars, at least for your first few weeks of sobriety.

Some recovering alcoholics steer clear of bars for the rest of their lives, others are happy to go there and drink soda water.

Personally I have no problems in going to bars,but have severely curtailed my visits these days, only occasionally going to catch up with friends.

One of the main pointers to achieving long term sobriety is to try and change your life around so that you are not doing the things you used to do which led to drinking. Going to bars is an obvious one and you will need to find new activities or hobbies to replace all those hours you spent drinking

Only you can be the judge of whether you can watch the game in a bar and still remain sober - at this stage it seems unlikely. Why don't you try to find a good friend who has it on at his his home and watch it there?

But don't beat yourself up if you succumb - we have all been there - many times...

I hear you completely and to be honest am avoiding calls and any contact from people I know will be a bad influence as well as trying to plan other activities that don't include any booze.

I understand your problem and feel for you If I lived in Bangkok I would take you to an AA meeting I come from a family of drinkers and I have had to watch my own son go through it even after spending thousands sending him to a rehab/12 steps even that did not work and he hates going to AA but at long last he has managed to overcome it however there are times when temptation is to much and he will get on the slippery slope again for a day or two but those days are few and far I am glad to say. there is little I can suggest it is a case of willpower however it seems to happen at the weekend ,dare I suggest you do not think of Friday/Saturday as the weekend it is just a day in the week, but it seems that it is when you are not at work that this urge to drink comes over you so I suggest you make a list of things to do on those days you are not at work. The Thais who have a drink problem seek help from the local temple why not give it a try find a monk who will help you do not be afraid to go to an AA meet I do not drink but often went with a member of my family as support, by writing of your struggle in this forum and admitting your problem you are halfway there by going to AA you will find someone who will understand your situation there is no shame in it excessive drinking is a major problem in the society we live in but it can be controlled, however there is no shame in going into a bar and asking for Water/Orange or a coke or even a coffee I do it all the time Good Luck I hope you can overcome your problem for the sake of your health !!!!

Glad to hear your son has overcome his addiction. The temple idea is an interesting one, actually I spent the weekend in a temple outside of Bkk last month and it was literally a breath of fresh air. I'm just really hoping I can be dry this weekend, that will be the first biggish step for me.

If you found the temple a breath of fresh air as stated then go and try it again I sometimes go as I know an English speaking monk who helps me with meditation I always take a tray of eggs as a small gift of gratitude Good Luck !!!

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I just want to update you guys on my situation. I have been dry for just over a week now and feel great for it. All your experiences, comments and information have been great and actually helped me in small but significant ways, so thank you very much for that.

I have been invited to go drinking with friends, Thursday, Friday and Saturday but found it surprisingly easy this time to say no. I had a few weak moments Friday and Sat afternoon, but after doing some breathing techniques I have been reading about managed to steer myself in the right direction.

Tonight is the AA meeting that I was planning on going to. However in my current frame of mind I feel strong enough to not go, or would that be slightly deluding and foolish? Am I just in a false sense of security? I know one wrong step and I could be back to step one again.

Cheers.

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It is up to you but I strongly advise you to keep your appointment with AA.

It is a feature of alcoholism that most - if not all alcoholics- can indeed abstain from drinking for periods of time ranging from days,weeks, months and even years before relapsing. Certainly abstaining for a week or two is quite common place.

You will hear from, and read about many alcoholics at AA on their abortive attempts to go dry and the varying periods that managed to stay off the booze before succumbing again.

During the 2-3 years leading up to my own irrevocable abstinence, (I hope), I succeeded in staying dry for periods of several months before lapsing again.

You are a long way from being out of the woods yet. Go and get some good advice and sympathetic support.

Good luck.

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It is also a feature of alcoholism that after alcoholics relapse, they often tend to drink even more than they were drinking before the relapse.

Maybe it is the realisation that they have failed and the hopelessness of the situation that sends them even further down the drinking spiral.

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Well at risk of annoying people again I think that's great, and wouldn't feel the need to attend AA if you've got control of your drinking.

I usually find that you start to feel the benefits much more acutely after about 2 weeks in terms of feeling sharp and having more energy.

After a quiet few beers last night I'm going to be having a sober stint myself for the next couple of weeks at least.

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Hi Guys, I have been in exactly the same situation as Mooro, I was fine until I had the first beer then could not stop until I was blitzed. In the end after losing most things in life I went to AA, yes its difficult but when I took the step to speak out I broke down in tears in front of everyone as this was the first time I had spoke openly about my problem without someone laughing as my mates always did as they shoved another beer in my face. Self control is a fantastic thing as NDB says, the problem with drinking for some of us is that you lose self control. It is easy to say just control yourself but that anone doesn't work. I wanted to try medication but couldn't find any in Thailand. Doctors here are no real help, they are not trained in social issues as they are in the likes of the UK.

Give the AA a chance, it may not stop you drinking but it may help you cut back

Good luck

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That sounds like an extreme version of my drink problem. I can go for days without a drink, but then I'll get completely hammered. I'm usually pretty sensible and avoid fights or losing stuff, but still not good to get so drunk you can't remember where you were or what you did.

Can't claim to have conquered it completely but a few things that have helped control it:

Routine

I am really bad for thinking Friday afternoon - beer time! When I started working at home, i'd have a beer or two with lunch on Fridays and drink while working in the afternoon. Not good really. Saturday is drinking day, so that would start basically not long after breakfast. Now I absolutely will not drink before 5pm on Friday. And on Saturday I go to the gym first, then do the shopping. With a nice lazy breakfast, this usually means I don't even get to thinking about a drink until the afternoon.

Do stuff

Doesn't have to be white water rafting or cycling to Khao Yai every weekend. Just give yourself jobs or something to do to keep you busy, and make sure you do them before having a drink.

Don't keep beer in the house

I have a couple bottles of wine and some spirits in a cupboard out of the way,but I only really drink those if someone comes round, or I come home merry and call one of my mates back home. Having a fridge full beer is putting temptation right in your way.

Change your friends

That doesn't mean you have to be a dick and ignore your old friends but if you feel forced into mammoth drinking sessions with them then you either need to find some new friends to do something other than drinking with, or suggest doing something other than drinking with your existing friends. This is good because if they're all drinking to the same level there's probably a fair chance they also want to change it, but also I know that it can be very hard - some of my hard drinking mates even managed to turn a morning jog into a boozing session.

I've never gone to AA or sought other help, as I don't feel I am quite extreme enough to warrant it, and I think their never touch another drop approach would be impossible to keep up, and quite likely to lead to me being even worse when I inevitably pack it in.

Good post.
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Keep in mind AA isn't just about stopping drinking.

It's about being happy with life after you've stopped drinking.

For some members, it's the first time in their adult lives they've ever been happy, drinking or not.

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I found, with a bit of dilligence, I could drink sensibly again - a couple of pints and then off to pick up a friend, or whatever.

It was just a matter of self control and keeping busy. And time. Sooner or later, the day would come when I had finished all my chores, didn't have any appointments, fancied a pub supper... maybe decided to watch the rugby in the pub instead of going home to watch the game; one or two on the way home... maybe try out a new pub - and then off to the races...

That sometimes happened even when I only went out for one pint.

It never happened when I didn't have the first drink.

But for some people it happens every time they have a drink. For some, it never happens. And for some, it happens more and more often as time goes by.

SC

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Exactly. Drinking too much and being an alcoholic are not exactly the same thing. There are people who drink too much but are not alcoholics, and thus are capable of drinking in moderation or on rare occasions once they get their act together.

Then there are people who through no choice or fault of their own are biologically constituted such that it is impossible for them to drink in moderation -- the first sip sets of a chain reaction of craving which is unmanageable.

This is very hard for people who have not experienced it to understand, but it is so. For true alcoholics not only is complete abstinence necessary but it is actually far easier than trying to drink in a controlled way.

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Sometimes I am a very simple person. Sometimes being a simple person is good. Not all the time but some times. Are you an alcoholic? If you have thought about going to an AA meeting you are an alcoholic. How do you stop drinking? 1. Don't drink and 2. Go to meetings.

Will not drinking hurt you? Maybe, 1 out of a 100 times. Will drinking hurt you? Probably higher odds or harm. Oh BTW, how do you stop drinking? 1. Don't drink and 2. Go to meetings.

I am not saying anything for everyone only my own experience. But honest I have never met a person who was harmed by not drinking.

Do you have to do the 12 steps? It would be a good idea but really to stop drinking all you have to do is 1. Don't drink and 2. Go to meetings. Why not just stop drinking alone? You might go crazy. How many meetings should you go to? 90 meetings 90 days.

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Exactly. Drinking too much and being an alcoholic are not exactly the same thing. There are people who drink too much but are not alcoholics, and thus are capable of drinking in moderation or on rare occasions once they get their act together.

Then there are people who through no choice or fault of their own are biologically constituted such that it is impossible for them to drink in moderation -- the first sip sets of a chain reaction of craving which is unmanageable.

This is very hard for people who have not experienced it to understand, but it is so. For true alcoholics not only is complete abstinence necessary but it is actually far easier than trying to drink in a controlled way.

Good points Sheryl, but why get hung up over terminology?

By definition, if alcohol is causing problems in someone's life, they have a drinking problem. One beer a day, one G&T a year, two toddies before dinner, whatever- if it's causing problems, it's a drinking problem. No more complicated than that.

If you have a drinking problem (that is, alcohol is causing problems in your life- job, relationships, finance, sports ability, or any other area), you can become a member of AA. Or you can just "audit the course" and see if it's for you- it costs nothing and you can drop out the next day if you don't like it.

You don't have to be an alcoholic, you just have to want to stop drinking- for whatever reason.

Edited by impulse
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I was in the same boat , and also am not the AA type , nor do I believe it's even required , so what I did was figure out how much I can drink and NEVER get into trouble ..... for me 2 big beer chang , or 4 american beers , then I decided it was either stop at that or not be able to drink at all , prefering to still drink but not be a drunkard thats what I do. I still enjoy a buzz and nothing bad has happened since I did this...... Now naturally sometimes I have one or 2 extra but thats a HUGE warning sign that things are getting out of controll as I already decided not to do that, ..... So I stop drinking for a few days so the tolerance goes down , as opposed to drinking more and more and being back where I started from.

It's worked really really well for me for over a year now , if you can't do that you might need to quit I don't know , but it's worth a try if you want to see if you can controll yourself as opposed to quitting altogether.

Drinking is not your problem , it's drinking to much. You CAN set a limit and keep it if you decide to unless you are a full blown addict with medical issues ...... odds are you just drink to much like a lot of people.

The main thing that suprised me was that I thought I would miss going out intending to get all sloppy drunk and have as many as I could ...... I don't miss it, and didn't miss it from day 1

Edited by MrRealDeal
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I was in the same boat , and also am not the AA type , nor do I believe it's even required , so what I did was figure out how much I can drink and NEVER get into trouble ..... for me 2 big beer chang , or 4 american beers , then I decided it was either stop at that or not be able to drink at all , prefering to still drink but not be a drunkard thats what I do. I still enjoy a buzz and nothing bad has happened since I did this...... Now naturally sometimes I have one or 2 extra but thats a HUGE warning sign that things are getting out of controll as I already decided not to do that, ..... So I stop drinking for a few days so the tolerance goes down , as opposed to drinking more and more and being back where I started from.

It's worked really really well for me for over a year now , if you can't do that you might need to quit I don't know , but it's worth a try if you want to see if you can controll yourself as opposed to quitting altogether.

Drinking is not your problem , it's drinking to much. You CAN set a limit and keep it if you decide to unless you are a full blown addict with medical issues ...... odds are you just drink to much like a lot of people.

The main thing that suprised me was that I thought I would miss going out intending to get all sloppy drunk and have as many as I could ...... I don't miss it, and didn't miss it from day 1

What is an AA type?

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I don't know if i have problem drinking, but once i start drinking, i just find myself hard to slow down. Is this the sign of having drinking problem?

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I don't know if i have problem drinking, but once i start drinking, i just find myself hard to slow down. Is this the sign of having drinking problem?

AA meetings are a lot of fun. They have them in Pattaya, Chiang Mai and Bangkok. Go and ask. Good advice there. It is difficult on the INTERNET.

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I don't know if i have problem drinking, but once i start drinking, i just find myself hard to slow down. Is this the sign of having drinking problem?

I don't reckon there's much point in going until you think you've got a problem. For me, I was less worried that I couldn't slow down, than that I coouldn't stop.

SC

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AA meetings are a lot of fun. They have them in Pattaya, Chiang Mai and Bangkok. Go and ask. Good advice there. It is difficult on the INTERNET.

Used to attend one open meeting with AA in Bangkok about 4-5 years ago. One of my friend is alcoholism and i attended that with him. They are great but i don't think i can do that often.

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