Popular Post LawrenceChee Posted October 28, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 28, 2012 Recently it has occured to me as I have been dating woman in Thailand over the years, the women in Chiang Mai hold a special charm for me. I have not done much of the bar scenes for all the years I have spent in Thailand as I dont drink, smoke or like to play Connect 4 and consider that a conversation. Dating professional women in Bangkok, Phuket, Hua HIn and Chiang Mai...it's just my observations that the ladies up north are more gentle, respectful of their roles in a family and tender in their care of the man in their relationships. I have dated people who work in a bank, real estate, hotels and running their own business and I would say the experiences and the cultural exchanges have been beneficial for both parties. They get to see a western perspective on issues not discussed frequently in the press and I get to see intimate settings of a Thai family and how they interact in their daily lives. These woman have taught me a lot in managing respect, their soft tones in arguing their points across makes it easy for me to accept and see their views (much better than the argumentative or combative western women) ...their dedication to the families make it easy for me to see the Asian connection. I like that they explain many of the things to me and over the years dating women up north, my patience quotient has increased and I have calmed down on many of the things that used to agitate me as a city slicker on the fast track. in all of these relationships, I have not paid for a buafflo, broken bike or an "accident" at the family and we need urgent cash request...tales often heard in a bar setting after a few holiday dates. I like that the families whom I have met enjoy my company as much as I have enjoyed theirs. Most refuse for me to pay when we go out for meals although it is evident I can and will be more than willing and small gifts brought from abroad are always well received and thanked for. When I walk away from these relationships, 70% of them are still in touch as friends and their familes would still write to me from time to time asking for my advice and even though it is a not a wedding eventually, they still regard me in a good light. They tell me it is simply down to honesty, respect and the fact they enjoy the conversations. When I eventually find the one...I have no doubt it will be a woman from the north. There is a just relaxed charm about them that I love. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stoneyboy Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Very nice. I wish my life was so perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Somnambulist Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 "Men are just engineered to want to take care of the ladies and be a gentleman. Stop counting the costs and start playing mind games with the ladies....you will get enough back. " Hi Lawrence. I'm sure you'll recognize this quote taken from your recent post on a different thread. Please tell us what mind games you play with these women you respect so much that has given you such great success with them. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BookMan Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Interesting post LChee. Can I ask what is your age? or age bracket? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Semper Posted October 28, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 28, 2012 When I walk away from these relationships, 70% of them are still in touch as friends and their familes would still write to me from time to time asking for my advice and even though it is a not a wedding eventually, they still regard me in a good light. They tell me it is simply down to honesty, respect and the fact they enjoy the conversations. Those "relationships" have obviously been with professionals that were more professional than you would admit. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
true blue Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 nice walking down the yellow brick road fairy tale. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddhaMind Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 IMHO, a refreshing outlook on dating in Thailand. Refreshing in that I don't get to read this kind of description on here very often. Anyway... I imagined a series of flippant, bitter replies. And I was not disappointed, they are rolling in. The first guy thought the OP was living a perfect life, as though a positive commentary on dating connotes perfection. In the second reply, the guy, like a lawyer, wants the OP to explain an earlier post when the OP said "mind games," as though the OP literally meant "mind games" and not something deeper. In the third reply, the person thinks the post is "interesting," and then questions the OP's "age bracket," as though this will help explain his positive story on dating in Thailand. Because surely, the OP can't be over 40. In the fourth reply, with humor, the person makes a connection to the difference between a bar girl and a professional girl being about professionalism, the professional girl being highly professional in her plan to, I guess, get at his money. And then in the fifth post, the one above mine, the smug reply refers to the yellow brick road of a fairy tale. Too funny. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LawrenceChee Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 hahaha Semper you crack me up all the time mate with your one liners...to go and see you at the party will be worth the entry price mate ! Somnambulist - The mind games are simple mate....too many men have become too localized in their thinking and allow the women to trample over them ...to ruin their self confidence and to lead them like cows. Men are engineered to take care of women and to feel good about that, you need to feel the ego rush, the leadership position in the relationship and also to feel it is validated. So the mind games are not mean ones to cheat or to lie...an easy example ..... how many men are stumped by this question from the women " how do I look today " and praying to your gods you answer it correctly based on looking at their moods and thei body language...a mind game I do with this is instead of being trapped in this...I take notice of their dressing and tell them my preference in colors, styles etc and viola before you know it ...the woman getting the praise start to wear your fav styles and colors and you dont have to answer these questions anymore without feeling like walking thru a minefield. mind games also means playing it smart in front of her and her family...start to take notice of their preferences, their likes and dislikes and before you know it, they do respect you coz your remember. For a woman, this is important to emotional attachment and that they matter to you...these are mind games mate I talk about. Mind Games are just that ....play them well and the women, their families will respect you. I dont have a perfect life and coming close to my 40s, the lessons learnt helped me to choose better...so it would be a northern girl with charm. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post eek Posted October 28, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 28, 2012 The beauty of life is we all like different things. One (wo)mans treasure can be another (wo)mans trash. I have heard men praise women in Chiang Mai, and at the same turn i have heard the opposite. (Same could be said for Thai women in general, or Asian, or European, or American, or Latin, or...) Some men actually like women to be articulate and have an opinion. Finding it stimulating rather than something intimidating or a negative quality. I have heard some men complain when a woman has too much of an "up to you" attitude, and state they can feed themselves, and find pandering to be irritating rather than pleasant. For example too, maybe your view of a womans point of view seems combative, when its merely having a voice. Just that you likely have a preference for a more placid partner. But im happy for you! May you forever be in your idea of paradise. Just might be worth considering that your cup of tea may not be anothers cup of tea, and putting down what you personally dont like is not a pretty trait. I also hope you wont be writing in a few months slamming all Thai women because your concept of what you project upon on them has been burst! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 IMHO, a refreshing outlook on dating in Thailand. Refreshing in that I don't get to read this kind of description on here very often. Anyway... I imagined a series of flippant, bitter replies. And I was not disappointed, they are rolling in. The first guy thought the OP was living a perfect life, as though a positive commentary on dating connotes perfection. In the second reply, the guy, like a lawyer, wants the OP to explain an earlier post when the OP said "mind games," as though the OP literally meant "mind games" and not something deeper. In the third reply, the person thinks the post is "interesting," and then questions the OP's "age bracket," as though this will help explain his positive story on dating in Thailand. Because surely, the OP can't be over 40. In the fourth reply, with humor, the person makes a connection to the difference between a bar girl and a professional girl being about professionalism, the professional girl being highly professional in her plan to, I guess, get at his money. And then in the fifth post, the one above mine, the smug reply refers to the yellow brick road of a fairy tale. Too funny. A refreshing outlook in your opinion, however, i see it tainted by his own negative views. Funny that thing called perspective! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BookMan Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 In the third reply, the person thinks the post is "interesting," and then questions the OP's "age bracket," as though this will help explain his positive story on dating in Thailand. Because surely, the OP can't be over 40. You have gotten it wrong in my case. I asked his age bracket as a perspective on his experience in life and dating in general. I thought he was in his 50s or 60s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FolkGuitar Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 In the third reply, the person thinks the post is "interesting," and then questions the OP's "age bracket," as though this will help explain his positive story on dating in Thailand. Because surely, the OP can't be over 40. You have gotten it wrong in my case. I asked his age bracket as a perspective on his experience in life and dating in general. I thought he was in his 50s or 60s. I was expecting 50's or 60's as well. I don't think that at 40 I had even an inkling of understanding of the opposite sex. However, as I also am not a drinker, smoker, or bar hanger-out, It's nice to know that there are expats in Chiang Mai who are able to find just the sort of partners they are looking for without needing to follow more traditional expat routes. As for the nay-sayers and non-believers, we need to keep in mind that people don't see things as they are. We see things as we are... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weary Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 we need to keep in mind that people don't see things as they are. We see things as we are... Quoted for truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post hellodolly Posted October 28, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) hahaha Semper you crack me up all the time mate with your one liners...to go and see you at the party will be worth the entry price mate ! Somnambulist - The mind games are simple mate....too many men have become too localized in their thinking and allow the women to trample over them ...to ruin their self confidence and to lead them like cows. Men are engineered to take care of women and to feel good about that, you need to feel the ego rush, the leadership position in the relationship and also to feel it is validated. So the mind games are not mean ones to cheat or to lie...an easy example ..... how many men are stumped by this question from the women " how do I look today " and praying to your gods you answer it correctly based on looking at their moods and thei body language...a mind game I do with this is instead of being trapped in this...I take notice of their dressing and tell them my preference in colors, styles etc and viola before you know it ...the woman getting the praise start to wear your fav styles and colors and you dont have to answer these questions anymore without feeling like walking thru a minefield. mind games also means playing it smart in front of her and her family...start to take notice of their preferences, their likes and dislikes and before you know it, they do respect you coz your remember. For a woman, this is important to emotional attachment and that they matter to you...these are mind games mate I talk about. Mind Games are just that ....play them well and the women, their families will respect you. I dont have a perfect life and coming close to my 40s, the lessons learnt helped me to choose better...so it would be a northern girl with charm. May be it is just me but I a getting the feeling that you avoid truths with tact. In other words you do not allow them to know the real you. One other point I have is what kind of a screening system do you have so as only professional women are in your dating scene. My wife and I get along wonderful and I do not have to spend time with flattery to tell her I like or dislike some thing. I personally think you are cheating yourself by only dating professional women. That of course is not true if you do it so you can feel you are more important than others. There are a lot of non professional women out there who are not working the sex trade and do not have the high standards you seem to search out. But they do have a kind and giving heart. These women could teach you some thing about the Thai culture. Not just the monied portion which is a very very small part of the Thai culture. One other thing you could learn from them is the joy of contributing to a family. I would not trade all the wonderful things you get from these professional women for the one moment of joy my wife got out of me agreeing to pay two years of collage for her oldest son. He is in his late 20s married with a little baby and seeking to improve his future. Same as when I agreed to pay for the daughter to upgrade to Nurse aide. You can never experience the joy of real giving of your self untill you become willing and open up to others. Edited October 28, 2012 by hellodolly 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddhaMind Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 IMHO, a refreshing outlook on dating in Thailand. Refreshing in that I don't get to read this kind of description on here very often. Anyway... I imagined a series of flippant, bitter replies. And I was not disappointed, they are rolling in. The first guy thought the OP was living a perfect life, as though a positive commentary on dating connotes perfection. In the second reply, the guy, like a lawyer, wants the OP to explain an earlier post when the OP said "mind games," as though the OP literally meant "mind games" and not something deeper. In the third reply, the person thinks the post is "interesting," and then questions the OP's "age bracket," as though this will help explain his positive story on dating in Thailand. Because surely, the OP can't be over 40. In the fourth reply, with humor, the person makes a connection to the difference between a bar girl and a professional girl being about professionalism, the professional girl being highly professional in her plan to, I guess, get at his money. And then in the fifth post, the one above mine, the smug reply refers to the yellow brick road of a fairy tale. Too funny. A refreshing outlook in your opinion, however, i see it tainted by his own negative views. Funny that thing called perspective! I may not have enough information on the OP, if that's what you mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
true blue Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 the guys having you on,propaly some bullshit wannbe giglo,lots of guys who have been here a while,have progressed from the bar girl,massage lady karoke girls, to shop assistants, house reps. promotion girls,nurses ect,and everyone of them at some stage wanted two things of you, take care of her family and security.thats the way ive seen it anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daoyai Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 hahaha Semper you crack me up all the time mate with your one liners...to go and see you at the party will be worth the entry price mate ! Somnambulist - The mind games are simple mate....too many men have become too localized in their thinking and allow the women to trample over them ...to ruin their self confidence and to lead them like cows. Men are engineered to take care of women and to feel good about that, you need to feel the ego rush, the leadership position in the relationship and also to feel it is validated. So the mind games are not mean ones to cheat or to lie...an easy example ..... how many men are stumped by this question from the women " how do I look today " and praying to your gods you answer it correctly based on looking at their moods and thei body language...a mind game I do with this is instead of being trapped in this...I take notice of their dressing and tell them my preference in colors, styles etc and viola before you know it ...the woman getting the praise start to wear your fav styles and colors and you dont have to answer these questions anymore without feeling like walking thru a minefield. mind games also means playing it smart in front of her and her family...start to take notice of their preferences, their likes and dislikes and before you know it, they do respect you coz your remember. For a woman, this is important to emotional attachment and that they matter to you...these are mind games mate I talk about. Mind Games are just that ....play them well and the women, their families will respect you. I dont have a perfect life and coming close to my 40s, the lessons learnt helped me to choose better...so it would be a northern girl with charm. May be it is just me but I a getting the feeling that you avoid truths with tact. In other words you do not allow them to know the real you. One other point I have is what kind of a screening system do you have so as only professional women are in your dating scene. My wife and I get along wonderful and I do not have to spend time with flattery to tell her I like or dislike some thing. I personally think you are cheating yourself by only dating professional women. That of course is not true if you do it so you can feel you are more important than others. There are a lot of non professional women out there who are not working the sex trade and do not have the high standards you seem to search out. But they do have a kind and giving heart. These women could teach you some thing about the Thai culture. Not just the monied portion which is a very very small part of the Thai culture. One other thing you could learn from them is the joy of contributing to a family. I would not trade all the wonderful things you get from these professional women for the one moment of joy my wife got out of me agreeing to pay two years of collage for her oldest son. He is in his late 20s married with a little baby and seeking to improve his future. Same as when I agreed to pay for the daughter to upgrade to Nurse aide. You can never experience the joy of real giving of your self untill you become willing and open up to others. Well said Dolly, IF you are only speaking for yourself, at his age, L.Chee is rolling on a different track. But I know the drama can and does happen with women of every social strata. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Semper Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Dating Women In Chiang Mai Is Not That Hard Who said it was? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 There's one born every minute. But luckily most aren't usually this big a buffalo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellodolly Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 the guys having you on,propaly some bullshit wannbe giglo,lots of guys who have been here a while,have progressed from the bar girl,massage lady karoke girls, to shop assistants, house reps. promotion girls,nurses ect,and everyone of them at some stage wanted two things of you, take care of her family and security.thats the way ive seen it anyway. I think it dosen't matter what level the Thai women comes from they all want security. It is just a part of their upbringing. It took me over two years to convince my wife I was not going to abandon her. She would try the usual buy a house open a business. (I am retired) Finally I got it thru to her that I was not leaving her and I was not buying any thing that I could not walk away from. Six years and going strong. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thailand Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I can't wait for the movie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hml367 Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Words I once heard: "If a man is not Thai, born in Thailand, and lived most of their lives in Thailand (all three), they will never know how Thai females think. The Thai men that were born in Thailand and lived all of their lives in Thailand sometimes don't know. When a foreigner thinks they know how a Thai female thinks, they are right where the Thai female wants them." MSPain 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellodolly Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 hahaha Semper you crack me up all the time mate with your one liners...to go and see you at the party will be worth the entry price mate ! Somnambulist - The mind games are simple mate....too many men have become too localized in their thinking and allow the women to trample over them ...to ruin their self confidence and to lead them like cows. Men are engineered to take care of women and to feel good about that, you need to feel the ego rush, the leadership position in the relationship and also to feel it is validated. So the mind games are not mean ones to cheat or to lie...an easy example ..... how many men are stumped by this question from the women " how do I look today " and praying to your gods you answer it correctly based on looking at their moods and thei body language...a mind game I do with this is instead of being trapped in this...I take notice of their dressing and tell them my preference in colors, styles etc and viola before you know it ...the woman getting the praise start to wear your fav styles and colors and you dont have to answer these questions anymore without feeling like walking thru a minefield. mind games also means playing it smart in front of her and her family...start to take notice of their preferences, their likes and dislikes and before you know it, they do respect you coz your remember. For a woman, this is important to emotional attachment and that they matter to you...these are mind games mate I talk about. Mind Games are just that ....play them well and the women, their families will respect you. I dont have a perfect life and coming close to my 40s, the lessons learnt helped me to choose better...so it would be a northern girl with charm. May be it is just me but I a getting the feeling that you avoid truths with tact. In other words you do not allow them to know the real you. One other point I have is what kind of a screening system do you have so as only professional women are in your dating scene. My wife and I get along wonderful and I do not have to spend time with flattery to tell her I like or dislike some thing. I personally think you are cheating yourself by only dating professional women. That of course is not true if you do it so you can feel you are more important than others. There are a lot of non professional women out there who are not working the sex trade and do not have the high standards you seem to search out. But they do have a kind and giving heart. These women could teach you some thing about the Thai culture. Not just the monied portion which is a very very small part of the Thai culture. One other thing you could learn from them is the joy of contributing to a family. I would not trade all the wonderful things you get from these professional women for the one moment of joy my wife got out of me agreeing to pay two years of collage for her oldest son. He is in his late 20s married with a little baby and seeking to improve his future. Same as when I agreed to pay for the daughter to upgrade to Nurse aide. You can never experience the joy of real giving of your self untill you become willing and open up to others. Well said Dolly, IF you are only speaking for yourself, at his age, L.Chee is rolling on a different track. But I know the drama can and does happen with women of every social strata. Yes because of my age I am on a different track. Like I tell my fiends who are still working and trying to save money. I tell them I am where you are trying to get to. Not rich but a guaranteed income for the rest of my life. It is more than enough so I do some times waste money. I am 70 and some times it is just plain nice to be a little extravagant. I do have a little money put away for when I die the wife will not be left broke and some for my three boys. Two of them have told me to not worry about them to go ahead and spend it on my self. So yes you are right we are on a different track. But what I said about the joy of giving when you can see the tangible results and only surmise at the amount of other people who will benefit by it is priceless. My wife is Thai through and through yet she actually broke out crying she was so grateful. That is a part of the culture I would never have expected. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daoyai Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 yea they can be good criers 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mamborobert Posted October 28, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 28, 2012 the guys having you on,propaly some bullshit wannbe giglo,lots of guys who have been here a while,have progressed from the bar girl,massage lady karoke girls, to shop assistants, house reps. promotion girls,nurses ect,and everyone of them at some stage wanted two things of you, take care of her family and security.thats the way ive seen it anyway. I think it dosen't matter what level the Thai women comes from they all want security. It is just a part of their upbringing. It took me over two years to convince my wife I was not going to abandon her. She would try the usual buy a house open a business. (I am retired) Finally I got it thru to her that I was not leaving her and I was not buying any thing that I could not walk away from. Six years and going strong. Never a truer word spoken. It took wifey two years to actually believe that I really did not care if she went out for a few hours to visit friends/shop/dentist appointment etc and that I would still be home when she came back, and that her going out was not going to automatically mean that I would be out the door looking for wifey mark 2. For a while I thought I had two shadows. In that two years she pressed me for a house (grand sum of 600 000 baht by the way) in San Kampeng. I am not sure of this was low expectations of my net worth or a desire to certainly have "something" to fall back on when I perhaps left her for god knows what (top of my list would probably be a well done steak dianne and a good Margaret River Cab Sav). Not getting into the "all Thai husbands are bad" argument at all. I know some terrific marriages and some duds...and the Farang/Thai relationships to my mind are no different (an perhaps reflect on a concurrent post concerning the lack of planning/funds some have when moving to CM) . Certainly makes you think what is the cause of this uncertainty. I am leaning towards this lack of confidence reflects their observations/experiences of husbands in general (in Thailand), the lower standing of woman across all social levels, and the changing nature of Thai society, in particular smaller family sizes with aspirational children coupled with rising costs and increased life expectancy, where children can no longer be relied upon to be a defacto retirement fund. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oscar2 Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 amusing post LawrenceChee. haven't read thru them all but it sounds like a few members here married insecure women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thailand Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 A friend bought me a book for my birthday entitled "Everything men know about women" It contained 80 pages. Every one of them blank. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LawrenceChee Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 Funny how the word dating "professional" woman means a pants suit monied person...professional means they have a job with a defined job description like bank teller, owner of a small curtain shop, admin support for an insurance ocmpany ? Well at least years of HR tells me that ...so must be a miscom Dolly. I come back from a middle class family background...and have no quibs enjoying the high life my current profession allows me and also enjoy the quiet moments living with the locals. Done both spectrums and love both. Age has nothing to do with relationships...plenty of youthful and older ignorance ...just depends on how much you are willing to give, As for not giving any flattery...maybe you are one of the lucky ones...99% of the women I met in my life from the colleagues, cleaners at the apartment including my mother loves to hear flattery...hahahahahahah This reminds me of a simlar posting I did earlier...it seems having standards or requirements or likes / dislikes is not the norm in this forum :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicog Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Dating Women In Chiang Mai Is Not That Hard..... Who said it was? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Funny how the word dating "professional" woman means a pants suit monied person...professional means they have a job with a defined job description like bank teller, owner of a small curtain shop, admin support for an insurance ocmpany ? Well at least years of HR tells me that ...so must be a miscom Dolly. In the UK, professional is restricted to members of a profession, which means being a member of an institute with a royal charter. Years of study, a degree, and an exam set by the appropriate institute at the very minimum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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