Jump to content

Young Men Giving Up On Marriage.


I Like Thai

Recommended Posts

quite honestly I don't know a single woman who would want to marry someone who thinks that feminism & womens rights are a bad thing. Pretty much everyone I know is married. Feminism doesn't teach women that men are the enemy, some women might think it due to circumstanced in their life just as many men (large percentage of this foirum imo) think women are the enemy because of the circumstance in their lives.

It is bull like this article that fuels a battle that doesn't really exist for most poeple, it panders tot he tiny minority who have an agenda to hate.

This article has zero merit for anyone who can think & knows the true meaning of feminism & equality.

If you think feminism and equality is number one then that explains why men don't want to marry. Marriage is about sacrifice and sharing. I don't hear that in your post.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Women have changed and they wonder why men don't want to marry. Men really haven't changed that much, but women have changed 1000%. Men will compromise but not totally yield like you expect. So what is the problem? If you don't see it, you don't want to see it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see more younger people of both genders moving to Thailand and what they have in common is that they are single... Being married and raising kids can keep you close to home.

As other posters have commented, people are rejecting some of societies previous dictates, such as: "When are you getting married/" Then "When are you having kids. Why should every one have children?

Feminisim usually creeps into these discussions, woman say its not the issue and men say it is. The truth is most likely in the middle, its a factor but not a deal breaker...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The issue is narcissism. For whatever reason, it is skyrocketing. People are not getting married as often because they will never meet someone who loves themselves as much as they do. I don't know how anyone can abandon their children or who doesn't want to have children. If you seriously don't want children in your life EVER - you are probably a narcissist.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I am a young man from the USA. Here are the reasons I won't get married to an American girl:

1. Divorce in the USA is quite common and some sources say more than 2/3rds of them are initiated by the woman. Typically they are for faultless reasons, usually because the woman gets bored. I have seen first hand examples of this from friends and acquaintances where the guy really did nothing wrong. Divorce is an expensive and extremely painful process.

2. Alimony laws are unfair against men. If the woman starts earning more at some point in the relationship it is unlikely that the man will actually be given an award from the court. The award in general also seems arbitrary. Why should it be tied to the success of either partner at all, instead of some base payment or at least tied to what the other partner would have earned?

3. Family court is very unfair. Custody is given to the woman in most cases. Even if a man gets custody he seems to have to pay child support in most cases. It makes no sense to me.

4. It is pointless. I can still have a family and start a relationship without getting married. This will minimize these types of risks for me. Tied into this, the only reason I would be willing to get married is to provide my partner with immigration benefits. So if I find a foreign girl that I want to start a family back in the USA with then the risks become worthwhile.

5. The marriage itself is expensive and a huge waste of money. This is a minor reason compared to the other ones.

6. I want to find a partner that carries her weight *and* is beautiful. This means someone that either take care of all household duties (cooking, cleaning, child care) or that will work to help offset the increase costs of maids, eating out and day care. I think finding such a girl in the USA is going to be *VERY* difficult, despite being a reasonably good looking guy that does well for himself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

Also a young man here, with many unmarried - not womanless - friends.

The general feeling is that western women no longer know how to contribute anything but sex in a relationship. No homemaking skills, self absorbed.

Why buy the cow when you can drink the milk? Sex without strings attached is pretty easy to find in feminist countries, so why give up your freedom for that alone? Bring children into the picture and you're generally screwed once the state sides with the mother - as they always do.

I'd actually like to start a family, so I am hoping things will change, otherwise it will have to be a foreign woman.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^^lol, what dross. Contribute nothing? What exactly do you think you contribute.

Not a day goes by without seeing on my facebook someone getting engaged, going to or having a wedding or celebrating a wedding anniversary. ALl western couples. These people don't view their relationships as some tit for tat experiences where one has to be better or have the upper hand of the other. They contribute equally in their own ways & using their own skills or abilities.

I don't really think the limited views of men on this forum are a good indication of women anywhere, least alone in the west.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oddly, i have become one of the world's experts on this topic area.

I have ended up published in a peer-reviewed journal on the rise of the shaming of men to man-up and marry. I have analysed the extraordinary growth in the 'manosphere' on the internet (google it) and looked at the desperate situation for female graduates in the anglo-saxon settler states.

The dominant framing in a death spiral of silence remains oblique on the obvious point of marriage: it is a cartel on the access to sex. The intellectual gymnastics required to come up with other stories won't change this core point.

Thailand is part of the cartel-breaching process of globalization. Men can do travel to break the cartel that hinders male desire.

Obviously this is far more nuanced and complicated than I've written, but once my article is on Google scholar you can read all about the complex confluences of factors that mean Anglo-saxon settler state women can't find men to marry.

Hi again,

Please could you share the paper? I would like to read it. You can PM me if you prefer not to post publicly?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Its interesting to me how many men assume that all women use marriage as a trap and that it is the ultimate goal for women.

Google marriage rates in Japan and see how thrilled Japanese women are to get married. I know many western women who choose not to get married because they don't want to be tied down to a man who may or may not prove reliable (and by this I do not mean financially but in every other way).

Marriage is a two way street guys, something a few of you seem to have forgotten.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I wouldn't give too much credit to any source from Fox. I doubt most young men are looking at women in that way. Most likely, I'd guess, the hesitance is economic. Salaries are at an all-time economically adjusted low, while the cost of raising a child is astronomical.

---------------

This is a worldwide thing.

In many countries, both males and females are delaying marriage and especially having children even in marriage.

At least some of that is due to the economic reasons for delaying having children and/or marriage that you mention is one of the main causes.

As you say, real income as measured by spending power is declining, and at the same time the cost of raising children is increasing.

But that is a complicated topic, and not really relevant to the basic point of this discussion, so I'll just let it go.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 8 months later...

I am by no means a young man but marriage really does not appeal to me. I was married for 14 years to a lovely Cambodian lady I met here in the United States. When we decided to call it quits some 9 years ago I was sure I would be re-married in a couple of years. I have dated some very beautiful and sweet women from all over the world. But at 53 now I no longer feel the need to get married. I was very lucky the first time around and we ended our marriage as friends and on very fair terms. But who knows what would happen had it been someone else. Also I enjoy my freedom and own company a great deal. Hell I don't even like sleeping with someone. I'm not talking about Sex but actually sharing bed space. Lol.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i have mentioned before that im not fond on the typical marriage - ie legal commitment.

since when should a relationship with another human need imposing with legal requirements or a religion?

you stay together or you dont, if a ceremony is that important why not have a small gathering and make a commitment for 1 year and 1 day, if after that time you both feel different then go your seperate ways.
people would work a lot harder in the relationship too if they knew just how impermanent it is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

I would say that in the end men and women still have to live amongst one another....obviously.

That being the case and unavoidable, then both women and men have to learn to be far, far more tolerant of one another in all respects while cohabitating together and marriage requires all the more tolerance of one another.

Everyone knows that men and women are fundamentally different in their thinking and attitudes and their agendas in life so close habitation in the form of marriage will truly test the patience and tolerance of both parties on a daily basis.

In the end you could say that most people can cohabitate and or tolerate one another while many can not and should not even attempt to be married....but how can you know??....... while most people are thinking to give it a try and if it works, it works and if it does not, then it does not and move on and move away ..so to speak....which is what is commonly occurring rather than trying to tolerate one another.

Meantime it is not what it used to be while the way it used to be was during a different era so it is hard to make comparisons that suit todays modern environment.

Meantime, marriage is becoming distasteful...but sex is still appealing and that aspect is what usually  leads up to marriage...so.... as long as men and women pursue sex with the opposite sex then marriage will eventually become part of the sexual relationship for many couples.

It seems if the "bonking is good" many couples eventually get married...lol

Cheers

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have heard of less people marrying but not that younger generations of men are noticably less into marrying. Since religion and social pressure has become a lot less over the decades people are no longer 'forced' to marry. That probably explains the decline for the most part. I don't know of any men who see marriage as a 'trap',  I'd stay well away from such people. Besides, a divorce is not that difficult to get and with the proper paperwork one spouse can't cheat the other out of a fortune. Courts -in NL atleast- less and less automatically grant custody to the woman so divorce means less and less often that the woman gets to keep all the fun and benefits (free money, the children, the house, ....) and the man ends up having to pay and give up all. Infact the Dutch plan on allowing a married couple without children to skip the whole going to court and simply end the marriage with a simply signature at the townhall. If you can enter marriage with a simple signature, why not end it the same way if both partners are fine with that  if no others are affected? 

My wife (Thai) and I got married after a while. She first immigrated and after 2 years we got married because emotionally it felt right. That was the only reason to get married, to make it more formal.  That traveling trough the entire EU/EEA rather than just Schengen area would also become easier was a nice bonus. Never worried about financial benefits or drawbacks. There really we no significant consequences so the only real risk would have been a very cold, hateful divorce. But the risk of that seemed minimal, I don't know any people who had such an unfair and brutal divorce but they do ofcourse excist. So no, my wife and I were happily married. She passed away and really I only have two questions for myself. Can I ever love a woman that much again? Maybe, I'm still young (early 30s) and the world is full of magnificent people. But maybe not, since part of me finds it difficult to once more give my heart when I already did once before. And how giving something away of which you only have one might be a challenge...  Can I ever get myself to marry again? I really do not know. That is something that one can only know when the time feels right. 

 

But to return to the question: don't buy into headlines so easily. Wait for numerous objective reports over a longer timespan to see what the trend seems to be. And most importantly, don't worry. Do what you think is right, hopefully meet that one special person and see how the relationship works from there. Most important thing being mutual respect, love,  fun, completing eachother, putting the other person first. If a ring does or does not come into the picture is not something to get really worked up about.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
On 27.1.2013 at 8:32 AM, Plastic Brontosaurus said:

I guess because of my traditional upbringing I'm more inclined to seek out a partner who enjoys being looked after (as in being provided for), and in turn enjoys looking after me (as in being the devoted wife in a more or less traditional sense). This also means I expect her not to go out with others without me apart from very occasionally (not like every week, and going on holidays without me, etc.). I see a benefit of marriage here as particularly the woman is more protected (legally) in that case: she may not have an independent income, particularly after kids are born and she looks after them, and thus marriage acts as a safeguard. And also, because the relationship is traditional, getting married would be the traditional thing to do. It feels good within the context so to speak.

This sounds like a very healthy relationship. Good luck with that!

On 26.1.2013 at 10:35 AM, swlondonmum said:

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am a guy but i am disappointed that despite the Op's request i have not read a single realistic defence of 'Feminism' by man or woman on this site. Something is clearly causing a move away from marriage in younger people, those causes may well be multiple but Feminism will be one of the reasons !

 

I suspect almost every guy believes in equality but equality and feminism are different. In many respects modern day feminism has been incredibly succeeful in achieving very signifucant rights (fine) for women. However Feminism is a leaderless movement with very unclear aims and goals (Feminism can be whatever you want it to be placards) There are powerful leading Feminists wth extreme views and there are plain and simple invented / unsubstantited / misleading claims  about certain subjects such as unequal pay / rape culture / abuse etc.

 

I think the OP is correct Feminsm (as it currently stands in many Western societies) is damaging to female / male relationhips. It will be interesting to see how things develop in the future. It is also of interest that the countries that have made the biggest strides forwards in terms of workplace provision for shared parenting (which potentially seems a way forward to me)  eg Holland / Scandinavia  have the highest of high divorce rates.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/22/2013 at 6:26 PM, Boo said:

quite honestly I don't know a single woman who would want to marry someone who thinks that feminism & womens rights are a bad thing.

 

Womens rights are not a bad thing, 3rd wave feminism is pretty unpleasant !

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/22/2013 at 6:26 PM, Boo said:

 

This article has zero merit for anyone who can think & knows the true meaning of feminism & equality.

 

So if we achieve equality why is there any need for 'Feminism'?  And what is the true meaning of Feminism, i have read lots of things about it from all perspectives but cant find the true meaning. Maybe an explanation of this would assist the OP.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Take a modern couple. Let's call him "W" and her "K". They meet at university and shack up together. They continue to be shacked up for 10+ years. No-one remarks on this being at all unusual. However "W" is a VIP. As yet they have no children. So as to have children they decide to marry. Why marry? Because we can't have a bastard inheriting W's status and fortune. That's it. That's the only reason to get married - so there's no argument about the legitimacy of the children and their right to inherit. After marrying "W" & "K" have a son "G" and then a daughter "C". I'm sure by now you've worked out who this lovely, modern couple are, forced to get married to satisfy the demands of a patriarchal, property-based institution.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...
On 1/26/2013 at 6:53 AM, MacChine said:

Amen to that. ^ Any chance to give a dig to feminists.

Maybe marriage is outdated, its religious roots are failing, the inception of it when we lived to be 35 has given way to decades of sexual boredom. done, time has past.

Japan is especially worried as young women are so sick of keeping house and working, they are saying no to marriage and kids.

We never lived to be 35. The mortality rate was high in the past because a lot of babies died young. If we have 4 people, and 2 died at age 0 and the other 2 at age 70 then the mortality rate would be 35..People have had the same lifespan throughout human history..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.




×
×
  • Create New...