Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Kurt and Jack, two aged - husband of blondes -, met in a mall.



Kurt, "Where have you been for the past so many months?"

Jack, "I was in the prision."

Kurt, "Why? What happened?"

Jack, "Well, I was here in this mall about three months back, and a beautiful young lady comes up with a policeman and points at me saying, 'Officer thats the man who attacked me and then raped me'."

Kurt, "And did you really rape her at this age?"

Jack, "Na, but i was so flattered, I admitted to it."

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 104
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

She was so blonde that……

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She thought that a quarter back was a refund.

She tripped over the cordless phone.

At the bottom of her job application, where it says "Sign Here", she put 'Sagittarius'

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were committed around the home, she moved.

It took her months to figure out that she could tune into AM radio at night.

She was staring at the frozen orange juice just because it said "Concentrate".

She thinks that Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.

She told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

When she was on the highway going to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned round and went home.

She studied for a blood test and failed.

It takes her 2 hours to watch "60 Minutes".

She looked into a box of "Cheerios" and said "Oh look! Donut seeds".

Sterling stuff!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

A blond and a brunette walking on a sidewalk fall into a deep hole which they can't get out themselfs.So the blond starts screaming help! help! Nobody seems to hear them so he brunette says maybe if we shout together we will make a better chance.So the blond starts screaming,together! together! together!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

Did you hear about the blonde that goes to a saloon to get her hair trimmed?



Well this blonde, she goes to a saloon listening to her iPod.

She goes in, tells the hairdresser to give her a good hair-cut, but she would not take off her headphone, insisting that she can't live without listening to them all the time.

No amount of explanation by the hair-dresser, that the hair-cut might not come out nice, would persuade her, so the hair-dresser gives her a hair-cut with the headphones on.

Half way into the hair-cut the blonde fell asleep, so the hair-dresser took off her headphones thinking that she will not know he did that.

As soon as he took off the headphones the blonde collapsed and went into a fit.

The hair-dresser took the headphones and put them to his ear to listen what the blonde was listening too.

And what do you think it was?

<>

<<>>

<<<>>>

<<<<>>>>

<<<<<>>>>>

<<<<<<>>>>>>

<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>

<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>

<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Breathe In - Breathe Out ... Breathe In - Breathe Out ... Breathe In - Breathe Out ....."

Link to post
Share on other sites

A blonde comes out of the toilet one morning, after having a spicy thai dinner the night before and exclaimes to her friend waiting to use the looo.



"Now I understand why thai's use water to wash their backside, bloody tissue could catch fire man!!"

Link to post
Share on other sites

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

Link to post
Share on other sites

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Link to post
Share on other sites

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Link to post
Share on other sites

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

Link to post
Share on other sites

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.

The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.

She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

Link to post
Share on other sites

Question and answer blonde jokes

Q: How do blonde braincells die?

A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?

A: Blow in her ear.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?

A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?

A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?

A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?

A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

Link to post
Share on other sites

Boat troubles

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.

After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.

Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.


×
×
  • Create New...