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ozzy111

Giving the extended family a piece of my mind

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this is totally outside of my experience in Thailand with wife and kids.

Very unusual scenario. Not sure what's going on here. Seems like separation of the nuclear from the extended. rare in Thailand in my view.

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I would say that you had a chance to nip this in the bud 10 years ago and the opportunity is now lost. You didn't establish your place in the pecking order and have been relegated to your present position. Face was lost a long time ago but your recent outburst has just crystalised it for everybody concerned.

How to remedy it? I haven't got a clue, but I doubt the situation will improve much with time.

Thai's really do not mean anything when talking about appearances, it is a cluture thing. saew one the other day at the temple who told the monk that he has gotten fat! must be eating to much! everyone including the monk laughed and no malace was intended.

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Well done to the OP.

And sod their petty reactions. At least you are better off without their constant bickering, snide remarks and bitching.

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Wifey is central to all this. what does she say OP.?

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A real and possible solution.

Have a meeting with the families involved (all together, offer food and drinks) and explain what they are or have been doing is not good behavior and it upsets your family and it is not the Thai way.

Tell them you wish to be part of the family and do not want to be upset with them. Let them know you have respect for them but if it continues your respect will falter.

Also ask them why do they behave like this.

Trust me, this will cause them to lose face unless they respond correctly.

Worth a try, it worked for me.

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reverse psychology with the concept of face sounds like Australian rules to me

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A real and possible solution.

Have a meeting with the families involved (all together, offer food and drinks) and explain what they are or have been doing is not good behavior and it upsets your family and it is not the Thai way.

Tell them you wish to be part of the family and do not want to be upset with them. Let them know you have respect for them but if it continues your respect will falter.

Also ask them why do they behave like this.

Trust me, this will cause them to lose face unless they respond correctly.

Worth a try, it worked for me.

Right - and make sure they empty their pockets of free food and drink before they leave.

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Never mind the face check the pocket eh Card.

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For family, I pretty much express my displeasure in a straightforward way.

For the village, if someone is going around saying negative things about me or the family, I use a technique I guess I learned here subconsciously--just stop talking to them. Almost INEVITABLY, they will come to you at some point or address you in a friendly manner and ask you a question. Your answer.....to ANYTHING they say or ask is "uh" (the Thai yes-grunt...don't know how to spell it). This drives them NUTS, but it is so slight that they would lose face if they confronted you about it (and you can always just say you are tired or hot....don't worry, they never ask or comment on your grunting).

This has worked for me several times for more moderate offenders. Eventually, they stop talking shizen or they at least hide it better. Once that is accomplished, I speak to them kindly again. Punishment and reward.

OP's case sounds extreme, though.

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punishment and rewards sounds like children and dogs

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punishment and rewards sounds like children and dogs

Um, yeah, but I didn't mean that about Thais, specifically. Believe me, there have been many foreign acquaintances and foreign (falang or whatever) coworkers I had to use the tactic on, and it works, too (different punishments and rewards in a work environment, though).

Of course, most people are nice and it never comes to this. But, for that small percentage that just doesn't get it, yes, you have to teach them how to behave with you. Oftentimes, they continue abusing others, but as long as you teach them not to mess with you, they will stop in your case. So, yeah, it is like children and dogs. Call me a cynic. whistling.gif

Edited by dao16

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OP is about family. Not factory. But maybe it will help.

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OP is about family. Not factory. But maybe it will help.

yeah.....different ways of going about it, but same result. Strangely enough, after I did it, I saw a Thai person doing it to another one. Like someone said to me a long time ago here "if Thais care about you, they will ask questions about what you are doing, etc. If they don't like you, they won't ask anything at all." Anyway, just an idea.

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'Strangely enough, after I did it, I saw a Thai person doing it to another one'.

If they want the control freak's money they will do anything that is necessary.

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I am a big lad my self. And I have a 4year old son who is big to but our bone are differnt then the thai poeple are so if they want to put a fihgt with my son they loooooosing

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