Time I got sober!

[Samaaw]

Good Luck - at this point in time you will become aware of who your real friends are !! It's not an easy road - but hang in there !

[Emdog]

"I also think you are being irresponsible in glibly dismissing AA as "susbtituting one addiction for another" and being based on a concept of being"a hopeless sinner". I have never heard any of these concepts in any meetings I have attended on four continents over the last ten years. If AA was based on being a "hopeless sinner" it would have crashed decades ago. Sober alcoholics as a general rule don't want sinfulness and conventional religion even though many of us, myself included, find ways to re-connect with religion as we get sober."

My view, which is my view, and you are entitled to yours, is that people get addicted to meetings. I agree that it is better than drinking. And the dire warnings that if one doesn't continue going to meetings, they will surely slip back into drink. There is a group think element to AA, and one doesn't like to risk bringing up topics that go against the canon of AA. The twelve steps include at least two religious elements: 1. I am powerless 2. I give myself over to a higher power. Which, by extension, means you are lower, right? Christianity hasn't crashed, so why should AA? AA is like a crutch, and crutches are fine if you have a broken leg. But when the leg heals, give up the crutch. But the idea that a person will be an alcoholic always (and of course spread the word, another religious facet, come to think of it) is a bit of a stretch. AA also has no better success rate than any other recovery plan. Drinking too much is a behavior, not a disease (people don't wake up and say "I think I'll have cancer today" but they do the behavior of picking up the drink), so deal with the behavior and remove the label "alcoholic", which seems a permanent identification. The only label that fits humans is "human" or some other physical characteristic. Beyond that is behavior, which is influenced by belief systems, such as the one promoted by AA. I suggest that if you want to be free of drinking, do it in a manner that respects your individual dignity and ability to make choices and follow up on that. It is harder in that you would have to take responsibility for your life and choices, but there is an element of freedom that is worth the effort. If you want to stop a behavior, stop the behavior. And yes, I have been to meetings.

[Bagwan]

I wish you well. The response to your laying of your chest bare has elicited a generous and heartwarming response from contributors which makes a nice change from much of the material. Try not to be alone, preferably seeking the company of somebody who knows all about your new mission.

[ironhorse10]

As a recovering Alcholic myself, I am glad to hear you took the first step, there is 12 steps to this program and its one step at a time. After 28 years of being sober I have to remind myself often that I am only one drink away for being drunk. That and with the help of my higher power, I will be sober the rest of my life. Its all about the first drink. Like you, I could not quit after the first drink. Good luck to you and if I can help in any way please let me know. As this is part of the 12th step. Please go to an AA meeting, find a sponser and work the steps. You will be surprised in no time. It just keeps getting better.

[ironhorse10]

As a recovering Alcholic myself, I am glad to hear you took the first step, there is 12 steps to this program and its one step at a time. After 28 years of being sober I have to remind myself often that I am only one drink away for being drunk. That and with the help of my higher power, I will be sober the rest of my life. Its all about the first drink. Like you, I could not quit after the first drink. Good luck to you and if I can help in any way please let me know. As this is part of the 12th step. Please go to an AA meeting, find a sponser and work the steps. You will be surprised in no time. It just keeps getting better.

[fire and ice]

best advice i canoffer is not to tell anyone you have given up and NEVER take pride in telling peopel you have not had a dirnk in XXX days/months.years as the telling can make you fell like you have achieved your goal and then you start drinking again. Same applies to stoppign smoking or any other vice for that matter.

[Globeman]

I really need to do same but weak. i even think i am now allergic to alcohol

sounds like you're allergic to lack of alcohol

that's not allergic - probably withdrawal symptoms!

He might be referring to feeling sickly when drinking. This is probably your body's attempt to tell you "Enough you bastard!! Quit punishing me!!" But we soldier on through it and as the pain-killing effect kicks in around pint #3, it doesn't seem so bad.

Following a week of weaning, I'm on day five of staying away from the booze on the heels of at least two years of daily drinking. I was conducting an interview a couple of weeks ago hung over (I can still do the job in that state, but I realised that the guys I was interviewing - both of them sharp and well presented - needed only to take one look at my face (never mind smell my breath from two paces) to make an accurate guess at where my priorities lie. I felt exposed and somewhat pathetic.

It's time to take a serious break and do a bit of clear-headed reflection. I'm not necessarily planning to stay off forever, but every time I do this, I'm amazed by how good it feels, and how I start dealing with problems that were being ignored, or that I was blaming on someone else - it is easy to talk yourself into a self righteous viewpoint when intoxicated... The wife is happier, work is easier, the money in my wallet stops disappearing on me, and my head is far more clear. And man, you have some intense dreams. A break is the best place to make a start when quitting forever seems unthinkable.

Good luck to the OP. I'd recommend attending at least one AA meeting. You don't have to confess to being an alcoholic - a big stumbling block for many of us - you can just sit in. They are very welcoming and understand all the different stages people can be at. You hear stories from guys who seriously hit rock bottom and lost everything - car, wife, house, job, the love of their children and their self-esteem... Some dove into alcoholism from the outset, while for others it took decades for the addiction to take hold. These are excellent cautionary tales, reminding you that you don't have to wait until your life has collapsed to do something about it.

I hope that doesn't sound preachy... To each his own, but for me, I can see growing problems on the horizon that I'd sooner avoid.

[bangkok blue]

Yeah, I found that out when I told a couple of my friends that I hadn't drank for 40 odd days. They found it a tad bizarre that I'd actually been counting. I've talked about my concerns on my drinking pattern with friends i have regularly gone to bars with. As they don't get the same feelings I do after a heavy night or they don't binge in the same manner it's difficult for them to relate with my issues with alcohol.

It's really weird, sometimes I can go out on a Friday, go home around 2am and the thought of getting on it again the next afternoon disgusts me. Other times for various reasons I think to myself why not have a couple on the balcony listening to some music. It's like my brain has a secret switch at times during my binge sessions. I can often go the working week without a drop. Sometimes, usually on Mondays after a heavy weekend i can't wait to finish work just to have one more beer to round off the previous weekend's drinking.

However the hangovers have got worse. To the point where I cancel dates or appointments or don't pitch for work. That's why I have to now change.

[theblether]

Congratulations on taking the first step. Many of us have had cause to question our relationship with alcohol, fewer have managed to correct it.

You have taken the first step, and the good news is there is plenty of support available here on the forum. Don't be afraid to ask for advice.

[Globeman]

As a recovering Alcholic myself, I am glad to hear you took the first step, there is 12 steps to this program and its one step at a time. After 28 years of being sober I have to remind myself often that I am only one drink away for being drunk. That and with the help of my higher power, I will be sober the rest of my life. Its all about the first drink. Like you, I could not quit after the first drink. Good luck to you and if I can help in any way please let me know. As this is part of the 12th step. Please go to an AA meeting, find a sponser and work the steps. You will be surprised in no time. It just keeps getting better.

A lot of people have a problem with the "higher power" step of the AA program - the world is teeming with atheists (Fox News is right!) I think this scares away a lot of people. An atheist friend who has been at AA for two years, with great success, told me that his higher power is 'gravity' - and you don't get much more powerful than that.

[Baerboxer]

"I also think you are being irresponsible in glibly dismissing AA as "susbtituting one addiction for another" and being based on a concept of being"a hopeless sinner". I have never heard any of these concepts in any meetings I have attended on four continents over the last ten years. If AA was based on being a "hopeless sinner" it would have crashed decades ago. Sober alcoholics as a general rule don't want sinfulness and conventional religion even though many of us, myself included, find ways to re-connect with religion as we get sober."

My view, which is my view, and you are entitled to yours, is that people get addicted to meetings. I agree that it is better than drinking. And the dire warnings that if one doesn't continue going to meetings, they will surely slip back into drink. There is a group think element to AA, and one doesn't like to risk bringing up topics that go against the canon of AA. The twelve steps include at least two religious elements: 1. I am powerless 2. I give myself over to a higher power. Which, by extension, means you are lower, right? Christianity hasn't crashed, so why should AA? AA is like a crutch, and crutches are fine if you have a broken leg. But when the leg heals, give up the crutch. But the idea that a person will be an alcoholic always (and of course spread the word, another religious facet, come to think of it) is a bit of a stretch. AA also has no better success rate than any other recovery plan. Drinking too much is a behavior, not a disease (people don't wake up and say "I think I'll have cancer today" but they do the behavior of picking up the drink), so deal with the behavior and remove the label "alcoholic", which seems a permanent identification. The only label that fits humans is "human" or some other physical characteristic. Beyond that is behavior, which is influenced by belief systems, such as the one promoted by AA. I suggest that if you want to be free of drinking, do it in a manner that respects your individual dignity and ability to make choices and follow up on that. It is harder in that you would have to take responsibility for your life and choices, but there is an element of freedom that is worth the effort. If you want to stop a behavior, stop the behavior. And yes, I have been to meetings.

Alcohol is a drug and effects people differently. Some can and do use it for relaxation without any problems. Some become violent when taking it, whilst others become addicted. If you are prone to becoming addicted to alcohol, and you will know that, then you have the choice to drink it or not. If you are wise, you will choose not to drink as it will ruin your life, just like any other addiction. This is indeed a behaviour choice. Similarly those who become violent when taking alcohol need to consider the wisdom of using this drug. It lessens the ability to reason and some people cannot handle this.

I'm not anti-alcohol per se. My late father was in the trade for many years, and I worked part-time in nightclubs for many years too. That gave me the opportunity to see the effects alcohol has on different people. It's a drug that effects people's physical and mental capability. Over use will give bad effects, and some people are more intolerant than others.

To the OP - given your circumstances, you have made a wise and sensible decision sir. I wish you good luck and hope you maintain your sobriety. As many posters have said, avoid that first drink. You are taking the drug back into your system.

[drdoom6996]

I found it easier than I expected. Been sober for 4 years 10 months and 7 days. Good Luck to you.

[Torrens54]

Wishing you all the best. I had trouble giving up smoking but with the help and understanding of my wife and our daughter, managed to do it several years ago.

Just remember... If you "fall off the wagon" and I hope you don't but just GET BACK ON THE WAGON ans as others here have said, let us know how you're going....at least we can offer you our support!

[Skorz]

Always good to say these things in public as the recourse and personal punishment of climbing down off your no-booze mission is a personal and public let-down. I stopped a couple of years ago after about 15 years of false starts. Everybody has their own way of doing this but I'd like to share the experience I went through. Most importantly is the time scales which I think are pretty typical based upon other non-drinkers I've spoken to.

1. Alcoholics Anonymous/12 step program made no difference to me personally, and I tried it numerous times. In fact I found it unhelpful and demeaning. Those in AA basically resign themselves to eternal submission and remorse. There is no recovery and definitive finishing line in AA - you admit that you will be an alcoholic forever and will be 'sick' until your last breath is gasped. Personally I found this near apocalyptic in comprehension as I wanted closure in my booze sodden past. To stress, AA saves lives and the program does work for some people, it does great work and provides a brilliant support structure, it just wasn't for me.

2, in reference to the above this is my current mindset. I am no longer an alcoholic because I don't drink. As soon as I take a drink I will become an alcoholic. To borrow a phrase from AA, I do indeed 'take one day at a time'. Much easier - and that's what it's all about. Make your life as easy and as uncomplicated as possible. Booze does the opposite to a person, it turns their life into the contents of a washing machine on full spin. Not only are you drunk, your brain is fried, you have no money, you can't function, you have no friends, you stink, you talk shit and everybody thinks you're a sad, hopeless <deleted>. Of course, you also loath yourself and wish you were dead. Being a piss head is rubbish. Oh, and you die very early.

3. It took me 12 months of not drinking for me to feel normal and happy. This was broken down into several stages:

First 12 hours - You're still drunk but tremendous sense of relief that you've made the move. Trepidation at what lies ahead. White knuckled ride of clearing the empties away, telling everybody you're on the wagon etc. This is when you have to cut off all links to alcohol if you want a fighting chance. inother words cut off drinking buddies, no booze in the house whatsoever and take lots of showers to wash the stink off.

first three days - terror, shakes, cramps, sweats, proper withdrawal, Bright red face, blood pressure off the charts. High level insanity and paranoia. Purgatory.

three to fourteen days - flue symptoms and uncontrollable shame and regret.

two weeks to 12 weeks - physical recovery, hope, but overwhelming desire to drink as a reward for being 'cured'. Started taking normal shits again

three to six months - semi normal, boring routine of every day life. Memory started to return to normal.

six to twelve months, as above but with rising sense of self respect and power. Still fragile and nagging urge to reward with a beer.

Post twelve months - normality, health and pride.

Looking back on it it was a hell of a ride.

One thing to remember about booze (and this is very important for addictive personality piss heads - you know who you are) - No matter how long your stay sober for, if you get back on it, alcohol abuse picks up where it left off, and with a vengeance. I don't know a single piss head who, after a period of sobriety, has reverted to normal and controlled drinking. Not one. I do know personally three who have died (39, 45 and 30) within three months of falling off the wagon, and I know of countless more who have ended up jobless, woman-less and homeless within a few months. Booze plays catchup on relapsed t-teetotallers - you can go form years sober to a physical wreck sleeping in a field in a couple of weeks.

In case you're wondering how I stayed off the sauce, I gave myself a routine. Wake up, put cross through the previous day on calendar to record total of non drinking days, count em (I count them every single day) and it gives you a sense ot achievement, victory. Smoke a fag, go to the market, cook breakfast, do banking, work stuff. Did the same every day until I was ready to socialise again, but as soon as the booze came out and the call for 'session on' raised it's head, I'd beat a hasty retreat. Back to the routine. I also tried eating fruit for the first time in 10 years. One of the things piss heads do is hate themselves for continuously breaking promises and letting down people they love. In punishment they treat themselves like crap and this (certainly for me anyway) involved almost deliberately eating terrible food, chain smoking, never exercising and deliberately annoying and alienating people who could otherwise provide some degree of help.

I guess I saved about a third of my income by not drinking and added thirty or so years to my life. Not a bad deal.

Hope this helps.

[impulse]

Regarding AA, I'd point out that there are AA groups that "fit", and other groups that don't. Groups take on personalities based on the people who attend and participate in the meetings. The fit for me is not so much about the groups as about me.

After my first few years, I traveled a lot around the US on business and found some groups were absolutely fantastic for me, some were mediocre, and others were downright unpleasant.

I found that even some of the most popular (and famous) meetings in Southern California with hundreds of people were not to my liking at all. But those 100's of people obviously liked them. So I found some other meetings in SoCal that did fit me.

I'd recommend trying a few different meetings before making any judgment on AA as a solution. It's not the only way to enjoy the heck out of being sober, but it worked and still works for a lot of us.

Edited October 8, 2013 by impulse

[h90]

I have the rule...no alcohol before 5PM.

Which is insufficient...

Trying to drink only 1 or 2 beer does not work.

Now establish 1-2 alcohol free days per week....but I have the feeling it would be easier to complete stop

[habfan]

Good luck to you, I did a similar thing some time back, also started exercising regularly (nothing heavy, just walking) and eating healthier.

It completely changed my life.

The first couple of weeks were the worst, as I had to find things to do to fill up the time I had been spending either drinking, being drunk, sleeping it off or walking around with a hangover. Amazing how much active free time I had on my hands.

Still have not managed to quit smoking though yet!

Cam

It's amazing... back when I was a heavy boozer I could sit in a bar for 10 hours and it would seem like an hour.

Now that those days are behind me it's amazing how long (in a good way) the day lasts and how many things I accomplish not to

mention being able to sleep through the night instead of those irratic boozer sleeps.

[Dararasmi]

I wish you success. You can do it. Who's stronger, you or some silly liquid? (Glad I never started.)

[myluckythai]

Having used drugs (cocaïne, methamphetamines and heroine for 12 years) i am sober now for 10 years already.

first of all i wish you find all the strenght you need to travel this hard road ahead!!!!!!

they told me in my homecountry, when i went to rehab it takes up to 2 years before the need, the feeling of being used to using, is out of your system.

i mean for 2 more years you may find every moment of weakness a big struggle. keep this in mind please and just say NO to every feeling or "little voice" inside of you telling one won't harm you.

Keep up the good spirit even when you feel down. every extra drop will only bring you down more.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU> YOUI ARE NOT ALONE. MANY MADE IT THROUGH . be strong!

Edited October 8, 2013 by myluckythai

[maybefitz]

Yeah, I found that out when I told a couple of my friends that I hadn't drank for 40 odd days. They found it a tad bizarre that I'd actually been counting. I've talked about my concerns on my drinking pattern with friends i have regularly gone to bars with. As they don't get the same feelings I do after a heavy night or they don't binge in the same manner it's difficult for them to relate with my issues with alcohol.

It's really weird, sometimes I can go out on a Friday, go home around 2am and the thought of getting on it again the next afternoon disgusts me. Other times for various reasons I think to myself why not have a couple on the balcony listening to some music. It's like my brain has a secret switch at times during my binge sessions. I can often go the working week without a drop. Sometimes, usually on Mondays after a heavy weekend i can't wait to finish work just to have one more beer to round off the previous weekend's drinking.

However the hangovers have got worse. To the point where I cancel dates or appointments or don't pitch for work. That's why I have to now change.

Blue, you don't perhaps at this stage recognise the important reality of seeing where your problem is; and admitting it. It relates perfectly with step 1 of the 12 step programme. For me, it wasn't just the hangovers, it was the blackouts. I'd come to in the morning with no recollection of what had transpired the night before. I'd then go through the day wondering if or when the knock at the door would be to tell me something I had done, and I would be in trouble. To live that kind of fear is not sane thinking, it's a nightmare come true. Denial was a big part of my boozing story, "it wasn't that bad, was it?" - but knowing deep down something was seriously amiss. My rock-bottom was when I came to, having no recall of what had happened that weekend. The fact I was on duty in a critical job exacerbated the problem, I was disgusted with myself. And scared shitless as well. I went and talked to a Dr and for the first time, admitted I had a drink problem. I was referred to a hospital, dried out, and eventually it was suggested I attend an AA meeting. I did, quickly identified with the people there, who were talking about the things I had spent most of my life trying to cover up. These things were symptoms of an illness called Alcoholism, wow !! I wasn't ga-ga, I had an illness ! I could recover from this illness by not taking the 1st drink as simple as that. Wow again ! From that moment on I haven't had to go and test the hypothesis as to whether my illness is 'cured' - I know it isn't. That was 45 years ago, so I'm the walking proof that long-term sobriety is possible; and have a happy life to go with it.

One of the good factors in AA is that there is no 'hierarchy' - you and I have the same baseline, just for today we won't drink, so today we will be sober - common ground .

Edited October 8, 2013 by maybefitz

[gerryBScot]

Hey, Bangkok Blue, whatever you do, as this day nears its end here in LOS, I wish you well. I hope you and everyone else who is on the trudge got through today without drinking and I hope you all do the same tomorrow and the day after that. Keep it simple, one day at a time. Check in here again tomorrow, share it, it helps me and judging from the volume of posts it helps many of us. I'm feeling really grateful tonight because I've been really physically ill these last few months, it's been one thing after another, and for the first time I'm starting to feel a wee bit healthy again. I haven't considered drinking as a solution but have had a fair few dark moments. My spirits are raised when I come on here and read about the folk like you who are giving yourself a chance again. Keep well and keep strong!

[thrilled]

I have relatives that have had problems with alcohol.I definitely respect it.I will go out and party fairly hard.Maybe 5-8 mixed drinks in an evening.But then it might be A couple of years before I have another drink.Been doing it that way since I was 16. Nearly 62. Ya need to respect it .It won't respect you.

[djmatty]

Best of luck Blue,

I went through AA about 6 years back and fell off the wagon a couple of times afterward and finally managed it a couple of years back(fingers crossed!) As many people on this topic have already said, you've made the first most important step that a lot of people never make; I've had mates who still didn't in the advanced stages of liver failure. It is difficult but it gets a bit easier every day.

Like others on here I have my reservations about AA, as to some people they can seem a bit evangelical, however they do give you a framework to move forward, so it's all a matter of choice really, as there are alternatives already mentioned, and some kind of help should smooth things out, it did for me.

I was drinking VERY heavily when I decided to stop, rock bottom as it's called, so it's worth mentioning the health risks of stopping suddenly, which may or may not apply to you. I only found out afterwards how dangerous it is to stop heavy consumption abruptly.

Enough said, all the best on a courageous start.

[473geo]

Look inside, not outside, you are making the decisions here, nobody else, you have it in you? You have the strength to get back up if you fall down? You have the belief you will succeed? There is a lot to this giving up drinking, and it all has to come from within........it is about you and nobody else, you want it enough, you can make it happen......you are not ready, nobody can show you the way.......

in my opinion.

[GrahamF]

Best of luck to you Blue!

Find something that will help you figure out why you drink, AA, therapy, whatever, just get some help doing it. In my case AA has been working for me.

I've always felt that alcohol was not my problem, it was the solution to my problems! I had to figure out how to deal with my problems in a different way, rather than use booze.

As an aside, and some incentive, I have met quite a few Thai and Central American women who are quite impressed and pleased that I don't drink. There are also a few who knew me when I drank that are quite pleased as well!

[pitchag]

Good luck on your adventure into sobriety.

Keep in mind you don't have to go it alone. Lots of people have cleared the path for you and will happily show you how they did it- just like the folks before them.

Or- you can do it the hard way. Easy choice for me.

One day at a time just take one day at a time and you will win the battle and the war

[ding]

Great OP!

I remember that feeling from way back in1985. It was sweet & sour. I was in the pits, but it was such a weight off to finally admit it, and then learn there was a way out.

Never had the urge again in all these years - thanks cloud beings!

lol

Lots of meeting, get honest, do the work - and you NEVER have to drink again as long as you live.

[bangkok blue]

I'm away on holiday at the moment visiting friends, so has been tricky when they've introduced me to new people. I have limited my drinking so far, with the full intention to stop when I return home next week.

Need to choose the right surroundings to make the final push, but I'm determined to get a hold on it.

I have reservations about AA which I won't go into as already been discussed at great length on this forum already. Will attend a meeting next week and see how it goes.

I don't like the label of alcoholic or disease, often used by AA. For me there are many categories involved. In drinking problems. Physical dependency, mental dependency and a social dependency. For me each one has various effective methods which work for some and not for others.

For me when I return home next week I will focus more on the mental and social dependency on alcohol and I'm gonna make a general check list to monitor my triggers, which I feel often lead to my binge sessions. I hope by controlling and dealing with triggers in all situations that will help.

The support and advice on here has been overwhelming. I'm very surprised as to the amount of people that also feel the same as me. Thanks!

[impulse]

For me when I return home next week I will focus more on the mental and social dependency on alcohol and I'm gonna make a general check list to monitor my triggers, which I feel often lead to my binge sessions. I hope by controlling and dealing with triggers in all situations that will help.

I'll give you one of the "tricks" that worked for me.

Whenever I felt like drinking, I called someone that may need my help- and offered that help. Cutting grass for a shut-in, cleaning the parking lot for the church next door, just being company for someone who doesn't get out much- it didn't matter. Just that I was being of service to another human being.

I have no clue why it worked for me. And I didn't spend any time in my head wondering why it worked. It just did.

It's one of the many suggestions I got from AA folk that make my life without the booze very pleasant.

Edited October 16, 2013 by impulse

[bangkok blue]

Well my quest for sobriety has failed miserably! Got the urge to go out Friday and have been binging ever since. Every time I do this I feel very guilty about how much I've let myself down. I know when I go several weeks without a drink I feel mentally and physically better, so god knows why I keep doing this. I just hope after this recent session I can regain my composure and see it through properly.

Maybe it's because of my childhood when my mother was super strict and wouldn't let me go out or have friends around. My father has been sectioned 3 times under the mental health act. It is a worry for me that I have developed or inherited some form of mental illness.

I don't know where to go from here, as I keep making the same mistakes. I don't want to cut out my friends and stop socialising with them just because they are drinkers. I do feel I'm missing out when I don't join them on a night out. Bit I also know what happens next if I do.