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BANGKOK 23 May 2019 06:00
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bangkok blue

Time I got sober!

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Congratulations! Firstly, you recognize that you have a problem. AS you know, it will not get better if you continue on this path. Yes, AA is a spiritual program. But, you choose a God of "your understanding" - it can be the group, a dollar bill - up to you. There are contacts in AA - see websites. Have a chat & make up your own mind. You have an opportunity at a new life, new friends. Becoming a member of AA does not make you a wowser! AA is not perfect - just like the rest of the world. I have no qualifications regarding any other avenues to attain sobriety - they may well work! Many follow the AA philosophy anyway. There are some crackpots in AA - we just do our best! I do know that the AA literature suggests that many of us try the easier, softer way - it does not work, There are no fees - contributions are voluntary. See the websites for a detailed description. Going it alone would be a huge challenge! Whichever route you choose, I wish you the best!

As well understand there are other options besides AA available. Look at my post above.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Edited by tominbkk
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bangkok blue

How is it going? There are many players in this post. Maybe they have a sincere interest in your welfare - they have been down the same road as you - they have experienced the same pain.

.

As "tominbkk" says,, you have choices! On the booze, the choices are removed.

I only know about AA. If you don't like hearing the Lord's Prayer or religious references, join the club My first meeting was in a church hall. Go to a meeting where you feel comfortable.

But, hang in there. It is worthwhile! Beats the hell out of drinking yourself to death or mental institutions or both - too painful for me. From my experience, when you drink you are going only one way - DOWN! It is called the "Yets". When you hear some of the stories, it is easier to deny but it is YET to happen if you continue along the drinking road. I went from beer to rum, sherry & cask wine - no meth spirits & boot polish. When you drink like we did, the grog is the great remover - it takes away everything including your self-esteem - you gain self hatred. For us, there is no valid reason to pick up a drink - it never solved a problem - it created some! I found it very difficult to identify - I had tertiary education , my own practice, a nice residence, money, car etc - but that means little when you are a drunk (in fact, I think that it made it more difficult for me.).

As has been said before, you have admitted that you have a problem, you are powerless over alcohol, your life is unmanageable. How many times do you have to prove this to yourself? You are 50% there just by admitting that you have a problem. It took me a while in AA to accept that I had a problem. I was stubborn, defiant - I did not wish to listen! I did not do 90 meetings in 90 days. I understand the logic - saturation & if you are at a meeting you are not at the pub. I did not get a sponsor for many years & then that did not last long. But, I attended meetings at least 3 times per week, read the literature (more than once - it was just like going to a meeting.) That really helped. I did not feel alone - being alcoholic was not my fault. Most of us have low self-esteem. There are no rules in AA for that matter - only suggestions). In fact, After many years, I now do have a quality relationship - thanks to the fellowship & a Thai woman.

But you must be ready to go to any length to get it. I attended church for a period, "prayed" on bended knees for a period. Get involved when you can - take a chance! But be nice to yourself. It can be putting out the chairs, making the coffee, chatting with others etc - I felt as though I was very alone in AA until I got in the middle.

When you are sober you can better deal with life's problems - you are not exempted from them. There are many bonuses too. One that instantly comes to mind is - no more humiliation.

Enough preaching!

.

SUGGESTION - JUST DO IT - AA OR OTHER (WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE)!

Edited by cnx37
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Went back to AA yesterday. Yes it is better than getting drunk and making an idiot of myself at the pub. I thought I could control my drink, as I did for 2 months, by calling it a night at a reasonable hour and not heading into town. Last weekend was the first weekend in ages when I got out if control and couldn't remember things if said or done. That's not normal.

So I'll give it a go.... I did 7 weeks dry middle of last year and felt great for it.... God knows why I went back, but I want that feeling of being back in control and reliable to myself, jobs and relationships.

It's a case of breaking a life long habit.... It's a case if having more time that I would use to spend in bars on something more productive. As I feel now I'll miss some of the fun times I had going out partying till sunrise... But that love affair with booze and partying is becoming sour now, so it's time to get a divorce :)

Fingers crossed I succeed this time.

Once again thanks to everyone for your advice.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

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Bangkok Blue

It becomes normal to blackout, to make an idiot of yourself! I did that many many times - too many. It became almost a daily occurence in the end! I would drive home drunk & not remember anything. Next day, I would see my car there! SHAME!

It was a miracle that I did not kill anyone with drink-driving. I have never even had a speeding ticket. But, I am not proud of it. It is just the "YETS" - yet to happen! Try not to compare - I remember a guy who used to have metho spirits & boot polish - difficult to identify with. It is not a matter of how much you drink, it is the effect/consequences of drinking.

As I have suggested before - try the route of your choice. I found it very helpful to be in the company of others - taking away that feeling of loneliness. You are in the company of others who have a similar goal - sobriety! It is a precious gift for the likes of you & me. It ain't a competition. Treat sobriety with respect. As they say in AA - "One day at a time" - try to live in the "NOW" - don't project into the future or dwell on the past too much. You will hear that it is the first drink that does the damage - it sets off a reaction - the compulsion. ie one drink is too many & 1000 is not enough. Yes, the cliches can be tiresome but they do make sense - a simple program for complicated people.

Stay close to the fellowship or others per your choice (see tominbkk). You cannot afford to do it solo. You cannot afford to continue drinking. Am I happy to be an alcoholic? Of course not. To be a social drinker would be fine. But that is not me. Given my situation, AA (or other) is the preferred way.

One day at a time! There are millions who have travelled this path before us. If they can do it, so can we. Don't play games - you are playing with your life & affecting the life of others (the ones you care about if they have not gone). My friends (I did not have many in the end) were pleased that I was off the turps. They continued on - good on them. I just excluded myself from this part of life - nor did I preach to them.

As they say in Thailand, up to you!

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34 years ago Aug 2, 1980 I looked in the mirror after waking up bruised and bleeding and wondering for the millionth time "where have I been, what did I do,is the car in one piece?"

What I saw in the mirror I didn't like, I was finally beaten down to my rock bottom at the age of 31. Having served in the Vietnam conflict and having lived a drug and alcohol induced lifestyle it had finally taken it's toll.

I sought help, I ended up in a Detox unit at the Hospital.

After detoxing for 5 days and having attended a couple of in house AA meetings I thought no problem.

I soon found the world to be a scary place without booze or drugs to get through it all.

I latched on to AA immediately and got a sponsor at that first meeting.

I found myself NEEDING to go at least 7 times a week, sometimes more and to stay away from the bars and people I drank and partied with.

On Dec 14th of that year I was invited to go to a huge Christmas party given by my employer.

Everything inside of me said Don't Go! I even brought it up for discussion at my home group meeting. Everyone in that meeting gave a reason or a story of why I should not go.

I went .......... Before I got there I had tried the cough syrup method, that didn't work and so I found myself in the liquor store buying a bottle of brandy (not my choice when I was drinking) In my sick mind I thought that it would take me to where I needed to go in order to be comfortable around all of those people but "not so bad"

I got high, partied that night with an underlying huge guilt feeling,after all I had let down my sponsor, my new found friends in AA and most of all myself!

I felt very bad about that the next morning, but i didn't stay at home thinking about, I went to my parents home for the day and then my to sponsor and then to a meeting where I spilled my guts about having gone out the night before.

I got a lot of "if one falls off of the horse, it is necessary to get back on and keep on riding" or something like that.

The moral of my story .. I decided to go to an environment that was extremely hazardous to my then new found sobriety .. my choice .. my pain......................

For the first 5 years or so I made at least 7 meetings a week because I had to in order to stay alive by not drinking.

Its been 34 years now, all 1 day at a time.

With the help of AA and the people in it I have been able to live a fairly productive life.

I have others issues compliments of Vietnam but we are working on them.

Why this short story of my life without alcohol and drugs .. well, lets just say that by sharing this I am much better this day concerning this insidious disease called Alcoholism.

If anyone wants to talk about anything or if you think you may have a problem, message me and I'll get back to you.

Bangkok Blue, you have made the first step, there are people in this forum that can hook you up with a meeting near you.

Thanks for allowing me to share a bit of a huge story.

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bangkok blue

I am relatively new to TV Forum, but discovered that you can view related topics. There are many related topics in TV re sobriety - you would need a day or 3 to read them. There is no need for me to extol the benefits of not drinking - it is all here in TV - waiting for you!

Just go down to the bottom of the page - it has a reference - "Next Unread Topic". It provides a wealth of information for our benefit - no matter how long we have been off the turps.

I would suggest that there are many AA members with considerable length & quality of sobriety residing in Thailand. My experience is that the quality of AA meetings here is second to none! (I can compare only two countries).

My personal experience is that I have an addictive personality - drinking, smoking, gambling, sex, work, money, food etc - a bit of a perfectionist. I am now relieved of most of these thankfully. The most difficult one for me - Smoking!I ceased smoking in 1982 (after many failed attempts using willpower). I went to AA in 1984 (I have not had a need to drink since my first meeting). It was not me - my willpower re smoking - maybe I tried to stop 50+ times). It was something else - I sought help!

By the way, smoking, drinking & oral sex are prime causes of throat cancer. Although I stopped smoking & drinking in the 80s, I still got throat cancer about 5 years ago (I bet members will question the 3rd cause - I do not have HPV - to the best of my knowledge).

Edited by cnx37
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Been sober near 29 years. I dislike religious mumbo jumbo.

Religion is for people afraid of hell.

Spirituality is for those of us that have been there.

For me, God is just a 3 letter word, easy to spell. One syllable - easy to say. A familiar term, and I ain't it... whatever the hell it is.

1) Go to meetings

2) Get a sponsor

3) Work the steps

rinse-repeat

Edited by ding
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There is some really good sobriety on these pages, AA works.

This was probably mentioned somewhere in this topic if not here goes.

Regarding all of the issues that would piss me off or cause me to think up a reason to not go to a meeting or worse yet to pick up that 1st drink.

I was told by my sponsor (and he still is my sponsor) and by others in those meetings so many years ago that " I should take what I can use and to leave the rest behind" it was and still is, that simple.

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I've always felt that alcohol was not my problem, it was the solution to my problems! I had to figure out how to deal with my problems in a different way, rather than use booze.

Spot on! Are you tired, lonely, bored, angry, frustrated? If you are any of these and use alcohol to cover it up it can become a crutch.

I have been working on mindfulness to identify how I am feeling and to work on why I am feeling that way, and the coming up with ways to stop feeling that way. It's a very empowering way to do things! :)

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bangkok blue

It has been approx 1 week since you went back to meetings.

How is it going?

If it is tough, that is not unusual @ this stage of sobriety - drinking & its consequences are TOO tough..

Hang in there, mate. We are backing you in! (But I did read that only 5% stay - if so, it is OK to be in the 5% club - very OK!).

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bangkok blue

Refer to post #97 by ding! I cannot use the "Quote" function today.

You kicked off this post on 8 October & last posted on 24 Jan - a long time in the life of an alcoholic!

What has developed in your life since then - for better or for worse?

Is there anything that fellow posters can do to assist?

Good luck!

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Hope Bangkok Blue is doing well! Thinking about things you said, you may need to take a hiatus from your friends, they sound much too centered around alcohol.

Maybe be frank with them, and let them know that you would like to do things with them but outside of the bar scene, like some sports or music or even, gasp, meeting at a restaurant or coffee shop during the day.

As I enter my third proud month of sobriety I want less and less to do with that old tired scene. Life has too much to offer to give it up for leaning against a bar all night.

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I don't want to waste anyone's time on here. I'm drinking again... Trying to limit it, but difficult. I'm ok though thank you for your concern.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

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I don't want to waste anyone's time on here. I'm drinking again... Trying to limit it, but difficult. I'm ok though thank you for your concern.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Sorry to hear that. You should re-read your first post. Some people say that "no drink is wasted." Maybe it's going to take some more drinking for you to really want to stop.

You're not wasting anyone's time. Keep posting an let us know how your doing.

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Cheers graham. I'm tired of the hangovers, wasted time, time lost through drinking, such as blackouts, which tbh are a lot less frequent. Sometimes I go home at a read noble hour and function fine the next day and week... Sometimes I drink for 4-5 days before I finally take a break... Sometimes I drink a couple, sometimes I'm still drinking til sunrise. My sessions vary a lot between social drinking and what I consider abnormal drinking. But it is on my mind that my level of drinking has increased over the last 10 years. I'm going to an AA meeting tmrw... When I drink sociably, get home at a reasonable hour and have a productive day, I wonder what I'm worrying about. When I wake up the next day after a near 12hr session and want to continue drinking worries me. I'd love to find an answer to why I do that but I haven't yet. Many AA meetings have stories similar to mine. The addiction just grows inside of you more, unless you seek help perhaps.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

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