Culture: What happens at a Thai funeral and what should you do if invited?

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Culture: What happened at a Thai funeral and what should you do if invited?



HUA HIN: -- It’s not unusual for long term stayers in Thailand to be invited to attend a Buddhist funeral. In fact you may not even be invited; but attending and showing your respects to the family of the deceased will be welcomed if you have a connection.

Funeral rites are the most elaborate of all the life-cycle ceremonies and the ones entered into most fully by the monks. It is a basic teaching of Buddhism that existence is suffering, whether birth, daily living, old age or dying.

Funerals for Thai Buddhists can go on for much longer than what you may have seen before in the West. It could last from anything from one week to a year or two. Depending on how close your relationship was to the deceased, you probably won’t be expected to attend every part of the funeral. In many situations this would only be the cremation on the last day. For relations of friends you probably would attend at least one if not all of the chanting sessions. If you are close to the family then it might be appropriate for you to bring a wreath. Either that or give the family some money in an envelope.

If you are invited to a funeral, then the first question that might go through your mind is what to wear. This is likely to be either black or white and you should avoid any bright colours.

The Bathing Rite takes place on the evening of the first day. You would only attend this if you knew the deceased personally. The body is laid out on a table and covered with a cloth. Only the head and the right hand is showing. People then take turns to pour some scented water over the exposed hand. You can take this opportunity to make a blessing or to ask for forgiveness for past misdeeds. A sacred white string, called sai sin, is then tied around the ankles and wrists. The hands are held together in a prayer-like gesture holding a lotus flower and incense sticks. A coin is also put in the mouth. The body is then placed in a coffin and placed on a high table. It is then surrounded by flowers. A portrait of the deceased is also prominently displayed.

Four monks are then invited to chant daily for the deceased. This usually takes place over a period of seven days. However, this might be shortened if the cremation needs to take place on a certain day, like the weekend. It also should be noted that cremations cannot take place on Fridays as the name for that day sounds like the Thai word for “happiness”. If the chanting sessions are shortened to say five days, the same amount of merit still needs to be created for the deceased, so on two nights the chanting sessions have to be done twice.

In Bangkok, the daily chanting sessions for the deceased will probably start at 7 p.m. and last for about an hour. Upcountry these are often done at the house and may go on all night as they are social events. It is not a completely sad affair. There are four main chants with regular breaks in-between. During the breaks people chat or listen to some traditional Thai music. There is also often a break with some Thai dancing. The hosts are always generous and you will find that you are also given drinks and snacks; even full meals. There are always seats and the time passes quickly.

After seven days of chanting the cremation can take place. Some families will do this straight away while others might wait a year or more. Quite often a young family member, usually the grandson, will ordain as a novice monk in order to make merit for the deceased. They do this for only a day or two. Even though it is only for a short time, they still have to do the full ordination which includes the shaving of hair and eyebrows. On the morning of the cremation there is more chanting and food is then offered to the monks.

Once everyone has eaten, it is time to move the coffin to the crematorium. The coffin is carried outside and placed onto an ornate cart. A procession then takes place to the crematorium. Leading the way are family members carrying a portrait of the deceased. Behind them are a couple of monks holding onto a white thread that is attached to the coffin. The mourners walk behind the coffin. If you have ever done a procession around a chapel at a Thai temple on a Buddhist holiday you know that you have to walk around it three times in a clockwise direction. However, for funerals, you must walk anti-clockwise.

The coffin is then taken up the steps and placed on a high table in front of the crematorium doors. The portrait of the deceased is also placed here. The crematorium itself is decorated during the afternoon with black and white cloth and beautiful flowers which were the favourites of the deceased. The cremation ceremony is often in the late afternoon. If you didn’t go to the Bathing Rite or any of the nightly chanting then the cremation ceremony is the one that you should really attend.

At cremations you don’t get to see much of the ceremony. Most people are seated far away. During the ceremony, honoured guests will come forward with monk robes and place them on a pedestal in front of the coffin. The same ribbon is being used to connect the pedestal to the coffin. A monk then comes to receive the robe as if it was offered by the deceased. The monk says a prayer before receiving the robe. During the ceremony someone will also give a eulogy about the life of the deceased. There is often also some kind of traditional dance performance.

Cremation ceremonies are often over very quickly; anything from 30 minutes to an hour. When you arrive you are given a flower made from wood shavings. You will need this for the last part of the ceremony. The monks at the cremation will go up the steps first with their “flowers”. These are placed under the coffin as if you were lighting the funeral fire. Once all of the monks have done this then it is the turn of the guests. What most people do is tap the coffin a couple of times with the flower then place it in a tray under the coffin and then give a quick “wai”. You are also supposed to say a short prayer telling the deceased person that you forgive them for any wrong doings in the past. On your way down, you will be given a kind of souvenir of the funeral to take home.

At this stage, most people would go home. They have paid their respects. Unless you were close to the deceased, you would go home too. It is mainly family members that stay for the actual cremation. What happens first is that the ornaments decorating the coffin are removed. The coffin is then lifted off its base and then carried towards the crematorium oven. The lid is then taken off. A coconut is cut open and the juice poured over the deceased person. The coffin is then pushed inside the chamber. This is the last chance for family members to pay their respects. The remaining sandalwood flowers are also thrown into the coffin. Everyone then goes down to the bottom of the steps where they gather around to watch the cremation. At some funerals I have attended, rockets are fired into the sky. However, this is banned in residential areas.

The friends and relations don’t wait for the fire to finish. They will come back the next day to collect the ashes. A monk is present for this ceremony. Sweet smelling flower petals are mixed in with the ashes. Depending on the family, these might be placed in one urn or several. Once they are collected they are taken to the prayer hall where there is more chanting and robes and food are again presented to the monks on behalf of the deceased. What happens next to the ashes will vary. Most will keep the ashes at the temple as there will be further merit making ceremonies on the 50th and 100th days. Some people keep them at their home.


-- Hua Hin Today 2013-11-27

[jvs]

Very informative, in the village i live there have been several deaths in the last few years and i have attended a hand full of funerals.It was not exactly as you described but pretty near.

I felt it does not matter if you don't know what to do but Thai people really appreciate it when you go.It helps to take a friend who can explain what is going on.

I feel kind of accepted where i live and i do get invitations to parties also.

One more thing to notice,i was told that right after the cremation the soul of the deceased comes back to his village.That is probably why nobody was home for a few hours.

[Mosha]

Round here the chanting is done in one session, and most folks only turn up after the monks have gone, and the "entertainment" starts.

[streetlite]

...and gambling is permitted during the days of the funeral

[billd766]

Last Saturday I went to the 100th day in the evening when there was a party.

My wife had been there since about 6 am cooking for it all and went back again on the Sunday.

I have been to several in the village, small village and very few falangs, mostly me.

They are OK and, yes the family and friends DO appreciate if you come at any time.

I just wonder who and how many will come to mine when I pop my clogs.

[circusman]

Is there a profession of embalmers in Thailand? Sometimes ice is used here in the North for preservation but it can't last a week.

[Garry]

Very informative, in the village i live there have been several deaths in the last few years and i have attended a hand full of funerals.It was not exactly as you described but pretty near.

I felt it does not matter if you don't know what to do but Thai people really appreciate it when you go.It helps to take a friend who can explain what is going on.

I feel kind of accepted where i live and i do get invitations to parties also.

One more thing to notice,i was told that right after the cremation the soul of the deceased comes back to his village.That is probably why nobody was home for a few hours.

Agreed and all the funerals in our village have been three day affairs.

[cameltrakker]

Many areas use a chilled coffin into which is placed the wooden coffin until the day of cremation, commonly referred to as the "burn" or "fai"

[loong]

Is there a profession of embalmers in Thailand? Sometimes ice is used here in the North for preservation but it can't last a week.

As Cameltrakker says, a hired refrigerated coffin is used while the body is kept at the home. The body will be moved to another coffin for cremation.

[Rimmer]

Troll post in extremely bad taste removed also quoted replies

[tingtongteesood]

Partner up with a Thai friend, follow them round and do everything they do. When they all start chanting in Thai just keep quiet with your head bowed same as everyone else.

[puukao]

I've been to one, and it's just common sense. I was quiet when I thought I should be quiet, and for a few hours just observed. I saw a few people on their phones, and others talking and not caring about the chanting; however, i stayed quiet with a few other friends and just acted nice. A few days later the body was cremated, and i missed that part.

Edited November 27, 2013 by puukao

[laislica]

We had the full seven day funeral for my wife's Mum and after the cremation only the very closest family took part in the burial at sea ceremony.
It was very beautiful and a wonderful way to "let go" and move on.

To me, it had a lot more meaning than our home country "Stiff upper lip and finished in a morning".

If you do attend, do try to give an envelope with money to the family,

The funeral is often unexpected and is expensive and small donations at this difficult time really help a lot are really well appreciated.

Not being able to "take care and give a proper funeral" would be something that no Thai would want to do.

In fact there are companies and with one phone call they will take care of the lighting, tables/chairs, sound system, food etc.

Then you arrange to pay the bill at the end and this is where donations really help.

[David48]

Just an added comment of dress style.

Sure, BnW for almost all Funerals but ... apparently, if the recently deceased had

reached the ripe old age of 100 then the colourful attire is required ... apparently.

Great article BTW ...

[PEP]

Good onformative article, Thanks.

Here in our village a bit more basic with some easy to follow variations. In most cases of accidental death, for some reason regarding the Spirits, the deceased is buried in a grave for three years thence exhumed and the remains are cremated.

In every occassion that I have attended, as a "relative", friend or just for respect the deceased's body has been embalmed by 'injecteng' with Formaldhayde either at the hospital or by a "qualified" person from the village. No ice ever used here.

[sms747]

very simple same as any other Thai event, stuff yerself with food and drink as much as you can, put money in envelope, that's it. Turn up in white or black or both. They spend far too much on these things then lie about how much it was x 200% normally.

Edited November 28, 2013 by sms747

[billd766]

Is there a profession of embalmers in Thailand? Sometimes ice is used here in the North for preservation but it can't last a week.

Here is a photo of the "cool box" as it were.

[rgs2001uk]

Can only relate my personal experiences.

After the funeral service has taken place and people are making their way from the sala up the steps to the funeral pyre, sometimes coins are thrown.

Some of these wats have their own cold store, where the bodies are stored, you pay extra for that.

Upcountry, some of these people have a village co-op insurance policy that will pay for a basic service

[Cloggie]

If invited just eat and drink as much as you like / can.