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Chiang Rai Hash

The ‘start slowly and taper off’ Hash

April 2010 Route 1121 Km.marker 19 , 1.5km up a track. Report No 78.

‘Incoming!’

Periodic bombardment from local heavy artillery supplying an unusual sound-track, it was a good start to the Thai New Year.

Unbeknownst to our Hares when they were setting the course, the junction of the main road and track leading to the starting point had been commandeered by a large group of rocketeers, intent on blowing themselves up.. Fearful that we would prove to be in the firing line, we were initially denied access to the track by the parking mannie. (‘Blooming powerful rockets’, we thought, as our starting point was 1.5km further on.) All was not lost, however. With our numbers building up and the Hash pack starting to look mildly undisciplined, it took an audacious claim by Fat Cat that he owned ‘all the land’ behind the road side to swing things our way and we were allowed to proceed- under our own recognizance.

A grand turnout of 37 Hashers from all 4 corners of the globe ( have you ever thought about how odd that phrase is?), and 1 dog, were called to attention by our Hare, Tony the Lonely and his 2nd in command Able Seaman (Ian). The more astute amongst you will have noticed that the starting point was the same as for February’s – this was not just because of the potential for knackering us all over again on the many inclines and slippery paths, and the grand scenery, but because Ian had previously lost a 5 baht coin , and was determined to rescue it.

Wild Woman,- minus Wirgin Bruce who was probably in an airport somewhere waiting for a certain volcano to stop-, was carried away by the spirit of Songkran, and greeted us all with a water blessing, When her supply ran dry, the last lucky few Hashers were treated to her icy isotonic drink being poured down their backs. Since she also treated us to steam buns and cake for after the hash, we can only say “Thank you”.

34 of us started off up the first of many hills – (did any fellow Hashers find ANY flat ground? I didn’t). Three stayed behind to enjoy the scenery of the reservoir from the shade of the sala.

Our Hare had already walked the course in the midday heat, so he parked himself sensibly in the shade towards the end of the course to commiserate on our condition as we came back in. Ian acted as scout and travel guide, popping up all over the place to check on progress.

It was another challenging course. This can be best illustrated by the fact that Ian had appeared at the start still armed with the spade he had used to cut footholds in one of the steeper descents. The FRBs were few in number – and all the more credit to them for keeping up a good pace on this terrain and in the temperatures of 38.C plus. One virgin Hasher who had come along with Fat Cat (Mike) boldly set off at a cracking pace, but by the time he had got up the first hill and spent fruitless time looking for the trail at a checkpoint which allowed the rest of us to catch up, he was only to happy to heed Fat Cat’s remark of ‘You don’t have to run, you know’, and finished the course at a more sedate rate.

As in February, we spent a lot of time tracing the footprints of the Hasher in front to keep on a safe trail, plodding onwards and ever upwards – with occasional precipitous descents - through the suffocating heat. 3 bridges were encountered. The Hash definition of a ‘bridge’ is , judging from all the examples we’ve seen, ‘ any rickety, unsecured, termite ridden piece of bamboo (or two, if you’re lucky) thrown haphazardly over an obstacle’. Angela had the additional problem of having vertigo so had to hold on to the Hasher in front and cross each one with her eyes closed, feet at duck position. You never have a camera with you when you need it.

We had two casualties , Angela and Shocking sustaining grazes, and a number of us only avoided falls by proceeding on our bottoms down some slopes, and one near miss, with a virgin hasher showing signs of dehydration on return.

Paul (Handcock), in training for an ‘important event’ and intent on staving off any signs of age, kept up a cracking walking pace throughout, but declined to actually break into a run.

Rumbles of thunder mixed with the occasional bang of a rocket provided a background noise, but the rain held off until everyone was back in.

The first Hasher in was Wi Hartmann, where does she find her stamina? Second was Peter (Doesn’t Matterhorn) closely followed by Sven (Do it Yourself) and a virgin hasher from the USA was one of the next ones in.

The Powderpuff girls and parents, a young visitor from Canada were also amongst those back and looking well rested by the time we arrived.

A slight hiccup ( Ian, acting as Hash Beer, had locked his truck up with most of the beer and soft drinks and crisps inside) meant we had to delay full-on celebration of the end of the hash until he returned, escorting some of the last ones in. A near mutiny had been narrowly prevented by finding a small supply of beer in a cooler which kept the needy going.

The Circle

Shocking called us to form the circle, and welcomed us all.

· With visitors from Los Angeles and other parts of North America, Canada and Australia, and some returnees to the area, he had a total of 6 virgin Hashers who actually did the course, and 2 who turned up after we had already started off, who stayed to join in the Circle.

· There was no-one for a naming ceremony.

· Thanks to the Hare for a suitably challenging course. (We should also congratulate him for not once getting lost or losing anyone, and for removing 3 inclines and 2 descents from Ian’s original proposal. Much appreciated.)

· He had greater success with selling some of our T-shirts as very worthwhile souvenirs of a visit to CRH.

· We had run short of paper towards the end of the trail and flour had again been used. I don’t think many of us had noticed through the waterfall of sweat from our foreheads. Pat (Shocking) proposed the purchase of a shredder to overcome this problem – particularly pressing as the rainy season is – hopefully- nearly upon us. Flour and water makes nice pancakes but poor trail markers. (N.B. Shredder has now been purchased, and even as I write this, a family member has been shackled to it with reams of my rejected Thai language homework to destroy.)

· Pat called again for Hares for future Hashes. The following have now been confirmed:

May – the scribes

June – Angela and Hard-wired

July -

August- Sven and Do it Better

Sven will act as Hash beer next month – though he did check the quantity of beer left over in the coolers closely before deciding it was “worth my while”.

Thanks were given for a splendid turn-out – we hope to see you all again soon.

Safety Advice for Virgin Chiang Rai Hashers

On a more serious note – and it may seem patently obvious -, but we don’t tend to walk on paved paths or always in the shade , so whilst our Hash routes are suitable for all, and are not as difficult as many other areas’ Hashes, could you bear in mind the following few points that will help make your first Hash an enjoyable one:

Flip flops and heeled sandals are not the best footwear to try to clamber up and down in. Walking sandals or more robust shoes like trainers or even tropical weight walking boots are definitely safer.

Even if you regularly exercise vigorously in cooler parts of the world, Thailand gets HOT. Everyone should carry water with them. The Hash supplies water prior to the start – if you haven’t got any with you, make sure you collect a bottle(s) from the Hash supply before you set off – ask one of the people wearing a Hash T-shirt to direct you to the stock. On return, whether you drink soft drinks or beer – rehydrate yourself fully. Heatstroke kills.

Take a hat!

If you feel ill on a hash, don’t struggle on in the heat, sit down under nearest shade near the trail. The Sweeper, or next Hasher along, will find you , and we will organize things from there as required.

P.S We haven’t ‘lost’ anyone yet.

Next month’s Hash is on the 15th May and is promised to be a fairly flat trail in honour of the rains and the hares’ poor level of personal fitness.

On, On!

Ooh Matron and Oddjob.

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Directions and details for the May Hash

When : Saturday 15th May at 16:00 prompt.

Where : Ban Hong O water tower

Hares : Oddjob and Oohmatron

Distance 6 km

Type of terrain Flat – (no hills), with broad paths.

Very little natural shade.

Directions.

Starting from Big C, head north up the Super Highway.

At the first lights (Si Sai Mun intersection) turn left.

Stay on this road through three sets of traffic lights, the last set being the Den Ha crossroads.

1.3 km after the Den Ha crossroads turn left at a small parade of shops – sign posted to Mae Fah Luang Art and Cultural Park.

After 100 metres turn right at the “T” junction and proceed past the entrance to Mae Fah Luang Art and Cultural Park (on left hand side). Set your trip meter to zero here.

After 1.5 km you will be at the top of a small hill and approaching Ban Hong O – get ready to slow down.

500 meters after the Ban Hong O welcome sign turn left onto Soi 1. Signposted with a standard “HHH” marker.

After a further 400 meters stop at the water tower.

A small map is attached for boy scouts and girl guides.

On on

Oddjob and Oohmatron

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Chiang Rai ‘Start slowly and taper off’ Hash

Report no:79 15th May 2010/2053

Bang Hong O area ,west of C.R. town.

‘Rather warm’

We had set the trail in the morning. A balmy 38.C. By the time 4pm came round it was a sweltering hot afternoon (104.F for the benefit of any ‘oldies’ amongst us, humidity 60%) and who’d be mad enough to turn out in that heat… well… 39 Hashers and one dog were. Perhaps it was the promise of ‘no hills’ that did it. I thought no one would be there, and with the excuse of recovering from an infection, harnessed myself to a fan for the afternoon, leaving Oddjob to manage alone. He, as sweeper, got to walk the course twice. Brownie points have been allocated.

After a course briefing, the starting pistol cracked and a number of FRBs ran off into the distance. Gorf, followed by Just Steve completed the course in an amazing 45 minutes. Since it had taken us an hour to cycle round on one of our reconnaissance runs, it’s obvious we need to upgrade our bikes.

The more (sensible) Hashers set off at a much more sedate pace, with the last ones coming in after 1hour 45mins. The Hash trail took us , after a rather less than salubrious start past a ‘fly’ rubbish tip, over some gently rolling countryside to the west of Chiang Rai town, a fairly new rubber and fruit plantation, with a mix of natural and man-made lakes. A four legged Hasher enjoyed the benefit of these on the way round. There were views of the Reclining Woman Hill at Mae Yao, the White Buddha at Doi in Cee, and Doi Khao Kwai, all from the safety of low altitude. Wild Woman appeared to appreciate the scenery.

5 v-checks were set to slow down the front runners, and, reportedly, worked well. Oddjob had ‘failed’ to mention at the briefing that our course would take you close to a very large working quarry. At quarter to five, when half the hillside was blasted off, those Hashers nearby didn’t know whether to dive for cover or run for it. Ahh! Simple pleasures.

The extreme heat took it’s toll on a few, and the sweeper led a small party of wilting ones on a short cut to take them into the middle of the Hash group again. If only they had been a bit more discreet, they might have got away without anyone noticing.

Able Seaman, after completing the course, turned up in his truck to offer a lift back to those who were finding it too much, and a small number gratefully accepted.

He commented to Oddjob later on that he nearly hadn’t come along as he thought that the course would be too easy, as it was, however, with the weather, it turned out to be ‘about 6km too long’. Here we should confess that when we originally set the course it was only 6km long, but bits just kept getting added, and it ended up about 7.5 km in length. So well done everyone for finishing.

By the time OddJob got back in with the last few, lychees and drinks were being consumed in great numbers.

The Circle

Shocking called us to form a circle, and virgin hashers (? number) were given the traditional welcome.

Two Hashers received their Hash names. A combination of fatigue – well earned- and Shocking’s scouse accent rendered OddJob at a loss as to what, precisely, these were. He thinks the following information may hold an element of truth:

The better half of ‘MacMuff(?)’ was given the name of ‘Spicy prik sauce’, and the second lady the name ‘ Hom noi’ or ‘little sweet scent’.

As I’m sure you appreciate by now – unlike in Wirgin Bruce’s reports – accuracy, reliability and honesty haven’t had a starring role since he handed over the scribes’ baton to us.

Which reminds me – apologies to Able Seaman are due – apparently it was a 10 baht coin, not a paltry 5.

Shocking sold more of our splendid Hash T-shirts. “There’s a five year guarantee with each one’ he said, ‘if not completely satisfied, you’re more than welcome to ask for your money back’.

Asking and getting ,however, are two different things. The Hares also received their complementary ones.

Do it Yourself, back in his former post for one month only as ‘Hash Beer’ was thanked. It was ‘the highlight of his career’ he stated, eyeing up the possibility of leftovers as ‘thank you’ gifts.

Plastic cups were not used for the downers, the bottoms of some empty plastic water bottles were hastily cut off instead to use as drinking vessels. From what you know of our Hash, which of the following is the most likely reason?

It was because:

A. It was felt we should be more environmentally friendly and recycle.

B. Someone forgot the cups.

Hares for the following months were confirmed.

June – Hard wired and Begging for it

July – Namron

August – Do it Yourself

September – Fired Up

October - ???????

November – Gorf and Able Seaman. This promises to be a grand event with the Hares setting a trail in celebration of Gorf’s marriage. Hashers from even further afield than usual are anticipated to be coming along.

Thank you all for volunteering. We certainly enjoyed our first venture into trail setting, so much so that we’re already looking out another one! OddJob reckons there’s money to be made. If you lay the trail, you also know the shortcuts. A few extra baht could come his way for showing these to exhausted Hashers.

Hope to see you all next month.

On,On! OohMatron and Oddjob

Housekeeping

A concerned Hasher reported that he had spotted a small number of Hashers throwing their empty water bottles into ditches/ onto the ground during this month’s Hash. This is not what is expected from C.R.Hashers.. If you can be bothered to carry a full bottle, then surely it’s not too much to ask to carry your empty one back to base. Please.

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DIRECTIONS FOR CHAINGRAI HASH 19TH JUNE START 4-00PM PROMPT

Starting from Big C, head NORTH up the Super Highway.

At the first lights (Sri Sai Mun intersection) turn left.

Stay on this road for approx 6 Kilometres ( Just keep going straight)

After approx 6 Kilometres .on this road you will see a large sign on your right saying CHAINGRAI BEACH

On your left HHH sign turn left for 200 metres then turn right HHH sign

Hares -----Begging for it

Hard wired

Dont forget your bucket and spade

ON ON

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Chiang Rai ‘Start slowly and taper off’ Hash

Report No. 80 June 2010/2053

Venue: Chiang Rai Beach.

Hares: Hard-wired (+ Pee) and Begging for it

Our Chairman Shocking (Pat) welcomed us all to bucket and spade country. It was another hot and sticky afternoon in Northern Thailand, but this trail promised us a little more shade than May’s Hash. There were 37 of us, with a very good turnout of 9 young Hashers, some so young that it may be necessary for Hash Cash to ask ‘Beer, soft drinks or milk?’ at future hashes. The Powder puff girls, Swiss Roll, and Shocking and Namron’s youngsters being some of our pack less troubled by advancing age.

Hard Wired and Begging for it were the official Hares and gave the briefing. With one or two late additions being added, the trail was approximately 7 Km in length, though if you forgo a detour around temple grounds you could knock off about 15 minutes worth of walking. Total anticipated completion time for a ‘normal’ CRHasher being 1hour 45 mins.

Only 2 Hashers took off running, Gorf and Doesn’t Matterhorn. The remainder of the pack paced themselves. With the FRBs already out of sight by the time we’d been uprooted and got to an upright position, it looked like there was little point in exerting ourselves too much. Anyway the trail promised plenty of flat ground and smooth paths to allow for that most important aspect of the CRH to take place – we could concentrate on conversation, not on finding the next foothold.

There was a little disagreement about where the initial trail went, this was due to the Hares’ system of setting the trail. Their labour-saving method of throwing thimblefuls of paper out from the back of a pick-up at 20 km/hr rendered the paper trail very thin on the ground. Not many helpful piles of paper today, we were on starvation rations. However, once on the right trail it was on such good paths that not even Tony the Lonely could have got lost.

After finding 5 different ways down to the sandy shore of the mighty NamKok, through the ever hopeful Beachfront food stallholders’ tables, and ignoring their kind offers of refreshments, we reunited as a horde and slogged off to the left along the beach. Bushwacker took full advantage of that wonderful combination of sun, ‘sea’ and sand – and a big stick that his boss kept throwing into the river for him.

Leaving the beach front we travelled on smooth paths past the fishing lakes complete with swan paddle boats. Here, I feel an opportunity had been missed; an armada of Hashers crossing the lake by pedal power, at the helms our intrepid captains just back from pirating on another body of water. What an adventure that would have been. Those of us who wear extra large Hash T-shirts would have had the advantage of wind-assisted sails.

The Hares had provided us with a treat to make up for this omission, however. They had got permission from the local temple, Wat Phra That Tham Doi Kong Khao, to allow us access to their grounds which let us enjoy a circular path around the base of the temple hill with it’s splendid cliffs and shaded areas. One cliff face came complete with a massive Hornets nest and a wild bee hive. We stood well back to admire these.

Everyone was keeping up a good pace despite the heat. The trail then took us briefly onto a road – where a couple of hashers sensibly restocked on liquids at a shop - before heading in a homeward direction past some very desiccated looking paddy fields. No verdant green patch- work to please the eye yet. Hurry up rains. The pack, split up a bit by pace, passed the old quarry, braved the nasty dogs and then went over the monsoon drain with a dribble of water in the bottom to get back to the beach via a small housing estate.

The usual very fast walkers ( VFWs not FRBs) including Titanic and Do it Yourself were back some time ahead of the main group.

Shocking came in well up the field, failing miserably to hold onto his historically acquired position of ‘sweeper’. Better luck next time.

Meanwhile, in an alternate universe….. the FRBs had been busy.

Gorf had apparently had time to acquire a partner and baby, complete the entire run twice AND ascend the temple hill in the time it took for most of us to get back to base in our reality. Doesn’t Matterhorn was not exactly a sluggard either.

The Circle

Shocking (Pat) managed eventually to get sufficient numbers of us to pay attention and form a fairly relaxed approximation of a circle i.e. we stayed where we’d landed but sort of turned towards him.

He called the Hares into the circle and thanked them for their sterling efforts, and for the provisions of fresh fruit.

All three of them being ‘virgin Hares’ they had enjoyed the experience of finding and setting a trail, and were encouraging of other novices to come forward and try it for themselves. It was a very enjoyable Hash, well suited for the current weather conditions.

A number of Hashers were given their Hash names:

Breaking all the rules (and why not), the first to receive her name had carefully selected it herself, so we welcomed ‘Winnie the Pooh’ into the circle.

The next Hasher was originally from Japan, but came to Thailand via USA. There were lots of suggestions, including one that alluded to his previous occupation as a ‘fake crab meat producer’, but the name that was eventually selected was ‘The Lost Samurai’.

Then – and I could have sworn they were pushed – into the circle came our last couple. Wearing a ‘Batman’ T-shirt, there were promptly re-named as “Badman’ and ‘Bobbin’.

5 ‘Virgin” Hashers were welcomed. One lady Hasher, obviously not yet immune to the demon drink, struggled to ‘down’ hers. After we had sung several verses of ‘drink it down, down, down’ at ever slower a tempo and she was still only on her second mouthful/burp, she was saved by the gallantry of our chairman. To spare her blushes (and prevent wastage) he quaffed the residue on her behalf. Such courtesy and self-sacrifice are seldom seen these days.

Titanic and Wirgin Bruce were welcomed back from their adventures on the high seas where they had narrowly avoided a mid sea collision with a container ship in the Caribbean. We were pleased to see they had found their land legs again and both had completed the trail in good time. Bruce was also complimented on his ‘Shakespearean’ qualities when he was CRH scribe for many years. The current scribes were likened to J.K Rowling – I think this means our reports are long-winded, lacking in factual matter and have a poor grasp on reality. Apt description.

Namron is going to be July’s Hare, he has promised to ‘moderate’ his trail to reflect the C.R Hashers’ capabilities. Thank goodness for that.

Business being completed and the mosquitoes out in ferocious force, we were sent off home into the gloaming.

Next meeting= 3rd Saturday of July at 4pm. Details to follow. Hare = Namron.

CRH committee:

Chairman – “Shocking”Pat

Hash Cash – “Doesn’t Matterhorn” Peter

Hash Beer – Titanic

Scribes – Ooh Matron (Jan) and Oddjob (Terry)

Namron (Jeff) maintains our official website at Chiang Rai Hash House Harriers, where you can find details of past and present Hashes, and information on other ‘local’ Hash events.

Don’t forget to look at the rogues’ gallery of attached photos.

Finally ….

An attempt at a triathlon? Or ‘ How your trusty scribe managed to prove yet again that she’s two sandwiches short of a picnic’.

This being a truthful account of my June Hash outing, I wish to confess to the following …

After traversing the temple grounds, we emerged into a familiar landscape. Using dog-walking knowledge, I suggested to my companions a short-cut across the fields to pick up the trail again by the disused quarry and cut off some road work. This idea was seized upon with surprising zeal by Angela (especially as she was one of today’s Hares) and another Hasher. Since he was new to CRhash, we should take the blame for leading him off the straight and narrow.

Unfortunately, having clambered up and down ditch sides (who’d removed the blooming bamboo bridge?), we were spotted rejoining the trail by the sanctimoniously smug Oddjob in the company of Shocking and Wirgin Bruce, wagging ‘naughty, naughty’ fingers at us. Still, we’d gained at least 10 seconds. These 3 steamed away at a far greater rate of knots than we could achieve, leaving us wallowing in their wake. It was as though Bruce still had a following wind. As we fell further and further behind, a devilish idea took root. Why not grab the bikes from home as the return trail took us virtually past our house through the twilight zone of the Country Homes estate. We’d show them.

The bikes got us as far as 150 metres from the house before we realized 2 tyres had punctures. No problem, I would head back and get the truck.

Now here, any sensible person amongst you, gentle readers, will think, ‘Why didn’t she just take the bikes back that short distance, and carry on the trail on foot?’

No, the heat had got to me – and to a lesser extent must have also affected my companions, as they went along with what then transpired.

Back to the house, get truck. Drive truck to bikes/Hashers. Heave bikes onto truck. Drive slowly (albeit in air conditioned comfort towards the beach, sipping ice cold cokes.) Spot proper, morally upright, Hashers on road, drive excruciatingly slowly behind them to as near the meeting point as possible. Stop truck just out of sight of everyone, unload heavy useless bikes and –feigning a casual manner- push aforementioned ‘useless’ transportation to the end.

So there you have it, 3 modes of transport, a C.R.Hash triathlon.

It seemed a good idea at the time.

And Oddjob still got there before me.

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DIRECTIONS TO THE CHAINGRAI HHH NO.81 S2ATO HASH JULY 17TH

This month's hash will start at 4:30 pm sharp. Park between the 17 and 18 km markers on the Old Chiang Mai Rd (rt. 1211). The route will be fine rain or shine but if raining bring a change of clothes and shoes. If you are interested in a buffet on-on, let me know. It will be a restaurant on the Old Chiang Mai Rd, 12 km back towards the city. I estimate 100-150 baht per head for adults.

From Big C: Drive South on the superhighway approx 15 km until you come to a traffic signal and turn right. Go past Wat Rong Kun and follow the road until you come to the old Chiang Mai Rd (approx 5 km.) Turn left and go approx 6 km and look for an HHH sign on your right.

ON ON

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The Chiang Rai ‘Start slowly and taper off’ Hash

Report no. 81 July 2010

‘Plooterin aboot’

Venue: Pretty countryside off to the right of the Old Chiang Mai road(Route 1211) between the 17th and 18th km. markers.

Hare: Namron

Thirty one of us gathered for the July Hash, 10 young hashers, 2 virgin Hashers from Florida (welcome), and our usual polyglot of nationalities at various peaks and troughs of physical well-being. Ranging from those who could put on their trainers standing up - through the middle level of those who needed to sit down to do so, causing some degree of gastric reflux as they compressed their middle regions, - on to the elite of our group who needed to bend forward when standing to even see their feet and the assistance of a loved one to put their shoes on for them. We cater for everyone.

Early afternoon heavy rain had deterred a few less hardy souls, and the aftermath of a good Friday night may well have rendered one or two Hashers reluctant/unable to countenance anything as energetic as walking. The drop in humidity post-rain, and a slightly later start time of 16.30 hrs meant it was cooler than for our last two Hashes.

While Doesn’t Matterhorn collected the Hash cash, Namron worked out who was able to attend the Buffet meal after the Hash. Information/money gathering sorted, Namron gave us a pre-Hash pep talk.

He promised us a 6 km. route suitable for the slightly inclement weather ( it was still doing a fair attempt at a Scottish drizzle when we gathered), no arduous ascents, and only a few ‘checks’, one of which was described as ‘tricky’. His clue for this one was ‘think corn’. Huh! more about this later.

We set off, some of us sheltering under brollies , others brazenly braving the elements. Within a few minutes the rain had stopped and we enjoyed the rest of the Hash under slowly lightening skies, the sun finally showing up to light the way home.

The FRBs took off, going so fast I didn’t even see them go.

Most of the route was over hard-packed red earth paths, rendered slightly slippery by the rain, especially in areas where there was a covering of leaves. Mud had been promised by Namron in his briefing, and we were not disappointed. For short distances we went slipping and sliding, squelching and splashing, plootering aboot in the mud. Not enough to delight a hippo looking for a wallow, but enough to ensure our immaculate trainers and gleaming calves were rendered in red and grey speckle.

Reaching one check point we were given assistance. “Don’t go that way” said the Hare, who had been drinking from the bottle marked ‘human kindness’, “that’s to slow the FRBs down”, and it did. Apparently we had been spared a steep slippery ascent and descent that took the FRBs in a circle and cost them much time and effort. They caught up with us only as we waited at…..

The longest ‘check’ in CRH history

Following the route into a narrowing valley, we reached a check point. The way ahead looked promising, the scrambling path to the left looked less inviting and went sharply up a hill, but, hey this was Namron’s course, surely we would be due a little pain? The way to the right through the field and up?

Nope. No paper. No paper anywhere. Don’t panic. Do what we do best.

The Hash Pack performed the classic Hash defensive manoeuvre of standing around looking interested but hopeless, waiting for inspiration and someone else’s perspiration to lead the way. There is always someone willing to put in more effort than we can aspire to, and in this case it was Wi, Peter, Bruce, Sven and Mark and Ian who did the necessary running around. Crops of corn in every single direction rendered Namron’s clue of ‘think corn’ as unbelievably useless.

While we waited around hoping the Hare acting as sweeper would turn up and point us again in the right direction, Hashers retraced already checked routes to no avail. After about 10-15 minutes, with the Hash pack standing around muttering, and looking increasingly like a herd of Musk ox in a defensive circle, with the searchers (the wolves) orbiting in increasingly desperate circles, someone eventually twigged that a check could be in any direction –including straight back the way we had come. Sure enough, 100 metres back, the trail went off to the right. Off sped the FRBs not to be seen again until we got back to base.

Breaking out of our defensive formation, the Hash pack set off again.

The route took us past some Hill tribe villagers in a newish looking settlement of wooden houses on stilts, with a slightly out- of- place looking brick church. They gazed in apparent bemusement at us – what were all these strangers doing walking, surely they could afford cars or motorcys?

The mystery of why the Hare hadn’t come to our assistance when we had been stuck at the tricky check became clear on the way back. He had lingered to re-lay the trail, as the latter part of the course doubled back to cover part of our starting route. A fine steady pace took us home in comfort.

FRBs

First in was Sven ,then Wi and then Able Seaman, now supposedly officially retired from active service, but putting many of us comparative youngsters to shame. Well done everyone, especially as you all covered a fair greater distance than us.

The Circle

After quaffing our post-Hash snack of beer, soft drinks and crisps – just enough to keep a hungry hasher (and Bushwacker and an opportunistic white hen) going till the buffet – we were called into a circle.

Watching, with bemusement, were our two new recruits, from USA. Don’t worry, it doesn’t make sense to any of us, no matter how many times we come along.

Failing to flog any T-shirts this month despite a hard sales pitch, Shocking (our Chairman) moved on to thanking the Hare. This being Namron, renowned as a setter of killer routes, we had all been pleasantly surprised by the course. It was suitable for the weather, it wasn’t arduous, and it was in very pretty countryside, that we were left with enough breathe to enjoy. I resheathed my mythical scimitar, he was safe, pep-talk promises had been kept.

Hares – with a tiny little bit of arm-twisting, Doesn’t Matterhorn was given the opportunity to be the hare for October. We now have Hares allocated till next year. Thank you all.

A naming ceremony was required as we had 4 more Hashers to add to the Roll of Honour. Those who had stayed the course, shown true resilience and turned up for 3 Hashes had to have this achievement marred marked.

Cody, brother of ‘Ranger’ became ‘Buffalo Bill’, another youngster who wished to remain anonymous became ‘No Name’, and the couple - who had managed to find the starting point despite not knowing how to decipher those tricky Km. markers - became ‘Special Services’ (her, a Nurse) and ‘Special needs’ (him).

‘Special Services’ struggled to finish her drink in time to for the end of the ‘downing song’ but Shocking did not –unlike at last month’s Hash- assist by finishing it off for the struggling Hasher. Could this have had something to do with it being a soft drink she was downing, not a beer?? True gallantry should know no bounds, Shocking, we expect you to sacrifice yourself.

The Circle was kept brief as a buffet awaited.

Hares for the rest of the year are:

August- Do it yourself and Do it Better

Sept. – Fired up

October – Doesn’t Matterhorn

November- Gorf and Able Seaman

December- Wirgin Bruce and Wild Woman

Photos of the event are attached.

On, on OoohMatron and Oddjob.

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Hi,

Here are the Directions how to get to the Chiang Rai Hash Saturday 21st of August 2010.

From Big C go south to first trafficlight.

Turn left onto road 1020 towards Thoeng.

Go 3.41 km, you just passed a bridge and had Sinthani 2 on your left side and Sinthani 3 on your right side.

Make a U-turn and go back 630 meters, just before the bridge (same bridge you just drove over a minute ago) you have a road to the left. Take that road. It should be a HHH-sign up there.

Go (or drive) 490 meter and then take left (should be a HHH-sign there too).

Go 145 meter, over the bridge (this is another bridge, you have not been on this one before!) and park on the other side. NO HHH-sign!

Everyone welcome and we start 15.55 with instructions from the hares and then shotgun-start 1600 sharp!

Virgin Bluce and Wild Woman! If you are late you will miss a very interesting hash!

On, on !

Do It Yourself and Do It Better

--

Life is too short for cheap wine!

Don´t take life too serious, you cannot leave it alive anyway!

Edited by svenivan

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Chiang Rai ‘Start slowly and taper off’ Hash

Report no.82 August 2010

‘The Hash of a thousand (short) cuts’

Venue: Woodland area with many small lakes, half a kilometre off the Thoeng (1010) road, about ten minutes from C.R. town. Lovely.

Hares: Do it Yourself and Do it better.

Start time – 16.00hours

We assembled in an area that was familiar to many of us as the general vicinity had been used for a couple of other Hashes – though the actual route was new.

With Svens’ (‘Do it yourself’) directions proving accurate down to the nearest centimetre, none of us misplaced the starting point. 33 Hashers (only 3 children this time!) of whom 6 were virgins and one returner in the guise of ‘Barefoot Bob’ back to visit from far distant lands.

‘Fired up’ and ‘On Fire’ were not the only ones so eager to set off that they arrived an hour early.

The briefing

Sven reported that they had seen no snakes but a ‘small elephant’ when the trail was laid by them that morning. The trail was, again, on terrain suitable for the rainy season. A 6-7km route would take us through wooded areas, past many small ponds and fields on good paths. The weather was being particularly kind to us, with no rain and a light cloud cover to reduce the heat. Apart from one little ditch and a few metres of muddy path, there was no reason for anyone to get dirty or wet. (Bushwacker – did you listen to this?)

Do it Yourself was to act as ‘sweeper’ and collect the usual detritus in the form of lagging Hashers.

On,On

We set off in our usual pattern, a few eager souls running off and a big clump following.

Very soon, with no FRBs in sight or shouts of ‘On,On’ to help us, it became clear that we might have to make an effort to stay on track. Usually too busy talking to pay much attention – I sometimes wonder if ‘lemmings’ might be an appropriate term to describe the likes of Hashers such as myself and ‘Begging for it’ as it would be easy to imagine us walking blindly off a cliff in mid-sentence - Sven had to resort to exhorting us to make an effort to ’look for paper’ and ‘follow the paper’. This seemed like a novel but sensible idea. With so many Hash virgins along, it wouldn’t look good for us more experienced Hashers to appear completely clueless. Peering hopefully at the ground and yelling ‘are we on paper?’ every few minutes seemed to impress those who knew no better.

The scenery was beautiful, lots of shade, lots of tree species, a few remnants of a 1990’s housing project glimpsed upon a hill, a small field of dragon fruit (I suspect this had been heavily cropped by Do it better during the morning’s trail setting as she had lots to offer us to eat post-Hash), and a derelict plane parked in a clearing made for a vey enjoyable event. No one met any elephants, pink or otherwise.

Did anyone stay on course?

This Hash was notable for the many and diverse ways that CRHashers managed to deviate from the ‘true path’. Some of the straying was intentional, some misguided, and some Hashers carried on, unwitting and unaware that they had GONE THE WRONG WAY until some kindly soul (Namron) enlightened them at the Circle. Punishment being swiftly administered in the form of having to down a gassy soft drink.

The Hare signaled one ‘official’ shortcut which a lucky few of us took just after passing the derelict housing – this cut off a few hundred metres. Why ‘lucky’? Because those that were following behind and stayed on the proper trail encountered a pack of dogs ravenous for virgin meat. No injuries were sustained, thankfully. Forget the stout stick defense, here you need a Tazer. (Must add this to my Christmas ‘wish-list’). Might keep Oddjob under control as well.

A few – including one of our Hares (whom we shall not name and shame on this page, but he was the taller one of the two) – sought to wrest a few minutes off their finishing time by taking another short cut across some rice paddies. Those of us virtuous Hashers watching their progress from the trail could feel only sympathy as their strides turned to steps and then to desperate fumblings and leaps for firm ground as the paddy walls deteriorated. The onlookers were definitely on the moral high and dry ground.

Doesn’t Matterhorn and Odd job, reaching a junction, elected to deviate from the trail deliberately and cut off a trip around a lake so they could arrive back in good time. Terrible example from two of our current mis-management committee.

Even Fired Up –one of our usual FRBs – was noted to arrive back from a different direction to everyone else. Ignoring/losing the paper trial and following instincts alone she forged her own path this month.

Whatever route people found, everyone agreed it was a very good Hash.

Able Seaman got back first, with Barefoot Bob in close attendance. The rest of us followed in dribs and drabs.

The missing minutes – what really happened to Shocking?

We had all- we thought- been back for some 10 -15 minutes and were enjoying the usual post-Hash euphoric experience of allowing the sweat to evaporate, eating and drinking (soundtrack – ‘I will Survive’, Gloria Gaynor) when someone said ‘Where’s Pat?’

Now Sven the Sweeper was back, and no-one could remember when they had last seen our esteemed chairman. Aghast at the thought of misplacing such a valuable antique, Sven appropriated a motorcycle and set off to look for him. Shocking arrived back under his own steam shortly afterwards, Sven returning a little later.

No explanation was given by Shocking, at the time, about where he had been. I can now reveal what caused his late return.

It was that phenomenon often encountered in Northern Thailand characterized by inexplicable memory losses and ‘missing time’ – he wandered into a warp in the time/space continuum thingy. One minute he was striding along – he’d been in training – all set for coming in a respectable and remarkable 3rd place – when everything went wibbly-wobbly and there he was, last again. Last, but never lost.

The Circle

Thanks were given to the Hares for a splendid Hash, and their complementary T-shirts were presented.

Next month’s Hares (Fired Up and On Fire) performed the customary ‘down,down’.

Virgin hashers were introduced to the delights of the Circle, and Barefoot Bob was welcomed back to the fold. We hope you enjoyed yourselves and will come back again.

Shocking sold another T-shirt!!!

Early arrivals to the Hash venue were honoured – some of our Hashers show tremendous dedication.

Shocking urged any Hasher who desired to be a Hare next year to ‘get in early’ to avoid disappointment.

The Circle closed and we gradually dispersed into the evening light.

CRH Definition:

’Short Cuts’ Deviation from set trail.

May be encountered on any CRHash under numerous guises; most commonly as:

A deliberate and heinous attempt to reduce time and effort

A Hasher’s excuse for becoming lost and not following paper.

Will accomplish little. Invariably ends in any or all of the following :- getting wet, getting muddy, getting even more lost, getting seen and having to explain your actions in the Circle or your actions revealed in the Hash report.

In terms of Hash crimes it falls somewhere far below that of the FRBs amending a trail to send the pack up and over a hill unnecessarily (a capital offense in my book), and that of the FRBs drinking all the beer before the pack gets back, but above that of arriving at a Hash and deciding you can’t be bothered to actually set off, sitting down and picnicking.

On,On Ooh Matron and Oddjob.

Photos

Photographs of July and Augusts’ Hashes can be found by following this link :

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/view?q=chiangraihhh&psc=G&filter=0#slideshow/5509246900356447362

This change enables us to include more evidence (of your enjoyment), and will also allow any of you who take along your own cameras to add to the gallery.

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DIRECTIONS TO THE CHAINGRAI HHH ON SATURDAY 18 SEPTEMBER START 3-30PM

So, from Big 'C' head North on highway 1, direction Mae Sai, go over the river bridge, keep travelling North past MAKRO and the Airport turn off until you come to Bandu Municipality Market, the concrete over bridge is a good marker. Still heading North and ignoring the two small roads off to the left, approximately 0.3 km past the market is a left hand turn through an arch that says long live the King in Thai, according to Wi, it's the 1151 road according to the sign on the road, but Google Maps shows it as 1511, it's the same road to the Pong Phrabat Hot Springs and the Pong Phabat Waterfall, the turn off is 9.5 km from Big 'C'.

Hopefully you will see a HHH sign here from about 13.30 , there are several other signs as well including one that says "Pong Phrabat Hot Springs 2.7 km".

Carry on along the 1151 or 1511 past Sinthanee 7, Mountain View for 2.7 km and just before the right hand bend where the Pong Phrabat Hot Springs & Bandu Municipality Offices are located you will see a concrete road off to your left, HHH sign here, take this road and travel approximately 2.6 km along the road, no turn offs, to the start/finish of the HASH, HHH sign here. If you have a pink bungalow on your left and the Bandu Municipality Offices on your right shortly after the turn off, you'r on the right road.

Sounds straightforward, but please remember this is our first attempt at organising a HASH so we may have forgotten something,

All are welcome and we start at 15.25 with instructions from the Hares, then off sharp at 15.30. The start is a bit earlier than the last HASH, just in case the weather turns bad.

On, on !

Edited by soap

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Hey Pat,

Could you ask the Hares if they saw many dogs en route please.

No dogs Stu

The Hare said the trail does not go along Jetroyd road

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The Chiang Rai Hash

Report No. 83 Sept. 2010

Venue: Left past Ban Du Municipality market and then along the 1151 towards Pong Phrabat Hot springs on a newly paved road.

Hares: Peter (Fired up) and Wi (On Fire) Their first hash as Hares .

The assembly: After 3 weeks of ‘proper’ rainy season weather, with daily torrential downpours and leaden skies, we were blessed with an unexpectedly clear and sunny afternoon. Not only had the Superhighway between Ban Du and Rajabhat University reverted to road from flowing river, allowing arrival by car rather than boat, but the sun had dried out the hash trail very satisfactorily. Spermbanks’ brave fashion choice of up –to- the- thigh green leather boots proving to be a tad unnecessary. With quite a few apologies from Hash regulars, and a number probably put off by the weather forecast, we were surprised by a robust turnout of 24 + 2 dogs.

It was great to welcome back ‘Allo ‘Allo (a 200km round trip to Hash with us ) and partner, and to meet another hash Virgin, introduced to us by the Lost Samurai.

Hash Briefing: Peter (Fired up) gave the briefing. The route involving few inclines and only a few (still) muddy patches. He wasn’t sure how long the trail was (why not, did he and Wi not count their steps when laying the paper trail like everyone else does?), but promised us no unpleasant surprises. And so it proved.

And they’re off:Yet again, the ease with which you can go from conurbation to countryside in Chiang Rai was illustrated. And what beautiful countryside it was. Just stunning. Shocking felt it was ‘well up there’ as a front runner for the Hash with the best scenery. This, coupled with the fact that it was on good paths (with nothing too energetic to raise the heart-rate - if you amble along) and in the company of pleasant people, certainly made it one of my favourites . Thank you, hares.

For those Hashers who choose to walk (OK. for some of us there isn’t any alternative) it was also a Hash where a food collection bag wouldn’t have come amiss. There were endless fields of pineapples, a few Pomelo trees, rambutans, and other delights. Nita introduced me to a small green fruit which she called a ‘Thai olive’ – it might be ‘a little sour’’ she said. Sour – it nearly took the lining off my teeth. There were hens, Muscovy ducks and even turkeys en-route, and we disturbed a Cinnamon Bittern into flight from one pond, and a White-breasted waterhen back into the foliage on another.

Nobody got very lost. Oddjob proved once again that he can find completely the wrong way to go but still get back ahead of me, though this time he and 2 other hashers (as yet un-named, 3rd Hash coming up) did have to brave 8 vicious farm dogs to achieve this. They all got in safely but from the opposite direction to everyone else, so it rather gave their game away.

Wi was not one of the FRBs this time, she had to act as sweeper and walk the course, gathering up the last of the flock back into the fold.

First back in: The FRBs were ‘Allo ‘Allo and Able Seaman, running in together (but not hand in hand), followed by Namron and Titanic- amongst others -well ahead of the rest of the Hash pack.

Circle:

Thanks were given to the hares. We enjoyed it, and they must have too because they have already volunteered to do another trail next year.

Our Virgin was welcomed.

The four Hashers to receive their names next hash were toasted.

Shocking broke the news that he would be absent from the Hash for the next 3 months. The lure of scouse and Tetleys proving overwhelming. Of course, with him being away during our selection period for next year’s committee, we could (if we were so inclined) vote him back in without his knowledge, it could be a done deal.

Namron and Able Seaman, possibly Titanic could have been mentioned as worthy stand-ins for our G.M during his absence. My attention span had collapsed by this time.

Shocking sold another T-shirt.

And finally:-Forthcoming Hares:

· October: Doesn’t Matterhorn

· November: Gorf and Able seaman

· December: Wirgin Bruce and Wild Woman

2011

· January: Stuart P.

· February: Titanic

· October: Fired up and On Fire

· November: Oddjob and Ooh Matron

And we are looking forward to one hash being organized by the Jubbs. Next year. Two witnesses heard you say so.

As you will notice from the expanding list, you will need to get in quick if you want to pick and choose which month you will be the Hares for!!

Get your thinking caps on for November: November brings us round again to that eagerly awaited time (for the current occupants of the CRH Mis-management Committee it is, anyway). It’s time for nominations for next years’ G.M, Hash Cash, Hash Beer and Scribe. If you wish to take on any of these roles or want to nominate a victim, do let someone on the committee know by e-mail or at one of the next 2 Hashes. No experience or expertise required, no C.V or interviews. It’ll be the easiest job application you’ve ever done. And think what kudos it will add to your real C.V.

Photographs: Pictures from July, August and this month’s hash can be found by clicking on the following link:

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/view?q=chiangraihhh&psc=G&filter=0#slideshow/5509246900356447362

Next month we will remove July’s and add on October’s so the gallery doesn’t become too large.

On, On! Ooh Matron and Oddjob

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DIRECTIONS FOR CHAINGRAI HHH 16-10-2010 START 3-30PM PROMPT

Location - Chiangrai horticultural research center, Old Chiang Mai road

Date - Saturday October 16th @ 3:30 (15:30)

starting from the thai hospital (sathan payabarn rd / ถนนสถานพยาบาล)

- proceed 1.4 km west to the old chiang mai road (1211)

- at the second traffic light (denhaa / เด่นห้า) turn left into road 1211, direction south to chiang mai (old chiang Mai road)

- from denhaa / เด่นห้า proceed 5 km to the kstone 5 - respective kstone 25 (25 kms to dongmada / ดงมะดะ) Now slow down!!

- just 150 meters beyond kstone 5, turn right (hhh sign) and drive through the gate into the Chiangrai horticultural research center / ศูนย์วิจัยพีชสวนเชียงราย

- after 50 meters turn left (hhh signs) and then an other 50 meters turn right (hhh signs)

- now following this road for 2 kms to the parking area

- driving time starting from the thai hospital should be not more than 15 minutes

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The ChiangRai ‘Start slowly and Taper off’ Hash

Report October2010

‘The Swiss precision Hash’

Venue: Within the grounds of the C.R Horticultural Research Centre, off the old Chiang Mai road at Keystone 5. Beside lake(s) with the trail covering a mix of newly planted and well established fruit and nut plantations.

Hares: Peter ‘Doesn’t Matterhorn’ and Lisa ‘ Swiss Roll’

This month Oddjob has the pleasure of telling the world of the October hash events, as Ooohmatron was unable to attend due to an injury sustained at a football match.

Attendance was excellent with a total of 37 happy hashers gathering - 14 women, 13 men and 10 children all raring to go.

I have often driven past the entrance to the Chiang Rai Horticultural Centre but have never turned off as the presence of a guard at the gate has deterred me. Luckily the hare is braver than me and he was able to find an idyllic spot where he was able to devise two trails – one for the runners and an easier route for the ramblers.

After being given friendly advice and hints from the hare we set off on our chosen path, the FRBs at a trot and the ramblers at a slow stroll as can be witnessed at Big c. After taking photographs of the departing groups I joined the rear of the ramblers (what else did you expect from me). I settled into a steady pace and caught up with the hare who was also acting as sweeper. As we rounded a bend we came across the entire group standing at a white cross in the middle of the track. The hare diagnosed the problem, this was the first checkpoint that the ramblers had ever seen. Normally the front runners sort out such minor inconveniences long before any ramblers appear. Pleas from the hare to look for paper eventually caused two ramblers to go down the left track whilst I headed down the right hand track looking for photo opportunities. By chance I found paper and I had become a FRB (front rambling Brit). This was first for me and for almost 1Km I lead the pack, until I reached the second checkpoint.

I opted for the left path and proceeded up Mount Everest for miles, ok it was a gentle slope and after 100 metres I came across the white line across the track. I turned and headed back retracing my steps to the checkpoint where a gaggle of ramblers had gathered. “Look for paper” sounded a familiar Swiss voice followed by tutting (if tutting was an Olympic event the hare would be sure to get gold). We were then joined by Allo Allo who seeing my return sailed past the checkpoint down the correct path to leave me at the rear, my moment of glory over.

And now we arrive at “the corner of doom”. The hash route took a sharp left off the main track. To assist us a large HHH arrow style sign had been attached to a tree at eye level, together with the statutory paper trail on the ground. The front runners were on a fast straight stretch and managed to run past the tree, not noticing the desired turn. Some of the faster ramblers spotted the FRBs in the lead and instead of looking for paper, opted for the easier option of following runners. They also missed the corner. The hare arrived and saw what was happening. He muttered words in a foreign tongue that I didn’t quite catch, but I believe it would have made a Swiss bar maid blush. (Luckily the hare’s mother was too far away to hear the outburst). He tried calling the disappearing group back, but they had their heads down and they were gone. “Never mind, we will meet up with them later” was the hare’s closing comment as we set off in the correct direction.

The ramblers then proceeded up a small hill where we were greeted by a panoramic view of Chiang Rai and another checkpoint. The hare had softened and he kindly pointed out the way we should head, down the hill. We accepted his kind gesture and began our descent, but not for long as the hare suddenly remembered that he had changed the route at the last moment and we had to retrace our steps back up again. Even the best monkey can drop a coconut.

It was then that we spotted little figures running around in the distance and as they got closer we realised that it was the FRB’s who were coming up the hill towards us. Somehow they had found the paper trail but unfortunately they were heading in the wrong direction. I will never forget the faces of Allo Allo, Able seaman and Namron as we crossed paths. A bemused farmer was standing nearby watching the excitement. I would have loved to have been able to explain to him what was going happening to put him out of his misery. As he retold his tale that evening, would anybody believe him?

And so we descended the hill where we met more lost sheep who, after surveying the mountain, decided to turn and follow us back. Shortly after this I crossed paths with Namron again. Was he going around again? No, just looking for lost children.

As I returned to base I found that Allo Allo and Able Seaman were first to arrive back. They had completed the course and a bit more but in the wrong order. The Lost Samurai followed closely by Debbie no name were next in. They had completed the course in the correct order. I will let the reader decide who has the honour of first and second in. I came in a respectable third or fifth depending upon your opinion.

This must have been one of the best hashes that I have been on – wonderful scenery, good tracks, a little mud, chaos and confusion. What else can you expect for so little money. The afternoon can never be repeated, you had to be there to experience the experience.

After the hash

Lisa provided an excellent repast for the Hashers including spicy salad and green curry. Compliments flew.

I was unable to attend the circle as I had to go to the dogs, however my spies have reported the events of the circle.

Peter and Lisa were presented with their well deserved Paris collection tee shirts embellished with exclusive hare badges.

Three lucky hashers received their new names. Due to a technical problem (my spy fell asleep due to too much food and beer) the details of the names will be added later.

Photographs of the hash can be found by following this link

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/view?q=chiangraihhh&psc=G&filter=0#slideshow/5509246900356447362

On, On! Ooh Matron and Oddjob

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