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Never paid a sinsot but bought a house, which my wife, children and I live in (when we are back in Thailand).

As I managed to accumulate wealth over the years, I have provided my in laws with a shop house and a pick up.

We help each other, everyone's a winner.

All one big happy family really.

Cheers

Quote: "When we are back in Thailand".

By not even living in Thailand yet and having already made major financial commitments, this would make any Thai-Family very happy. Everyone is a winner.

In a couple of years let us all know how the game of "everyone is a winner" has unfolded.

Cheers.

Er--Swissie.

Best not to judge a book by its cover eh? After being a member since 2006 you should know this.

Been living in Thailand for many years, together, but not at the moment as I have found employment which pays me the equivalent of more than half a million baht a month (in Malaysia). My wife and I have been together for approaching 15 years now.

My Thai in laws and one of our sisters in law care for our severely disabled daughter in Thailand, we are paying to send one of our nieces to a decent school.

No need to explain myself more, but you are obviously experiencing some negative situations in Thailand aren't you ? Do you want talk about it?

Seems we don't appear to be in the same boat do we.

Have a nice day, all the same.

I didn't give my in laws a sinsot, but as I said, everyone's a winner and happy (which is the main goal in life, is it not?).

Your post didn't give much more info than the cover of a book and the post in itself left the impression that another "Victim" among the many Farang Visitors was found.

But now, having explained your situation in more detail, this is fortunately not the case.

Happy new year & cheers.

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Lets put things in perspective.

Are you willing to take the plunge and marry a girl from Thailand?

Are you willing to be a part of her family?

Can you afford it?

Most people have this vision that marrying a Thai girl is straight forward and that they will have an unleashed license to run amok in Thailand. While this happens in some relationships the true Thai values still prevail. Reality will see your John Thomas float away tied to a balloon if you try it on outside of you marriage.

The reality is far from straight forward, unless you know what youre getting yourself into in the first pace.

I can say that most people would try to distance themselves from their wife's family, but they don't really know what they are missing.

Are you prepared to deal with all kinds of calamity at any time?

Can you afford it?

What they maybe missing on is a truly great family and communal experience. I know, I am experiencing it.

My family is , well , Epic. I love my family, my family loves me.

We look after each other.

This is the difference.

You can take a Thai girl out of Thailand, but you cant take the Thailand out of the girl -----thankfully.

Happy New Year

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TcKiC2yB0s

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I've recently had the whole Sin Sod discussion with my girlfriend of 9 years. We have decided that it might be nice to get married sometime next year, now we finally got the house completed and all of the essential things bought and paid for.

So here is what I came away with from this discussion, the facts as they stand, in my case.

1. My GF understands that paying out money, when we have our own child to support, is not really very logical.

2. My father in law, who is a pretty decent chap, has not raised the question of Sin Sod at all.

3. The last two of my sister in law to get married only had a very low Sin Sod payment, 30k in one case, 40k in the other. Both local guys, not well off.

4. After living together for 9 years, and having a child, nobody in the family actually expects us to get married at all, they figure we never will.

So, this is my stance on my own Sin Sod payment.

I will pay Sin Sod, and more than I have seen others pay to my father in law in the last 2 years, I'm thinking around the 100k mark. I will be paying this not because I must, but because my GF deserves the respect that it shows, and my father in law also. I won't be asking to have the money given back after the ceremony, my father in law is welcome to it, considering that any cash he has always gets spent on my child, or the children of other family members. What I will expect is for him to pay for the basics of the wedding. This includes the food, the music, renting the tables and chairs etc. It will not include the beer bill, I fully intend to pay that myself, mostly because my family and my neighbors have all been great to me over the years, and its a way for me to say thank you to them.

So, if I had to sum it up on one sentence, I would probably say that yes, there are many reasons for us westerners not to pay Sin Sod. However, if you are committed to marrying a girl, then surely it can't hurt to spend what is in effect, a pretty small amount of money, to make here happy on her wedding day. Because you should be thinking its the only one she will ever have.

You idea is a good one BUT by expecting the FIL to pay for the wedding you are actually asking for part of it back.. as this is usually your responsibility. So just a heads up to run the idea passed your future wife 1st so no misunderstandings.

My wedding is on the 4th January, local village wedding, showing 200k which we are getting back and about 400 guests (mostly her dads friends) total cost including rings (got them from the uk,cheap), wedding outfits pictures etc.. everything circa 150k, which both myself and gf have paid for it.

have fun when yours comes around.

Happy wedding mate.

Hats off to you and your missus!!!!!!!

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My wedding is on the 4th January, local village wedding, showing 200k which we are getting back and about 400 guests (mostly her dads friends) total cost including rings (got them from the uk,cheap), wedding outfits pictures etc.. everything circa 150k, which both myself and gf have paid for it.

have fun when yours comes around.

Best of luck on the 4th.

I've been to quite a few western guy's weddings here over the years, and some of them spent a small fortune, and quite often the figures did not add up in my head when I looked at what they had purchased or rented for the wedding. I think 150k in your case sounds about right going on the bit of mental arithmetic I was doing a few days ago adding up all the costs for my own.

I threw a party for my family yesterday, as I am leaving Thailand for 6 months in a few days, the first time I have been away for more than a few days in 8 years. The BBQ was going non stop for 5 hours, and about 30 people drinking beer/whisky, the whole thing cost me less than 5k.

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Every family's view on sin Sodt is different. Every area of the country also has different views on it.

It's the subject of much discussion among Thai people too.

There are no hard and fast rules.

My nephew paid ฿30,000 (up in the north, his mum is from Korat, dad Thai from Lao parents) plus 2 baht gold, didn't get any of it back.

I paid ฿50,000 plus 1 baht gold, got all the money back.

A Lao couple just across the river from us, husband paid ฿500,000 (I don't know if any of it was returned or not) and both he and the bride were wearing about 20 baht gold between them.

Friend of mine in the south (apparently southerners are known for quite large sin sodt) paid ฿2,000,000 got none of it back.

Another friend of mine is about to marry a lady from the south, and ฿400,000 was mentioned at first, now it's ฿150,000 and will be deposited in a savings account until they decide if they're going to buy a house or whatever they're going to do in the future, then it will be given to them as long as it's for something worthwhile.

Talk to your partner, find out what, if any, marriages have happened in her family. How much sin sodt was paid, how much gold.

Talk to the rest of her family, if you can, and feel them out as to what is expected.

It's all very well people saying 'don't do this don't ever do that' but they're not in your shoes are they?

I would only suggest that you arrive at an agreement with your partner and her family that everyone is happy with.

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I've recently had the whole Sin Sod discussion with my girlfriend of 9 years. We have decided that it might be nice to get married sometime next year, now we finally got the house completed and all of the essential things bought and paid for.

So here is what I came away with from this discussion, the facts as they stand, in my case.

1. My GF understands that paying out money, when we have our own child to support, is not really very logical.

2. My father in law, who is a pretty decent chap, has not raised the question of Sin Sod at all.

3. The last two of my sister in law to get married only had a very low Sin Sod payment, 30k in one case, 40k in the other. Both local guys, not well off.

4. After living together for 9 years, and having a child, nobody in the family actually expects us to get married at all, they figure we never will.

So, this is my stance on my own Sin Sod payment.

I will pay Sin Sod, and more than I have seen others pay to my father in law in the last 2 years, I'm thinking around the 100k mark. I will be paying this not because I must, but because my GF deserves the respect that it shows, and my father in law also. I won't be asking to have the money given back after the ceremony, my father in law is welcome to it, considering that any cash he has always gets spent on my child, or the children of other family members. What I will expect is for him to pay for the basics of the wedding. This includes the food, the music, renting the tables and chairs etc. It will not include the beer bill, I fully intend to pay that myself, mostly because my family and my neighbors have all been great to me over the years, and its a way for me to say thank you to them.

So, if I had to sum it up on one sentence, I would probably say that yes, there are many reasons for us westerners not to pay Sin Sod. However, if you are committed to marrying a girl, then surely it can't hurt to spend what is in effect, a pretty small amount of money, to make here happy on her wedding day. Because you should be thinking its the only one she will ever have.

You idea is a good one BUT by expecting the FIL to pay for the wedding you are actually asking for part of it back.. as this is usually your responsibility. So just a heads up to run the idea passed your future wife 1st so no misunderstandings.

My wedding is on the 4th January, local village wedding, showing 200k which we are getting back and about 400 guests (mostly her dads friends) total cost including rings (got them from the uk,cheap), wedding outfits pictures etc.. everything circa 150k, which both myself and gf have paid for it.

have fun when yours comes around.

thumbsup.gif congrats on the up coming Wedding... should have got married here instead of in Pinoy land.. hell of alot cheaper....egadsfacepalm.gif.pagespeed.ce.EuN79TyYk_.gif But then again I am planning on making the trek to Surin in the near future so I'll be following your exploits and others as well.... Cheers and blessing to you both,

PS: photos of the revelry would be nice..IMHO burp.gif.pagespeed.ce.RBpw6FUyRR.gif

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You have to pay NOTHING.

Just live happily with your wife and child.....even if it has to be away from the in-laws house.

That's true.

I've heard all this crazy stories about foreigners paying millions of baht in dowry for the lady in Thailand. And the question I always ask myself is why are they doing it. Because there is no logical reason for doing so.

Another question I'm asking myself is who has told them that they have to pay dowry. Is it the lady? And if it's her she is lying. If it's another foreigner some has been lying to him too.

This about dowry in Thailand is an old tradition that is slowly dying out. It's more or less only in Isaan this tradition is practiced by SOME. And you ONLY pay if you want to do so. And then we are talking about very small amounts of money and a little bit gold to the lady. What many foreigners don't know is that there is the FATHER OF THE BRIDE who pays for the wedding.

My policy about Thai ladies is that the bad ones ask for money the good ones don't.

Edited by Norlund
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This about dowry in Thailand is an old tradition that is slowly dying out. It's more or less only in Isaan this tradition is practiced by SOME. And you ONLY pay if you want to do so. And then we are talking about very small amounts of money and a little bit gold to the lady.

That differs from what I heard.

Also in Thai-Thai weddings in upper class BKK dowry is a topic and may reach some millions, not to be refunded (asking why? because they have the money!)

In rural areas the level is depending of the financial power of the man - if he is desired it's as low that he can afford it, if he is unwanted in the family then it's above the level.

Bye,

Derk

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This about dowry in Thailand is an old tradition that is slowly dying out. It's more or less only in Isaan this tradition is practiced by SOME. And you ONLY pay if you want to do so. And then we are talking about very small amounts of money and a little bit gold to the lady.

That differs from what I heard.

Also in Thai-Thai weddings in upper class BKK dowry is a topic and may reach some millions, not to be refunded (asking why? because they have the money!)

In rural areas the level is depending of the financial power of the man - if he is desired it's as low that he can afford it, if he is unwanted in the family then it's above the level.

Bye,

Derk

My first thought was "who has told you"? And usually that's the lady.

Normally the foreigners come to Thailand on holiday and meet the lady in a bar or find her on the internet. Often the lady has been married once or twice before and have some children. And they start talking about "good heart" and "take care". And that usually means money and many times big money.

Before you are thinking about marrying a Thai lady you should find out first what's true or not about dowry. Don't be so sure that the lady is telling you the truth. Because I believe it's NOT in her and her families best interest to do so.

I have to add that SOMETIMES when Thai marries the dowry can be very high. It can be millions of baht. But DO NOT mix this together with what we are talking about here. They pay that amount of money as an "investment" for the future inheritance that the man is gonna have from his in-laws.

What we are talking about here on this tread is the middle class and poor people. The kind of people we normally meet.

This is a link which is giving you some FACTS.

http://www.thaiembassy.com/thailand/thai-dowry.php

http://www.marrythailand.com/thailand-dowry.php

Edited by Norlund
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You should have written: "Buddha help me!" Why would you buy a car you've already paid for and driven by many other guys?-wai2.gif

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My first thought was "who has told you"? And usually that's the lady.

Normally the foreigners come to Thailand on holiday and meet the lady in a bar or find her on the internet. Often the lady has been married once or twice before and have some children. And they start talking about "good heart" and "take care". And that usually means money and many times big money.

Before you are thinking about marrying a Thai lady you should find out first what's true or not about dowry. Don't be so sure that the lady is telling you the truth. Because I believe it's NOT in her and her families best interest to do so.

I have to add that SOMETIMES when Thai marries the dowry can be very high. It can be millions of baht. But DO NOT mix this together with what we are talking about here. They pay that amount of money as an "investment" for the future inheritance that the man is gonna have from his in-laws.

What we are talking about here on this tread is the middle class and poor people. The kind of people we normally meet.

This is a link which is giving you some FACTS.

http://www.thaiembassy.com/thailand/thai-dowry.php

http://www.marrythailand.com/thailand-dowry.php

As I'm living here currently as a single and none of my ex-GF did ever ask for dowry - no not the lady did tell me.

If you state that it's a very small amount and only practiced in Isaan, that's just not the complete truth as there are families based in BKK and paying high amounts - within Thai society.

I've read a huge amount of books about Thailand, working in Thailand, Thai society rules etc. and also have sufficient Thai and Thai-Chinese friends to have an impression.

Within the poorer classes the amount should be reasonable if paid at all - eg one exGF wanted to marry me but already 35, no job, no education so not talking about sin sod.

Bye,

Derk

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My first thought was "who has told you"? And usually that's the lady.

Normally the foreigners come to Thailand on holiday and meet the lady in a bar or find her on the internet. Often the lady has been married once or twice before and have some children. And they start talking about "good heart" and "take care". And that usually means money and many times big money.

Before you are thinking about marrying a Thai lady you should find out first what's true or not about dowry. Don't be so sure that the lady is telling you the truth. Because I believe it's NOT in her and her families best interest to do so.

I have to add that SOMETIMES when Thai marries the dowry can be very high. It can be millions of baht. But DO NOT mix this together with what we are talking about here. They pay that amount of money as an "investment" for the future inheritance that the man is gonna have from his in-laws.

What we are talking about here on this tread is the middle class and poor people. The kind of people we normally meet.

This is a link which is giving you some FACTS.

http://www.thaiembassy.com/thailand/thai-dowry.php

http://www.marrythailand.com/thailand-dowry.php

As I'm living here currently as a single and none of my ex-GF did ever ask for dowry - no not the lady did tell me.

If you state that it's a very small amount and only practiced in Isaan, that's just not the complete truth as there are families based in BKK and paying high amounts - within Thai society.

I've read a huge amount of books about Thailand, working in Thailand, Thai society rules etc. and also have sufficient Thai and Thai-Chinese friends to have an impression.

Within the poorer classes the amount should be reasonable if paid at all - eg one exGF wanted to marry me but already 35, no job, no education so not talking about sin sod.

Bye,

Derk

I have to add that SOMETIMES when Thai marries the dowry can be very high. It can be millions of baht. But DO NOT mix this together with what we are talking about here. They pay that amount of money as an "investment" for the future inheritance that the man is gonna have from his in-laws.

What we are talking about here on this tread is the middle class and poor people. The kind of people we normally meet.

This is what I wrote.

Edited by Norlund
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Pay nothing.

Farangs get hoodwinked by this "face" nonsense, but I've never heard a better explanation that childish vanity. True some people go and kill someone who they think has caused them to "lose face" but this is rare, and it happens with gangsta types in the west too. It seems that to many (most?) Thais it's more like how we think of a new car or a nice watch - sure it's good to have it's nice for people to think you're successful, but not something you bankrupt yourself to achieve. As everywhere it's more keenly felt by the poorest.

It was discussed with my wife and her family in the early days, and I made it very clear that I couldn't afford it and wouldn't be comfortable to pay it if I could, as the idea is so diametrically opposed to my own culture and values that it would sour our relationship. It caused a bit of grumbling, but eventually it was quietly dropped as I became a more regular visitor, a familiar face around the village and we had a child. We got married in a registry office, and celebrated with a nice meal with family and a couple of close friends, and I still get on well with the immediate family.

FWIW, a traditional Isaan farming family, wife was never previously married and does have a university degree. The only difference is they're decent, honest people with their own income and not grabbastic fraudsters who pimped their daughter out to pay off gambling debts.

ETA: That last comment was not directed at the OP's family, or anyone inparticular here or elsewhere, but a situation that I'm sure we have all seen.

Edited by NBD
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Sin sod is a thai tradition that every thai man and foreign man marring a thai lady must do. Even if you do not agree with it. Its all a matter of Face and respect for your in-laws and their traditions. When it came time for my brother in-law to get married the whole family came together to put it together. With that being said Sin Sod is usually negotiated between the 2 families with everybody in both families watching. Because you have no family to negotiate for you it is usually left up to the girlfriend to do on your behalf. Just try and remember how much you would end up spending in your own country to get married. Your girlfriend should by this time know what you can afford. Depending on what kind of parents she has, you should get most of the money back after the cost of the wedding. And if you don't then you have a real good idea of what kind of in-laws you have. I have seen the total cost vary but if you don't do it the whole village will know it. And they will look down on you and give you no respect.

I call B.S. on this one

But then again plenty of gullible foreigners around.

I have not paid a dime in sinsod and i know many other Thai and foreigners who have not paid it. Its an old custom and some use it to extract money from the foreigner / Thai. Its ok if it is returned but often it is not.

It certainly is not a thing everyone does that is just something those that have paid (and lost the money) say to feel better. I can see how if your twice the age of your prospected bride that you have to pay. (normal id say) but if your both educated same age ect ect. Why pay who even says its Thai custom that should rule a marriage between Thai and a foreigner.

*Sorry did not read good*

yes the money returned part .. then its just a show thing.. i think most could go with that and with the fact that you pay for your own wedding. I would find this a perfectly acceptable thing.

As a matter of interest is it B.S when a Thai pays his in-laws a Sinsod ?

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As a matter of interest is it B.S when a Thai pays his in-laws a Sinsod ?

Yes.

WRONG ...

The correct answers are ...

Yes

No

Maybe

Every situation is different.

There are almost no rules ... but there is good judgement.

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You have a child so no sin sot, just look after the parents if you can. As for saving face, If it's important then arrange to give them 100,000 and get them return 80,000 of it. That's what I did but I promised to help them out over a period of years instead. My Thai In laws have had twenty to thirty times the value of the original sin sot plus a newly built house over the years, so I think they are happy indeed.

Best wishes for the happy day

Mr Dudley I'm not

Edited by MahasarakhamMitch
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You have a child so no sin sot, just look after the parents if you can. As for saving face, If it's important then arrange to give them 100,000 and get them return 80,000 of it. That's what I did but I promised to help them out over a period of years instead. My Thai In laws have had twenty to thirty times the value of the original sin sot plus a newly built house over the years, so I think they are happy indeed. Best wishes for the happy day Mr Dudley I'm not

What, You give them 20 to 30 times the value of the original sin sod and you built them a new house. Is that 20 to 30 times the 100,000 or the 20,000 ? If it is 30x 100,000 that is 3 million plus a NEW HOUSE.

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You have a child so no sin sot, just look after the parents if you can. As for saving face, If it's important then arrange to give them 100,000 and get them return 80,000 of it. That's what I did but I promised to help them out over a period of years instead. My Thai In laws have had twenty to thirty times the value of the original sin sot plus a newly built house over the years, so I think they are happy indeed. Best wishes for the happy day Mr Dudley I'm not

What, You give them 20 to 30 times the value of the original sin sod and you built them a new house. Is that 20 to 30 times the 100,000 or the 20,000 ? If it is 30x 100,000 that is 3 million plus a NEW HOUSE.

Yes that's right and I am lucky to be able to afford this. In the beginning I had no intention to do this but over the years I have been very lucky financially and share it with the people I love. My in-laws are lovely, they knew me when I had next to nothing and treated me like a son. I'm not saying this particular chap should do this as I do not know his finances or want to know to be honest, but I suppose what I am saying is just do what you can afford.

Mr Dudley I'm not

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Maybe it's just me......

I did not pay a dowry

I did not remodel the in laws house

I did not buy them a vehicle

And....I won't either!

I am not a lottery ticket and I am not a bank...Sorry, marrying me was not a career move!

I make my money....They can do the same!

Some people never get it......And then they spend countless hours complaining about how they lost it all to a Thai woman....If you're really that foolish, you deserve to be taken for a ride!

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Maybe it's just me......

...

Some people never get it......And then they spend countless hours complaining about how they lost it all to a Thai woman....If you're really that foolish, you deserve to be taken for a ride!

Craig ... maybe it is just you.

I don't wish any misfortune on my fellow Farangs.

No-one deserves to be taken for a ride.

It would a boring world is everyone was the same as you or me for that matter.

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