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davetrout

dowery?

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My first thought was "who has told you"? And usually that's the lady.

Normally the foreigners come to Thailand on holiday and meet the lady in a bar or find her on the internet. Often the lady has been married once or twice before and have some children. And they start talking about "good heart" and "take care". And that usually means money and many times big money.

Before you are thinking about marrying a Thai lady you should find out first what's true or not about dowry. Don't be so sure that the lady is telling you the truth. Because I believe it's NOT in her and her families best interest to do so.

I have to add that SOMETIMES when Thai marries the dowry can be very high. It can be millions of baht. But DO NOT mix this together with what we are talking about here. They pay that amount of money as an "investment" for the future inheritance that the man is gonna have from his in-laws.

What we are talking about here on this tread is the middle class and poor people. The kind of people we normally meet.

This is a link which is giving you some FACTS.

http://www.thaiembassy.com/thailand/thai-dowry.php

http://www.marrythailand.com/thailand-dowry.php

As I'm living here currently as a single and none of my ex-GF did ever ask for dowry - no not the lady did tell me.

If you state that it's a very small amount and only practiced in Isaan, that's just not the complete truth as there are families based in BKK and paying high amounts - within Thai society.

I've read a huge amount of books about Thailand, working in Thailand, Thai society rules etc. and also have sufficient Thai and Thai-Chinese friends to have an impression.

Within the poorer classes the amount should be reasonable if paid at all - eg one exGF wanted to marry me but already 35, no job, no education so not talking about sin sod.

Bye,

Derk

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My first thought was "who has told you"? And usually that's the lady.

Normally the foreigners come to Thailand on holiday and meet the lady in a bar or find her on the internet. Often the lady has been married once or twice before and have some children. And they start talking about "good heart" and "take care". And that usually means money and many times big money.

Before you are thinking about marrying a Thai lady you should find out first what's true or not about dowry. Don't be so sure that the lady is telling you the truth. Because I believe it's NOT in her and her families best interest to do so.

I have to add that SOMETIMES when Thai marries the dowry can be very high. It can be millions of baht. But DO NOT mix this together with what we are talking about here. They pay that amount of money as an "investment" for the future inheritance that the man is gonna have from his in-laws.

What we are talking about here on this tread is the middle class and poor people. The kind of people we normally meet.

This is a link which is giving you some FACTS.

http://www.thaiembassy.com/thailand/thai-dowry.php

http://www.marrythailand.com/thailand-dowry.php

As I'm living here currently as a single and none of my ex-GF did ever ask for dowry - no not the lady did tell me.

If you state that it's a very small amount and only practiced in Isaan, that's just not the complete truth as there are families based in BKK and paying high amounts - within Thai society.

I've read a huge amount of books about Thailand, working in Thailand, Thai society rules etc. and also have sufficient Thai and Thai-Chinese friends to have an impression.

Within the poorer classes the amount should be reasonable if paid at all - eg one exGF wanted to marry me but already 35, no job, no education so not talking about sin sod.

Bye,

Derk

I have to add that SOMETIMES when Thai marries the dowry can be very high. It can be millions of baht. But DO NOT mix this together with what we are talking about here. They pay that amount of money as an "investment" for the future inheritance that the man is gonna have from his in-laws.

What we are talking about here on this tread is the middle class and poor people. The kind of people we normally meet.

This is what I wrote.

Edited by Norlund

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Pay nothing.

Farangs get hoodwinked by this "face" nonsense, but I've never heard a better explanation that childish vanity. True some people go and kill someone who they think has caused them to "lose face" but this is rare, and it happens with gangsta types in the west too. It seems that to many (most?) Thais it's more like how we think of a new car or a nice watch - sure it's good to have it's nice for people to think you're successful, but not something you bankrupt yourself to achieve. As everywhere it's more keenly felt by the poorest.

It was discussed with my wife and her family in the early days, and I made it very clear that I couldn't afford it and wouldn't be comfortable to pay it if I could, as the idea is so diametrically opposed to my own culture and values that it would sour our relationship. It caused a bit of grumbling, but eventually it was quietly dropped as I became a more regular visitor, a familiar face around the village and we had a child. We got married in a registry office, and celebrated with a nice meal with family and a couple of close friends, and I still get on well with the immediate family.

FWIW, a traditional Isaan farming family, wife was never previously married and does have a university degree. The only difference is they're decent, honest people with their own income and not grabbastic fraudsters who pimped their daughter out to pay off gambling debts.

ETA: That last comment was not directed at the OP's family, or anyone inparticular here or elsewhere, but a situation that I'm sure we have all seen.

Edited by NBD

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Sin sod is a thai tradition that every thai man and foreign man marring a thai lady must do. Even if you do not agree with it. Its all a matter of Face and respect for your in-laws and their traditions. When it came time for my brother in-law to get married the whole family came together to put it together. With that being said Sin Sod is usually negotiated between the 2 families with everybody in both families watching. Because you have no family to negotiate for you it is usually left up to the girlfriend to do on your behalf. Just try and remember how much you would end up spending in your own country to get married. Your girlfriend should by this time know what you can afford. Depending on what kind of parents she has, you should get most of the money back after the cost of the wedding. And if you don't then you have a real good idea of what kind of in-laws you have. I have seen the total cost vary but if you don't do it the whole village will know it. And they will look down on you and give you no respect.

I call B.S. on this one

But then again plenty of gullible foreigners around.

I have not paid a dime in sinsod and i know many other Thai and foreigners who have not paid it. Its an old custom and some use it to extract money from the foreigner / Thai. Its ok if it is returned but often it is not.

It certainly is not a thing everyone does that is just something those that have paid (and lost the money) say to feel better. I can see how if your twice the age of your prospected bride that you have to pay. (normal id say) but if your both educated same age ect ect. Why pay who even says its Thai custom that should rule a marriage between Thai and a foreigner.

*Sorry did not read good*

yes the money returned part .. then its just a show thing.. i think most could go with that and with the fact that you pay for your own wedding. I would find this a perfectly acceptable thing.

As a matter of interest is it B.S when a Thai pays his in-laws a Sinsod ?

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As a matter of interest is it B.S when a Thai pays his in-laws a Sinsod ?

Yes.

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As a matter of interest is it B.S when a Thai pays his in-laws a Sinsod ?

Yes.

WRONG ...

The correct answers are ...

Yes

No

Maybe

Every situation is different.

There are almost no rules ... but there is good judgement.

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I agree with the last post

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

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You have a child so no sin sot, just look after the parents if you can. As for saving face, If it's important then arrange to give them 100,000 and get them return 80,000 of it. That's what I did but I promised to help them out over a period of years instead. My Thai In laws have had twenty to thirty times the value of the original sin sot plus a newly built house over the years, so I think they are happy indeed.

Best wishes for the happy day

Mr Dudley I'm not

Edited by MahasarakhamMitch

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You have a child so no sin sot, just look after the parents if you can. As for saving face, If it's important then arrange to give them 100,000 and get them return 80,000 of it. That's what I did but I promised to help them out over a period of years instead. My Thai In laws have had twenty to thirty times the value of the original sin sot plus a newly built house over the years, so I think they are happy indeed. Best wishes for the happy day Mr Dudley I'm not

What, You give them 20 to 30 times the value of the original sin sod and you built them a new house. Is that 20 to 30 times the 100,000 or the 20,000 ? If it is 30x 100,000 that is 3 million plus a NEW HOUSE.

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You have a child so no sin sot, just look after the parents if you can. As for saving face, If it's important then arrange to give them 100,000 and get them return 80,000 of it. That's what I did but I promised to help them out over a period of years instead. My Thai In laws have had twenty to thirty times the value of the original sin sot plus a newly built house over the years, so I think they are happy indeed. Best wishes for the happy day Mr Dudley I'm not

What, You give them 20 to 30 times the value of the original sin sod and you built them a new house. Is that 20 to 30 times the 100,000 or the 20,000 ? If it is 30x 100,000 that is 3 million plus a NEW HOUSE.

Yes that's right and I am lucky to be able to afford this. In the beginning I had no intention to do this but over the years I have been very lucky financially and share it with the people I love. My in-laws are lovely, they knew me when I had next to nothing and treated me like a son. I'm not saying this particular chap should do this as I do not know his finances or want to know to be honest, but I suppose what I am saying is just do what you can afford.

Mr Dudley I'm not

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After being married to my Thai Wife for 29 Years and upon returning to Thailand in 2012 the subject of a Dowery has come up a few times.

I just ask em how much DO I GET?

Edited by StevenHeidbriderSr
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Maybe it's just me......

I did not pay a dowry

I did not remodel the in laws house

I did not buy them a vehicle

And....I won't either!

I am not a lottery ticket and I am not a bank...Sorry, marrying me was not a career move!

I make my money....They can do the same!

Some people never get it......And then they spend countless hours complaining about how they lost it all to a Thai woman....If you're really that foolish, you deserve to be taken for a ride!

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Maybe it's just me......

...

Some people never get it......And then they spend countless hours complaining about how they lost it all to a Thai woman....If you're really that foolish, you deserve to be taken for a ride!

Craig ... maybe it is just you.

I don't wish any misfortune on my fellow Farangs.

No-one deserves to be taken for a ride.

It would a boring world is everyone was the same as you or me for that matter.

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You have summed up most succinctly.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

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