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I rebuilt the family house at a cost of 1million baht - 4 bedrooms and fully furnished but that was done as much for my wife and I, to provide a bedroom for us when we stay and a european toilet, hot shower, etc.

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To be fair you could stay at a decent hotel several times every year for a fraction of that, and not have to share your space with others.

Not saying what you did was wrong but I think your rationale (which I have heard dozens of times btw) reads more like a justification than reality.

Theres a hotel beside my Mrs parents, swimming pool and the works, for 500 baht a night. Definetly still cheaper to do that (despite what my wife may say.)

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Just because Dagenham Dave and Billy from Billericay was ripped off doesnt mean you have to be another farang mug.

Sorry the family cant say any number they like, the family are Thai, they know their place on the local pecking order and the local thais as well as her family know her worth.

Your personal life has everything to do with it, your choice of wife and her family was a personal choice, not the choice of we who live here.

Ok here goes, Thai style.

What university did the girl attend?

What did she major in?

Where is she working?

Whats her position within the company?

Whats her salary?

What about the parents, whats their profession, whats their income?

How much land do they own (proper chanot now none of your gov't land rubbish)?

How much is their house worth?.

How much money do they have in the bank?

What about her brothers and sisters, what do they do?

Anyway to keep it simple, back of a fag packet, going rate, 1 year of the girls salary.

Friend married a uni educated girl, speaks perfect English (including reading and writing) local g'ovt employee with all the benefits such as medical insurance and pension.

He paid 300k, start working on what you should be deducting.

Never mind the sin sot, what about the envelopes, who keeps them, who pays for the wedding?

Is the sin sot a down payment with monthly installments to follow?

How much is the girl contributing to the cost?

Your girl is Thai, she knows these unspoken rules, I can only assume, her English or your Thai isnt good enough for each to be understood.

You may wish to reconsider your choice of partner.

Plenty of well educated hard working girls with decent families in Issan, spend some time up there, learn the language and you will meet them.

While I don't agree with everything written above ... there is a lot of good stuff for contemplation.

Well written ... thumbsup.gif

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I also agree with most of rgs2001uk says and he posts some challenging thoughts on the case against sin sod.

I am against it and my views have hardened overtime.

The significant majority of expats (myself included) will not meet a Thai lady who fits all the criteria set out by rgs2001uk and matches their own social status enjoyed in their home country. Equally. most of us are unlikely to find a 55 kilo dusky beauty, who is 20 years younger, back home either.

When we discover Thailand and find a suitable partner (bearing in mind this is Isaan) there seems to be an initial urge to improve the lot of our new partner and embrace every Thai culture - just to show our Thainess. I speak for myself, I don't expect that everyone was as naive as me.

I must have visited a hundred temples in my first year, read a dozen books on life in Thailand, prostrated myself in front of scores of Buddhas, eaten every bug, somtam and nam prik going - all to show my Thainess. I spent tens of thousand Baht buying gifts/giving small money to family members and buying cases of LEO/Change for family and neighbours to enjoy.

Sorry, but for me. that 'excessive' approach wears off, as does the desire to talk up your own financial statues and what you will do with your money in Thailand.

I was not green - a little naive - but not green. I never spent more than i was prepared to and I NEVER felt ripped off by the family at any point. On one occasion I gave some money to 'Papa' and the missus asked me how much. I told her 1,000 Baht. She told me that was far too much as he would then go out and buy whiskey to drink with his neighbour and Mama would not see him for 3 days!

I quickly realised that I had stumbled into a 'good' family - poor, but not money-grabbing or conniving.

They wouldn't tick many of rgs2001uk's criteria boxes. But, over 7 years later we are still going. I have improved the lot of my partner and her family - all within the financial boundaries I have set.

We should marry. My wife would receive over 50,000 Baht per month upon my demise apart from any capital sums.

Will we marry? Not sure because sin sod will be any issue. Despite being married before my partner would expect sin sod to be paid. I am vehemently, and stubbornly, opposed to the whole principle of sin sod and do not believe that is something a Farang should get involved in. It is most likely that in situations such as mine that a Farang would take far better financial care of a wife than a Thai husband could do.

Even posting this feels like an unnecessary justification for the case against sin sod.

Time will tell whether stubbornness is more of a Thai or Farang trait !

Another well thought out post.

Again, don't agree with everything ... but some great discussion points ... thumbsup.gif

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