Sinsod maybe the end

[Izbbroke]

I met this woman 14 months ago. She's now 30 and I'm 45. When we first met I was reluctant about online dating to a point but open in the sense that you never know.

We talked for about 4 months and decided to meet. I flew to CM to meet her and spent two weeks there. Met her mother, her daughter, and a portion of her family. We fell in love during this trip.

I then flew there later again last year and we became engaged.

She is a wonderful woman and a good mother. She has a 5 year old daughter. Father isn't around. She had a quick marriage before daughter was born for birth certificate reasons. Then divorced later.

Sinsod is now becoming the major issue we deal with. We are engaged and love each other very much. I love her daughter as if she was mine. I've been supporting all of them including her mother for over a year. 1500+ usd each month. Sending extra at time to help keep her daughter in a nice school etc. the 1500 has been sure and she can count on it.

Now that we want to marry her mom insists I pay Sinsod. I mKe make good money and overall I can deal with paying it. This issue I can not do it all at one time. It's haRd to save for a big Thai wedding and Sinsod. She believes mom will deny wedding if Sinsod not paid in full full at wedding. I suggested maybe over 3 months.

Fact is I cannot keep us together sending her 1500usd on top of my bills and save money for a wedding. I love her and she loves me but seems Sinsod is going to end us.

Any insight from anyone?

[Izbbroke]

To add I already booked flights there and back to be there for our wedding.

[Lite Beer]

From what I read if she has been married before and has kids you should not have to pay anything.

[PoorSucker]

Sinsod is only paid for virgins.

[doontp]

OMG

It's common knowledge to not pay sinsod if the lady already has a baby. They know this and they are trying to take advantage of you. Sinsod is to be paid only if virginity can be verified. You're providing a lot of monthly money to them and they are trying to squeeze more out of you. $1,500/month is a lot by Thai standards.

Cut them off for one month and see how they react. It's a card game and you've got all the Ace's.

Simple Simple Simple.

[Izbbroke]

Yes she has a girl whom I also love. Prior marriage. But I know my fiancé will listen to mom. Thai way.......

[Izbbroke]

That's the stance I took. I mean I love her but damn. Told her if if mom has to have it I'm not sending anything til we marry

[Izbbroke]

I know it's a lot. She has a car and a failed business to pay for.

I'm just not sure how to deal with this other than what I've done. Say I'm not sending anymore til after married.

[JDGRUEN]

Fly the G/F to you home country and get married ... go back to Thailand and fund a wedding party ... register your marriage with the Thai government / local officials ... You are now legally and morally married... A WHOLE LOT LESS COSTS and risks... The Mother in Law and your new wife will not like it -- but too bad

[David48]

From what I read if she has been married before and has kids you should not have to pay anything.

Sinsod is only paid for virgins.

... and there you have it.

Excellent advice from Members who know.

Next ...

[Izbbroke]

That was one one of the last things I said. Go apply for a marriage visa and we will marry here.

Just stupid that Sinsod is becoming an issue.

I understand the purpose of it, but I'm not taking help or an income away.

I am the income.

[tingtong]

sorry, but it is hard to believe you serious!!

if anything, 5-10.000 baht ( 200-300$) a month should be generous help for mama!!

1500$? come on, we ( a family of 3) live on less, easily!!

it is called helping, not upholding parasites!!

as for sinsod,

in general there should be none! for a prior married woman, on top with a child too.

in this case that you sending 1000s of $$$ to mama, and still dare to ask sinsid?

SHAME on Them!

tell your girl to sort out mama, you can and willing to take care of her, and kid; and that is fine.

cut mama's stripend to bellow 10.000thb a month...

and firmly say no sinsod.

if your girl loves you, and i mean really loves you, she will understand where you stand, and will decide to sort out greedy mom.

if she isnt, well, better luck next time!

[taninthai]

from your first post it reads you have only met her twice ,and got engaged the 2nd time you met her and now plan to marry when you meet her for the third time,crazy.....

if sin sot is paid ,it is also usually returned to the couple after the wedding minus a few wedding costs.

[Izbbroke]

Mobile on this site sucks.

Ting yes I agree. Yes I do send that much. Yes it is mom that is greedy or her wanting to make sure she saves face for mom.

The whole save face thing is crazy.

[HeavyDrinker]

Alas, you're not the first, you won't be the last....

[Izbbroke]

Correct taninthai.

[Costas2008]

PoorSucker, on 06 Jan 2014 - 10:33, said:

Sinsod is only paid for virgins.

Why? Isn't she a Virgin?.......You Falangs......know nothing.

[Upnotover]

As you were paying even before you met her I imagine the whole lot of them see you as a soft touch. Your girl is old enough to make her own decisions. No crappy wedding party, no sinsod at all.

[steelepulse]

Milk and a cow come to mind here. Mama is milking you.

[Morden]

Sinsot is for the traditional marriage ceremony of virgin brides. To be a little bit more practical, it's for brides who appear to be virgins - no previous relationship and no children. To be even more practical, it's about 'face' for the family whether or not there have been previous marriages or there are children. The cash and gold go to mother who usually pays for the wedding from the cash and hands the gold and remainder of the cash to the bride.

Paying the sinsot by instalments is not on the cards. It has to be shown off at the wedding.

Mother's wishes override those of the bride and groom.

The traditional wedding is not recognised in law. My understanding is that the groom acquires no legal rights whatsoever.

The groom might suggest having a legal marriage at the local Amphur office first and considering the traditional ceremony and party later. By doing that he would acquire a husband's legal rights and have time to see how things pan out with mother.

Sinsot is against the instinct of most Western husbands but this is Thailand, as they say. Dig in your heals with a total refusal and you may lose a genuine lady because she is obliged to put mother first. You need to be flexible. The lady is caught in a cleft stick and the would-be husband should look for a compromise that suits him and digs her out with dignity.

[Izbbroke]

The whole Sinsod thing IMO is just a show to friends. Look what we got........

[uptheos]

Izbbroke.....good troll name.

Is this the breeding season or something?

[Izbbroke]

Uptheos

I'm not a troll.

[Izbbroke]

Morden

Thank you for the most educational reply.

I'm not against paying honestly. But between my bills and hers there is no way I can save for all that is being asked for. Someone needs to give.

Cancelled wedding....or a show as you say and mom gets Sinsod over a few months. Or I walk my ass on. Leaving a lovely woman and child.

If Sinsod means more than supporting a family WELL for a year then .

[inzman]

Your being suckered big time. You are only a cash cow, man up! Sinsod is never paid for a divorcee with a child. Look it up. Any relationship that begins with money is not real. You are paying way too much monthly. That is the reason that they think they can milk you big time. Would you pay this to get a white women? You left your brains on the train. Another sucker comes to Thailand, why do educated normal white guys lose their brains when it comes to Thai girls? You are a future victim, I await your sad story in the future. Read Thailand Fever.

[chrisandsu]

honestly someone needs to put one on your chin then you might wake up with some sense . Has to be a troll no one could possibly be that stupid or desperate .

[Brevity]

I agree with tingtong that it is hard to believe that he is serious. This query has all the parts of a classic and age-old Thai-Farang relationship scam with the greedy MIL who wants something that she knows she shouldn't even ask for.

I really can't believe that this isn't a troll post. But if by some small chance it is for real, I would advise the OP to avoid marriage (in Thailand) completely. If he has to ask about this type of situation (and doesn't have the ability to research something like this with tonnes of information available on the internet) he is likely very naive and not well equipped to determine what is happening around him in Thailand. He will definitely be financially and spiritual picked dead by the family he (allegedly) is thinking about marrying into.

[Morden]

Morden

Thank you for the most educational reply.

I'm not against paying honestly. But between my bills and hers there is no way I can save for all that is being asked for. Someone needs to give.

Cancelled wedding....or a show as you say and mom gets Sinsod over a few months. Or I walk my ass on. Leaving a lovely woman and child.

If Sinsod means more than supporting a family WELL for a year then

You're welcome.

Perhaps you should take some more time to absorb the shock and then talk privately with your lady about the financial implications. It would be a pity to lose her over this issue. Mother won't want to lose her potential son-in-law either so take your time and suggest compromises to your lady. Thinks laterally for a solution.

[Izbbroke]

Must love all the internet replies. Morden might be the only one that rationally replied.

I do know that Thai family ties are strong, and some old school mothers might insist on Sinsod.

I have taken good care of this woman and her family. I came here looking for some sane advice on how to handle this situation. Not to be told you are a sucker you are being scammed.

All insight is welcome but don't let everything you have read in the past to cause your replies to mean one way.

I'm not a troll. I came here asking a simple question. Maybe I'm a sucker, maybe I'm not and just looking for some outside views. Don't be so harsh people.....lol

[Brevity]

"I came here looking for some sane advice on how to handle this situation. Not to be told you are a sucker you are being scammed."

Sometimes it's best not to ask the question if you might not like the answer.

You obviously know a lot more about Thai families than the people who have lived surrounded by Thai culture for many years, so I think it would be a very good idea (for you) to give the MIL twice what she wants and be a good SIL.