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Do you like being the only farang at Thai events?


benj005

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I'm retired now and living in a village about an hour and a half outside of Chiang Mai - but have been coming to Thailand for nearly 12 years. Since my wife is the only person that speaks English in our village (and her's is limited), and my Thai is not good enough for conversation, I can tell you from experience it can be very frustrating. Also, I frequently go out with her family to Thai restaurants where it's the same situation regarding a lack of English speaking people - and yes, the word faring often comes up.  I know their sometimes talking about me (good and bad), but that doesn't bother me whatsoever - I am my own person, I know who I am and where I come from. I won't allow 63 years of life-long experience to be swept away by Thai ignorance or a language barrier. So, in short, it can be very challenging being the only farang in the house - but you have to maintain your self worth at all times. I often think of how some non-English speaking Thais would feel if they were dropped off in mid-town Manhattan.....maybe like a fish out of water????

Edited by joejai
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If it is a new experience it can be fun, after a while the smile wears thin.


Yes! Yes! I spoke with my fiancé about this very thing this week. I live in Bangkapi and often am the only white person everywhere I go. I'm okay with this but... I frequent the gym and on this day again had running shorts, workout tank top, and sneakers. I did not want to make a lunch stop in the middle of the mall with her; straight to gym, I preferred. I tried to explain that everywhere I go, all the time, I am the only white guy. This is fine with me as I'm not talkative and actually don't make friends easily. But having so many eyes on me becomes exhausting after a while, especially when self conscious I'm in skimpy dress. Perhaps others don't have this experience. If I must shift my privates, pick my nose, anything... someone is watching. There was a book and some studies done recently regarding "The sense of being stared at." This is a real phenomena, and it can get exhausting to those sensitive to this. "...after a while it [does] where thin."

 

Our house is in that part of Bangkok and I love the fact that I don't have to listen to people's inane conversations or have to have conversations with random people who want to talk. And with the boat into Bangkok I can have that experience for a few B and a 25 minute boat ride.

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 I won't allow 63 years of life-long experience to be swept away by Thai ignorance or a language barrier. 

 

Strange that you call your lack of ability communicate ignorance on part of the Thais you are with. Must make for a fascinating and frustrating relationship you have there.

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If invited to a social event by Thais, It would not make any difference whether there were farang guests there or not.
 
From experience, especially here in Chiang Mai, the chances are if there were farangs present you have not met before and don`t know them, these farangs will not be sociable, inhospitable and will blank you anyway and if approached maybe vague, or curt, brush you off or ignore you completely, especially if they are with their own cliques or a part of some of the Thai groups.attending..
 
In such situations I have found that many farangs who we may meet out at social events will be unapproachable and will often make that absolutely clear even just by the expressions on their faces and deliberate behaviours of totally ignoring the other farang, giving them a wide berth, hardly making eye contact.


Beetlejuice, you really know a very different group of foreigners than I do in Chiang Mai! But, the ones I know don't deliberately isolate themselves in a Thai village, thinking they're somehow better than other foreigners who have chosen to live here.

I must say, the type of event described could be equally painful even if everyone speaks the same language. I'm thinking about how my own dear husband grinned-and-beared-it thru holiday celebrations of my extended family in the U.S. Way too long, too much discussion of events long ago and people he didn't know, topics of no interest to him, to much consumption of heavy food and too much alcohol, interfered with his afternoon nap time, etc, etc. Of course, I loved it, but I knew he went to these events just to keep me happy, the sweetheart that he is. (Once wifi came on the scene, he appointed himself the official umpire for disputes of fact that came up in conversations. This just served to deflate much of the endless speculation my family loved to do about questions of fact, when he'd pipe up with the real fact to settle a family dispute -- the rat!) Edited by NancyL
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If invited to a social event by Thais, It would not make any difference whether there were farang guests there or not.
 
From experience, especially here in Chiang Mai, the chances are if there were farangs present you have not met before and don`t know them, these farangs will not be sociable, inhospitable and will blank you anyway and if approached maybe vague, or curt, brush you off or ignore you completely, especially if they are with their own cliques or a part of some of the Thai groups.attending..
 
In such situations I have found that many farangs who we may meet out at social events will be unapproachable and will often make that absolutely clear even just by the expressions on their faces and deliberate behaviours of totally ignoring the other farang, giving them a wide berth, hardly making eye contact.


Beetlejuice, you really know a very different group of foreigners than I do in Chiang Mai! But, the ones I know don't deliberately isolate themselves in a Thai village, thinking they're somehow better than other foreigners who have chosen to live here.

I must say, the type of event described could be equally painful even if everyone speaks the same language. I'm thinking about how my own dear husband grinned-and-beared-it thru holiday celebrations of my extended family in the U.S. Way too long, too much discussion of events long ago and people he didn't know, topics of no interest to him, to much consumption of heavy food and too much alcohol, interfered with his afternoon nap time, etc, etc. Of course, I loved it, but I knew he went to these events just to keep me happy, the sweetheart that he is. (Once wifi came on the scene, he appointed himself the official umpire for disputes of fact that came up in conversations. This just served to deflate much of the endless speculation my family loved to do about questions of fact, when he'd pipe up with the real fact to settle a family dispute -- the rat!)

 

 

I have to agree with Nancy - I live in Hang Dong and have found multiple friendly people, some of which have turned into - or in the process of turning into friends....a ready smile helps.....I have seen some that don't acknowledge people as they walk down the street but you see that everywhere - especially in the latest version of USA.....here we get to experience from different backrounds that we would not in our home country.....I have a bad habit of taking for granted everyone farangwise speaks english which is a bad assumption on my part.....I do notice if I say hi or smile and nod it's returned maybe 60/40......

 

As for being the only farang? It happens semi-often...some Thai's like to show they can speak a little english and will approach and have a limited chat - some have an angle - others seem curious on the friendly side....after all we're all pretty much the same individually around the globe....I find a sense of humor works as a great barrier reliever and am aware that I am on display and more than a few folks know nothing about us so try and be the best ambassador possible.....once they figure out we're all pretty much the same the vibe is good.....good manners are noticed so I try and exibit them at all times deferring to the elders, lending a hand when possible, accepting something that might be handed to me instead of asking an explantion from my wife first....generally being as real and diplomatic as possible....the Thai people are very keen and observant and pick up verbal and non verbal communications - they know when something they see is the real deal......

 

Neither my wife or I are the type to go out and "work" a room, or be loud and boisterous or force or try and make instant impressions/friends - those are the type we avoid until we either are introduced or somehow connect with......neither of us are scene stealers or attention mongers......more on the reserved side here and my wife is naturally shy but we do not have the problems the first poster seems to with CM.....

 

That being said we are not bar frequenters either.....no sense going to the places where the odds are problems could fall out of the sky.....

Edited by pgrahmm
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 I won't allow 63 years of life-long experience to be swept away by Thai ignorance or a language barrier. 

 

Strange that you call your lack of ability communicate ignorance on part of the Thais you are with. Must make for a fascinating and frustrating relationship you have there.

 

 

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Fascinating???........ No.........Frustrating???......... Yes - but at times it can be most challenging. My reference to "Thai ignorance" comes from the fact that many Thais have a lack of knowledge and information regarding farangs which sometimes can hinder a relationship. Also, many (but not all) Thais will judge farangs unfairly simply because we don't speak their language. 

Edited by joejai
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If given the choice, I'd rather be one amongst many Thais, than lumped in with a bunch of farang and no Thais. I like my farang brothers and sisters, but I am in Thailand for a reason. Also, isn't there any booze at that condo party?


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand Edited by craigstroud
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Last year I went to Kon Kahn zoo.  Bought the ticket from the pleasant young ticket lady.  I got on the Tram that drives around the zoo and started the tour.  At the very next stop about 80 school kids got on!   I was the only farang.  One of the teachers sat behind me and he spoke enough english for us to communicate a bit.  Two of the kids shyly started to talk and interact and point out things as the tram drove by.  Of course the other dozens were staring and giggling.  Typical kid stuff we all used to do. For the next hour or so we all kind of mingled as we fed the girraffes, saw the same exhibits got on and off the tram at each stop, etc.  Near the end I got off one stop before the main gate area and all the kids waved bye bye and were smiling. Heck it made their day and probably gave them something to talk about.  They live out in some of the areas where they don't see or interact with too many farang.

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Last year I went to Kon Kahn zoo.  Bought the ticket from the pleasant young ticket lady.  I got on the Tram that drives around the zoo and started the tour.  At the very next stop about 80 school kids got on!   I was the only farang.  One of the teachers sat behind me and he spoke enough english for us to communicate a bit.  Two of the kids shyly started to talk and interact and point out things as the tram drove by.  Of course the other dozens were staring and giggling.  Typical kid stuff we all used to do. For the next hour or so we all kind of mingled as we fed the girraffes, saw the same exhibits got on and off the tram at each stop, etc.  Near the end I got off one stop before the main gate area and all the kids waved bye bye and were smiling. Heck it made their day and probably gave them something to talk about.  They live out in some of the areas where they don't see or interact with too many farang.

 

Good story about something that happens often, the Farang experiencing the friendliness of Kon Thai.

Edited by GLOPglopMAmaTONG
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I happen to love the sound and tone and meter of the Thai language, the way the women speak it anyway.   I have never felt too out of place or too unwelcome when outnumbered.  A bit awkward at times for sure, but not much of an issue.  Every little bit of Thai conversation I hear or get involved in helps me learn or re-learn the language

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I happen to love the sound and tone and meter of the Thai language, the way the women speak it anyway.   I have never felt too out of place or too unwelcome when outnumbered.  A bit awkward at times for sure, but not much of an issue.  Every little bit of Thai conversation I hear or get involved in helps me learn or re-learn the language

 

I agree with every word.

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