Should I stay or leave Thailand?

[inbangkok]

The thing that stood out most to me is that you have only been seeing her for 3 months, yet you claim if you move back to American she would still expect $100-$150 a month. Why? Your girlfriend (especially one of such a short period of time) should not be relying on you for money. If this is the case, I would highly recommend finding a new girlfriend even if you decide to stay in Thailand.

[Grindting]

I don't think anybody should move to a country just because of a job! In my eyes ( and probably not your eyes viewers...) You should live in the Country that offers you more of the things you enjoy doing! Being an outdoor person Thailand is excellent for me and i am very busy with my hobbies " walking,exploring,photography,train journeys,strolling and random chats with the world en route and lovely afternoons spent relaxing on my rock in the sunshine and swimming in the sea."I live on an incredibly small income as most of you know ( 6,000 baht a month inc rent " all in " ) I would never say that my life is perfect ( far from it ) but i have fun and enjoy myself every day with loads of " light hearted banter and generally being very silly " I have often been asked if i would like to work as a teacher ( i do have some experience ) and with a wage of 30,000 baht a month would be amazing considering all my Thai friends earn around 9,000 baht a month! BUT if i worked a 30 hour week i agree i would have more money but Money isn't everything! Life is very short and i value my time,I would hate to be " stuck indoors " or stuck in a classroom " all day in Air con ! I cannot handle aircon and all the lovely sunshine i would miss out on! When you way things up my life would not be superior and i would miss out on all the things i would enjoy doing! I personally would probably get far more out of working as a volunteer teacher ( FREE ) at a local school for Blind children working 2 days a week!

Life is not about " money and career building " ( that's a very old school view ) Its about getting out there and enjoying yourself and having fun!

Farang Jaidee

Nice post but don't forget you're already 'setup' with an income and have reserves and assets etc, the OP has nothing and is starting from zero. So until he establishes himself he may have to do some 'suffering' in life. I do agree though that it can be painful and sometimes not worth the agro. I moved to a remote part of Norway for a job one with the intent to do it for 2 years and bank a fortune. It only Lasted 2 months as I couldn't be away from my wife, she wouldn't be able to cope living there and in the end it was 18hrs of darkness, absolutely nothing to do, minus 25 degrees, shitty hotel with just a bed and a wifi connection. I had to get out of there!! If I stayed I could have bought another apartment in london (deposit), but is it worth that level of misery? So I quit and have been out of work for the last 9 months enjoying life with the wife travelling! Only live once and we don't have kids yet...

But I've got to come back to reality soon as the reserves are only going to last so long so I'm already hunting around for the next job. Got an offer in Saudi (Riyadh) which was bloody good money but... Do I want to subject my wife to living there? No way. She said she won't go, and I don't blame her. So back to the drawing board...

[Mike45]

"Social Security benefits are calculated on the amount you paid in for the last 20 years before you turn 65. You'll lose all SS if you don't work in the US."

1) Correction to the statement above that one person made. SS benefits in the USA are not calculated on the amount paid in the last 20 years before 65 , they are calculated on averaged indexed monthly earnings of the 35 years you earned the most. Not that this changes the picture much, but just to make sure you have the correct information. Always check the government website for the latest and verifiably correct information.

2) Also, to the poster who told you dont let your balls rule your brain. While true, the statement assumes your relationship is about sex and not love. So, maybe speaks something about that poster's view on relationships. If you do truly love this girl, and she loves you, and the relationship is really strong, then making the tough choices to make sure your future is better, is also in her best interests, if you intend to stay together. If the relationship is strong and you both are committed, then you should both be ok with making the best choice for the future, even if it means some hardship in the shorter term. And it would seem like a move back to the USA would be a better financial alternative. Good Luck

3) And while yes, there may be many others in the same boat as you, but that does not make your situation any better. Yes, misery loves company, but really, how much of a consolation can it be when you have no food, to know others are starving too somewhere in the world. And one should try not to rely on the government solely in their retirement plan. As has been in the news, SS is now in territory where incoming funding is less than outgoing SS benefit payments. ANd if a depression hits, the funding will drop even more, so at some point, there are likely to be changes in SS. e.g. increase the age limit again from 67 to something higher and/or reducing the SS benefits. These have to be done to keep SS afloat, so one needs to be prepared for this in retirement planning, as well as planning for inflation.

You are at the age where it is critical, as time is running out, to take advantage of longer term compounding, but may be able to still make it, if you hurry and do it right. Good Luck

I used the calculator on the Social Security web site that has you input each years earnings and projected Zero for all years after 55 years old. The difference was negligible to me. I plan to retire at 55.

[kimbathewhitelion]

Question, where did you meet gf? Question 2, what is her "stable job"?

I stayed, easy say "F" Off America, married with a home. Side note NEVER buy anything in a girlfriend's name. Those horror stories are about idiots who bought houses/cars in gfs name, then gf dumps them and gets all. In marriage, money goes back to you.

[brianp0803]

Depending on your salary you paid into social security you may not get much.

I thought it was based on the highest 30 years of earnings. I have about 23 years at max social security salary and the rest low.

In Thailand your likely not going to add to your assets.

Currently Thailand allows you to teach up to 4 years without a degree in education.

Good luck finding stable employment at language schools at 45 years old and low salary.

Assuming you could earn money until 67, will you have enough assets to retire. At least a few hundred thousand dollars minimum and social security might be able to live here.

[takkatan in the land]

If you have to ask on an internet forum for the answer to such a life-changing decision............why don't you just flip a coin?

True.

I just don't have a lot of support here in Thailand. My family and friends can't relate. Most still think Thailand is a 3rd world country, and most people live in mud huts. I kid you not.

thailand IT IS a 3rd world country if you have not regular income or endless savings, and much worse for foreigners

I understand you're doubting because it may be nice to live here than living in a western country, but you must do your math and try to figure out what are you going to do when you get old

If you think with 35k bath a month you can manage to pile up enough savings for your elder years then I would say you go ahead

However, I know it can sound little egoist but you have to think in yourself first, girlfriends may come and go easyly here ore everywhere else in the world

But even in the best of the scenarios if gf stays then you must look further and start adding some few more ?.....00K to your numbers to have your gf's family happy, also if you get marry you will have to prove to the govt that you can support her to can obtain your marriage visa

if contrarily to all of this you don't see it clear would be better to think more in the economical part and try to get your contribution pension payments before you get to old to procure yourself a good retire payment

sometimes life is so easy but we complicate it, also some people it's like mesmerized with this country

my vision of thailand --- good place to live if you have lots of money, like everywhere else indeed

but the most important council I dare to give you is that whatever you deceide carry on with it and believe on it otherwise it won't works, because as you told before all of us we use to leave our homelands are often not understood by many of our friends or family

is not the same to have an american wife or a thai wife, if you deceide to have a thai wife later after the past of the years don't complain about it, you must be concious of what are you going to do, diffent culture, different lifestyle, etc..

you can always get divorce if does not works but what I mean is if you ever regret few years later it should not be for something you could be aware of it before, I mean there is a lot of information now to can learn about things without having to live it

[brianp0803]

At 45 years old I am suprised you talk about a life changing commitment with someone you know 3 months in a foreign country.

Do you have much experience with relationships?

Earning $10 per hour part time in America compared to 35,000 baht per month then short time Thailand seems better.

But America has better opportunities for advancement.

Probably difficult to have a relationship at 45 years old earnings $10 per hour.

Do you have 10 years paying into social security to at least collect the minimum when you retire?

That might me enough to survive in the countryside?

You said you have education and some teaching in Korea. But at 45 you must have more job history.

Many people are suggest long term planning.

How did you get in this position and what is the next step to a better position?

Being with a person you love is better than rich but the odds of people in a lot better situation than you staying together is very small. Lack of money will cause stress on your relationship. It can overcome, but difficult.

Making decisions based on a relationship of 3 months with someone you need to give money every month seems like the kind of thinking that got you into this position.

[Grindting]

If you have to ask on an internet forum for the answer to such a life-changing decision............why don't you just flip a coin?

True.

I just don't have a lot of support here in Thailand. My family and friends can't relate. Most still think Thailand is a 3rd world country, and most people live in mud huts. I kid you not.

thailand IT IS a 3rd world country if you have not regular income or endless savings, and much worse for foreigners

I understand you're doubting because it may be nice to live here than living in a western country, but you must do your math and try to figure out what are you going to do when you get old

If you think with 35k bath a month you can manage to pile up enough savings for your elder years then I would say you go ahead

However, I know it can sound little egoist but you have to think in yourself first, girlfriends may come and go easyly here ore everywhere else in the world

But even in the best of the scenarios if gf stays then you must look further and start adding some few more ?.....00K to your numbers to have your gf's family happy, also if you get marry you will have to prove to the govt that you can support her to can obtain your marriage visa

if contrarily to all of this you don't see it clear would be better to think more in the economical part and try to get your contribution pension payments before you get to old to procure yourself a good retire payment

sometimes life is so easy but we complicate it, also some people it's like mesmerized with this country

my vision of thailand --- good place to live if you have lots of money, like everywhere else indeed

but the most important council I dare to give you is that whatever you deceide carry on with it and believe on it otherwise it won't works, because as you told before all of us we use to leave our homelands are often not understood by many of our friends or family

is not the same to have an american wife or a thai wife, if you deceide to have a thai wife later after the past of the years don't complain about it, you must be concious of what are you going to do, diffent culture, different lifestyle, etc..

you can always get divorce if does not works but what I mean is if you ever regret few years later it should not be for something you could be aware of it before, I mean there is a lot of information now to can learn about things without having to live it

Exactly. It's all relative as well. If you have £100,000 worth of pension / assets by the time you retire you're pretty much fvcked, and will have to resort to a Canarysun sort of lifestyle.

If you have £1,000,000 In assets in the UK (rental homes) you can enjoy a decent enough life in Thailand. But still can't fly first class.,

If you have £10,000,000 in assets you can enjoy a very nice life in london or New York and go to Thailand twice or as many times as you like a year (with your elite card) but chances are you'll go to cleaner destinations.. Flying first class all the way...

If you have £100,000,000 in assets you can enjoy a very comfortable life in Monaco with a yacht and a sea view 8 bed apartment.

At 45 in regards to your current status, if you remain in Thailand you'll end up begging out on the streets after your woman has ripped you off for everything how ever man years down the line

Edited October 12, 2014 by Grindting

[uptheos]

You see it's not only about the money but when you have been living in a different country with a very different culture it is " incredibly difficult " to adapt to living back in your home country.

Disagree 100%, it's no more difficult than moving to another culture from your homeland.

Yes, most like Thailand and many are long timers, you and I about the same it seems. But I go home at least once a year and quite enjoy being there, nothing difficult to adapt to I know the rules and haven't lost contact with the good and bad things happening. The place of birth, growing up, working years, values etc, will always be with a person, no matter how much they might be denied. IMO it is those who are bitter about something back there or can't/too scared to go back, are the ones who usually say it's too difficult. It's not so difficult for hundred's of thousands of Asians, African's etc, who are fighting to get there and when succeeding most have an enjoyable life so why is it so difficult for a native of that country to return?

[canarysun]

How very droll Mr Grindting...... You seem to see me as " The Raggedy Man " who lives " a low quality life " ( " Donald Ducked " )

Houses in Monaco and flash yachts moored in Puerto Banus .... These are all material things! life is all about being happy and having a giraffe ( laugh ) i am happy riding around on an old second hand bicycle with a 100 baht in my pocket!

Farang Jaidee

[SpokaneAl]

How very droll Mr Grindting...... You seem to see me as " The Raggedy Man " who lives " a low quality life " ( " Donald Ducked " )

Houses in Monaco and flash yachts moored in Puerto Banus .... These are all material things! life is all about being happy and having a giraffe ( laugh ) i am happy riding around on an old second hand bicycle with a 100 baht in my pocket!

Farang Jaidee

"An old second hand bike and 100 baht in your pocket." More power to you and I am happy that you are happy. That said, while I own no yachts, that ain't enough for me.

[ChiangMike]

If you have to ask on an internet forum for the answer to such a life-changing decision............why don't you just flip a coin?

Leaving or staying with the options presented by the OP, it's still a coin flip regardless of the path taken - no harm in him seeking input.

OP, consider that if you go back to the US for a $10/hour job (barely above minimum wage) on the hope that eventually you'll get a better teaching gig, you're talking about a process of many years before you could return for any substantive amount of time. That's if things work out well.

We all hear stories about the folks stuck in Thailand who can't afford to move back to their home country and have a difficult time sustaining themselves -- but there's also the people who go back to their home countries in order to work/save so that someday they can return with a higher quality of life, except the financial challenges at home are a lot more than they anticipated and someday never comes.

Good luck to you sir. Roll the dice.

[kannot]

Stay. Trying to get anybody into "fortress America" these days is a waste of time. In Europe they can just get any gal even a hooker a tourist visa but Americans? Nooooooo... we can't even get our married wives tourist visas because our government is too paranoid about illegals and terrorists. Put that one down as another one of the "benefits" of being a US citizen..

Try getting your hooker into the UK these days, youll need a minimum salary of about £18000, Im afraid Dudley Punt really wouldnt get them in anymore, you might have to Google "Dudley Punt"

[kannot]

Stay. Trying to get anybody into "fortress America" these days is a waste of time. In Europe they can just get any gal even a hooker a tourist visa but Americans? Nooooooo... we can't even get our married wives tourist visas because our government is too paranoid about illegals and terrorists. Put that one down as another one of the "benefits" of being a US citizen..

Try getting your hooker into the UK these days, youll need a minimum salary of about £18000, Im afraid Dudley Punt really wouldnt get them in anymore, you might have to Google "Dudley Punt"

[brianp0803]

The girl friend may be a good person but make life decisions at 45 years old on a 3-4 month relationship is not good thinking.

Is her English excellent so communication is easy and you travel together and learn a lot.

Or mostly non-verbal communication? Touching kissing smiling s*x

[takkatan in the land]

How very droll Mr Grindting...... You seem to see me as " The Raggedy Man " who lives " a low quality life " ( " Donald Ducked " )

Houses in Monaco and flash yachts moored in Puerto Banus .... These are all material things! life is all about being happy and having a giraffe ( laugh ) i am happy riding around on an old second hand bicycle with a 100 baht in my pocket!

Farang Jaidee

though I am agree with you that not everyone has to have the same needs and that it's up to everyone the way we deceide or needs our limitations about how to live our lives

but we can't forget that even if your wishes and material status desires are not too high, as to expect to own yachts or houses in Monaco, we are living in a materialist place called world where you can't live without material things, and for every single thing you need or want you'll have to pay for it

Moreover also I've never meet any woman in thailand yet, that would be happy staying with me forever if I just had a second hand bicycle and 100 thb in my pocket, neither in the west

Don't wanna even mention if you get to your 60s or 70s without having a secured pension plan to can live peaceful

[AZBill]

Go where you have a future. It's not as hard as you think to get your gf to the US as long as she isn't a bargirl covered with tattoos, you can cover the cost and your intention is marriage. You're not doing yourself any favors living here as you described.

[KarenBravo]

Canarysun justifies his relative poverty by saying he likes it like that (as if it was a personal choice), but, he's fooling no one but himself.

There are two types of expat that live in Thailand. Those that will stay as long as they wish and those that inevitably will have to leave. The second group usually through medical emergencies that they can't pay for.

[Major4608]

At 45, you have screwed around long enough. Hope you had fun the last 25 years. It's time to get a real job that pays decent with real benefits. Unfortunately, that job will most likely be in the West. Good luck.